


Get Inside My Soul

by angelivenantium



Series: Get Inside My Soul [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Artist Castiel, Bullying, Character Development, Developing Relationship, Drawing, Drugs, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Enemies to Lovers, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Falling In Love, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Homophobic Language, Humor, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, Music, New York City, POV Dean Winchester, Panic Attacks, Popular!Dean, Protective Dean Winchester, References to Suicide, Secret Relationship, Smoking, Ugly Sweaters, Underage Drinking, athlete!Dean, hipster!cas, no self blaming Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-29
Updated: 2013-09-14
Packaged: 2017-12-16 13:28:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 84,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/862543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelivenantium/pseuds/angelivenantium
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There’s something about Castiel that just makes Dean want him. Well, not even want; he needs to have him. He’s not sure if it’s the weird, often oversized sweaters or his thin wrists or that black, messy hair that make him tick, but he’s pretty sure the main thing is his eyes, that, unfortunately, never look at him twice. And Dean is freaking popular, everybody looks at him twice.</p><p>Dean transferred to this school three years ago and is now a senior, and he’s been secretly ogling Castiel ever since. This distant yearning might have worked in the past years, but now it was just four months until he would graduate and leave this school forever, so he had woken up this morning and decided that fuck it, he wasn’t some 12-yearold girl; if he wanted something he would make sure he got it, even if that something was a rude hipster kid who didn't even notice his existence. End of story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Who says I'm not bisexual, huh?

**Author's Note:**

> I made a Spotify list with all the songs mentioned and also a few (a lot) more that I felt should be included:
> 
> http://open.spotify.com/user/b588810/playlist/18VyPiynSYdDEyMSTgYxZA
> 
> I made a Youtube-list as well with all the songs mentioned or the songs I had in mind when there's a band mentioned, just in case you don't do Spotify but still wanna know what's going on:  
>    
> http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLcWSp4KxhSHAIftoyNzHPUQoFUXoYE2OK  
> 

There’s something about Castiel that just makes Dean want him. Well, not even _want_ ; he _needs_ to have him. Castiel is one of those guys that girls secretly long for while they openly flirt with guys like Dean. 

Dean is popular. He’s on the soccer team, he’s good-looking, he’s charming and outgoing. Castiel, on the other hand, is none of these things. Well, he’s good-looking, but other than that he’s just some rude hipster kid who smokes behind the school with other hipsters, listens to music rather than talk to anyone and Dean honest to god don’t think he’s ever seen him smile. But while Dean may be popular, Castiel is _cool_. He’s with that group of people you know you’ll never even be allowed to hang out with, let alone ever get to know. They’re just a big, bold mystery that you’ll never figure out.

Dean transferred to this school three years ago and is now a senior, and he’s been secretly ogling Castiel ever since. The only person who have seemed to noticed is his best friend Jo, but he made her swear on freaking NFL not to tell anyone. He’s not sure if it’s the weird, often oversized sweaters or his thin wrists or that black hair that makes him tick, but he’s pretty sure the main thing is his eyes; those blue depths that flash to him with no particular interest when they occasionally pass each other in the corridors and that makes Dean want to grab those stupid, bracelet-clad arms and pin them over his head and make that hipster kid lose his senses. But Castiel never looked at him twice and Dean is freaking _popular_ , for Christ's sake, everyone looked at him twice.

This distant yearning might have worked in the past years, but now it was just four months until he would graduate and leave this school forever, so no. Just no. Not anymore. Dean had woken up this morning and decided that fuck it, he wasn’t some 12-yearold school boy; if he wanted something he would make sure he got it. Period. So when he and Jo and some other kids from their sport hero click arrived at school he stayed behind at the entrance, saying he had some stuff he needed to do and got some weird looks from Jo, but other than that no one even seemed to care. 

He sat down on one the those uncomfortable benches and pulled out his phone while he waited and sure enough; ten minutes later the guy walked in, with earphones in his ears, a latte in one hand and his white iPhone in the other. _And_ he was alone. Ding, ding, ding, top prize.

“Hey!” Dean called before he had a chance to get nervous, but Castiel didn’t seem to hear him so he bounced off the bench and ran up to him, halting right in front of him. Castiel almost jerked back from suddenly having him standing three feet away, blocking his way, and pulled one earphone out.

“Yes?” he said impatiently.

“Hi, I’m Dean,” Dean said and knew that he probably sounded really stupid. At least Castiel seemed to think so by the look he was giving him.

“Yes, I know,” he said and made an attempt to walk past him, but Dean just blocked his way again, making him look a bit surprised. “Did you want something?” he asked with that deep, rude voice he had.

“Yes!” Dean said impatiently. “I want you to go out with me.”

Castiel stared at him in complete unbelief, but at least Dean got a chance to examine those eyes for a couple of seconds. Man, they were even bluer up close.

“Is this some kind of joke?” Castiel muttered and put his earphone in again, but Dean just pulled it out, making him furrow his brows.

“No, it’s not,” he said. “I’m seriously asking you out here.”

Castiel removed his earphones completely, holding them between his fingers that also held the phone.

“And why would you do that?” he said completely scornfully. What do you even say to that? I’ve had wet dreams about you since 10th grade? Your stupid sweaters can keep me daydreaming about what’s underneath for several hours? But then Castiel added: “You’re straight.”

“How would you know?”

“You’ve slept with every girl in our year.”

“Not _every_ girl…” Dean said and Castiel rolled his eyes and turned around to walk outside instead, but Dean threw himself in front of him.

“Okay, okay, okay, so maybe I have, but who says I’m not bisexual, huh?”

“Don’t you think every single person at school would know if you were?” Castiel said and started to look really annoyed.

“Yeah, okay, so it’s kinda a secret, but seriously, go out with me.” Dean tried to look open and show he was actually meaning it. Castiel gave him a long, penetrating look, making Dean have an uncomfortable urge to swallow.

“Fine,” he said.

“Fine?”

“Yes, fine. You show me how much this isn’t a big joke and I might even consider _not_ putting drugs in your locker and get you drug busted for bothering me.”

And with that he walked outside, pulling up a cigarette package from his back pocket and leaving Dean in the middle of the hallway with a weird kind of arousal. 

\-------

It took Dean until lunch to realize that unless he wanted to either stalk Castiel some more or walk up to him in front of the entire school, he had no means whatsoever to contact him. So that’s what brought Dean Winchester, leader of the sport heroes, to the shady hipster hangout behind the school stairs.

“I need Castiel’s number,” he told the girl sitting closest and smoking a weird-smelling cigarette. She looked like a mixture between a skinhead girl from the 60s and Frankenstein’s bride. She gave him one look and blew smoke out of her nose.

“No.”

“No? What the hell do you mean, no?”

“It means I won’t give his number away to some random guy,” she said and quirked an eyebrow at him. 

“I’m not some random guy!” Dean said and started to feel frustrated. “It’s important so just give me his goddamn number!”

Frankenstein’s bride gave him another long look before she picked her own phone up and dialled a number.

“Hey, Cas, some guy is here and he wants your number.” She listened for a few moments before she pressed the phone against her chest.

“Are you Dean Winchester?” Dean just stared at her.

“Of course I’m fucking Dean Winchester!” he said angrily. Seriously, did none of these people know who he was? Were they even paying attention to school hierarchies at all?

“Yep, it’s him,” she said into the phone. “Mhm. Mhm. What, really? With him?” She gave Dean sceptical once-over. “Well, ok then. Yeah, love you, bye.”

She hung up and started clicking away on her phone.

“… Well?” Dean said impatiently. 

“Patience, dickhead,” she murmured and Dean wanted to punch her so bad. “Hand me your phone.”

“No fucking way!”

“I said hand me your damn phone!”

Dean muttered every curse he knew under his breath and fished his phone out of his pocket, placing it in her outstretched hand and watched her closely to make sure she wasn’t going to try anything funny. 

“There,” she said and he snatched it back from her. 

“ _Thank you_ ,” he hummed with faked gratefulness and she rolled her eyes and lit another weird cigarette as he walked away.

\-------

The rest of the day was torture. He couldn’t concentrate on what the teachers were saying nor any of his friends and all he could think about was the weight in his pocket with Castiel’s number in it. Castiel. With those blue eyes he hadn’t been able to get out of his head since they were standing only a few feet apart and those dumb hands that looked so soft and gentle and stroke-friendly. ‘This is it,’ Dean thought, ‘I’m turning into a wimp.’

It wasn’t until he was walking home by himself after school that he picked up the courage to take his phone out and text him. He sat down on a stonewall and looked up his number, which was saved under the name ‘Hurt him and we’ll smash your car’, clicked ‘Send message’ and then just sort of let the phone hang in his hand because he didn’t know what to write. He was almost considering taking it all back and cancelling the date, but no way. He’d come too far just to chicken out. 

_‘Friday night, pick you up at 8. Send me your address.’_

Yeah. That looked good enough. He clicked send, tried not to overthink it and freak out as he started walking again. His house was only a few blocks away from school so he never bothered with taking his car or the subway like most kids did. He was completely lost in thoughts when his phone buzzed.

 _‘Bossy.’_ was all the message said. Dean could totally hear that offensive tone in Castiel’s voice when he read it and he felt a smile tugging at his mouth. Now he had three days to figure out the perfect date to convince Castiel that he wasn’t some cold-hearted douchebag. Nothing disgustingly romantic because seriously, he was Dean Winchester, not some love-struck idiot (ok, so maybe he was, but that didn’t mean he had to show it) and nothing cheesy because this was a serious situation, for fuck’s sake. But the guy had to eat right? Although all Dean had ever seen him consume was those damn lattes and it wasn’t like Dean could take him to a coffee shop for an entire evening and not expect him to leave from pure boredom. Shit, this was hard. Dating girls was so much easier. But he didn’t want girls. He wanted messy hair and tight jeans with cigarettes in the back pocket. God, he had it bad. Then he walked past a record store and it hit him. The perfect idea. Now he just had to make it happen and make sure there were no unnecessary obstacles on the way.

\-------

Dean didn’t see Castiel at all for the rest of the week and he was almost starting to think he was skipping school to avoid him, but that would just be absurd. Not that he had time to walk around looking for the guy with classes and soccer practise to occupy most of his time this time of the year, but you could always hope they’d stumble across each other anyway, right? 

On Friday afternoon he got a text during a history lesson from Castiel with his address and nothing more. But, hey, at least he was cooperating. Obviously he lived in some fancy, upper-class part of Manhattan, with his parents being big on Wall Street and everything, but it still bothered Dean a bit. He started thinking about what Castiel would think if he ever brought him over to the apartment in Queens where he was living with his parents and his little brother. It wasn’t shabby, but it wasn’t that large either.

He tried his best not to focus too much on what he was gonna wear and just pulled on a clean t-shirt, a plaid shirt, some jeans and his jacket. Done and finito. He also sprayed on some fragrance, just for the sake of it, hoping Castiel wouldn’t find it tacky. ‘Well, fuck him if he does,’ Dean thought and didn’t mean a single word of it. 

Five past eight he pulled up outside Castiel’s house and saw him leaning against a light pole. He was wearing jeans, a dark blue sweater and a brown jacket on top of that. He had his phone in his hand, undoubtedly updating his stupid hipster blog on that stupid Tumbling website that all the geeks were going on about.

“Hey, man!” Dean called through the open passenger window and Castiel looked up like he hadn’t even noticed the big, black car that stopped right in front of him. He put his phone in his pocket and opened the door, sliding inside.

“I still don’t like this,” he exclaimed and Dean rolled his eyes, even though being alone and only a few feet away from Castiel in such a small space made his chest tingle and his breathing shallower.

“You will later,” Dean said and pulled out on the road again. 

“Where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise.”

“I hate surprises,” Castiel muttered and stared out the window.

“You’re not nervous, are you?” Dean asked, amused, when Castiel’s fingers fiddled with his bracelets.

“Fuck off,” was the only answer Dean got, but he still smiled, stopping at a red light. 

“Wow, you really are nervous.”

“Why the fuck would I be nervous?”

“Because you’re on a date with the most popular guy in school?”

“More like an arrogant dickhead.” 

“Oh, come on, you don’t even know me!” Dean said and put on a crooked smile.

“Fine. Tell me about you then. See if you can make me change my mind, even if I seriously doubt it.” He glued his blue eyes to Dean, who tried not to squirm in his seat. 

“I grew up on a farm in Kansas,” he started.

“You? On a farm?” Castiel said dubiously. “Yeah, right.”

“Seriously, I did,” Dean defended himself with a smile. “Riding horses and lifting hay and the whole shebang.” 

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Okay,” Castiel said and even though he didn’t smile his voice was not quite as rude as it used to be. Dean took that as a small victory. “What else?”

“My mom’s a vet, my dad’s a construction engineer and I have a little brother who’s probably the best kid in the world.”

“Yeah? And?”

“I'm an Aquarius, I enjoy sunsets, long walks on the beach and frisky women,” Dean said humorously. Castiel snorted at him and looked out the window again. “How about you then?”

“What about me?”

“Well, it’s not okay that I’m spilling my guts here without getting anything in return.”

“Fair enough,” Castiel said and slid a little further down in the seat. “I live with my mom and dad, they’re both financial analysts, I’ve lived in the same house my whole life and I hate beaches.” 

“Well, good thing I didn’t decided to take you for a swim then,” Dean chuckled. He pulled up outside Ash’s Bar and turned off the engine. 

“This is where we’re going?” Castiel asked and peeked put the window.

“Yep,” Dean said and stepped outside. Castiel got out too, still looking up at the place in front of them. Dean locked the car and put a light hand on Castiel’s back - making his whole arm get a shot of electricity - and pushed him towards the door. Inside it was just like it used to be: a little scruffy, only half crowded and totally awesome. Ash’s bar was like a mixture between a diner, a bar and with a record store on the side. Dean had loved it from the day Jo first brought him here, especially since they had a totally awesome supply of old vinyl records. 

Castiel took one look around him and actually seemed speechless. Dean chuckled quietly to himself and nudged him towards the record store part.

“So what do you think?” he asked and went through a few sections of records, looking for anything Metallica. 

“It’s not terrible,” Castiel answered after a small pause. “How did you even find this place?”

“A friend of mine knows the owner,” Dean said and leaned against the rack when he didn’t find what he was looking for. “Have I made you change your mind yet?” He flashed his most award-winning grin and Castiel huffed what could have been interpreted as a laugh if you tried really hard.

“Well, I never thought someone like you would know a place with good music,” he said and swiftly looked through the rack.

“And what do you call good music?” 

“I donno… Arctic Monkeys, Muse, Vampire Weekend, Def Leppard-“

“Def Leppard?” Dean asked and straightened up. “What’s your favourite album?”

“Pyromania.”

“Favourite song?”

“Pour some sugar on me.” His eyes flashed to Dean for half a millisecond, but it was enough to make Dean’s stomach feel all fluttery and his dick twitch from the fast slide show of mental pictures that sentence gave him. 

“Not bad for a hipster,” he said and Castiel glared at him.

“I do know my music,” he muttered.

“Yeah, figures, since you’re always walking around with those freaking earphones,” Dean grinned. Castiel gave him a questioning look and Dean wondered if he’d just given his secret obsession away, but then Castiel turned away from the racks and started walking towards the door.

“I need a smoke,” he said. Dean nodded, followed him out and watched him lean against the wall and light the cigarette. The way he blew the smoke out of his mouth was almost enchanting and Dean found it impossible to look away. To keep himself from looking like a creep he leaned against the wall next to him and put his hands in the pockets on his jacket, but he still stole glances whenever he could; saw Castiel look down into his phone while he held the smoke in his lungs for a second before it slowly swirled out between his lips and Dean's breath started to quicken. He decided that it was time to step up the game, so when Castiel stubbed out his cigarette and slowly moved past him he made sure to stroke the back of their hands together; a small contact that could have come across as completely unintentional, but Dean felt a tug in his entire stomach and a flutter that spread into his legs and he could have sworn Castiel’s breath hitched. He kept moving though and Dean followed him inside. He put a hand on his back again, firmer this time.

“Want something to drink?” he said and Castiel watched him judiciously, but didn’t remove his hand. 

“Sure,” he said and let Dean move him towards the bar. It was ridiculous, but Dean wanted to laugh hysterically from feeling so happy about touching Castiel, even if it was just fingers against his jacket, but three years of crushing on him had apparently made him into a lunatic. He cleared his throat and broadened his shoulders just to make himself feel less lame.

“Two beers,” Dean said the to the woman in the bar when she came to take their order. Castiel sat up on a barstool and unlocked his phone again, pulling out a five-dollar bill to hand to Dean.

“I got this,” he told him and Castiel watched him before he pushed the bill into his pocket again.

He was starting to grow irritated of that fucking phone that never seemed to be able to leave Castiel’s hand or his attention. Dean thought about all the girls who’d been thrilled about spending an evening with him and probably went shopping and planned their makeup for days in advance, and then there was this asshole who couldn’t even give him some fucking attention. But it had been Dean who had asked Castiel out and the guy probably still thought it was kind of a joke, so now was the time to try and bring the damn A game. When two beers was placed on the bar Dean took one and placed the other hand on Castiel’s knee. Castiel looked up in surprise and Dean smiled and held out his beer. He took it with careful fingers and Dean made sure to brush his against them. Dean felt every single contact through his entire body, but he still didn’t know if Castiel felt a single thing or if he was just making a fool out of himself, so he sat up on the stool next to him and kept his hand on his knee, moving it a few inches up his thigh and Castiel let him. Castiel honest to God let him. Suddenly Dean had a dozen different urges racing through his body; to pull Castiel into his lap, to feel his stomach under his hands and push his lips against his throat, but that was way off limit, so he settled with his hand on his leg. 

“So, I know you’ve got a decent taste in music,” Dean said and sipped on his beer, “but what about movies?”

“I don’t really watch movies,” Castiel said and put his phone on his other knee, balancing it there while he took a swing of his beer. It was better than nothing.

“What, you don’t?” Dean asked. “Why the hell not?”

“I can’t sit still for that long and most film are fucking boring.” 

Dean shook his head.

“At least tell me you’ve seen the classics, you know, like the Godfather or Star Wars or something.”

“Nope,” Castiel said and drank some more beer. 

“Do you even own a TV?”

“Of course we own a TV, don’t be a dick.”

“So what do you watch?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing? Not even like Simpsons or Family Guy?”

“Why would I wanna watch that? It sucks.”

“So what _do_ you do?”

“What is this, an interrogation?” he asked coldly.

“I’m just curious,” Dean said and removed his hand from Castiel’s leg when he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. _‘How’s the date going?!?! Have you gotten lucky yet?!!?’_ Dean shook his head and took back what he’d said about his little brother being the best kid ever. _‘None of your fucking business, bitch’_ he wrote back and he didn’t even have time to put the phone back in his pocket before it buzzed again. _‘I take that as a no then. What’s the matter, isn’t he falling for your invincible charisma like everyone else??? Jerk!!’_ Dean decided not to dignify that with an answer and pushed the phone back into his jacket. 

When he looked up Castiel was sitting with his phone again. Great.

“I still don’t know what you do when you’re not smoking behind the school,” Dean said to pick up the conversation. “You can tell me something and I’ll tell you something that I do in exchange.”

“Okay,” Castiel said and put the phone down again. “I listen to music.”

“I work out.”

“I hang out at clubs.”

“I work on cars.”

“I draw.”

Dean paused for a moment.

“Really? You can draw?”

“It’s just something I do when I’m bored,” Castiel said with a shrug. “Your turn.”

“I…” Dean said and took a moment to think, turning away from Castiel to put his beer down - which he never should have done if he knew about the girl who was walking towards him with determined strides.

“Hello,” she said and pushed herself in between the small space between their stools, pushing her boobs up. They were very nice boobs, Dean noticed as his eyes automatically fell on them and she was a very nice girl with pretty makeup and a short dress.

“Hello to you too,” he said and smiled at her on pure reflex before he realised that fuck, this was so not good. He saw Castiel roll his eyes and push himself off the stool, making his way out. By the time Dean had managed to get the girl to let him go Castiel was already out through the door and Dean hurried after him.

“Hey!” Dean called after him just before he managed to disappear around a corner, but he kept walking and totally ignored Dean. He ran up to him and stopped him by putting a hand on his arm, turning him around.

“I’m sorry,” he said and hoped he hadn’t just blown every chance of ever talking to Castiel again, because only the idea itself hurt like hell.

“Don’t be. You just proved my point,” Castiel said and was back to that rude and uninterested voice of his. “Thanks for the beer.” He pulled his arm from Dean’s grip and reached into his pocket, taking out his earphones.

“Let me at least give you a ride!” Dean called after him.

“Forget about it, I’m taking the train,” Castiel said over his shoulder and put the earphones in. Dean cursed loudly and punched the wall, making his hand hurt and throb the entire ride home.

\-------

Dean thought about sending Castiel a text pretty much every minute for the rest of the weekend, but that would make him look lame and also, Dean Winchester did not chase after people, even if they made his heart ache and his dick hard at the same time.

So when Monday arrived he once again found himself walking up to the hipster hangout at lunch. He found Castiel sitting with his back resting against the wall, one of those weird cigarettes between his fingers and one of the girls resting against his chest with her legs lying across his lap. Dean felt a pang of jealousy and bit his jaw together when he reached them.

“I need to talk to you,” he said and Castiel looked up at him. He wasn’t wearing a sweater for once, just a large t-shirt that looked washed-out and was probably really cool, and his brown jacket on top of that. 

“No,” he said causally.

“Come on, dude, just give me one fucking minute okay?”

Castiel sighed and the girl got out of his lap to let him stand and walk a few feet away from the group.

“What are you even smoking?” Dean asked when he smelled the disgusting smoke coming from Castiel's mouth. Which was incredibly hot, by the way, and almost like they were sharing breaths.

“It’s a brand called none of your fucking business,” Castiel said coldly.

“Okay, fine, whatever,” Dean said and felt like this was not going like he'd planned it to. Why did he have to fall in love with the least cooperative guy in the entire city? “I wanted to apologise.” Castiel snorted.

“Dean Winchester? Apologising? Never thought I’d see the day.”

“Just shut up for a minute.” Dean took a deep breath and tried to get rid of the urge to punch him. “Go out with me again.”

“What?” Castiel said and almost looked like he was about to laugh. “Because last time was such a terrific experience you mean?”

“I know, I messed up and I apologised, didn’t I?” Castiel actually stayed quiet so Dean continued. “And I did prove you wrong about some things, right? It wasn’t a joke and don’t try and tell me you didn’t enjoy yourself at least a little.”

Castiel watched him and slowly blew smoke in his face.

“Fair enough. But that doesn’t mean I’ll do it again.”

“Oh, just cut me some slack here! One more date and if you don’t like it you can just leave and I’ll never bother you again. Alright?”

Castiel watched him for an excruciatingly long time. 

“Fine.” 

Dean wanted to fist pump.

“Great! You free tonight?”

“Sure.”

“Nice,” Dean said and was already planning the whole date out in his head. “7 okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Great,” Dean said again and felt like he was gonna blush, so he decided it was time to get out of there. “I’ll pick you up,” he added and simply turned around and walked away, feeling Castiel’s stare on his back.

\-------

Dean felt like his entire high school experience came down to this moment, this very moment when he could either completely blow it or actually get together with the guy he’d been dreaming about since he moved here. It almost felt more important than the soccer scholarship he was training for, which was just fucking ridiculous and he would never admit it to anyone. This time he was going to do it properly with a burger, then a movie to fix Castiel’s hatred of them and then hopefully making out in the Impala. He didn’t want to get his hopes up too much because the guy was still colder than the Antarctic, but the thought of getting his tongue down Castiel’s throat made his entire body shiver and his dick doing interesting things.

He tried to be causal about his clothes again, but took an extra long shower to get rid of the tension that already pumped through his body and made extra sure to brush his teeth and put on another fragrance that the girls he'd hooked up with usually didn’t like too much, but it wasn’t a girl he was dating and Dean thought it smelled great.

Five past 7 he pulled up outside Castiel’s house and once again he was leaning against the light pole with his phone in his hands. He’d put a blue and grey-striped sweater on underneath his jacket and changed his jeans from the trashy blue ones he’d been wearing earlier to a pair of black ones. This time he looked up when Dean pulled over and got into the car on his own accord.

“You’re gonna tell me where we’re going this time?” he said and put his phone into his pocket along with his earphones. 

“Yeah,” Dean said as he started driving, “I was thinking burger and a movie. You do eat burgers, right?” he added with a questioning glance.

“Sure,” he answered. “But a movie? Isn’t that kind of counterproductive?” 

“Not at all,” Dean grinned. “Imma show you wrong again, teach you that not all movies are boring, even for hipster kids like you.”

Castiel snorted.

“I’m not a hipster.”

“Sure you are,” Dean smirked and Castiel rolled his eyes, but didn’t look mad. Dean pulled up outside a diner and put a hand on Castiel’s shoulder, leading him inside. He let his hand linger and then trace down his arm when he let it fall. Castiel looked at him.

“Why are you so eager to make me go out with you?” he asked and Dean was taken aback for a moment. His startled brain saw two options; pull some probably completely see-through lie and get away with his manliness intact or tell the truth and risk getting totally crushed by the entire school and possibly losing his chance at a scholarship by his huge three-year long guy crush getting out in public. 

“You seemed cool,” was what he settled with and refused to look at him.

“You’re telling me Dean Winchester, king of the sport freaks and number one douche in the entire school persuaded me to go out with him twice because I seemed cool?” Castiel asked with a mocking tone in his voice.

“Yeah, so what?” Dean muttered and felt like a kid. Damn, he was already blowing this date. 

“That’s not good enough,” Castiel told him, but he was saved by the couple in front of them in line getting their food and the cashier turning to them instead. He ordered and tried to make Castiel let him pay, but he just glared at him and put his card in the reader before Dean had had the chance to even get his wallet up.

“Fine, then,” Dean muttered and took their burgers to find them a table. There was a booth by the window and Dean sat down while Castiel slid into the seat in front of him, pulling off his jacket and pushing the sweater sleeves up to his elbows.

“You still haven’t answered the question,” he said and picked up a fry. The blue eyes were watching him just two feet away and Dean had to force himself not to stare into them like a love-struck creep. He sighed tiredly and unwrapped his burger.

“Okay, you know what? I like you,” he said straightforwardly. It wasn’t like anyone was gonna believe this guy anyway, just like no one would believe him if he said he'd been on a date with Dean in the first place.

“You like me?” Castiel looked like he thought this was all a joke again.

“Yeah,” Dean continued and kept his voice casual. “You did seem cool and I wanted to know what was moving inside your head.”

“Really?” Castiel said with sarcasm dripping from every letter. “And how long have you “liked me” exactly?” Dean could hear the quotations marks around the words, even if Castiel didn’t do them.

“That’s not the point,” Dean muttered. 

“Then what is?”

“The point is that I want to get to know you and show you there’s more to me than what you think.” Dean took a large bite of his burger and set his shoulders to make himself look broader.

“Why?” Castiel asked and kept staring at him.

“What do you mean why, what is this, a fucking cross-exam?” Dean said and Castiel looked like he actually was on the edge of smiling.

“Shit, calm down,” he said and took a bite of his burger. The leather bands fell down his wrist and Dean wanted to stroke his arm so bad, but instead he settled with casually dragging his foot up the inside of Castiel’s leg. His breath actually did hitch this time and he looked at Dean with large eyes.

“What?” Dean said.

“Nothing,” he mumbled and slowly put another fry in his mouth. He didn’t make any effort to move his leg though and Dean definitely didn’t move his foot from his ankle. 20 minutes later they were walking out of the diner again, Castiel lighting a cigarette and Dean leaning against his car. 

“You’re killing your lungs,” Dean pointed out.

“You don’t say?” Castiel replied sarcastically and took another deep smoke. “So what are we gonna watch?”

“They’re showing ‘American psycho’ a few blocks from here,” Dean grinned. “So you don’t have much of a choice.”

Castiel huffed one of his almost-laughs and put out the cigarette with his shoe.

“Alright,” he said and got into the car again.

It only took a few minutes for them to get there and after they’d gone inside Dean got them popcorn and Pepsi and seats at the back, getting a few weird looks from Castiel, but what the hell.

Castiel put his feet up on the empty seat in front of him and shrugged out of his jacket. The cinema was only half full, so the seats around them were mostly unoccupied. Dean put his green military jacket on the seat next to him and thought about removing his plaid shirt too because it was kind of hot in there, but that would probably seem weird, so he kept it on. 

Ten minutes in and Castiel was already texting again. 

“Dude, come on!” Dean said and snatched the phone away from him. 

“Hey!” Castiel said and a few people shushed them. “Give me my fucking phone back!” he hissed and almost stretched his body all across Dean, who just held the phone out of his reach, very much enjoying how Castiel’s shoulder was more or less pressed against his chest and his cheek only a few inches away from his nose. Castiel slumped back into his chair and glared at him, leaning in close.

“If you don’t give me my goddamn phone back, then I’m leaving right now,” he threatened and narrowed his eyes. Dean tried to ignore how Castiel’s breath blew over his chin and how he could almost taste his latest cigarette on his own tongue.

“Only if you stop clutching to it like a fucking pacifier,” he shot back and Castiel's jaw tensed as he snatched the phone back and pushed it into his jacket, slumping down in his chair and muttering ‘fucking dickhead’ under his breath. There sure was way more cursing than it’d ever been on any of Dean’s other dates, but damn it if he wasn’t enjoying this one way more anyway. 

Castiel settled with watching the movie, resting his chin in his hand and the other one lying on the armrest, fingers absently picking at his sweater. The pale skin on his arm was almost enchanting and Dean couldn’t help himself anymore. He took a sip of his Pepsi and simultaneously dragged his fingers over Castiel’s wrist, down to his now completely frozen palm and interlaced their fingers. For a few, agonising seconds nothing happened; Castiel just remained motionless under his touch. Then he slowly relaxed and bent his fingers over Dean’s ever so lightly. Dean was really glad it was so dark in the room because a wide smile spread across his face and he had no chance whatsoever to make it go away for several minutes. 

Eventually Castiel’s head came to rest against his shoulder and Dean felt like his stomach might implode. He sat there for the rest of the film, enjoying every moment and occasionally stroking small circles over Castiel’s soft hand with his thumb while their knees rested against each other. When the film was over Castiel sat up, removed his hand from Dean’s fingers and took out his phone.

“Seriously fucking please,” Dean muttered, got up and kicked Castiel’s feet off the seat in front of him.

“Dickhead,” he muttered, picked up his jacket without putting it on and lead the way out of the cinema. They left the mess of popcorn and sodas on the floor. 

\-------

When Dean was driving back to Castiel’s house, the guy made himself busy with rummaging through Dean’s glove compartment, looking at all his old tapes and totally judging every single one of them. 

“Seriously? Motörhead?” he said and quirked his eyebrow with an unimpressed look on his face. 

“Shut up, they’re awesome.”

“They’re shit.”

“Fuck you,” Dean said and turned up the radio. He couldn’t help brushing Castiel’s hand with his though, when it came to land close enough for him to reach. Castiel interlaced their fingers while he kept going through the rest of the tapes with his other hand and Dean felt very happy. When he pulled up outside Castiel’s house he saw a figure moving inside a window, looking like they were carrying plates or something. He wondered what it was like inside that big house where two wealthy business sharks lived with their weird hipster son.

“Thanks,” Castiel said and got out of the car, leaving Dean feeling quite disappointed, but before he closed the door he peeked inside again and paused for a moment.

“Hey, do you wanna come inside for a bit?” he asked and Dean lost the capacity to speak for a moment, because heh… what? “I’m not sleeping with you, so don’t get any ideas, but you could still come inside if you want to.”

He looked at Dean with those serious eyes of his.

“Sure,” Dean said after snapping out of his haze and got out of the car while Castiel lit a cigarette, smoking it quicker than he used to. 

“Come on,” he said when he was done, walked up the stairs and went into an elevator inside the lobby. What kind of an apartment building had a lobby? Castiel pressed the button for the fifth floor and just a few seconds later he was walking towards a double door and opened it, letting Dean inside. It was a two-floor apartment and it was huge with cold, expensive furniture and barely any decoration at all. The only thing that didn’t look like it came straight from an interior design magazine was a picture on the wall with two kids on it. One of them was undoubtedly a 10-yearold Castiel and the other was a slightly younger blond girl with the same eyes as he.

“Is that your sister?” Dean asked and moved closer.

“Yeah.”

“I didn’t know you had one.”

“I don’t,” he said with an edge to his voice and started walking up the stairs. Slowly Dean realised what he meant and he followed him up.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“Thanks,” Castiel murmured and opened his bedroom door. It was a large room with its own bathroom and it was probably light and nice if it weren’t for the fact that the blinds were down and only one small lamp was turned on. There were things lying everywhere, anything from records to clothes to old Starbucks mugs. “Sorry about the mess,” he said without too much conviction.

“Don't worry about it,” Dean said. He wanted to ask about his sister, but didn’t know if it would be too rude. He didn’t want to turn into the dickhead himself, after all. Finally Castiel sighed and sat down on his bed, resting his back against the wall.

“Her name was Claire, she’d just turned 15 and she died two years ago,” he said, took out his phone of his pocket and threw his jacket on the floor.

“That sucks,” Dean said sympathetically and Castiel made an ‘mm’-noise. “How did she die?”

“Overdose,” he said simply. His eyes flickered up to Dean’s and there was something challenging in them. “And yes, it was suicide.”

“Man…” was all Dean could think of to say. He thought about what he would do if Sam killed himself and shuddered. It just wasn’t possible. “That must be fucking awful.”

“Yeah, pretty much,” Castiel replied without any trace of humour. His phone started ringing and he picked it up with an irritated sigh. “Yes…? Why? Fine.” He hung up again and pushed himself off the bed. “My mom,” he explained. “I’ll be right back. Feel free to go through my stuff.” 

Dean chuckled as the door closed behind him and did indeed take the opportunity to go through all of Castiel’s records. Most of it was stuff he’d barely heard of, but he found a few happy surprises, like Back Sabbath and Pink Floyd. He sat down on Castiel’s bed and read through some of the song lists. After a while the door opened again and Castiel came inside looking a bit pissed, closed the door behind him and sat down on the bed next to Dean, leaning against the wall like before. 

“I have to hand it to ya,” Dean said, “you’re not entirely such a big hipster as I thought you were, even if you’re still pretty fucking strange.”

This actually made Castiel smile, a small, slow thing, but it was there and it made his cheeks a bit round and his eyes friendlier and Dean just stared at him, feeling totally and utterly in love. He scooched closer to him on the bed and put a hand on his neck, fingers pushing into his dark hair, and leaned closer. He did it slow enough to give Castiel a good chance to push him away, but it never happened and suddenly there was only an inch left between them and then Dean pushed his lips against Castiel’s, angling his head a little to keep their noses from bumping, and kissed him softly. Castiel tasted like cigarettes and coffee and something sweet and earthy. He felt Castiel’s hands on his neck and like a hundred fantasies were coming true at once.

Castiel broke the kiss, but stayed close, and his breath fell on Dean’s wet lips.

“Have I made you change your mind yet?” Dean breathed. 

“Not really,” he whispered back and Dean shoved him playfully in the chest, letting his hand linger there on top of the sweater and feeling the warmth of his body. 

“I should probably go,” Dean said after a couple of minutes of just sitting there and pushed himself off the bed. He a bit lame and also cold from not being close to Castiel, but he didn’t want to get home too late on a school night and end up getting his car taken away from him. Again.

“I’ll walk you out,” Castiel said and picked up his jacket from the floor. 

Once they were outside Castiel lit a cigarette and held it between his lips while he untangled his earphones. 

“You want me to give you a ride somewhere?” Dean asked as Castiel managed to put one earphone in his ear and take the cigarette between his fingers. 

“No, I’m fine,” he said and blew out some smoke. “Well… at least you don’t have to worry about getting drugs in your locker anymore.”

“Oh, yeah?” Dean grinned. 

“Yeah,” Castiel said and looked through his playlist, clicking on a song. “See you around.”

“Hey, wait a second,” Dean said and ran up to halt in front of him.

“What?”

“Don’t I get a goodbye kiss?” he said and put on the flirty look that made most girls drop their panties in like two seconds, but Castiel just snorted.

“Fuck off,” he said, but Dean didn’t take no for an answer, so he leaned in and pushed their mouths together. Castiel made a ‘hmpf’-noise and his hands flew up, but he didn’t push Dean away. They came to rest on Dean’s back, pulling him closer instead as his tongue pushed into Dean’s mouth and Dean almost felt like he was going to have a heart attack. After a minute of making out Castiel pulled away, wiped his red lips with the back of the hand that held the cigarette and took another pull, slowly blowing the smoke in Dean’s face. 

“See you,” he said and left Dean standing outside his house, feeling hard and confused and fucking ecstatic.

\-------

Dean dreamed about the kiss for several nights, his fantasy taking over and extending it into loss of clothes and blowjobs and he had to take a hot shower every freaking morning, almost getting late for school because of it. He sent Castiel a text on Thursday, feeling like three days was enough to not make him look desperate since he never called back after dates at any other occasion; writing something about having a good time and asking if he wanted to hang out some day. When he didn’t reply Dean wrote _‘I know you’re walking around with that goddamn phone in your hand, so don’t fucking ignore me’_. It probably sounded a bit desperate after all, but whatever. _‘You fucking woke me up, asshole!’_ was what he got back. Dean smirked big and couldn’t help messing with him even more, so he clicked ‘Dial contact’ and waited for him to pick up.

 _“What?!”_ Castiel grunted and sounded pissed off.

“Why aren’t you in school?” Dean asked with an awfully cheery tone. “It’s not the same without your rude, gloomy presence.”

 _“Screw you, Dean,”_ he muttered. _“Did you actually want something or are you just being a dick?”_

“You never answered my text.”

_“Because I was sleeping, asshole.”_

“It’s like 1 P.M. on a Thursday. Dickhead.”

 _“I’m fucking never going out with you again,”_ Castiel said under his breath and Dean could hear him shuffle around.

“Don’t be like that,” Dean grinned. “So, what are you wearing?”

Castiel hung up, but Dean couldn't stop smiling anyway. 

\-------

On Friday night Dean was going out to a club on a shady back street with Jo and some other friends, plus a few guys from the soccer team. There was loud music and flashing lights, cheap drinks and fun people there, so it was totally awesome. They all had fake ID’s and great confidence, so not getting in was not even an option. A few hours and many shots later Dean was staggering down the stairs to the entrance to get some air, feeling sweaty and really great. He passed the stairs leading down to the basement where there was some weirdo underground club when two people tumbled out in front of him, coming from downstairs, and laughing loudly, the girl clinging to the guy and almost bending over from laughing so hard. Dean grunted and felt annoyed from almost being shoved into the wall and pushed his way out after them. The couple collapsed against the wall outside and it took Dean several minutes to realise that it was Castiel sitting on the ground with his nose in the girl’s hair and her hands on his stomach, trying to hold herself up while she never stopped laughing. 

“Hey!” Dean called and the girl looked up.

“Cas, isn’t that…?” she said before she started giggling like she was crazy.

“Dean!” Castiel said and the girl whispered something into his ear, her face falling down his chest as they both snorted with laughter. 

“Dude, you look wasted,” Dean said with a grin and pulled Castiel up, dragging him away from the girl who was lying on the ground and laughing. 

“Yeah,” Castiel said and held on to Dean’s outstretched arms to keep himself steady. Dean felt dizzy and happy with Castiel gripping his arms until he saw his blown pupils and managed to get two and two together.

“Are you high?” he asked and pulled him closer into the light to get a better look at him. Sure, Dean got drunk and wasn’t one to keep people from partying just because he was taking it a bit easy since he wanted a soccer career some day, but drugs were just a whole different thing.

“Why do you care?” Castiel said and tried to pull away. 

“Dude, you’re insane,” Dean said and didn’t feel quite so drunk anymore.

“Oh, just fuck off already.” 

“No, I’m taking you home,” Dean told him and tried to drag him with him.

“Like hell you are!” Castiel said loudly. “Just leave me alone, you’re not my fucking boyfriend!”

“Well, maybe I want to be!” Dean said just as loudly and flared his arms. “Maybe I want to take care of you and be with you every fucking minute, even if you’re rude and difficult and a fucking pain in the ass!”

Castiel stared at him with unsteady eyes.

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“How can you not get it?” Dean said frustratingly. “I already told you I freaking like you!”

“You’re just being a dick.”

“No, I’m not!” Dean almost shouted. “You’re being a dick for making me fucking chase after you all the fucking time.”

Castiel just watched him in complete bewilderment. 

“I’ve known you for like a week!”

“And I’ve been in love with you for three years!”

Too late did Dean realise he’d just let his biggest secret ever slip. He looked around, feeling terrified, but the only people outside except the guards were Castiel’s passed out friend and three drunk guys he didn’t know who was probably about to start fighting any second. 

“ _What_?” Castiel said and looked like his eyes were about to pop out. 

“Never mind, I’m taking you home,” Dean muttered and gripped Castiel’s arm really hard, dragging him with him. 

“No, you gotta talk to me about this,” Castiel slurred and tried to keep up with Dean. “You can’t just drop a fucking bomb like that and then leave it.”

“Just forget it, okay?”

“No!”

“Cas, for fuck’s sake, just let it go!”

“You called me Cas,” he said and sounded a bit weird. “Only my friends call me Cas.”

“Well, I’m fucking sorry then,” Dean said and felt mad, because that freaking hurt.

“No, wait!” Castiel said and managed to pull Dean to a halt. “I like it. You’re still a fucking asshole, but you can call me Cas if you want to.”

“Okay,” Dean said and looked at him, feeling confused about whether he was supposed to be happy or not, but decided he probably should be because that meant he was included as one of Castiel’s friends, right?

Dean was about to call for a cab when realised he’d left his phone in his jacket that was still in the wardrobe at the club, where he always left it since he’d sent far too many drunk texts to keep it on him when he partied.

“Give me your phone,” he ordered Castiel.

“Someone stole it,” the guy said and didn’t seem to be the least upset. 

“What? How could you let that happen?”

“I didn’t _let_ it happen,” Castiel said and glared at him.

“Freaking fantastic,” Dean muttered and dragged Castiel back to the entrance of the club. “Stay here,” he told him and went inside again, getting his jacket from the girl in the wardrobe and made sure the phone was still in his pocket. When he came outside again Castiel was gone. Dean cursed loudly. “Where did the guy with black hair and a weird sweater go?” he asked the guards and they pointed down the road and told him he’d turned left two blocks down. 

“Fucking great, stupid asshole can’t even do as he’s told for once, why am I even bothering…” Dean mumbled under his breath as he walked down the road as fast as his still intoxicated body let him. He turned at the right corner and saw Castiel leaning with his arm against a wall and with the other hand over his forehead 20 feet down. 

“Why did you leave?” Dean almost yelled at him and turned him around by grabbing his shoulder. 

“I don’t need a fucking baby sitter, it’s not like I haven’t been high before,” he said angrily and jerked Dean’s hand away.

“Then why are you freaking crouched over a wall like you’re about to throw up?” Dean was getting really angry by now and just wanted to shove him against the wall and leave him there to fix his own fucking mess.

“My head hurt,” Castiel muttered and leaned away from him.

“Serves you right,” Dean said and pulled out his phone. “I’m calling you a cab.”

Castiel didn’t complain this time and just dragged his hand through his hair with a large sigh. 

“Hey, about what you said earlier-“ he started, but Dean did not want to go there.

“We’re not talking about that,” he said firmly and pressed the phone to his ear, checking for any road signs to tell the taxi where they were. When the woman at the taxi service picked up Dean told her the address and hang up after being told a cab would be there in ten minutes. 

“I’m not gonna leave it,” Castiel said and looked at him through glazed eyes. At least his pupils weren’t so large anymore. 

“I can see that,” Dean said and sighed. He leaned against the wall next to Castiel.

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

Dean snorted.

“Do you know how hostile you look? And I can’t go around hitting on guys just like that, I have a reputation to attend to.”

Castiel actually chuckled and slid down the wall.

“I’d think you of all people wouldn’t be scared to talk to anyone,” he said and pulled his sleeves down his arms.

“Yeah, you should feel unique,” Dean said just a little bit bitterly and slid down too.

“I already do,” he mumbled and smiled groggily to himself. He picked at one of his bracelets. “But why would you ever fall in love with… what was it you called me… a strange hipster kid?” 

“It’s not like I chose to,” Dean said a bit more harshly than he meant to. Castiel nodded and pushed his ass off the ground, taking out a cigarette pack from his back pocket. “Seriously, you lost your phone but you still managed to keep your cigarettes?”

“Shut up,” Castiel said and lit one. “You don’t want one, do you?”

“No, I prefer to live,” Dean snorted and Castiel gave him an annoyed look. 

“You don’t even smoke at parties?”

“Not if I can avoid it.”

“And if you can’t?”

“What do you mean, if I can’t?” Dean said. “It’s not like someone can force smoke down my throat.”

Castiel got something challenging in his eyes, took a large drag from his cigarette, holding it in his lungs, and swiftly leaned towards Dean, pressing his lips against his, forcing them open with embarrassingly little effort and breathed smoke down Dean’s mouth, who inhaled in surprise and felt the smoke burn down his bronchus. 

“What the hell, man?” Dean coughed and pushed him away. Castiel looked far too smug for Dean’s liking, so he snatched the cigarette from his hand and threw it out on the street. 

“Hey!” he shouted and hit Dean in the chest. 

“Bastard…” Dean muttered and hated the taste on his tongue. It tasted good in Castiel’s mouth, but it was way too strong in his own. He kind of wished he had a chewing gum on him.

A cab pulled up in front of them and Dean pushed himself to his feet, dragging Castiel up with him. Castiel walked up to the car and opened the door, slipping inside with Dean right behind him. 

“Where you wanna go?” the diver asked them and Dean gave him Castiel’s address. 

Castiel moaned next to him and messed his hair up with his hands.

“What’s got your panties in a twist?” Dean asked and Castiel glared at him.

“Can you drop me off a few blocks further down?” he asked the driver who mumbled a ‘sure’ over his shoulder.

“You have to go home,” Dean told him.

“It’s none of your business what I do,” Castiel said rudely and Dean suddenly felt very tired and irritated. 

“Why can’t you just fucking cooperate? I’m making some goddamn efforts here.”

“I still don’t understand why you think you have to take care of me.”

“Didn’t you listen to a damn word I said?” Dean crossed his arms over his chest and stared out the window, feeling so done with everything. 

The taxi pulled over and Castiel got out, only stumbling a little. Dean grunted and got out after him, telling the cabbie to keep the meter going.

“Cas!” he called after him.

“What?” he said and turned around, flaring his arms, making his sleeves fall down over his hands. It was terribly endearing.

“Where… where are you going?” Dean said and stepped closer to him.

“None. Of. Your. Business.” 

“I’m coming with you.”

“Dean, for fuck’s sake, I can manage on my own!”

“Fine!” Dean said. “Just fine!”

He got back into the cab and told the cabbie to drive him home, his heart hurting the entire way.

\-------

The next time Dean saw Castiel was in the school corridor late the following week, his earphones in his ears and a new phone in his hand, identical to the one he had before except for the case with a galaxy on it. Dean refused to do anything more than steal a glance in his directing - also since they were both with their group of friends - like he used to before he’d convinced him to date him, only this time Castiel was glancing back. His sweater was a ridiculous mixture of orange, green and grey stripes and he still looked great, fucking bastard. 

Dean set his jaw, straightened his shoulders a little bit and kept walking. Not even Jo noticed the quick exchange that’d just happened that would keep occupying Dean’s mind for the rest of the day until he finally went to soccer practice and managed to clear his head. 

When he got home and was sitting on his bed after showering, eating chicken nuggets and trying to read a chemistry chapter for tomorrow, his phone rang with a number he didn’t recognise. 

“Sup?” he said.

“Hi, it’s Cas,” Castiel’s voice said in the other end. Dean almost choked on his nuggets and sat up in the bed.

“Hey,” he said and sounded a bit cold even in his own ears. But still, the son of a bitch deserved it. 

“I wanted to say I’m sorry.”

Dean went silent for a few moments, lost for words.

“For what?”

“For being a dick when you were trying to help. I still don’t need anyone to take care of me, but I shouldn’t have been so aggressive.”

“Wow…” Dean said. “Castiel Novak, number one hipster dickhead, saying he’s sorry. Never thought I’d see the day.”

“Don’t fucking quote me to me.”

Dean smiled.

“You wanna hang out?” Dean asked and took another bite of a nugget.

“Well… okay.”

Dean’s smile widened.

“Sweet! Should I pick you up?”

“Sure.”

“I’ll be over in 20,” Dean said and hung up, suddenly loving his life very much indeed.

This time when he pulled up outside the Novak’s residence Castiel was nowhere in sight. Dean was starting to think he should call him and tell him he was there when the door burst open and Castiel walked out and got into the car, slamming door behind him. He was still wearing that ridiculous sweater.

“You okay?” Dean asked as Castiel almost looked like he was boiling.

“I’m fucking fine,” he said between gritted teeth. “Can we just get out of here?”

“Alright,” Dean breathed and turned the ignition again, driving down the road without a real destination. “You, eh… wanna talk about it?”

Castiel snorted.

“Yeah, right.”

“I’m serious.”

“I’m sure you are.”

“Fine, be a dick then,” Dean muttered and stared at the road instead. Castiel sighed and rubbed his hands over his face, exhaling slowly.

“My parents are a pain in the ass and they just piss me off sometimes.”

“Lemme guess: they don’t like you smoking and doing drug and you’re pissed because they’re right.”

Castiel glared at him.

“Who asked for your opinion?”

“What was it then?”

“You really wanna know?”

“Yeah, I kinda do actually.”

“They’re mad their good kid killed herself and they’re stuck with me. There. Happy?”

He slumped down in his seat, rested his forehead in his hand and picked up his phone. 

“Wow…” Dean said. “That’s some heavy shit.”

“It’s your own fucking fault for asking.”

“Hey, I’m not criticising you.”

“Good.”

There was a long silence.

“You can just drop me off somewhere, it’s okay,” Castiel sighed and put his phone in his pocket.

“Why would I want to do that?” Dean asked. Castiel just stared at him. “Okay, so you’ve been thought some shitty stuff. I’m not here to be your fucking therapist or take on your pain or whatever, I just want to hang out with you.”

Castiel frowned at him for a really long time and then he nodded and looked out the window. Dean caught a glimpse of a small smile on his face and he felt himself light up too. Castiel’s hand was lying next to his thigh, so Dean put his own on top of it, tracing the bones inside it with his thumb. Castiel was sitting really still the entire time, so Dean just kept tracing his hand and his fingers and then his wrist, fingering on his leather bracelets for a bit.

“Where are we going?” Castiel asked and broke the silence. 

“I donno,” Dean said. “Anywhere.”

“Hm. Turn left at the lights and drive south. I wanna show you something.”

“Okay,” Dean said and felt tingly all over. They ended up on Wall Street and Dean looked around him, feeling sort of confused. 

“Pull over,” Castiel ordered and got out of the car as soon as it stopped. 

“Fucking bossy,” Dean muttered and Castiel glanced at him, amused. He walked inside a fancy-looking building and Dean followed him through the glass doors. The lobby inside was fucking insane. Dean was sure he’d seen castles on TV that looked less expensive than this.

“Good evening, Mr Novak,” the lady in the reception greeted them. “Going upstairs?”

“Yeah,” Castiel answered and leaned against the desk. “Can I have the key, please?”

“Of course,” the woman said and smiled. “Have a nice time.”

“Thanks, Naomi,” Castiel said and took the card the woman gave him. 

Dean felt even more confused, but followed Castiel inside the elevator, where Castiel flashed the card in front of the reader and pushed the button for floor 60. 

“Where the fuck are we going?” Dean asked. 

“Patience, _please_ ,” Castiel answered dryly and rolled his eyes. When they reached the top floor Dean followed Castiel out and stopped next him in front of a double door, where he flashed the card again and pushed in a code before opening and letting Dean inside. It was completely dark and it wasn’t until Castiel turned the lights on that Dean saw that they were standing inside a fucking impossibly expensive-looking office. 

“Is this your parents’?” Dean asked and didn’t manage to keep the awe from his voice.

“My dad’s.”

“Oh.” It was stupid, but it was all he was able to get out of his mouth.

“Come on,” Castiel said and opened a glass door leading out to a huge balcony. The view was amazing. No. It was more than amazing. It was fucking breath taking. 

“Dude,” Dean said and didn’t know how to continue. 

“Yeah, I know,” Castiel said and leaned against the glass fence. The wind ruffled through his hair and he picked at his nails while he stared down towards the ground. Dean walked up and leaned next to him, looking over the city of New York with all the lights shining through the darkness.

“I’m kinda jealous of you dad right now,” Dean grinned. Castiel huffed next to him. They went silent for several minutes, just standing next to each other and letting the wind mess up their clothes. Dean became extremely aware of exactly how close their shoulders were and he had a huge urge to just pull Castiel into his arms and find out what his hair smelled like. Castiel picked out his phone and took a picture of the view, uploading it to Instagram. When he didn’t put it down again but just kept clicking on it Dean snatched it out of his hands. 

“The fuck?” Castiel said and looked mad.

“You’re being annoying.”

“Screw you, just give it back.”

“Make me,” Dean said and made sure to put his challenging eyes on Castiel’s. The guy stared at him for a moment before he took a step closer.

“Give. It. Back,” he said with a low and threatening voice.

“Or what?”

“Or I’ll punch your teeth out.”

“Yeah, I’d like to see you try,” Dean smirked and Castiel narrowed his eyes. He took another step towards Dean - whose heart was beating like crazy by now - breathing over his lips and putting his hands on his hips, pushing him against the railing. Dean knew he was breathing too fast already and that his mouth was impossibly dry and he didn’t even notice that Castiel’s hands had moved before the phone got pulled from his hand and Castiel was moving away from him, putting it in his back pocket.

“What the fuck?” Dean said and felt cold and sort of abandoned. 

“You deserve it,” Castiel said and sounded rude. Dean did not accept being teased though, so he took a few determined steps towards Castiel, gripped his arms and pushed him against the wall behind him, pinning his hands down by his sides.

“That was fucking mean,” he said and pressed their foreheads together.

“Just get off me already,” Castiel muttered and tried to move his arms.

“You know how I feel about you.”

“You don’t know what I feel about you.”

“Do you? Feel something about me, I mean?” Dean asked and tried not to make his eagerness to know slip through the words.

“You mean besides loathing and irritation?”

“Fuck off.”

“Yeah. I do feel something about you.” Castiel’s blue eyes stared right into his and Dean lost the ability to breathe. When he didn’t say anything and just looked at Castiel in total astonishment, Castiel leaned in and pushed their lips together, gently. Dean’s heart was beating so hard he was convinced his whole body was throbbing and he angled his head and let Castiel’s tongue inside his mouth. He traced his hands up Castiel’s arms and put them in his hair, loving the soft feeling between his fingers, and pulled him closer. Castiel’s hands moved around him, flipping them over and pushing himself flush against Dean’s body. Dean let one hand drop from the black hair to Castiel’s hip, tracing it up underneath his sweater and finally, _finally_ , getting to know what his body felt like underneath it. Dean felt like he was on fire and wanted to cry at the same time, which was just pathetic, but three years was a fucking long time, and damn, if he hadn’t waited for just this moment the entire time. 

Dean gently shoved Castiel away when he had to breathe to keep himself from to passing out and Castiel leaned on his hands on either side of Dean’s head, smiling slightly. 

“Well, fuck me,” he said and almost chuckled.

“Can I?” Dean asked eagerly.

“No, you fucking can’t,” Castiel told him firmly.

“Why not?”

“Because I said so,” he shot back.

“Come on, there’s something you’re not telling me.”

“Fuck off.”

“You’re not a virgin, right?”

“I said fuck off already!” Castiel said and shoved him in the chest.

“Wow…” Dean grinned. “How about that, huh? How come?”

“That’s another thing that’s none of you goddamn business.”

“Had you even had a kiss before me?”

“Of course I had, don’t flatter yourself, dickhead.”

“I mean one that you actually remember.”

Castiel’s eyes grew dark and he glared at him.

“We’re leaving,” he said and pushed the door open, not waiting to hold it up for Dean.

“Hey, dude, I’m sorry, ok?” he called after him and stopped him before he reached the door. 

“No, you’re not, you’re just some arrogant bastard.”

“Yes, I am, truly!” 

“Leave me alone.”

“Cas, wait,” Dean said and put his hands on his shoulders, keeping him from leaving. “What do you want me to do, huh? Get down on me knees and beg?” Castiel crossed his arms over his chest.

“Yeah, I actually think I do.”

Dean stared at him for a few seconds and considered just getting out of there and leave this whole thing behind him with his dignity intact, but three years. He’d never felt something for the same person for more than three weeks before and this just… felt to valuable to lose.

He fell down on one knee and glanced up at Castiel, who looked more than surprised.

“I’m really sorry, you’re right, it’s none of my business, please don’t storm out of here,” he said as sincerely as he could and Castiel looked speechless.

“Fucking get up, you look like an idiot,” he snarled, but Dean could see how his eyes were smiling. The thing about people who never smiles with their lips is that you kinda learn how to notice other things and read them more detailed. It was way more satisfying.

“So…” Dean said - and grinned big because he for one was easy to read - and put his hands on Castiel’s tense shoulders, standing close. “Never had sex, huh?”

“Get off,” Castiel said and pushed him away, but Dean took a hold of his wrists instead. 

“Let me be your first.”

“What?! You’re fucking unbelievable!”

“Please?”

“I told you I’m not sleeping with you, I barely even know you.”

“No, I don’t mean tonight,” Dean said and worried he’d come across like some pervert after all. “Just… whenever you’re ready. I really want to be.” He tried to look Castiel in the eye and show him he meant it, because he wanted this so bad, he wanted Castiel so bad his heart was clutching and he had trouble breathing and his stomach twisted and turned and he almost didn’t care if it would be the last lay he got in his life. He was sure he was blushing and probably did look like a love-struck princess by now, but god he wanted this.

“I’m not fucking deciding this now, it’s not like you make a damn appointment,” Castiel told him. Nevertheless he looked like he’d actually thought about it and Dean could feel his pulse beating fast under Dean's fingers on his wrists and Dean’s heart made a backflip.

“I really do like you, y’know.” He might as well do this properly while he was at it.

“Yeah, I kinda got that.”

“And you feel something about me,” he purred, because this was almost too good to be true. 

“Don’t push it.”

“You wanna take a smoke?” Dean asked after a small pause and stroked the pale hands with his thumbs. Castiel’s eyes lit up again.

“Yeah, I do,” he said and started walking towards the door. Dean let go of one of his hands, but held on to the other and Castiel didn’t seem to mind, because his fingers curled around Dean’s hand and he pulled him with him into the elevator. While they were inside Dean couldn’t help himself. He took his free hand and pushed on Castiel’s chest until his back hit the wall, sucking on his neck. Castiel let a sigh escape his lips, making Dean’s mind spin, and Dean moved his hand from his chest to his jaw and turned his head towards him to kiss him on the mouth instead. The elevator pinged far too soon and Dean took a step away from Castiel, licked his lips and let himself be dragged out by their linked hands.

“Don’t tell my dad, okay?” Castiel said to the woman at the front desk.

“Of course not, sweetie,” she replied and smiled fondly at him. She took Castiel’s hand for a moment when he handed her the card back and he smiled at her. “You two have a nice evening,” she said.

“You too, Naomi.” Castiel walked out through the large doors with Dean right behind him. 

“You seem close,” Dean said when they were outside and Castiel was smoking. He was still holding his hand, their fingers intertwined, and leaning against the car while Castiel blew smoke into the air. 

“Jealous?” he asked with a mocking tone. 

“What, do I have reason to be?” Dean said and narrowed his eyes. He got some really disturbing mental images and wanted to shake his head violently.

“No.” Castiel slowly exhaled, smoke swirling from his mouth. “Naomi used to take care of us - me and Claire, I mean - when we had to come with our parents to work.”

“Oh,” Dean said and felt stupid. “Well, she seemed nice.”

“She is.”

“Hey, about earlier…” Dean started. Castiel looked at him. “I’m not really pushing you if you don’t want to. I don’t want you to think I just want to screw you or something.”

“You say that like you think I would let myself be pushed,” Castiel replied and put out the cigarette. Dean smiled.

“Yeah, I know you wouldn’t. You too damn stubborn.”

“Comes with the package.”

“Well, I like the package, so.”

Castiel huffed at him.

“Was that intended as innuendo?”

“No, just a happy coincidence,” Dean grinned and Castiel almost smiled.

“I should get home.”

“Sure,” Dean said and Castiel started moving towards the other side of the car, but Dean pulled him to a halt by his hand. “Cas?”

“Yes?”

“Come here,” Dean said and smiled, pulling him closer.

“What?”

“Just shut up,” Dean mumbled and put his hands on Castiel’s hips, tugging him towards him and reached up from where he was leaning against the hood, pressing their lips together. Dean felt it all the way down to his toes, tasting tobacco and mint on his tongue, and Castiel seemed to feel something too, because he put his hands in Dean’s hair and leaned in closer. Dean found himself getting tangled in all the fabric from the stupid sweater and Castiel laughed quietly at him. He pulled away and got into the car while Dean took a moment to try and stop feeling so hard.

“We’re going out tomorrow,” Castiel told him when they stopped at the third red light. 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. You can come if you want to.”

“Castiel Novak,” Dean said and pretended to be astounded. “Are you asking me out on a date?”

“Shut up,” Castiel said, but there was a tugging on his lips. “It’s not a date if there’s other people there.”

“So who’s coming?” 

“Some friends of mine, some friends of Gemma’s, whatever people we find on our way.”  
Dean grinned big. 

“It’s not one of those weird underground clubs, is it?” 

Castiel huffed.

“It might be.”

“Well, I’m sure Jo would like to go…” Dean thought out loud. “But you know, I can’t be… open… about things. Not to everyone.” He felt bad about it, but it was the truth. The consequences of the wrong people finding out could be catastrophic.

“Don’t worry, I won’t throw myself at you in front of your friends,” Castiel said coldly, but sounded like he genuinely meant it.

“More likely to be the other way around,” Dean mumbled to himself and Castiel chuckled. “You’re laughing more,” Dean pointed out with a fond smile.

“Pardon?”

“You’re laughing more than you used to a few days ago,” Dean said. “I’m starting to think you actually like me.”

“Don’t flatter yourself, dickhead.” Dean smiled even bigger. 

“I know you like me.” He pulled up outside Castiel’s house. 

“See you,” Castiel said simply and got out of the car, leaving Dean with a dumb look on his face.

“Hey!” Dean called after him and darted out. “Don’t think you can get away that easily!” Castiel turned around with an unlit cigarette hanging from his mouth.

“What?” he said and took the cigarette out. “Don’t you think you’ve gotten far more action than you deserve already?”

“Three years, Castiel,” Dean emphasised and snaked his arms around his waist. “Did I mention three years?”

“It might have come up before,” Castiel said dryly and put his cigarette back in his mouth, fumbling for his lighter in his pocket whilst trying not to brush his hand over Dean’s crotch. Dean snatched the cigarette from him and pressed them close, trapping his hand between them and feeling Castiel’s other one in his hair while Dean traced his tongue along Castiel’s lips to try and be allowed in. Castiel pulled his hand out of his pocket while Dean stroked their tongues together, making Dean gasp. He knew Castiel could feel his hard-on, but he didn’t want to stop anyway, he wanted to stay like this forever. When Dean was feeling like he was really losing himself in the kiss Castiel pulled away abruptly, taking his cigarette back.

“What the hell, man?” Dean said and felt mad and kinda exposed, which was not a feeling he really cared for.

“Go fuck yourself, Dean,” Castiel hummed contently.

“Yeah, I kinda have to because of you,” Dean replied and Castiel honest to god smirked.

“Have a nice evening,” he said and walked inside without ever lighting the cigarette.


	2. Don’t forget to call me back, I don’t wanna feel like a one night stand

The next day Dean got a text from Castiel with the name and address of the club. He had, believe it or not, heard of it before and it wasn’t quite as weird as the other one; it was actually kind of popular, so Dean managed to get a large group together rather easily. In the end they were almost 15 people going.

He’d told Jo about seeing Castiel, because she was sort of in on the secret from the beginning and it didn’t seem more than fair, and she took every opportunity she could to try and get him to whisper things about what they’d done and what Castiel was like when they were standing in the long line. 

“Jo, just shut up,” Dean hissed, because he did not want to have this conversation in the middle of a large group of people, who might not all be athletes, but they were still pretty popular. 

“But you have to tell me something! Did you get to second base?”

“For fuck’s sake!”

“Yeah, okay, fine, but you’re telling me everything later!” she said and looked him firmly in the eye. 

It wasn’t until an hour later that Dean caught sight of Castiel, who was making his way through all the people and looking kind of dizzy.

“Hey, man,” Dean said and grabbed his arm, holding him steady. 

“Oh, shit, hi,” Castiel said and seemed to avoid looking at him. When a flare of light flashed over them Dean found out why. His pupils were fucking huge.

“Are you high again?” he said angrily. 

“Oh, just stop nagging,” Castiel complained and Dean dragged him outside into the fresh air. 

“You’re fucking unbelievable!” Dean said.

“Don’t yell at me.”

“Don’t act like you don’t deserve it!” Castiel leaned back against a car and looked like he was in pain.

“Worst trip ever…” he mumbled and pressed his hands against his forehead. Dean started to get a flare of worry inside his stomach.

“Hey, are you okay?” he asked and put his hands on Castiel’s shoulders, holding him up.

“Do I look okay?” he snarled.

“I swear to god, if you overdosed-“

“I didn’t fucking overdose, you asshole.” He leaned his head against Dean’s chest.

“What did you even take?”

“You think I know?”

“You’re freaking insane!” Dean said and wanted to shake him.

“Stop caring so much already,” he whined against Dean’s breastbone. 

“No, you know what? I won’t,” Dean told him and he grunted. “We’re leaving.”

“I can’t go home like this.”

“Stupid fucking bastard,” Dean muttered under his breath and pulled him up. “I’m going to have to get my jacket and you are going to stay here this time. Do you hear me?”

“Yes, fine, alright,” Castiel slurred and Dean shoved him down on the sidewalk where he settled with his knees drawn up and his head in his hands. 

Dean strode inside, took a hold of Jo and told her he had to go, got his jacket and was out in less than two minutes. Castiel was still sitting on the sidewalk and looked more or less gone.

“How are you feeling?” Dean asked and sat down next to him.

“Fucking great,” he snorted and Dean put an arm around his shoulders. “Why do you even put up with me?”

“Because I like you.”

“If that’s the only reason then you should just go.” That hurt quite a lot and Dean pulled him closer against his side.

“Because I think you’re great when you're not a tripping asshole and like I said, I want to take care of you. I really do.”

“I hate you.”

“No, you don’t,” Dean said. “You’re just wasted.” He pulled out his phone and called for a cab. Castiel snaked an arm around Dean’s lower back and leaned heavier against him. Dean felt a thrill of exhilaration and put his nose in his hair and inhaled. It smelled like smoke and club air and a bit like hairspray, even though Dean was pretty sure he didn’t use any. Must be all the freaks he was hanging out with who made him smell like a hair salon.

“I don’t hate you,” Dean heard Castiel mumble tiredly into his t-shirt and he felt sort of warm inside.

“You’re not gonna pass out, are you?”

“It does sound tempting,” he slurred and was almost lying on Dean’s chest by now. Okay, sure, the guy was high and almost unconscious, but Dean still felt so blissful having him in his arms and being able to hold him and see what his hair felt like against his face without getting smug comments all the time. He pressed a quick kiss against Castiel’s temple, not wanting to risk anyone seeing them. 

“Hey, Cas? You awake?” he said when a cab stopped in front of them.

“No,” he mumbled and Dean snorted.

“Up you go,” he said and pulled him to his feet, practically dragging him into the car and getting in behind him. Dean gave the cabbie Castiel’s address and Castiel grunted. “Just shut up,” he told him harshly. When the cab pulled up outside his house Dean pulled him out, held onto his arms and Castiel slumped down on the stairs outside his house, groaning loudly. Dean sat down next to him.

“Just leave,” Castiel muttered and put a weak hand on his chest, trying to shove him away. 

“No fucking way I’m leaving you like this,” Dean told him angrily. “You could pass out and drown in your own vomit or something.”

“You’re so fucking attractive right now,” Castiel slurred sarcastically and Dean took a hold of his hand that was still sort-of-pushing on his chest.

“Yeah and you’re one to talk,” Dean snorted. “Seriously, are you gonna be okay or should I just call you an ambulance or something?” He did look really fucking pale.

“Fuck off, I’ll be fine.”

“You should inside.”

“Hell no.”

“Fine then, sit out here in the cold if you want to.”

There was a long silence. Dean’s vision was finally getting back to normal clearness, even though he hadn’t been that drunk to begin with. He held Castiel’s hand between his and massaged it lightly.

“I’m gonna sound really lame now, although you probably won’t remember this tomorrow anyway, so whatever,” Dean started, “but I remember what sweater you were wearing the first time I saw you.”

“You do?” Castiel asked quietly. 

“Yeah. It was purple and had this sort of square pattern across it,” Dean said and smiled a bit to himself. 

“I threw that one away,” Castiel mumbled. “It was fucking awful.”

“Yeah, it was,” Dean laughed. “But you were still the hottest guy I’d even seen.”

Castiel chuckled/snorted at the same time and slumped down on Dean a bit.

“And you say I’m strange.”

“Yeah…” Dean sighed. “That’s because you are, you fucking hipster.”

“Asshole.” Castiel leaned back against the balustrade behind him and put his hands in his hair, closing his eyes.

“How’s that trip coming along?” Dean asked with a smirk.

“Shut up.”

“Are you hallucinating or are you just wasted?” 

“Depends.”

“On?”

“If you tend to go blue from time to time.”

Dean burst out laughing and leaned his head against Castiel's knee.

“Dude, you’re just great,” he told him and Cas grinned a little bit.

“You should see me on LSD.”

“Nah, I think I’m good,” Dean said a little bit more soberly and rested his crossed arms on Castiel’s drawn-up knees. He reached out for one of Castiel’s arms and played with his bracelets.

“Tell me about something,” Castiel said.

“Like what?”

“Like anything. I need something to concentrate on, I feel like I’m going crazy.”

“That’s because you are, moron,” Dean grinned. “Okay, uhm… it’s only two weeks left until the soccer scouts from college are coming.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Nervous?”

“Nah… A bit I guess. It’s a fucking big deal, you know.”

“I can imagine that.”

There was a small pause.

“Keep talking,” Castiel ordered.

“Wow, aren’t you bossy tonight,” Dean chuckled and Castiel told him to shut up. “Well… I’m really scared of not getting a scholarship, because then I’m not sure if I’ll be able to go to college.”

“Wow… deep,” Castiel mumbled.

“Yeah, but you still won’t remember any of this.”

“Guess not.”

“It’s kinda sad, you know,” Dean told him. “Here we’re having the most civilised conversation we’ve ever had and you won’t even know we had it.”

“At least we’re not having sex,” he slurred against his knee.

“And that’s a good thing?” Dean asked with a playful grin.

“Yeah.”

“Ouch.”

“No, I mean…” Castiel said and lifted his head up, looking at Dean through glassy eyes. “It’d suck if we had sex and I didn’t remember it.” He blinked slowly a couple of times and Dean was pretty sure he felt a blush creep up his neck. 

“So you wanna have sex with me?”

“I’m not having this discussion.”

“Why not? You’re the one who started it!”

“Did you forget about the ‘I am high’-part?” he said and sort of glared at him. Dean chuckled.

“You do talk very well for being wasted.”

“That comes with experience.”

“Dude, that’s just sad.”

“Yeah, probably.”

They fell into a long silence. Dean looked at his phone and realised that they’d been sitting there for more than an hour. He looked up at Castiel and noticed how his pupils were much smaller than they used to be. Castiel started humming on something Dean didn’t recognise, so he just sat there, leaned against his legs and listened. 

“What is that?” he asked him.

“Are you mine?”

“What?”

“It’s the song, dumbass.”

“Oh,” Dean said and laughed softly, feeling like an idiot.

“Are you?” Castiel asked after a short pause.

“Am I what?”

“Mine?”

Dean felt a tug in his stomach, some heavy flutter following straight after and his eyes went wide.

“Well… depends.”

“On?”

“Are you mine?”

Castiel seemed to think for a moment.

“Yeah, I’m starting to think so.”

Dean felt his entire chest light up like it was detonating.

“You’re still wasted,” he said sadly.

“No, I’m not,” Castiel said and looked at him. His pupils didn’t seem larger than normal and he wasn’t really slurring so much anymore, so Dean almost had the guts to trust him.

“Tell me the same thing tomorrow and I’ll believe you,” he said and Castiel kept looking at him with those bottomless eyes of his.

“Fine.”

Dean smiled and stroked his jaw with his hand. He was actually beginning to get some stubble and Dean grinned even bigger.

“Sexy bastard,” he said under his breath, making Castiel huff a laugh, and pulled him closer to kiss him. His lips were a bit dry and Dean licked them, making them slick and pink and wonderful. After a few minutes of hot and messy making out Dean’s phone rang.

“Yeah?” he answered and dries his mouth with his hand.

 _“Hey, honey,”_ his mother said. _“I’m sorry, but we’d like you to come home now.”_

“Okay,” Dean said and glanced at Castiel, who was picking at his sweater. “I’ll get a cab.”

 _“Great, sweetie, be safe.”_ Mary hung up and Dean shoved his phone in his pocket.

“Help me up,” Castiel said and reached his hands out. Dean pulled him to his feet and he stood looking up at his own window for a while. He sighed and took a step up.

“Dude,” Dean said and gently gripped his wrist. “Aren’t you ever gonna learn?”

Castiel pulled on a small smirk, stepped towards him and pushed him against the balustrade, making him sit down on it. He put his hands on Dean’s thighs and stuck his tongue down his throat. Dean gripped his back hard, pulling him closer and gripping the back of his sweater. His fingers got tangled in it and he huffed into Castiel’s mouth.

“Fucking knitwear,” he mumbled and Castiel smiled. He took a step back and let Dean get up from the balustrade. When Dean was down on the street and had managed to wave in a cab, Castiel sat down on the balustrade instead and pulled out a cigarette.

“Sleep tight,” he called to Dean and took a deep drag.

“You too, psycho,” Dean called back with a smirk and got in the car. 

\-------

Dean woke up at lunchtime the next day and dragged himself out of bed to get some breakfast, preferably a really greasy one. 

“Good morning,” his dad said from the kitchen table, where he was eating a sandwich.

“Sup?” Dean said and bent over the fridge, pulling out sausages and eggs.

“You had a good time last night?”

“Yeah, it was great.” He put the eggs and sausages in a frying pan and just cooked it all together into some scrambled eggs/greasy meat-mix. It tasted awesome though. 

“Where is everyone?” he asked when he was halfway through his dish.

“Sam needed new shoes,” John explained and got up from the table. “I gotta run over to the supermarket. We’re all out of beer.” Dean huffed a laugh.

“Oh shit, the horror,” he said and John grinned back at him. 

“Watch your language, boy,” he said and went to put his jacket on. “Don’t sleep the whole day away!” he called before the door closed behind him. 

After a couple of hours he was sitting on the couch in his favourite slob-jeans (Mary always tried to force him to throw them away, so eventually he’d settled with just wearing them indoors), watching some boring rerun of ‘Deadliest catch’ and that was when his phone buzzed on the side table. He picked it up and noticed that it was Castiel’s number - which he’d forgotten to put in his contact list since he lost his old number - and he eagerly opened the text. The only thing in it was a youtube-link. He pressed it and some British dude with guitars in the background came blasting through his phone’s speakers.

_I'm a puppet on a string_  
 _Tracy Island, time-traveling diamond_  
 _Coulda shaped heartaches_  
 _Come to find ya fall in some velvet morning_  
 _Years too late_  
 _She's a silver lining lone ranger riding_  
 _Through an open space_  
 _In my mind when she's not right there beside me_

He scrolled down on the page to see what the hell this was and smiled big to himself, his whole chest fluttering and his heart beating fast and happy.

_I go crazy 'cause here isn't where I wanna be_  
 _And satisfaction feels like a distant memory_  
 _And I can't help myself,_  
 _All I wanna hear her say is "Are you mine?"_

_Are you mine?_  
 _Are you mine?_  
 _Are you mine?_

He looked the song up on Spotify and put it on repeat while he went through his own playlists, stopping on ‘You belong to me’ by Grey Holiday. He looked it up on youtube, copied the link and put it in a text, sending it to Castiel while the song played in the background.

_You run, you hide_  
 _As tears fall from your eyes_  
 _They fall like snow_  
 _From a wounded soul_  
 _You hold inside_  
 _The hurt of great divide_  
 _The hole is starting to get old_

_So come back to the light_  
 _To the love, you will find_  
 _It’s been here all along_  
 _So come back to the start_  
 _And you’ll find in your heart_  
 _That you always belonged_  
 _To me_

It took several minutes before he got a reply and by the time he did, he’d already listened to Castiel’s song three more times. _‘How heartrending and predictable.’_ it said and Dean grinned. Sarcastic bastard. He looked up ‘Everybody fucks’ instead and put that in his reply, clicking send with a big smirk on his face and got a respond two seconds later. _‘Fuck off, asshole.’_ Dean laughed out loud. 

\-------

The next day Dean’s whole family was going over to a friend of Mary’s for a housewarming and since Dean wouldn’t go even if his life depended on it he decided to call Castiel.

“Hey, man,” Dean said cheerfully when he picked up. “My family’s going away for the whole afternoon, so do you wanna come over?” Castiel snorted.

_“You had to get them out of the house so you wouldn’t risk me running into them?”_

“Shut up and answer the question.”

_“You know you just contradicted yourself, right?”_

“ _Cas_.”

_“Okay, fine, sure, sounds great.”_

“Sweet,” Dean said with a big smile and hung up. Two seconds later he realised Castiel had no idea where he lived and he hit himself on the forehead with his phone and dialled his number again, feeling so incredibly stupid.

 _“Forgot something?”_ Castiel answered and sounded smug.

“Yeah, dickhead, I did,” Dean said harshly. He told him his address and hung up again, slamming his phone on the table a little harder than might’ve been good, but whatever. One hour and ten minutes later Castiel was standing in his doorway with one earphone in his ear and a dark green sweater with a pattern across the chest and no jacket.

“What took you so long?” Dean asked irritably, because yes, he had been on his fucking toes the entire time and waiting for him to get there.

“I had to take the train, what do you think?” Castiel replied and stepped inside. “It’s not like you live next door.”

“Dumbass, I bet you had to get a fucking latte on the way too…” Dean mumbled and closed the door.

“What’s your problem? Did you miss me that much?”

“Fuck off,” Dean muttered and leaned in to kiss him on the mouth, catching the beat from his earphone. “What are you even listening to?”

“Radioactive by Imagine Dragons,” he said and tugged on the lead, pausing the song and putting everything into his back pocket.

“Hipster…” Dean muttered and Castiel shoved him in the back. 

“So…” he said. “This is where you live.”

“Okay, just get it over with,” Dean said and rolled his eyes.

“Get what over with?”

“Be a cocky bastard and tell me what you think. Go on.”

“It’s nice,” Castiel told him and lifted an eyebrow. Dean was quiet for a moment.

“That’s it?”

“Yeah, what did you expect?”

“I donno, trash talk? You live in a fucking palace, goddammit.”

“Oh, fuck off, I’m not that rude.” Castiel walked around the living room for a bit, shamelessly staring at every picture on the walls. Dean went up behind him and put his arms around his waist, kissing his neck.

“I’m allowed to do this now, right?” he asked and rocked them from foot to foot.

“Guess so,” Castiel hummed and put his hands on top of Dean’s on his stomach. Dean took the opportunity to nudge his nose in Castiel’s hair, holding him tight against his chest and sighed contently. “You’re a fucking weirdo,” Castiel told him.

“I missed you,” Dean confessed. “I even missed your stupid sweaters.”

Castiel chuckled against his torso. 

“I might’ve missed you too.”

“Really?” Dean said and lit up.

“For like a second.”

“Dick.” 

Castiel huffed a laugh and leaned back against Dean. 

“Is that your family?” he said and pointed towards an old picture of the four of them standing outside their house in Kansas.

“Yep.”

“Nice.”

“Yeah.”

They went silent for a bit and Dean pressed more kisses to Castiel’s neck. He started humming on another song and Dean kept rocking them slowly. 

“What is it this time?”

“Hm?”

“The song.”

“Oh. Tokyo by The Wombats.”

Dean huffed in respond and closed his eyes, brushing his face up Castiel’s neck.

“So what do you wanna do?” he asked him and let go of his waist. 

“I donno, anything?” Castiel replied and pushed the sleeves up to his elbows.

“Hm. How are you feeling after that acid trip?” Dean grinned and Castiel glared at him.

“Fine, thanks for asking.”

“Tired?”

“A bit.”

“Movie it is then!” Dean said cheerfully and Castiel moaned. “Shut up, you’ll like this one.”

“You sure about that?”

“Yeah, I’m sure about that,” Dean told him with a low voice and traced his hand up his chest, breathing over his slightly parted lips and pulling away just as Castiel’s breath fastened. 

“Dick…” he muttered when he’d managed to collect himself again and slumped down on the couch while Dean chuckled at him. “If it’s ‘Love and other drugs’ then I’m leaving.”

“Don’t worry,” Dean laughed. “I only own good movies.” He put ‘The amazing spider-man’ in the DVD-player and flopped down next to Castiel before he cursed and got back up.

“What?” Castiel called after him.

“I forgot about snacks!” Dean called back from the kitchen. “You can’t have a movie without snacks.”

“You’re gonna make us fat.”

“Shut up! Just because you never eat anything.”

“You act like you already know everything about me,” Castiel pointed out with a raised eyebrow.

“Yeah, that’s because I kinda do,” Dean said and huffed a semi-embarrassed laugh.

“Creepy.”

“Yeah, a bit,” Dean agreed with a smile. 

He walked back to the couch and put cokes and beers and three bags of chips on the coffee table. Castiel gave him an odd look but didn’t say anything else. He managed to go through the entire first half of the move before he pulled his phone out. 

“Fucking hell,” Dean said under his breath and took the phone away from him, making him throw himself after it and trying to reach the hand holding it high in the air while Dean’s other hand was on his shoulder and keeping him down. 

“You’re a fucking dickhead, you know that?” Castiel said between gritted teeth while he as good as climbed on Dean. His sweater was pulled up just half an inch over his waistband hanging on his hips and Dean moved his hand from his shoulder to lightly brush his fingers over his skin, making him jerk his hand down and grip Dean’s wrist. He looked down at Dean and seemed to notice for the first time how he was almost standing on his knees in Dean’s lap. 

“Nice view,” Dean grinned and Castiel slumped down next to him.

“Dick…”

Dean pushed the phone into his back pocket and Castiel scowled at him.

“You’ve only got yourself to blame.”

“I’m taking a smoke,” he muttered and tried to get up from the couch, but Dean put his arms around his waist and pulled him back down.

“I’ll miss you,” Dean said and forced him down in his lap. 

“You’re pathetic.”

“Yeah, I know, it comes with the package.”

“Did you just quote me again?”

“So what if I did?” Dean rolled his eyes. “Don’t tell me you don’t like this at least a little bit.”

“You’re fucking unbelievable…” Castiel said under his breath, but he let himself be pulled into Dean’s arms. “I still need a smoke.”

“Five minutes.”

“Fine.”

Peter Parker and Gwen Stacy were kissing on the TV in the background and Dean stroked a hand over Castiel’s chest, sighing contently as the guy leaned into the touch. Castiel’s phone started buzzing in his back pocket, almost making him jump.

“You gonna let me get that?” 

“I’m still thinking about it,” Dean said with a crooked smile.

“Bullshit, just hand it over.”

“Jesus, careful so you don’t break something,” Dean said and lifted his ass off the couch, bringing Castiel up with him, making him put his hands on his chest to steady himself. Dean smirked flirtatiously at him and Castiel looked unimpressed and snatched the phone back from his hand.

“Yeah?” he answered. “What, really…? How did they manage to do that? … Sure. No, it’s fine. Yeah, love you, bye.” He hung up and put the phone on the coffee table next to his beer. There was a long pause where Dean was completely failing at not being really curious and he cleared his throat. “I know you wanna ask, so just go ahead,” Castiel said and settled with his back against Dean’s chest. 

“Who managed to do what, who called and why did you tell them you love them?” He didn’t mean to sound grumpy, but he kinda did anyway.

“You’re not only a dickhead, you’re possessive too, huh?” Castiel said. 

“Shut the fuck up.”

“Dick…” Castiel took a sip of his beer. “It was Gemma, you know, the girl who gave you my number?”

“Oh, that bitch?” Dean said brusquely. 

“Hey, that’s my friend, asshole!”

“Okay, okay, sorry. Who managed to do what, then?”

“Her boyfriend’s band got a gig down at The Stone Pony.”

“At the what?” Dean asked confused.

“Oh yeah, I forgot you don’t know anything about clubs or music.”

“I know loads about music, just not any of your crappy music.”

Castiel pushed himself from Dean’s arms, picked up his phone and walked out the door, fishing up the cigarette pack from his back pocket. Dean sighed and followed him, not really knowing if he liked having to run after him like this, but what the hell. He was in his house and let him hug him, so why would he complain? He found Castiel sitting on the stonewall outside his house, smoking and scrolling on his phone. Dean went to stand between his knees and lifted his chin up to kiss him. He tasted like tobacco (no kidding?) and Dean found himself trying to drag the taste from his mouth by sucking on his tongue.

“Ouch, shit,” Castiel gasped and pushed him away. He lifted his hand up in front of him and eyed the red, small burn mark just underneath his thumb on his palm.

“You okay?” Dean asked and blew on the burn like his mother used to when he’d gotten hurt as a kid.

“Sure, it happens all the time.”

“Wow, clumsy.”

“Not when I’m sober, dickhead.”

“You seem pretty sober right now.”

“Yeah, but I was being kinda distracted.”

He leaned down towards Dean and pressed their lips together again, gently, and lingered just a little bit and tightening his grip on Dean’s hips with his knees.

“We should go inside,” Dean said a bit anxiously.

“Why?”

“I told you, I can’t be too open.”

“Oh… right.” Dean hated how Castiel got a slightly disappointed look in his eyes. He put the cigarette out against the stonewall, jumped down and followed Dean inside.

“I haven’t seen your bedroom yet,” Castiel said when they were inside again. Dean grinned big at him. “Oh, fuck off, I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I’m still waiting to go through with that agreement.”

“You’re disgusting and we don’t have any fucking agreement.”

“We do from my point of view,” Dean mused and put his arms around Castiel, rocking them from foot to foot again. Castiel huffed a small laugh and put his arms around his neck.

“I’m still fucking pissed at you.”

“Yeah, I know,” Dean said and kissed his neck. “So, you wanted to see my bedroom, huh?” he continued with a cocky smile and pulled him towards it by his hands. Castiel rolled his eyes, but had no trace of his usual rudeness in them. Dean pushed the door open and Castiel stepped inside. 

“It’s a fucking mess,” he declared. Dean rolled his eyes and punched him on the shoulder.

“Yours wasn’t exactly squeaky clean either.”

“Fair enough,” he said and openly went through Dean’s stuff on his desk. Dean sat down on his bed and Castiel’s eyes flashed towards him with something unreadable in them. 

“What?” Dean asked and wondered if he’d sat on something. Which was just ridiculous, because it was his own damn bed. Castiel walked up to him, a bit tentatively, and pushed him down on his back, climbing after him and pushing their lips together and his tongue inside Dean’s mouth. Dean couldn’t breath and his heart was racing and his dick was twitching and it was incredible. He instantly put his arms around Castiel’s actually strong, moving shoulders, pulling him down towards him until he was as good as lying on top of him, legs intertwined and his pale hands on Dean’s jaw. Dean could taste that cigarette like he’d been the one smoking, along with salt from the chips and the bitter taste from the beer. He moaned into Castiel’s mouth, tugging on his hair and angling their heads to get his tongue in deeper. Castiel gasped for air and Dean’s mind went blank for half a second. He turned them over, pinning Castiel down underneath him and breathing heavily.

“Not bad for a virgin,” he smirked and Castiel punched him in the stomach the best he could from where he was lying. Dean huffed and grabbed his wrists, pinning them over his head and shit, if this wasn’t 1000 dirty fantasies coming true at once. Castiel looked up at him, pupils large for a completely different reason than they used to be and Dean leaned down again, kissed him hard and traced his hands down his wrists, pulling up his sleeves on the way. Castiel moaned quietly into his mouth and Dean had to break away again, because he was getting really hard already. But on the other hand… so was Castiel.

Dean looked down at him and decided that the look of arousal along with that slight blush on his cheeks suited Castiel really well.

“You’re beautiful,” he whispered and Castiel’s eyes narrowed like he was trying to decide whether he was joking or not.

“If you’re just trying to get laid-“

“I’m not,” Dean interrupted. “I’m really honestly not.”

Castiel looked at him for a long time, searching every inch of his face.

“Okay then,” he breathed.

“Okay… what?” Dean asked, feeling really uncertain of how much he should read into this.

“Let’s do it.”

Dean stared down at him, completely stunned.

“What? I mean… really?”

Castiel glared at him.

“You wanna talk about it or actually fucking do it already?”

“Yeah, sure, sorry…” Dean rambled and Castiel rolled his eyes and pulled him down again, melting their lips together. Dean felt more nervous than he would ever admit to anyone as he pushed his hands underneath Castiel’s sweater, stroking their tongues against each other and tracing his stomach with his fingers. Castiel’s hands were in his hair and fell down to his shoulder blades, pulling him closer. Dean broke the kiss to push the sweater over Castiel’s head and instantly pressed their lips together again, pushing his hands against the t-shirt over his warm chest. Castiel pulled Dean’s plaid shirt down his shoulders and then his t-shirt over his head straightaway. His eyes fell on Dean’s naked chest and he traced his muscles with light fingers, making Dean shiver all the way into his bones. Dean pushed his hands slowly up Castiel’s body, pulling the t-shirt up as he went and over his head. Then he sat up a little, straddling Castiel’s hips and interlaced their fingers, holding them over his head. They locked eyes for a moment and Dean had a really hard time breathing again.

“If you only knew how long I’ve dreamt about this,” he mumbled and bent down again, shivering at the skin on skin contact as their chests touched. He traced his hands down Castiel’s lifted arms, over his shoulders and put them on his neck, getting inside his mouth again. Castiel’s nails dragged down his back and Dean shivered for the third time in just a few minutes. He didn’t even notice Castiel’s hands on his belt until his jeans were being unzipped.

“Jesus,” he breathed and Castiel smirked against his lips. He pushed on Dean’s shoulder, flipping they over again and he swiftly tugged Dean’s jeans down and started sucking on his neck, biting and licking on that exact spot where Dean was the most sensitive. Dean sighed with pleasure and put his legs around Castiel’s hips, drawing them down and Castiel gasped loudly when their crotched pressed together. While he was occupied with trying to breathe Dean unzipped his jeans too, pushing them down and kicking his own pants off. He pushed Castiel backwards until he landed on his back in the wrong end of Dean’s bed and Dean dragged his jeans off completely. He gently bit his way all the way down Castiel’s chest and Castiel moaned loudly. Dean looked up at him and felt like he could come from the bare sight. 

“Wait,” he murmured and climbed off the bed, leaving Castiel with a frown on his pretty face. Dean pulled out a condom and some lube from his drawer and then bent over his computer, searching through his Spotify rock-list and clicked on ‘Pour some sugar on me’. Castiel actually laughed out loud and let his head fall back on the bed, putting his hands over his face.

“You gotta be fucking kidding me.”

“I never joke when it comes to rock or sex and this happens to be a beautiful combination of both of them,” Dean said and climbed back on top of him.

“You’re an idiot.”

“Yeah, probably. Now, shut up, or you’re gonna miss all the fun.”

Castiel snorted at him, but put his hand on his neck and pulled him down. Dean let him put his tongue down his throat as he gently drew his shorts off him, then his own, before he took a deep breath to calm his own nerves and spit into his hand, moving it to Castiel’s erection. Castiel’s eyes fell shut and he groaned as Dean started rubbing him up and down, slowly first and then faster. His hands fell on Dean’s lower back, grabbing his ass and drawing him down. Suddenly their dicks collided and they both gasped. Dean had to stop what he was doing and just fucking breathe, because if he didn’t he’d come in a second. 

“Dean.”

“Yeah?” 

“Just keep going,” Castiel told him and looked up at him. Dean stared at him for a moment before he leaned their foreheads together.

“Okay.” He reached for the lube lying next to him and put it all over his fingers. “I need you to tell me if anything feels weird or wrong and I’ll stop immediately. Okay?”

“Sure,” Castiel said without any of his usual smugness. Dean buried his face in Castiel’s neck; feeling really fucking scared himself, and slowly pushed a finger inside him. He moaned quietly.

“Okay?” Dean breathed against his neck.

“Yeah,” he whispered. Dean waited until he felt relaxed around his finger until he pushed another one in and then a third after a few minutes. Castiel was breathing fast and Dean swallowed hard, loving the warm, tight feeling around his fingers and the taste of Castiel’s sweat on his tongue. He pulled his fingers out, ripped the condom open and rolled it on, stroking lube over it.

“Ready, sweetheart?” he asked Castiel with a crooked smile.

“Fuck off,” Castiel growled and Dean chuckled, pushing their lips together and kissing him deeply before he slowly pushed inside. “Fuck!” Castiel gasped and Dean looked down on him, trying to breathe through the tight feeling around his cock.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, just fucking move!” he ordered through heavy breaths. Dean heard himself chuckled, even though the only thing he could focus on was his _dick_ being inside _Castiel_ and he might have let out one very small sob because he felt so happy. _Might_. He started moving, pulling out and pushing in, slowly and then speeding up when Castiel relaxed around him. A few thrust later Castiel groaned loudly and Dean knew he’d hit the jackpot, so he kept hitting it over and over again, kissing Castiel’s neck and tugging on his hair, Castiel’s hands on his ass, until he had Castiel coming all over him with a moan from deep down his throat. Dean gulped and blinked hard and then he was coming too, gasping and barely keeping himself from crushing Castiel underneath him. He didn’t move for several minutes because he was panting so hard and felt like he’d just run across a soccer field 1000 times. Castiel had thrown an arm over his eyes and his chest was rising with deep, steady breaths. 

“Hey,” Dean said and moved his arm. “Look at me.” Castiel eyes turned up to his and Dean leaned their foreheads together, getting dizzy from only seeing blue everywhere. ‘Run to the hills’ was playing in the background and Dean lifted himself up on his elbows, pulling out of Castiel, who gulped. “We need to clean ourselves up,” he told him softly. 

“Can’t we do that later?”

“No, we can’t, it’ll be disgusting,” Dean said and nudged his nose against his chin. “Haven’t you ever jerked off?”

“Fine,” Castiel groaned and pushed himself up. “And of course I fucking have. Just for the record.”

“Yeah, just for the record,” Dean teased him and got of the bed, pulling him up with him. He lead him out to the bathroom, cleaned their stomachs off and flushed the condom down the toilet. He let himself take a moment to drink Castiel in and got a weird look from him. “Yeah, you really are beautiful,” he stated and Castiel snorted, but turned bright red. Dean grinned big and put a hand on his neck, pulling him into a kiss. Dean’s phone rang in his bedroom and when he went to pick it up it was his mom telling him they’d be home in a couple of minutes and that she hope he hadn’t managed to get things too messy. She had no idea how close to home she’d hit and Dean got in a real hurry to make Castiel get dressed quick as hell and he pushed the window open, pulled on whatever clothes he could find at the top of his drawer and made sure the bed didn’t look like someone had just had sex in it. Castiel had chuckled at him and gone to sit down on the couch, pulling his phone from his pocket. By the time the door opened Dean was casually leaning against the door to the living room and Castiel stood up, putting his phone in his pocket. 

“Oh, hello,” Mary said with a friendly smile when she saw Castiel and went up to shake his hand gently. “I’m Mary, Dean’s mom.”

“Castiel Novak,” Cas said. He may be a rude bastard, but at least he knew how to behave when he had to.

“I’m John,” Dean’s dad said and shook his hand more firmly. 

“Pleasure to meet you,” Castiel said politely and Dean stared at him. What happened to the disrespectful dick he’d known for the past weeks?

“Hi, I’m Sam,” Sam said and waved his hand a bit awkwardly, before he disappeared into his room closing his door with an awkward smile.

“So, I assume you’re a friend of Dean’s?” Mary said and hung her coat up.

“Yeah, a friend,” Castiel agreed, but gave Dean a long look. Dickhead.

“So, how did you two meet? You have some classes together or something?” John asked and leaned against the wall. 

“No,” Castiel said. “Just a happy coincidence.” 

“You want to stay for dinner, Castiel?” Mary asked and he looked a bit taken aback. 

“Thank you, but I think I should head home soon.” Dean noticed how his hand absently moved towards the cigarettes in his pocket. 

“I’ll walk you out,” Dean said and put a hand on his shoulder, leading him through the door. 

“You have a really nice family,” Castiel commented while he was drawing a big breath from the cigarette. 

“Are you high again? I thought you were supposed to be rude all the time.”

“Fuck off, dickhead.” 

“There we go,” Dean said with a grin and Castile huffed a laugh and leaned against the wall behind him. They’d gone a block further down the street because Dean knew he wouldn’t be able to keep his hands away and didn’t want to be within watching distance from his window, so now he went to stand close to Castiel, putting his arms around his waist and a kiss to his neck. 

“I really should go,” Castiel said and rubbed the cigarette against the sole of his shoe, throwing it on the ground. 

“Why?” Dean asked.

“What do you mean, why? Because I have to, that’s why.”

“Two more minutes.”

“Fine, two more minutes.”

He put his hands on Dean’s stomach, massaging it lightly and started humming on ‘Are you mine?’ again.

“So, what did you think?” Dean asked after a while.

“About what?”

“Getting laid, of course,” Dean said with a quirk of his eyebrow.

“Completely awful,” he replied, dead serious.

“Oh, fuck off, you loved it.”

“Maybe just a little bit.” He smirked and trailed a hand down Dean’s cheek. “Well, this was something I never thought would ever happen.”

“Getting laid? Well, I wouldn’t either with those sweaters,” Dean said and chuckled when Castiel shoved him in the stomach. 

“I mean you and me, asshole.”

“Yeah, I know, I’m just being a jerk.”

“Yes, you are.”

“Honestly, I never thought so either. I thought I’d never pick up the courage to hit on you, let along getting you to like me.”

“Who says I like you?”

“Oh, now you’re just being a dick for the sake of it.”

“Yeah, I kinda am,” Castiel admitted. “But I seriously have to leave now.”

“Where are you going?”

“I’m getting a latte, if that’s okay with you?” he asked sarcastically. 

“You’re leaving because you wanna get a latte?” Dean said and felt kinda offended.

“No, I’m getting a latte on the way.” Castiel rolled his eyes. “I have to get home and talk to my parents.”

“About what?” 

“None of your business.”

“Oh, so we’re back to that now?” Dean said coldly. 

“It’s…” Castiel started and sighed, dragging a hand through his hair. “Just leave it alone for now, okay? Please?”

“Yes, fine,” Dean said and kissed him, dragging his own hand through Castiel’s black hair. “Don’t forget to call me back, I don’t wanna feel like a one night stand,” he told him and Castiel huffed.

“So how do you want your goodbye kiss?”

“Naked in a hot tub and with chocolate sauce on top,” Dean grinned and Castiel snorted.

“I’m afraid you’ll have to come up with something else.”

“I want to taste that cigarette on your tongue and feel your sweater under my fingers and your hands on my back and I never want to let go,” Dean told him sincerely with a low voice and Castiel looked at him for a really long time.

“I’m sure I can do that,” he mumbled and leaned in, separating Dean’s lips and stroking his tongue inside his mouth, pushing his hands up his back to his shoulder blades where he fisted his shirt and Dean put one hand in his hair and the other one on his lower back, pulling him close. Love, pure, proper love, shot through him like a lightning and he held him tighter, honestly considering never letting him go again. Castiel’s arms came to rest around his neck and he actually had to get up on his toes to reach properly, so Dean just lifted him up with his arms around that skinny waist and kissed him flatly on the mouth at least five time before he put him down again. Castiel hummed contently and licked his lips. “Not bad for a jock.”

“Oh, shut your stupid mouth,” Dean laughed and kissed him once more. 

“Well…” he said and fished up his earphones. “See you around.” He started walking but stopped dead when he didn’t feel his phone in his pocket. He turned around again.

“What the fuck did you do?”

Dean fished it up from his back pocket and waved it around with a huge smirk.

“Told you I wouldn’t let you go.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Castiel said under his breath and went back to push his hands on Dean’s chest, slamming him against the wall and clashing their mouths together. Dean ‘mm!’-ed in surprise and didn’t have the self-control to keep Castiel from taking his phone back. “You’re lucky you’re a good lay, ‘cause you’re a fucking pain in the ass,” he said and froze for a moment as Dean started grinning real big. “Oh, fucking hell, just shut the fuck up,” he groaned and turned around, hitting himself on the forehead and connected his earphones to his phone.

“See you around, darling!” Dean called after him and Castiel gave him the finger, pushed his earphones into his ears and turned around the nearest corner. 

\-------

The next morning Dean woke up to another text with a youtube-link in it. He clicked it and scrolled down to see what it was while the song started playing.

_Shifting, shifting, shifting aloud like it makes so much difference to me_  
 _Huffing, puffing, marching around like I know how much better it should be_

The band was called ’Tame Impala’ and it made Dean smile really wide and stupid in the middle of the kitchen and Sam looked at him funny.

_I know it looks like I disagree, nine tenths of the time_  
 _But I don't really mind, but I don't really mind_

So the song kinda sucked, but the fact that Castiel had listened to this and thought of him and made the effort of sending it to him was just freaking adorable. Dean sent him ‘Like a virgin’ just to mess with him while he was looking for a more suitable song. _‘Oh, fuck you!’_ he wrote back and Dean smiled. He looked up ‘Just like heaven’ with The Cure instead. 

_"Show me how you do that trick_  
 _The one that makes me scream" she said_  
 _"The one that makes me laugh" she said_  
 _And threw her arms around my neck_  
 _"Show me how you do it_  
 _And I promise you I promise that_  
 _I'll run away with you_  
 _I'll run away with you"_  
 _Spinning on that dizzy edge_  
 _I kissed her face and kissed her head_  
 _And dreamed of all the different ways I had_  
 _To make her glow_  
 _"Why are you so far away?" she said_  
 _"Why won't you ever know that I'm in love with you_  
 _That I'm in love with you"_

_You_  
 _Soft and only_  
 _You_  
 _Lost and lonely_  
 _You_  
 _Strange as angels_  
 _Dancing in the deepest oceans_  
 _Twisting in the water_  
 _You're just like a dream_

It wasn’t really his kind of music, but he figured Castiel probably liked it, so whatever. _‘I cried.’_ Castiel replied and Dean laughed into his coffee mug because he could almost taste that sarcasm… which was kinda hot. Sam looked at him even weirder.

The first thing that happened in school was that Jo told him he was glowing. 

“Okay…” he said tentatively, because that was kinda weird. 

“So what did you two do?” she asked quietly and leaned closer, looking conspiratorially. Dean stared at her. How could she know they’d hanged out? Had Castiel been talking to her or something?

“How did you know?” he hissed and looked around him. 

“Seriously fucking please,” she said and put her hands on her hips. “So _tell me_!”

“Yeah, okay, fine…” Dean murmured and looked over his shoulder again. “We kinda, you know… went all the way.” She looked like she was about to squeak, but didn’t, thank god.

“Really?” she whispered excitedly. “How was it? How was he? Just tell me!”

“Jesus, calm down. It was, you know… great,” Dean said and smiled to himself.

“Dude, you’re blushing,” Jo told him with a laugh, lifting her eyebrow at him. 

“Shut up,” he muttered and reached inside his locker, because she was probably right. 

“Hey, Dean,” she said quietly and tugged on his sleeve while she looked like she tried to suppress a grin. “Look!”

“What?” he asked and turned around to see what she was on about. Castiel, wearing a dark purple sweater and trashed jeans, was being dragged along by the hand by some indie/hipster/hippie girl he didn’t recognised and his eyes flashed up to Dean and Dean felt like time slowed down. Castiel blinked once, blue eyes boring into his soul, before they flashed back to the phone in his hand, and when they passed them Castiel’s hand lightly brushed against Dean’s and then he was gone again. 

“Dude, breathe!” Jo said and laughed. She punched him on the shoulder and he snapped out of his trance. 

“Ouch!” he said grumpily, but couldn’t help looking down the corridor to see if he could get another glimpse off him.

“Sweet Jesus, you’re really hooked on this guy,” Jo hummed and Dean shoved her not too gently. Two seconds later he was attacked by a few of his teammates, clinging to his back in a manly version of a hug and he couldn’t go back to dreaming about the two seconds earlier until he got out of the building. He found himself humming ‘Are you mine?’ the entire afternoon. 

\-------

After Sam had teased him mercilessly about singing an indie love song under his breath he went outside and picked out his phone, dialling Castiel’s number.

“I don’t even like Arctic Monkeys!” he told him angrily the second he picked up.

_“What?”_

“The band, the fucking band!” he said and was somewhat aware he wasn’t making much sense.

_“Yes, I know, but what the fuck are you talking about?”_

“I can’t get the stupid song out of my head,” he grunted and rubbed his face.

 _"Are you mine?”_ Castiel asked after a short silence.

“Yes, that one, it’s a fucking pain in the ass!”

Castiel actually laughed at him.

 _“Well, well, well…”_ he said and sounded smug. 

“And what about the sweater?” Dean kept going.

_“What sweater?”_

“The- the fucking sweater you were wearing at school!” He knew he was probably overreacting just a little bit, but still, what the hell?

_“Dean, you’re being really fucking weird! What about my sweater?”_

“It’s fucking purple!” Dean said loudly and slumped down on the stonewall. Seriously, was he having PMS or something? Was he honest to god turning into a girl now?

 _“What’s so special about purple?”_ Castiel asked angrily. Dean could hear him exhaling, undoubtedly smoking.

“But… It’s… Oh, fuck, you don’t remember, do you?” Dean slammed himself on the forehead. How could he be so stupid?!

 _“Remember what?”_ he said and suddenly sounded harsh. _“If something happened while I was drunk or high or whatever that I don’t know about, you’re gonna be fucking sorry.”_

“No, it’s just really lame…” Dean sighed. “I’m sorry, forget about it.”

_“Yeah, not happening.”_

“Cas, come on…!”

_“Nope.”_

“Fucking dick,” Dean muttered and considered just hanging up.

 _“Come pick me up,”_ Castiel said.

“What, why?”

_“Because I fucking told you to!”_

“Damn, you’re rude.”

_“I wanna hear about what happened that I don’t remember and you wanna see me right? You wouldn’t have called me if you didn’t.”_

“Fine! Fucking fine!” Dean said and hung up.

20 minutes later he was outside Castiel’s house and the guy slid into the passenger seat.

“Am I your boyfriend?” he asked before he’d even said hello.

“Eh…” Dean said, losing every drop of rage he’d had in his body, and pulled out onto the street. “Maybe…? I mean do you want to be?”

“I wouldn’t have brought it up if I didn’t.”

“Fair enough,” Dean said and smiled.

“So? Am I?”

“Yes,” Dean said determinately. “Yes, you are.”

“Oh… okay,” Castiel and sank down further in the seat.

“Why are you asking?”

“I donno… crossed my mind.”

“Dude, you’re just great,” Dean mumbled with a small smile.

“And I’m not even high this time,” Castiel smirked.

“Oh, you remember that part, do you?”

“Yep.”

“But you don’t remember the sweater?”

“Obviously not.” He shifted in his seat. “We didn’t do anything, right? I know I kinda mess around with people when I’m drunk, but other than that, I mean.”

“You think I’d use you like that?” Dean said, feeling offended.

“No, I just wanted to make sure,” he mumbled and picked on his nails. “So what about this sweater?”

“Can’t you just trust me when I say it’s really lame and leave it at that?”

“Hell no, this sounds far too entertaining!” Dean sighed.

“Okay, so I was telling you about how I still remember the first time I saw you and what sweater you were wearing-“

“You do?”

“Yes, shut up already! And it was really ugly and it was purple with this sort of pattern across it, but I still kinda fell for you right away.”

“Oh…” Castiel said slowly.

“Oh? That’s it? I’m spilling my guts and you say ‘oh’?”

“Shut up, you wouldn’t have come up with anything better yourself.”

“Nah, you’re probably right,” Dean admitted.

“So that’s why you were freaking out about my sweater?”

“Yeah, I mean, what are the odds of you wearing that just after we’ve… you know?”

“It’s just a colour,” Castiel said and looked at him like he was crazy.

“No, it’s not just a colour!” He sighed frustrated, because he didn’t do chick flick moments like this, so why couldn’t he just understand already? “It’s… it’s _you_ , you know. It’s three years of behaving like a freaking girl over some guy who didn’t even look at me.”

“Wow, you really got it bad, don’t you?”

“Oh, shut up, you snarky son of a bitch, nobody asked for your opinion!” He felt like he could actually start crying, which was just _Plain. Embarrassing_ , but why did everything have to be so fucking put out in the light all the time?

Castiel actually stayed quite, staring out the window and Dean started to worry he’d genuinely offended him. He hit the wheel with his palm, pulled over by the side of the road and got out of the car, leaning against it and tried to breathe and not feel so fucking mad. He heard the other door open and then Castiel came to stand in front of him. 

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“Really?” Dean asked sarcastically.

“I am,” he said seriously and crossed his arms over his chest, because it was kind of cold and his sweater wasn’t very thick. “I had no idea.”

“Of course you fucking didn’t, that was the whole point.”

“Up until three weeks ago?”

“Yeah.”

“What made you change your mind?”

“I had to try, you know.”

“Hm, yeah.”

He stepped closer when Dean refused to look at him and wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck, leaning their foreheads together.

“Forgive me?”

Dean snorted.

“You’re seriously asking me for forgiveness?”

“Yes, I am. Take it or leave it.”

Dean hummed and put his arms around him too.

“Sure, I forgive you.”

“Do you love me?” he asked him dead serious.

Dean stared at him.

“There’s really no end to your straightforwardness, is there?”

“No, I don’t think so.” 

Dean huffed a laugh.

“Yeah, I do,” he said quietly. “I’ve loved you for ages already.”

Castiel went quiet for a moment.

“I can’t say it back yet.”

_Yet._

“I don’t expect you to.”

There was a long and outstretched silence.

“Well, that’s enough heavy shit for one day,” Dean chuckled tensely and stood up.

“Wait,” Castiel said and gripped his wrist. He gently pushed Dean back down against the car and stroked his cheeks with so much affection Dean almost teared up. “You wanna go back to my place?”

“I can’t stay for long.”

“Yeah, I know.” There was a short pause.

“Sure,” Dean finally said and got off the car again. 

It was kinda a long drive, but Castiel picked out a radio station and interlaced their fingers while ‘Heads will roll’ played in the background, staying like that the entire way.

“Where are your parents?” Dean asked when they got inside and the apartment was drowning in darkness. 

“Business trip,” Castiel mumbled and switched on the lights before he walked into the kitchen. “You want something to drink?”

“Sure,” Dean said and looked around him. The kitchen was just as clean and sterile as the rest of the place (except for Castiel’s room, obviously) and Dean didn’t really like it. 

“We’re out of beer, so it’s Pepsi or wine,” Castiel told him after peeking inside the fridge. They had a huge wine rack next to it, all of the bottles filled with red. 

“Yeah, I don’t really do wine.”

Castiel nodded and pulled out a couple of Pepsis. 

“Upstairs,” he said and shoved Dean lightly in the back with his elbow. Dean led the way up and opened the door for him. He put the cans on the desk. The room wasn’t quite such a big mess as last time, with less clothes lying around and no old Starbucks mugs. Castiel flopped down on his bed and Dean crawled after him, holding him tight and laying them both down. Castiel’s Spotify was playing on his computer in the background with his typical indie mix list. Dean buried his face in Castiel’s neck and might have made an embarrassing sound, but he just wanted, _needed_ , him to be close to him, so fucking close, longing gripping to his entire body and being. Some song Dean didn’t recognise started playing and Castiel hummed along quietly.

_Well, I met an old man_  
 _Dying on a train_  
 _No more destination,_  
 _No more pain_  
 _Well, he said_  
 _One thing before I graduate_  
 _Never let your fear decide your fate_

_I say you kill your heroes and_  
 _Fly, fly, baby don't cry_  
 _No need to worry cause_  
 _Everybody will die_  
 _Every day we just_  
 _Go, go, baby don't go_  
 _Don't you worry we_  
 _Love you more than you know_

“Let me blow you,” Dean said and sat up.

“What?” Castiel asked and looked like he wasn’t sure he’d heard him correctly. 

“Please,” Dean said and leaned closer again, nudging their noses together. “I want to.”

“…okay,” Castiel said and Dean smiled big. He got on his knees between Castiel’s legs and slowly pushed his sweater up a bit over his stomach, tracing his skin with his tongue, biting gently. Castiel’s breath hitched and his hands lightly fisted the sheets underneath him. Dean unzipped his jeans and pulled them down, pressing his mouth against Castiel’s cock through his shorts. He heard him exhaling slowly and smirked to himself as he pulled the shorts down too. He put his hands on his hips, holding him down as he unhurriedly licked up his dick. Castiel shut his eyes and he moaned, his hands gripping the sheets tight. Dean placed his lips at the top and pushed them over it and down, taking him in as far as he could and covering the rest with his hand. Every movement was as slow as he could make it and Castiel panted underneath his hands. He moved his mouth and tongue up and down a few times before he started sucking and swallowing and Castiel gasped loudly and tried to buckle up towards him. Dean kept sucking and a few minutes later he was moaning loudly.

“Just let go, babe, let go, I’ve got you…” Dean mumbled and kept sucking and sucking until Castiel’s back arched and he came with a gasp. Dean stroked him all the way through it and swallowed eagerly, even if it tasted kinda bad. He sat up and buttoned Castiel’s jeans for him again while he was breathless below him.

“Don’t… _ever_ … call me babe again,” he panted and pulled a hand through his hair. Dean chuckled and lay down next to him. 

“Worked though, didn’t it?”

“Oh, shut up.”

He noticed that Nirvana was on in the background and beamed at Castiel. 

“I knew you had to have some good music.”

“You’re hopeless,” Castiel said drowsily with just a bit of dryness.

“Yeah, but so are you,” he hummed and kissed his pink, puffy lips. “How are you feeling? Tired?”

“Mm.”

Castiel threw an arm over his eyes and the purple sleeve was dragged up his wrist. Dean put an arm under his shoulders and pulled him to his side, where Castiel seemed to doze off on his shoulder, which was just so incredibly endearing and adorable. Dean lay there, listened to Castiel’s weird music and yeah, he was kinda hard but it didn’t matter too much. He could just take care of that when he got home, because he’d rather just stay there and watch Castiel breathe slow and steady with his eyes closed. And yeah, maybe that was totally pathetic, but it was no one else’s goddamn business anyway.

“Cas?” he whispered when the clock started moving towards 11. 

“Mm?” he mumbled and stirred.

“I have to go.”

“Huh? Oh, right, fuck, sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Dean said and huffed a laugh. “You’re really cute when you’re sleeping.”

“Screw you.”

“I’d prefer it if you did it.”

Castiel stared at him and looked like he was on the urge of either laughing or punching him. 

“I’ll walk you out,” he said instead and pushed himself off the bed. His hair was a delicious mess and Dean went up behind him while he was picking up his phone and shoved his fingers through it. Castiel slapped him in the stomach and dragged his own hand through it a couple of times as he let Dean out and closed the door behind them. 

He lit a cigarette when they were out on the pavement and held it between his fingers. 

“Thanks,” he said.

“For what?” Dean asked surprised.

“Whatever you want,” he said and shrugged. He sucked in a big breath of smoke and Dean smirked and pushed their lips together. Castiel held his breath, keeping the smoke in his lungs while Dean covered his mouth with a smirk until he couldn’t hold it any longer and he exhaled into Dean’s mouth, who inhaled and then kept breathing, the smoke more or less passing between them and god, it was hot. “You’re insane,” Castiel said when he pulled away. 

“Whatever,” Dean replied and kissed him again. 

\-------

Dean didn’t wake up to a text with a new song the next morning and okay, maybe he was just a little disappointed. He texted Castiel after soccer practise, asking if he was still asleep for getting blown, but he didn’t get a reply and felt strangely ignored. He did not like it one bit. People did not just ignore him like that. He tried calling him at lunch the next day and when he didn’t pick up he got frustrated and got up from the lunch table, telling his friends he had to talk to the coach and walked straight out to behind the school stairs. Castiel was leaning with his back against the wall, next to two other guys, and just putting out a cigarette against it. Frankenstein’s bride was sitting next to his feet, cuddling with some guy with lots of piercings and talking to another chick with lots of hair with lots of colour in it. Dean walked straight up to him and stopped like two feet away.

“Why haven’t you been picking up your phone?” Dean asked him angrily. Castiel lifted an eyebrow and glanced at his friends, who were eyeing Dean up and down.

“What happened to being discrete?”

“Don’t be a dick and just answer the question.”

“I’ve been busy.”

“Doing what?”

“Being an independent human being.”

“Okay, whatever,” Dean said and felt a sting of hurt. “I need to talk to you.”

“About what?”

“Just fucking work with me here!” Dean grunted and leaned over him with his hands on either side of his head, staring him in the eye. He stared back, just as stubbornly.

“Cas, you want us to kill him for you?” Frankenstein’s bride asked from where she was openly watching the whole exchange. 

“No, it’s fine, I’ll do it myself,” Castiel said and pushed himself off the wall, following Dean around the stairs. “What’s so fucking important?” he asked when Dean came to a halt and turned to him. 

“We’re going on a third date.”

Castiel stared at him.

“You just screwed up every chance to keep this a secret from all my friends to tell me we’re going on another date?”

“Yeah, guess I did,” Dean said and smiled a little. “You don’t think they’ll tell anyone important, right?” Castiel glared at him.

“They _are_ important.”

“Yeah, whatever, you know what I mean.”

Castiel paused for a second.

“You know what the best way to make sure they don’t tell anyone is?”

“What?”

“Asking them.” He lifted an eyebrow and tugged on Dean’s wrist.

“Alright, fine,” Dean groaned and let himself be dragged back behind the stairs. 

“You want us to kill him anyway?” Frankenstein’s bride asked when they returned. 

“No, I need you to keep us,” he pointed a finger between Dean and himself, “a secret from everyone else in school.”

“What, you’re dating that guy?” one of the dudes asked. 

“Seems like it,” Castiel said and leaned on his arm against the wall. 

“And why do we have to keep it a secret, huh?” Frankenstein’s bride asked. “He’s not just trying to use you, is he?”

“Hey, shut up, bitch!” Dean said angrily and Castiel shoved him hard in the chest with his elbow while she yelled ‘asshole’ at him.

“I just need you to do this, okay?” Castiel said and lit a cigarette.

“Fine, but if he’s ever being a dick again he’s out in the open.” 

“I’m afraid being a dick is one of his main characteristics,” Castiel snorted and Dean rolled his eyes. 

“Like you’re such a fucking angel.”

“Fuck off.”

“Do you always fight like this?” The girl with the multi-coloured hair asked and stared at them. Dean thought she looked a bit high and he eyed Castiel's cigarette suspiciously. “Why are you like even together?”

Dean glared at her, feeling kinda wounded, until he felt Castiel’s arms around his waist.

“He has his benefits,” he said and rested his chin on Dean’s shoulder, exhaling some smoke.

“I’m a great lay,” Dean said cockily, making almost everyone groan, and then he turned over his shoulder. “I don’t get it, are we doing the whole PDA thing now?” Dean asked Castiel.

“You know where the best place to do stuff that people shouldn’t know about is?” he asked and blew smoke in Dean’s face. “Behind the school stairs.”

“Point taken,” Dean grinned and turned around to kiss him.

“Gross!” the girl murmured and threw herself down on the ground, looking like a freaking hippie. 

“Does this mean he's gonna hang out back here all the time?” Frankenstein’s bride said and gave Dean a nasty look.

“No fucking way,” Dean said irritably. “Would wanna be anywhere near you, right?”

“Go back to playing with your fucking balls, dickhead!”

“Okay, everybody just shut the fuck up!” Castiel said and rubbed his forehead. 

“He’s your goddamn boyfriend…” Frankenstein’s bride mumbled and turned her back to them.

Castiel sighed and put his cigarette out. 

“So what about this third date?” he asked him more privately. 

“I’ve found the perfect movie,” Dean grinned. 

“Oh, fucking hell… Aren’t you ever gonna give up?”

“Nope,” Dean said and stroked his fingers down his arm, cocking an eyebrow. “I’m kinda hoping to get laid too.”

“Winchester, you did not just say what I think you said!” Frankenstein’s bride yelled from the ground.

“Oh, shut up already! Can we get out of here or something?” he asked Castiel, who rolled his eyes.

“I’m gonna get a latte and I suppose I can’t stop you if you want to come with me.”

“That’s more like it,” Dean grinned. Castiel drew his phone out of his pocket and then took Dean’s hand in his the second they got off the school area. “Your friends are a bunch of dicks,” Dean told him when they were walking across the street to the closest Starbucks.

“Yeah, that’s why I get along with them so well,” he said with a hint of a smile and pushed the door open. It was completely crammed with people inside. “So what movie is going to get you laid?”

“I can’t tell you that in advance,” Dean said with a grin. “But it’s completely awesome and I picked it out just for you.”

“If you’re considering showing me a fucking porno as a third date-“

“Oh, just stop it,” Dean said and shook his head in scepticism. “You don’t have too much confidence in me, do you?”

“Of course I don’t, you listen to German rock.”

“Like your collection of British boy bands are so much better.”

“I’m not the one who can’t stop humming Arctic Monkeys.”

They stared at each other until it started tugging on Castiel’s lips and Dean just grinned really big at him.

“Asshole,” Dean mumbled fondly, stood behind him and discreetly buried his hands underneath his sweater.

“So when do you wanna make sure you’ll probably never get inside my pants again?” Castiel asked sarcastically.

“It’s a fucking good movie, I already told you,” Dean huffed and kissed him behind the ear. “Are you free tonight?”

“No, sorry.”

“Why not?”

“We’re going to a gig,” he said and texted on his phone.

“So you’re basically getting drunk?”

“At a _gig_ ,” he emphasised.

“Yeah, whatever. How about Friday?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Since Castiel couldn’t see him Dean allowed himself to smile really big as his chest lit up a bit.

“It’ll be great this time, promise.”

“It was pretty great the other times too,” Castiel mumbled as he read through a post and Dean sort of went speechless. Castiel looked up when the stressed out and overly friendly barista asked him what he wanted. Dean didn’t want to look like a clingy pervert, so he leaned against the wall instead until Castiel got his freaking latte and they left the coffee shop again.


	3. I don't draw on command

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I couldn't find 'Thorn in my side' or 'Love song' on Spotify, so here's links for everyone interested  
> Thorn in my side: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cLngBRqpNTI  
> Love song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sBOSt4C_xqg)

When Dean was walking towards English class a couple of days later he decided to let his obsessed 14-yearold girl-side take over - since he was by himself and there was no one there to judge him - and walk past Castiel’s locker on the way, just for the hell of it. Turned out that that might not have been the greatest idea though. He found the guy leaning against his locker and with his phone in his hands and one earphone in his ear and Dean’s stomach fluttered like crazy as he passed him and tried not to look at him too much, because there was still people everywhere and at least 99% of them were probably more than happy to spread any and every kind of rumour about him if they got the chance, but when he’d passed that gorgeous human being by like 15 feet he got jumped from behind by Adam and Tom. Adam was a year younger than Dean and on the baseball team and Tom was a soccer player, like Dean, and both of them were really nice and a bit over-excited about pretty much everything.

“Hey, Dean, wazzup?” Tom yelled when they tackled him into the lockers opposite of Cas’. “Dude, craziest story ever!”

“Yeah?” Dean said with a grin and just sneaked a teeny, tiny glance at Castiel, who seemed totally unaffected by his presence. Ouch.

“Yeah, yeah, so this guy,” Tom said and pointed at Adam, “is walking around in the freaking supermarket when some old lady falls over and like drowns herself in all the ketchup bottles.”

“So I help her and-“

“Shut up, I’m telling him!” Tom said and punched him in the chest, making Dean laugh at them. “So he helps her, being a huge pussy and all-

“Shut up!”

“No, you shut up, I’m telling your fucking story!” Adam nodded and pushed his lips together with a grin as Tom turned back to Dean again. “And then this superhot blonde chick comes up to him and she’s like the old lady’s home care or whatever and she’s really grateful and shit and then this dude got laid!” he finished and flared his hands to show how truly amazing this is.

“Oh, yeah?” Dean said and did the mandatory ‘congrats on getting some’-high five with a large grin. “That’s awesome, man.”

“Yeah, and you know what?” Adam asked him. “She’s got a friend who’s like staying here for just a couple of days. You want me to hook you up”? He looked at Dean with these honest, enthusiastic eyes and Dean’s mind just decided to stop working.

“Eh…” he said and let his eyes flicker past Castiel, who was biting his lip to keep an amused smile off his face and he had totally listened in to everything they’d said. Dean doubted there was even any music in that earphone anymore.

“Come on, dude, it’s been fucking decades since you got laid,” Tom said and Dean had to swallow. He could see Castiel biting his jaw together out of the corner of his eye, holding back a laugh and staring down at his phone without really looking at it. Asshole.

“Nah, I’m good,” Dean said and tried to put on his million dollar-grin to get away with it, because usually he’d been in that girl’s bedroom before Adam had finished his sentence. 

“You serious?” Tom asked. “Dude, it’s a chick. And she’s probably really hot.” He looked at him like he’d almost lost his mind.

“Hey, are you seeing someone?” Adam asked, being all too bright for his own good and everything.

“Eh,” Dean said again. Castiel’s amused eyes flashed up to him for just a millisecond and _damn it_ , he was probably blushing.

“Dude, you totally are!” Tom said and hit him on the shoulder with a big grin. “Who’s the chick? Hey, is it Lisa? 'Cause I thought she wasn’t all that great in the sack after all?”

“What, no!” Dean said and made a face. “No, it’s, eh… She goes to another school.”

“Yeah? She hot?”

“Oh, yeah,” Dean said confidently and didn’t dare to look at Castiel again, because he’d probably end up giving them away by grinning at him or something.

“What’s her name?” Adam asked and Dean’s brain got stuck.

“It, eh…” (Cas, Cas, Cas) “It’s…” ( _Cas, Cas, Cas_ ) “Cassidy. It’s not that serious though.” He flashed the best cocky smile he could manage and his friends punched him encouragingly on the shoulders. He felt a buzz in his pocket and picked the phone up while he kept trying to answer questions about this ‘Cassidy’. When he opened the text it was Castiel saying _‘Nice one.’_ Dean huffed a half-annoyed laugh and sent back _‘Aren’t you late for the collective lung-slaughter or something?’_ He discreetly watched Castiel huff a small laugh and how his thumbs moved over the screen at lightning speed. _‘Are you fucking kidding me? This is hilarious.’_ Dean muttered ‘dick’ under his breath with maybe just a little bit of fondness and pushed his phone back into his pocket.

“Hey, man, see you later,” Adam said and walked off, while Tom threw an arm around Dean’s shoulders and asked in a very much not private tone how Cassidy was in bed while he dragged Dean with him to his locker. Castiel was totally laughing to himself and Dean kinda wanted to hit him in the face, but he settled with discreetly punching him in the side when they passed him, and maybe the feeling of Castiel’s light blue, green and slightly pink sweater against his hand made him feel warm all over for the rest of the day.

\-------

Dean had convinced his parents they really needed to spend more time with Sammy, how about a movie and some nice dinner this Friday? Mary had looked at him amused and asked who the girl was. Dean just muttered that he owned Castiel a movie night (a very straight, platonic one, that is). Sam had looked at him for a really long time with those wise, 13-yearold eyes of his. 

“My family’s still here,” Dean said when he opened the door and Castiel was leaning outside it.

“Okay,” he said and nonchalantly pushed Dean out of his way, hanging up his jacket. He was wearing an actually kinda tight, black sweater underneath.

“Dick…” Dean breathed and nudged him towards the kitchen to get some cokes or something. 

“Hi, Castiel,” Sam said and almost looked star struck.

“Hello, Sam,” Castiel replied and leaned against the counter while Dean rummaged through the fridge.

“How are you?”

“I’m good, thanks, how are you?” he replied and pushed his sleeves up his arms.

“Great,” he said and smiled. Dean rolled his eyes at his little brother and Castiel just looked at him with undecipherable eyes.

“How’s school, Sam?”

“Oh… great,” Sam said and smiled even brighter.

“Nice. You know what you wanna do when you graduate yet?”

“Yeah, I’m… I’m thinking law school.”

“Sounds awesome,” Castiel said and picked at his bracelets. “You’ll do great.”

“You really think so?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Dean just stared at his boyfriend. 

“You gonna start pulling some anti-drug lecture too?” he asked baffled and Castiel gave him a long look. 

“Don’t do drugs, Sam, it’s a pain in the ass.”

Sam looked between them, a bit confused.

“I wasn’t planning to.”

“Good.”

Dean stared at Castiel and then he noticed something in his expression that he’d failed to see before.

“Oh, fuck…” he breathed when he remembered that Castiel used to be an older brother too and Castiel looked at him again, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“Sam, we’re leaving!” John called and came into the doorway to the kitchen. “Oh, hello, Castiel.”

“Hello, Mr Winchester.”

“Please, it’s John,” Dean’s dad said, but looked very happy. “Sam, you coming?”

“Yeah, bye, Cas!” Sam said and spurted out of the room.

“Bye, Sam,” Castiel replied and smiled a little. 

“I fucking love you too, Sammy!” Dean called after his stupid little brother.

“Dean! Language!” his mother called from the door. “Have a nice time, you two!”

The door shut with a click. Dean just stayed hunched in front of the fridge and Castiel kept picking on his bracelets. The silence hung between them like a wet sheet and Dean shut the fridge, got up and walked up to Castiel, starting to stroke his cheeks.

“I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine,” he replied, but didn’t look at him. Dean pulled him into a hug and he felt Castiel’s hands softly fisting the back of his shirt. He hugged him closer, smelling his hair and his heart beat fast in his chest. Eventually Castiel pushed him away a bit roughly and took a breath.

“So, we’re gonna watch that fucking movie or what?”

“Yes, we are!” Dean said and put on a grin, picked up the cokes and dragged Castiel into the living room. He pushed him onto the couch and went to put the film in the DVD player, flopping down next to him. He switched on the TV and when they got to the main menu the title ‘Cass’ was written in big, dark red letters. Castiel was trying really hard not to smile and Dean beamed at him, nudging him in the side.

“Come on, just say you love it already,” Dean said and Castiel rolled his eyes.

“It’s the tackiest thing I’ve ever seen-“

“Oh, come on!”

“-and I love it.” He smiled at Dean.

“Fucking hell, it worked,” Dean said awestruck and Castiel laughed at him. Dean pulled him into his arms and kissed him, feeling long fingers on his jaw and Castiel’s tongue brushing his lips. Castiel threw his leg over Dean’s hips, sitting down in his lap and pushing his tongue further down his throat. After a couple of minutes of hot making out Castiel pulled away and flopped down next to him again.

“Yeah, I’m still not sleeping with you.”

“What the hell?” Dean said and flared his arms.

Castiel smirked.

“Oh, you’re just a fucking pain in the ass…” Dean muttered.

“How would you know?” Castiel said and smirked wider. Dean stared irritably at him.

“You’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, I sorta am,” Castiel admitted and opened a can with just one hand. “You wanna play that movie or what?”

Dean felt really tired of his bullshit and pushed him onto his back with a hand on his chest.

“No, I wanna rip your clothes off and fuck you senseless, you fucking hipster jerk.”

Castiel stared up at him and tried to push him off him.

“Fuck off, Dean.”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Don’t be a dick.”

“Don’t be so frustrating then.”

“Dean, I said no,” he told him a little softer and Dean actually felt a bit like a dick. He got up from crushing Castiel beneath him.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Castiel reached his hand towards him and Dean pulled him up. “I wanna finish watching Spider-man.”

“You do?” Dean asked doubtingly, still feeling a bit douche-y.

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

“Please,” he said after a short pause. It sounded like an apology.

“Yeah, sure,” Dean mumbled and switched DVD. 

“It’s still pretty awesome you found that movie,” Castiel said when he returned to the couch and Dean smiled.

“What can I say? It was like fate.”

“Yeah, right,” Castiel snorted, but interlaced their fingers. By the time the movie was ending he’d ended up on Dean’s chest, resting his chin on his crossed arms that were lying on Dean’s ribcage and tracing his collarbone with a finger. Dean shut off the TV. 

“Hey, you wanna go out?” Castiel asked.

“Out like what?”

“Like a club.”

“Well, yeah, I suppose,” Dean started. “But no drugs, right?” Castiel huffed.

“Not even aspirin.”

“Great,” Dean grinned.

Castiel took him to one of his less weird club choices a few subway stations away, holding his hand in one of his and a cigarette in the other. It was in a basement and really dark and sort of crowded, but it seemed okay even by Dean’s measurements. And they played decent music. He could definitely live with that. Castiel got them some beers and his fingers gently clutched the neck of the bottle as he drank and Dean could not for his life look away. A few beers and two shots later they were making out on a sticky barstool, Dean with his hands in Castiel’s hair and Castiel’s on his hips. A familiar guitar intro played through the speakers and Dean pulled away and listened. 

_I'm a puppet on a string_

Castiel stared up at him with a sort-of-smile in his eyes and then he laughed groggily. 

_Coulda shaped heartaches_

“Dude,” Dean said to him and grinned. 

_I go crazy 'cause here isn't where I wanna be_

Castiel pushed him backwards, towards the crowd.

_And I can't help myself_  
 _All I wanna hear her say is "Are you mine?"_

He pushed hip lips against Dean’s, tracing his hands up underneath his shirt and almost buckled up towards him. 

_Are you mine?_

Dean tugged and pulled on his sweater, making him press closer and changed angle to push his tongue as far in his mouth as he could, feeling like he had to have him as close as physically possible or else he’d perish.

_And the thrill of the chase moves in mysterious ways_  
 _So in case I'm mistaken,_  
 _I just wanna hear you say you got me baby_  
 _Are you mine?_

Castiel moaned into his mouth and Dean knew he was probably the only one who could hear it because of the music, but god if it wasn’t incredibly hot. 

_Well, are you mine?_  
 _Are you mine?_  
 _Are you mine?_

When Dean pulled back Castiel was panting heavily and Dean felt so fucking hard he thought he was dying. 

“I know a place upstairs,” Castiel said and Dean kinda stared at him. “Come on, let me blow you,” he added with those bottomless eyes. Dean was dumbstruck for a moment, the music pounding inside his head, and found himself nodding. Castiel pulled him with him to a back door and up a staircase, peeking inside a door and pushing it open all the way when he saw that it was dark inside. Dean stumbled in after him and when Castiel turned the lights on he saw that it was a scruffy-looking office. 

“How do you even know this place?” Dean asked, having a bit of a hard time adjusting to the bright light and not having the world spin.

“Don’t ask,” Castiel replied under a breath and pushed Dean into an armchair. He knelt between his feet and paused with his hands on Dean’s thighs, looking up at him.

“I’ve only done this twice before, as far as I can remember,” he said and almost sounded apologetic. Almost.

“Hey, you don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to,” Dean told him sincerely.

“I never do things I don’t want to,” Castiel said more dryly and unzipped Dean’s jeans. He pulled them down and pushed his open mouth against the bulk in Dean’s shorts, eyes locked on him all the time. Dean lost the ability to think. Castiel’s eyes smirked at him and he pulled his shorts down to his thighs too, and leaned in and licked all the way up Dean’s dick, holding it still with a hand at the base. Dean’s eyes fell shut with a groan and when he opened his eyes again Castiel put his lips at the top and slowly pushed it into his mouth and sucked. Dean felt a strong tug of pleasure in his stomach and he couldn’t stop looking at Castiel, the blue, rude eyes staring up at him with fascination, his hollow cheeks and his pink lips around his cock, his tongue brushing up and down it as he moved. Dean thought he was gonna die. This was 1000% better than any fantasy he’d ever managed to create. He gripped the armrest hard and moaned, getting really close far too soon, but he couldn’t help it. He was just about to tip over and then Castiel lightly licked the top of his dick and he was just gone. He was pretty sure he’d cried out Cas’ name, but he didn’t hear it himself. 

Stars were spinning inside his head and he stayed with it resting against the back of the chair and his eyes closed for several minutes, just breathing. He felt Castiel pulling up and zipping his jeans again and then lips pressing against his own. Castiel’s mouth tasted a bit salty and it was a little gross, but Dean was too spent to care. He pulled Castiel into his lap, legs on either side of his thighs in the small armchair, and kissed him thoroughly, hands on his jaw. Castiel’s erection brushed against his stomach and Dean moved a hand to rub him over the bulk in his jeans. Castiel’s breath hitched and he broke the kiss to lean his forehead against Dean’s, eyes falling shut.

“I bet I can make you come in your pants,” Dean told him.

“That’s gross,” Castiel breathed and buckled up towards him.

“Yeah, but you’ll love it,” Dean hummed and Castiel gave him a strained look. Dean sat up a bit higher in the chair to get a better angle and Castiel panted in his ear and it was so hot Dean almost got hard again. He moved his hands to unzip Castiel's jeans and then he pushed a hand into them, taking Castiel and stroking him tightly. Castiel gasped and his lips fell on Dean’s neck, brushing against it. Dean pushed his other hand up underneath Castiel’s t-shirt and started massaging his nipple. The sounds coming from Castiel’s throat was downright pornographic and Dean’s mind started spinning again. He leaned up and put his lips underneath Castiel’s jaw, biting down and sucking the best he could and three hickeys later Castiel groaned loudly and came all over Dean’s hand, his hands trembling on Dean’s shoulders.

“Fucking disgusting …” he mumbled through heavy breaths and Dean smirked up at him as he pulled his hand out of his pants.

“Fucking beautiful,” he told him and Castiel opened his eyes, staring down at him all cloudy. Dean bent down and licked him off the best he could, making his eyes go really wide. When he was done he pulled Castiel down into a kiss and he came to rest his head against Dean’s shoulder, sighing deeply and being totally relaxed in Dean’s arms.

“I’m going home,” he said and pushed himself from Dean’s lap, zipping his jeans. Dean suddenly felt a bit cold and like he’d completely missed something. 

“What?”

“I have to shower,” he said with an amused look in his eyes.

“Oh,” Dean said and felt relieved again. “Well, you’re welcome.” Castiel rolled his eyes and pulled out some paper napkins from a drawer in the desk. Dean didn’t really want to know how he knew they were there. He wiped his hands while Castiel was blatantly going through the rest of the desk. Dean threw the napkin away and went up behind Castiel who was bent over a drawer, throwing his arms around his waist and leaning over his back.

“Ready for round two?” he grinned and pushed Castiel towards him, his ass hitting Dean’s hips. 

“Oh, get off me, I’m still gross,” Castiel said and stood up, trying to loosen Dean’s grip around him.

“You’re not gross, you’re perfect,” Dean hummed and pressed Castiel against his chest, rocking them from foot to foot. “And you’ve got some really nice hickeys too.”

“What?” Castiel said and moved a hand over his neck. “Shit, Dean, I have to go home like this.”

“Like you haven’t come home looking far worse before,” Dean said and kissed the bruises.

“Most people hide their hickeys,” he muttered.

“Well, maybe I like marking you as mine.”

“Maybe you’re not allowed to.”

“Oh, stop being so difficult, you weren’t complaining five minutes ago.”

“Fine, sorry.”

Dean sat down on the edge of the desk and kept Castiel pressed against him, one hand on his stomach and the other on his chest.

“I really do want to go home and shower.”

“Stay,” Dean mumbled into his neck. “Just one minute.” Dean’s entire chest felt like it was aching to be close to him and he buried his face in his hair. “I love you,” he whispered and Castiel froze in his arms. He felt him swallow.

“I… I can’t-“

“I know, you don’t have to say anything. It’s okay, really.”

“I feel fucking awful,” he sighed.

“What?” Dean turned him around. “Why?”

Castiel just looked at him for a really long time.

“I need a smoke.” Dean smiled.

“Of course you do.”

Dean led him out of the club and he pulled his cigarettes up, taking one out. There was a short silence where Castiel just smoked. 

“You know, the first time I came home drunk, Claire was the only one who noticed,” Castiel told him and smiled a little to himself.

“Really?” Dean asked and leaned against a light pole.

“Yeah.” He exhaled some smoke. “She yelled at me and threatened to smash my iPod.” He huffed at the memory and took another drag. Dean smiled at him.

“Didn’t seem to work though?”

“No, I suppose it didn’t. My iPod did go missing though.” He looked at Dean with an attempt of a smile in his eyes and took a deep breath of the cigarette, holding it in his lungs for a really long time.

“How old were you?”

“13. She was 11.” 

“It sucks, man,” Dean said when he couldn’t think of anything else to say.

“Yeah, it kinda does.” He threw the cigarette on the ground and pulled out his earphones. “I’m crashing at Gemma’s, by the way.”

“Alright,” Dean said and tried not to feel disappointed. Castiel smiled and walked up to him, putting his arms around his neck.

“Thanks for the third date. I didn’t hate it.” Dean grinned at him.

“Even though we watched a movie and it wasn’t even the right one?” Castiel huffed a laugh.

“Look on the bright side, this way you can still force me to watch another one.”

“You know, you’re really smart for someone who drinks so much,” Dean chuckled and nudged him in the side.

“Shut up,” Castiel snorted and pushed his lips against Dean’s. “Hey, you wanna come over tomorrow and… hang out or something?”

“Nurse the hangover, you mean?”

“Yeah, exactly.”

“Sure, sounds awesome,” Dean said and smiled. He leaned in and kissed him again, putting his hands on his ass and feeling his arms around his waist. He was pretty sure he’d never grow tired of this, not even if they did it every day for 100 years. Eventually Castiel pulled away, licked his pink lips and untangled the earphones. 

“See you tomorrow then.”

“Yeah, see you,” Dean said and watched him turn around and walk away.

\-------

When Dean was in the middle of having a really late breakfast the next day that also included a fair amount of aspirin he got a text from Castiel with a link to ‘Thorn in my side’ by The Crash. He smiled and actually teared up a bit, and listened to it at least 6 times while he was getting ready to leave and go to Castiel’s. He texted back ‘Love song’ by AC/DC just because he could while he was brushing his teeth and got a reply two seconds later. Guess his phone-obsession did have its perks. _‘Stop being so fucking sentimental and just get over here already.’_ Dean smiled even bigger and wrote that he’d be there in 20.

He got in the car and made a quick stop at a Starbucks just one block from Castiel’s house. He left the car there and jogged across the street and inside the lobby. 

“I got you a latte,” he said when Castiel opened the door. He was wearing black jeans and some really ridiculous black sweater with mint green stripes, shocking pink hearts and lots of white dots on it. Okay, so it wasn’t as horribly stupid as it sounds like, but it was still fucking weird and obviously Dean thought he looked great.

“I ordered pizza,” Castiel replied and held up the take away menu in his hand. Dean grinned at him.

“I knew we’d be great together!”

“You’re ridiculous,” Castiel said seriously, but with warm eyes.

“Psychic is more like it,” he said and walked inside. “We alone?”

“Yep.”

“Well, perfect,” he grinned and pushed their lips together. When he broke away the blue eyes were looking at him and he just stared back, sort of almost completely drowning. “Here,” he said and handed Castiel the Starbucks cup. 

“Thanks.”

“You’re so friendly nowadays,” Dean chuckled. “It almost feels weird.”

“Oh, fuck off.”

“Well, fuck you too. You still don’t have the same bite though, even if I appreciate the effort.” He smiled and stroked his cheek while Castiel rolled his eyes.

“Maybe you don’t piss me off so much anymore,” he said and took a sip of his coffee.

“Or…” Dean said slowly and smirked at him. “Maybe you’re actually starting to like me for real.”

“Don’t flatter yourself, dickhead,” Castiel shot back a bit too harshly.

“Just say it, asshole,” Dean purred and moved forwards until Castiel’s back hit the wall. “Come on, tell me how you feel.” Castiel stared at him like he was fighting the internal battle of his life. “Say it,” Dean murmured and cupped his jaw.

“I’m falling in love with you,” Castiel whispered and almost looked scared, except that fear didn’t seem to exist in this guy’s range of emotions. Dean froze. His chest felt like it was bursting, his heart was beating, blood was rushing in all directions and he couldn’t breathe, literarily couldn’t. He wanted to say 1000 different things but nothing came out, _nothing_ , not one single sound. Castiel kept staring at him, the latte long forgotten in his hand.

“What?” he managed to get out through his tight throat.

“I’m not saying it again.”

“You don’t have to,” Dean said and opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, not knowing what he wanted to say anymore. “I… I mean, you… wow.” He laughed at himself for sounding like an idiot and Castiel’s eyes brightened up a little. He put a hand on Dean’s neck and pulled him down, kissing him more softly and tenderly than he’d ever done before. Dean moved his hands up into his hair and tugged at it while Castiel’s arms went around him and up to his shoulder blades, pulling him close. Then suddenly the doorbell rang and they both jumped, Castiel hitting his head in the wall.

“Fuck…” he mumbled and rubbed a hand in his hair as he went to open the door. He jerked it open and looked like his irritated old self as the overly charming pizza guy outside tried to keep his friendly smile and stuttered something about them having a good day when he’d gotten his money. 

“Poor guy,” Dean chuckled when Castiel closed the door again. “He’d probably been really excited about going to the fancy building and then it’s you he has to meet.” Castiel glared at him and took him by the hand to carry the pizza into the kitchen, picking out napkins and Pepsis.

“Is it okay if we hang in my bedroom?”

“Well, aren’t you a horny bastard,” Dean said with a teasing grin and Castiel punched him in the chest. Dean followed him upstairs and settled on the floor with his back leaning against his bed. Castiel sat down next to him, sipping on his latte and handing Dean one of the Pepsis he’d brought with him.

“So, how was it at Gemma’s?”

“Her boyfriend’s left her for some slutty bartender,” Castiel explained and lifted the lid off the pizza box.

“What an asshole.”

“Yeah, but we sliced his tires so it’s okay.” 

“Wow, there’s really no mercy with you guys, is there?” Dean chuckled and Castiel smiled a little smugly. 

“How did the outtakes go?” he asked and bit into a pizza slice. Dean was a bit surprised he’d actually remembered.

“Good, I hope,” he said and opened his Pepsi. “We’ll get the results in a few weeks.”

“You think you’ll get a scholarship?”

“Well… maybe. It’s really hard to know, you know.”

“Yeah.” He picked up a pencil that was lying under the nightstand and started scribbling on a napkin. “Considering that you’re the biggest jock freak in the entire school I’m sure you’ll do great.”

“Oh, shut up,” Dean chuckled and took another mouthful of Pepsi. There was a long and comfortable silence where Castiel continued to draw something on the napkin and Dean was playing with the fingers on his other hand. He moved up his wrist a bit and fiddled with his bracelets, watching them more carefully. A couple of bands had small patterns and one had a few beads on it. 

“Hey, boyfriend?” he said and Castiel looked up surprised. “What are you drawing?”

“Nothing, really,” he replied and Dean peeked over his drawn up knees. It was a really detailed rose with an angel underneath and it almost looked like a tattoo.

“Dude,” Dean said and reached further across him to get a better look. “That’s not nothing, it’s awesome.”

“Oh, stop it, it’s just some doodles.”

“Don’t be such an attention whore. If I say it’s awesome, it’s fucking awesome,” Dean told him and he rolled his eyes. “Draw something proper then.” He pushed Castiel in the side. “Come on, show me what you can do.”

“I don’t draw on command.”

“You do now,” Dean said and leaned close, breathing over his lips. “Please?” Castiel seemed to almost go cross-eyed for a moment as he stared at Dean’s lips and he shook his head.

“Fucking fine then.” He got up and looked through his desk until he found a sketchpad and a better pencil. He slumped back down next to Dean and pushed his sleeves up his forearms, trying to come up with something to draw. “Do you have any requirements?”

“Nah, just do whatever you want.” 

Castiel hummed and turned the pad over, leaning it against his drawn up thighs. He started drawing out the contours of something and Dean watched him with fascination.

“Fuck off, I can’t concentrate,” Castiel said without turning his eyes from the sketch.

“Well, I’m fucking sorry then,” Dean mumbled and got up, making himself busy with going through every single shelf in Castiel’s bookcase. There were just a few books in there and stuck between them were photos of him and his friends, all looking very cool and intimate, and also one of Claire. Dean picked it out and took a better look at it. She looked around 6 and she smiled brightly at the camera, flashing a missing tooth and her blonde hair pushed away from her face with a barrette. He carefully put it back between two books next to a small statue of an angel and moved down the shelves, going through some old CD’s, a messy pile of drawings that were really fucking good and his colognes, instantly recognising the one he was wearing right now. Castiel was looking very comfortable and focused where he was sitting and quite frankly completely gorgeous with slightly furrowed brows, so Dean fished up his phone and took a picture of him. Either he hadn’t noticed him or he just didn’t care, but Castiel didn’t even look up.

“Put on some music, will you?” he murmured. Dean nodded and walked up to his computer, just clicking shuffle on the current Spotify playlist. Some cheery piano melody started playing and then the vocals came on.

_For a second there I thought you disappeared_  
 _It rains a lot this time of year_  
 _And we both go together if one falls down_  
 _I talk out loud like you're still around_  
 _No no_

Dean went to sit on Castiel’s bed.

_And I miss you_  
 _I'm goin' back home to the west coast_  
 _I wish you woulda put yourself in my suitcase_  
 _I love you_  
 _Standin' all alone in a black coat_  
 _I miss you_  
 _I'm goin' back home to the west coast_

Dean put his feet on either side of Castiel, nudging his toes against his ankles and sighed contently. 

_And if you shake her heart enough she will appear_  
 _Tonight I think I'll be stayin' here_  
 _And you never did like this town_  
 _I talk out loud like you're still around_  
 _No no_

_And I miss you_  
 _I'm goin' back home to the west coast_  
 _I wish you woulda put yourself in my suitcase_  
 _I love you_  
 _Standin' all alone in a black coat_  
 _I miss you_  
 _I'm goin' back home to the west coast_

He pushed his fingers through Castiel’s hair, resting his nose against it and closed his eyes as he inhaled the scent of his shampoo. 

_So pack up the bags to beat back the clock_  
 _Do I let her sleep or should I wake her up_  
 _You said_  
 _We both go together if one falls down_  
 _Yeah right, heh_  
 _I talk out loud like you're still around_

Castiel’s hand gently moved over the paper, almost like he was stroking it, and although Dean couldn't see what it was yet it had a much sharper outline. Dean snaked his arms around his neck, resting his hands against his steadily moving chest and his chin on top of his head.

_And I miss you_  
 _I m goin' back home to the west coast_  
 _I wish you woulda put yourself in my suitcase_  
 _I love you_  
 _Standin' all alone in a black coat_  
 _I miss you_  
 _I'm goin' back home to the west coast_

“Dean, I’m loving the attention, but I can’t move properly,” Castiel sighed and leaned back against Dean, letting his hands drop to his sides. “You want me to draw or do you wanna cuddle instead?”

“That’s not a fair choice! And I don’t cuddle,” Dean complained and Castiel snorted. “Can’t you fucking compromise or something?”

“I’m doing this for you in the first place,” Castiel shot back. “Asshole.”

Dean smiled really big into his hair and was very grateful he couldn’t see him, because sweet baby Jesus on a flower pedal if that didn’t warm his heart.

“Take a break then,” Dean said and pushed him forward, dropping down from the bed to sit behind him with his legs drawn up a bit. Castiel sighed and cross his legs, picked up his phone and Dean snaked his arm around him, leaning his chin on his shoulder. Castiel opened a tumblr page and slowly scrolled down it, going through the pictures and Dean read over his shoulder. “Hey, Cas?”

“Mm?”

“Why aren’t you in art school?” 

Castiel snorted.

“Are you kidding me?” 

“No, I’m not, you sarcastic bastard.” Castiel huffed.

“I don’t think that’s for me.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Dean, for fuck’s sake, I barely go to class, I’m drunk more often than not. Getting an art education isn’t really a priority.” Dean hummed.

“I think you could do great anyway.”

“We’re not having this discussion.”

“Okay, fine, sorry.”

Dean shoved his nose against his neck, kissing it lightly.

“Hey, you wanna go upstairs?” Castiel asked and got up from the floor.

“Upstairs? Don’t tell me your fucking apartment has three floors!” 

Castiel rolled his eyes.

“I mean the rooftop.”

“Oh. You have a rooftop?” Castiel looked at him questioningly. “Yeah. I mean, sure, fine,” Dean murmured and got off the floor. Castiel shook his head and walked out of his room and down the stairs, but he came to a halt at the bottom when they were met by the sight of a woman with clearly dyed brown hair and a suit.

“Oh. Hello,” she said and gave Dean an once-over. “You must be a friend of Castiel’s?” She extended her hand. “I’m Hester Novak, Castiel’s mother.”

“Dean Winchester, nice to meet you,” Dean said and smiled what he knew was charmingly. She didn’t seem to be the slightest affected though, even if she smiled back politely. Guess at least he knew where Castiel got some of his dryness from now.

“Yes, pleasure.” 

Dean nodded a little bit and glanced at Castiel, who looked irritated.

“We’re going up,” he told his mother and nudged Dean towards the door.

“Castiel,” his mother said behind him and sounded cold. “Hand them over.” Castiel stopped and turned around, looking at her for a long time like he was having an internal discussion. “Now.”

Castiel sighed huffily, pulled the cigarette pack out of his pocket and slammed it into his mother’s outreached hand. Their eyes met for a second and Dean almost shuddered, because it was like freaking frost. Then he turned around and pushed Dean out the door.

“You really weren’t kidding about your parents, were you?” Dean said when they were walking up a spiral staircase to the top floor.

“No, not really,” Castiel replied with a tight jaw. He pushed a door open and stepped outside into the windy early evening air, holding it up for Dean. It was pretty incredible, even if it felt like you’d blow away. The other rooftops stretched out before them and there was a mystical, orange light over the entire image. Castiel leaned on his forearms against the low concrete wall at the edge of the building and twitched his two fingers that usually held a cigarette.

“You wanna crash here tonight?” he asked and Dean went speechless for a moment. Would that mean they would sleep together? Not just have sex, but actually sleep, like watching Castiel breathe calm and slowly like Dean had had glimpses of before, and then waking up to him and that messy black hair and maybe tangled arms and legs? “You don’t have to, you know, if you don't want to,” he mumbled and the corners of Dean’s lips started tugging.

“Feeling insecure there, Cassie?” Dean asked and couldn’t help the small smirk that spread on his face.

“Fuck off. And don’t call me Cassie.”

“Why not? It’s cute.” Castiel glared at him.

“Just fucking don’t, okay?”

“Touched a sore spot, didn’t I?” Dean grinned and Castiel sighed deeply, almost turning it into a groan and leaned his forehead against his arms.

“Shit, I need a smoke…” he mumbled to himself.

“Hey, chill out, okay?” Dean said and rolled his eyes. “Now, seriously, tell me why.”

“Why what?”

“What’s wrong with Cassie?” Castiel narrowed his eyes.

“Do you always have to be so fucking nosy?”

“Yeah, I kinda do,” Dean said and leaned a bit closer. “I wanna know you, you know.” Castiel looked up at him and narrowed his eyes further, wiping his nose on his arm.

“It’s Claire,” he said and rubbed his forehead. “She couldn’t pronounce Castiel when she was little so it turned into Cassie even though everyone else said Cas and then it kinda stuck, so it was the only thing she ever called me.”

“Oh, dude, I’m sorry,” Dean said and felt a bit bad.

“No, it’s fine,” Castiel replied and waved it away with a hand and then grunted “Why did she have to take them right fucking now…?” to himself.

“Hey, you can suck on my finger if you want to,” Dean grinned and Castiel gave him a death glare.

“Real funny, dickhead.”

“Suit yourself.” 

“You’re really annoying, you know that right?”

“Yeah, but you’re in love with me,” Dean shot back with a wide smile. Castiel looked like he was trying to keep the angry look on his face, but his eyes were totally giving him away and Dean beamed at him.

“You never answered the question.”

“Huh?”

“If you wanna sleep here tonight.”

“No, I’d rather sleep by myself in my own cold bed and wake up to my brother singing in the shower,” Dean said sarcastically and rolled his eyes. Castiel laughed quietly and looked kinda happy, which was a really good look on him. “And it’d save me from a jerk off,” Dean added and cocked an eyebrow. Castiel snorted.

“What, you don’t like it?”

“Sure, but it’s never the same as the real thing,” Dean said and hooked an arm around Castiel’s stomach, pulling him against him.

“My parents are home and no, you’re not getting laid with them in the house.”

“I could always blow you up here,” Dean smirked and Castiel looked at him with those serious eye of his. Man, they almost looked purple in this light. He leaned in and pressed him lips to Dean’s, forcing them apart and stroking his tongue against Dean’s. His hands started tugging on Dean’s zipper and Dean almost choked in surprise, because what? It was really happening? Not that he was complaining in any way. Castiel pushed his pants down, dragging his hands over the skin just above the waistline of Dean’s shorts and then pushed them down too. He tongue was doing way too skilled things inside Dean’s mouth as his hand gripped his cock and started stroking it. Dean gasped into Castiel’s mouth and his eye flashed up to Dean’s, looking all dark and aroused and Dean swallowed and tried to control his own hands, but it was really hard when Castiel was rubbing and twisting and stroking. Dean’s hands went to Castiel’s pants and he shoved them down his hips and spit into his palm before he took Castiel’s erection and started moving his hand. Castiel’s breath stuttered and he leaned his forehead against Dean’s and kept rubbing him. Dean felt so hot in the cold wind and like pleasure was crawling underneath his skin. Castiel’s breath turned into pants just like Dean’s and Dean pushed his hand away to take them both and stroking them together. Castiel moaned and his arms went around Dean’s neck, holding on with his eyes closed and his nose against his neck. 

“Dean…” he breathed after a few minutes and Dean’s breath got stuck in his throat.

“It’s okay, you can let go,” he mumbled and tried to keep his vision from clouding over when he felt himself getting closer and closer. “Cas, just let go.” Castiel gasped and his body tensed against Dean’s and then he came all over Dean’s shirt and god, it was so fucking hot and intimate and Dean let himself go too, seeing nothing but white light. When he soared back to earth Castiel’s arms were still around his neck and Dean let his head fall to his shoulder as he tried to catch his breath. The ridiculous sweater felt warm and really soft underneath his forehead and he traced his tongue up the side of Castiel’s sweaty neck, just wanting to taste him and feel him with all his senses. Dean pulled off his plaid shirt and then his ruined t-shirt and cleaned them off the best he could. It was kinda cold being bare-chested, but his skin felt feverish so it didn’t really bother him. Castiel was watching him, moved his arms and shakily pulled both of their pants up again and then he slowly traced his hands up Dean’s chest. Dean stopped what he was doing and looked up at him. There was a moment when they just looked at each other, blue and serious on green and open and then Castiel leaned in and kissed him.

“If I get this instead of cigarettes I might even consider giving it up,” he hummed and his hands moved over Dean’s strong shoulders.

“I’d rather you gave up drugs,” Dean told him.

“Yeah, no, I don’t think so,” Castiel said dryly and leaned down to kiss Dean’s neck and then down his breastbone. Dean sighed, both from frustration and from the flutter in his stomach.

\-------

40 minutes later Castiel walked out of his bathroom in new jeans and a t-shirt. Dean was half lying on his bed in his jeans and just his plaid shirt, which he’d had to button and it felt totally weird. He’d just been on the phone with his mom, telling her he wasn’t coming home and making very sure to point out they’d be sleeping separately. Which they obviously weren’t, but whatever. Even though sex was off limit with his parents home, Castiel didn’t think they’d even notice Dean staying over, let alone them sleeping together and the mere idea of sharing a bed made Dean feel all tingly and cuddly, which might have been sort of embarrassing, but who cares? Castiel sat down on the floor, picked up his sketchpad and watched it closely before he started drawing again. Dean lay down on the bed and listened to the Arctic Monkeys playlist that was currently playing. They were still a big British hipster-magnet, but maybe they weren’t all that bad after all. Maybe. 30 minutes later Castiel stretched out his arms and put the pencil away.

“I’m done,” he said and Dean sat up. He threw his legs over the edge of the bed and dropped on his ass on the floor.

“Lemme see,” he ordered and almost snatched the sketchpad from Castiel’s hands. 

“Shit, just calm down already,” Castiel said and let him take the pad. Dean leaned back against Castiel, who put an arm over his shoulder, and looked down on the pad, biting his tongue. It was a cliff ledge surrounded by willows and with a shadowed background that showed the contours of a wide landscape, and on the ledge was a man with his back turned, torn jeans and a jacket, looking back over his shoulder and with a gun in his hand. He looked an awful lot like Dean himself and Dean sat up straighter and set his shoulders, feeling like he had to man up since he was feeling so incredibly touched.

“It’s awesome,” he said quietly and cleared his throat. Castiel huffed behind him.

“You’re not gonna start crying, are you?” he said sarcastically.

“Hey, shut up, asshole.” Castiel laughed quietly and Dean felt his lips on the back of his neck.

“I’m taking that smoke now,” he said and stood up. He got up on his toes and pulled out another cigarette pack from behind the books in his bookcase. “You wanna drool over some picture or come with me?” Dean chuckled and got up.

“I don’t know about you, but I could use a burger.”

“Sounds great,” Castiel said and pulled on a light grey sweater. “Let’s go.”

Dean picked up his military green jacket from the floor and followed him down to the street. The second they got outside Cas lit a cigarette and drew a deep, satisfied breath.

“Dude, that’s just tragic,” Dean told him and grinned when Castiel’s amused eyes flickered to him.

“Shit, I forgot my phone,” he said and his eyes went wide as he looked up towards his window.

“You did?” Dean said cheerfully. “Oh, man, I’m totally taking credit for that one!”

“Shut up, I’ll be right back.”

“Oh, no, I don’t think so,” Dean said and held him back from darting up the stairs. “You’re so in love you’re even forgetting your phone now?”

“I said shut up!”

“But I’m totally right though, aren’t I?” Dean purred and held back a struggling Castiel. “Come on, you can go like one hour without it.”

“Fuck off and let go of me!”

“Just one hour,” Dean begged. “Come on, I’ll let you hold my hand the entire way.”

“You’re such a pain in the ass,” Castiel said under his breath. “I’m so not in love with you anymore.”

“Shut up, dickhead,” Dean said and hit him in the head. 

“Fuck you, Dean.” He sounded pretty pissed, but Dean knew he’d won and he let go of him and reached out his hand. Castiel took it reluctantly and hummed ‘fucking asshole’ under his breath as he interlaced their fingers.

“You’re so totally in love with me,” Dean told him and Castiel tried to glare, but it wasn’t even close to the slaughter look he usually managed to pull, so he sighed and stepped towards Dean, putting his arms around his neck and buried his face against his throat, breathing him in. 

“Not a word to anyone,” he threatened quietly and Dean chuckled.

“Dude, you’re such a big softy,” Dean said and got a smack in the back of his head. “Can I tell you I love you now without you getting all cranky about it?”

“Dean, I’m still not sure I can-“

“Shut your mouth and just take what you’re offered.” 

“Fine.”

Dean put his hands on his shoulders, gently shoving him away and stroked their noses together.

“You’re a complete dickhead, you know,” he started. “And I love you.”

Castiel went silent and just pushed his lips against Dean’s.

“Are we gonna stop behaving like fucking 13-yearold girls now?” he asked and Dean laughed out into the empty street.

“Yeah, good idea,” he said and took his hand, leading him towards a diner.

\-------

“Tell me about something,” Castiel said halfway through his burger. 

“Like what?”

“Anything.”

“Alright,” Dean said and took a moment to think. “We used to have a goat when we were kids.” Castiel stopped chewing on a fry and stared at him.

“A goat?”

“Yes, you big city douchebag, a goat. In Kansas, obviously. It was mom’s idea. I was like eight or something, so Sam must’ve been around three and man, we were so thrilled, but then one morning we came outside and every single flower bush was completely ruined and then when it started chewing on the porch we had to give it away.” Castiel chuckled and licked the salt off his index finger. “Now you tell me about something,” Dean said and stole a couple of fries.

“Hm,” Castiel sighed and picked on his bracelet. “My dad took me to my first real concert.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I was like nine and Muse was playing at Madison Square and I tried to persuade him to let me go for weeks.”

“You were a stubborn bastard from the start, huh?”

“Yeah,” Castiel said with a small smile. “And eventually he agreed and got us both tickets and t-shirts and everything. I still think it’s the best concert I’ve ever been to.”

“Sounds nice,” Dean said and smiled at him. 

“Yeah, well, it’s Muse, you know.”

“Yeah.”

There was a small pause and Dean took the opportunity to stroke the inside of Castiel’s ankle with his foot, making him look amused at him.

“Hey, Cas?”

“Yeah?”

“When did you know you were gay?” Castiel cocked an eyebrow.

“Getting personal, are we?” he said and started scribbling on a receipt that was lying on the table.

“I’m just curious,” Dean said with a small smirk.

“Of course you are,” Castiel said and looked almost fondly at him. Dean’s heart skipped a beat. “I think I was around five,” he continued and put some hair on the girl he was drawing.

“Really?” Dean said surprised. “How did you know?”

“Why? Uncertain of your sexuality, darling?” he replied mockingly.

“Fuck off, I’m extremely confident about my sexuality.” 

Castiel snorted.

“Yeah, I’ve noticed.”

“So how did you know?” 

“Well, I kissed a boy in kindergarten, so that might have been a tipoff.” Dean started laughing.

“You did? Man, that’s just awesome.”

“Yep. Everyone else was pulling on girls’ hair and shoving them around and I corned a guy instead.” Dean started laughing even harder and Castiel smiled a little. “The teachers called my parents and that was about it.”

“Well, at least you didn’t have to do the awkward getting out of the closet shit.”

“Shut up,” Castiel said and huffed a laugh.

“So they were okay with it?”

“My parents?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah, well… I guess. Mom didn’t really like it, but it wasn’t like she could tell her five year old son screwing guys was wrong. Dad didn’t mind it at all though.”

“That’s pretty chill.”

“Mm.” He finished drawing the girl’s shirt and put the pen down, stifling a yawn. “You wanna go back?”

“Sure.” Dean got up from the seat and grabbed Castiel’s hand, making him pick up and light a cigarette with just one hand when they got outside and looking way too smooth doing it. Dean rubbed small circles over his hand, feeling his bones underneath his skin and stroked his pinkie over the pulse point in his wrist. Castiel walked close to him, their shoulders almost bumping and Dean had a hard time keeping a smile off his face. When he put out the cigarette with his shoe Dean lifted his chin up and kissed him, tasting the smoke in his mouth and hummed. He traced his thumb along his jaw and felt Castiel’s hand on his hips, pulling him closer. Castiel broke the kiss a little too soon for Dean’s taste so he pushed their lips together like four times more before he let him go. When they walked through the door to the apartment Castiel let go of Dean’s hand and walked up the stairs, Dean right behind him. He let him inside his room and closed the door, roughly shoving the sketchpad away from in front of the bed with his foot.

“Hey!” Dean said and he looked up. “Careful with that!”

“It’s just a fucking drawing.”

“No, it’s fucking not, so just, _careful_.”

Castiel picked it up and threw it on his desk instead and Dean grunted with frustration.

“You’re fucking impossible…” he mumbled and went to pick the pad up and put it down more gently, trying to smooth out the messed up pages without ruining the drawing while Castiel pulled his sweater over his head and threw it on the floor, walking into the bathroom and putting a toothbrush in his mouth.

“I have a new one for you to borrow,” he slurred and waved with another brush.

“Thanks,” Dean said and went into the bathroom. He put some toothpaste on it and started brushing his teeth, looking into the mirror. It felt strangely domestic to see them both in front of the sink, brushing their teeth together and even though it was cosy, Dean didn’t really like it too much. Too intimate. Castiel spit and put the brush in a cup, walking into his room again and sat down on the bed with his legs crossed, unlocking his phone and started texting someone. Dean spit too and put his brush next to Cas’, and then went to lean against the doorway, watching him.

“You gonna come over here or stand there like an idiot all night?” Castiel mumbled without looking up from the phone. Dean went and sat down next to him on the bed, putting his arms around his waist and placed a kiss to his temple, very much reading over his shoulder. Castiel pressed 'Send' and put the phone down, so Dean took the opportunity to lie down on his side, pulling Castiel with him. He placed a hand on the small of Castiel's back where his t-shirt was just a little bit pulled up and hauled him in close. Castiel cupped his cheek and leaned in to kiss him gently, before he kicked his pants off, throwing them on the floor and Dean following his example. Then he shuffled them around a little to free the comforter from underneath them, lying a bit on top of Dean for a while and huffing a laugh when Dean hummed excitedly, before they were both covered up and cosy. 

The phone buzzed on the nightstand and he twisted around and snatched it up, lying on his back and reading. Dean was starting to feel really tired so he put an arm around Castiel’s stomach and rested his nose against his shoulder, smelling him every time he breathed in, almost starting to doze off. Castiel put the phone down again and turned off the lights, cuddling closer and Dean rested his head underneath his chin. It was awesome. He could smell the fragrance and smoke on his skin and he had his back under his fingers and his heart so close to his head. Dean’s own heart was beating fast and he suddenly wasn’t sure if he’d ever be able to sleep, but it didn’t really matter if it meant he could lie here and feel Castiel fall asleep in his arms. 

He pulled him in as close as he could and shuffled up so he could lie face to face with him instead, only a millimetre between their noses. Gosh, he was beautiful, all relaxed and he looked younger and more childish with his eyes closed and lips slightly separated. Dean leaned in and kissed them softly, not wanting to wake him, and then put a hand on his neck, feeling soft hair under his fingertips and he felt completely and utterly happy. Castiel was so soft and vulnerable in his arms, totally trusting him, and this was the guy who had hated him for even talking to him like two months ago. Guess three years of waiting was kinda worth the suffering. Eventually Dean’s breathing started matching Castiel’s and he felt more and more tired until he also drifted off to sleep.

\-------

Breakfast at Cas’ was just a tad bit awkward. Waking up was amazing, because he did so lying on Castiel’s arm and got to see him stir and then slowly open his eyes just a few inches away from him, blinking a few times and then smiling at him, a bit of stubble on his jaw. But breakfast? Yeah, not so much. Castiel thought his parents were probably at work, and sure, his dad was, but when they walked into the kitchen they ran right into his mom and Castiel’s eyes cooled off immediately. 

“Oh, you stayed over,” she said when she saw Dean. 

“Yeah, I hope it’s no trouble,” he said quickly because shit, would they have to come out now and would she call his family and god, he just saw his entire future fall apart and fuck, why did he have to get so hopelessly in love and go show it everywhere? 

“Not at all,” she replied. “I hope the guest room was to your liking.”

“Yeah, sure,” Dean said and dared a quick glance towards Castiel, who was leaning by the doorway and looking down at the floor, seemingly lost in thought. Well, thanks a lot for the help, dickhead.

“How about Starbucks?” he asked Dean absently while he picked on his nails.

“Sounds great.”

“Dean, may I speak with my son alone for a moment?” Mrs Novak said and Castiel looked up.

“Sure, I’ll just… wait downstairs,” Dean said and pulled on a smile. He walked past Castiel and had to remind himself not to lean in and give him a kiss on the way, and then took the elevator down. It was a cloudy day and it looked like it could start raining. Dean pulled his green jacket closer around him and leaned against the railing by the street to check his phone. He’d gotten a text from a girl he’d slept with a while ago asking about a date, which he didn’t even reply to and a few drunk texts from a couple of his friends. He chuckled to himself and replied, asking how the hangover was coming along. He heard the door open and then Castiel came down the stairs with his brown jacket over his t-shirt and his phone in his hand. 

“Everything okay?” Dean asked.

“Yeah, sure. Hey, look, I’m sorry, but I can’t go to Starbucks.”

“Why not?” Dean asked and felt disappointed.

“There are some things I gotta do.”

“Like what?”

“Like personal stuff I can’t tell you about,” he said dryly and lit a cigarette. 

“Okay, fine,” Dean muttered and shoved his phone into his pocket. He hated feeling left out and especially by his own fucking boyfriend. Castiel looked at him a long time and fiddled with the cigarette. “Well, I guess I’ll see you around then,” Dean said gruffly and started walking towards the car parked across the street.

“Hey!” Castiel called after him.

“What?” Dean said and turned around.

“You’re not even gonna give me a kiss?” he said and actually looked kinda hurt. Dean shifted a little from foot to foot; trying to decided whether he should just be pissed at him and walk away or give in and go back. Eventually he groaned and strode up to him again.

“I’m still mad at you,” he said and put his arms around his neck.

“What, for not telling you every fucking thing about my life?” Castiel said and snorted.

“Yes, exactly.”

Castiel put the cigarette out and buried his face against Dean’s neck, hands sneaking into his back pockets.

“You sure you can’t tell me?”

“Don’t push it.”

“Fine.”

“Well…” Castiel said and lifted his head, pressing a kiss to Dean’s mouth. “Thanks for staying over.”

“Thanks for having me.”

“Sorry about my mom.”

“Dude, it’s okay. She’s kinda polite and all.”

“Yeah, I know, they both are.”

“It really sucks if they make you feel shitty.”

“Dean, leave it.”

“I just wanted you to know,” he said and pulled his hand through Castiel’s hair. “I know it’s none of my business, but I’m really glad you’re here and everything and I think they’re wrong and… stuff… you know.” He sort of trailed off, because he could hear how lame he sounded and Castiel looked at him funny.

“Was that supposed to be a compliment?”

“I don’t even know what that was,” Dean chuckled, “but I’m cashing in that kiss now.” He tugged on Castiel’s hair and lifted his face a little, kissing the corner of his mouth, getting one back and then he pushed their lips together and felt Castiel’s tongue against his lips, so he opened his mouth and pushed his tongue against Castiel’s, moaning quietly. Castiel’s hands in his back pockets pushed on his ass, getting him to take a step closer and change the angle of their heads and it was so messy and dominant and it was awesome. He felt Castiel’s hands move from his ass to his sides, fisting his jacket and then he pulled away. 

“See you,” Castiel said with a small smile and turned around and started walking in the other direction. Dean smiled silly and walked to the car and it wasn’t until he was two feet away and put his hand in his pocket for his keys that he realised that they were missing. His mind went blank for a second as he felt a shot of horror in his stomach and then he put two and two together, turned around on the spot and saw that Castiel had almost reached the end of the block.

“Cas, you son of a bitch!” he yelled and ran after him. Castiel turned around with a rebellious smirk and Dean shoved him against the house facade when he reached him, fisting the front of his jacket. “Give them back, you fucking bastard,” he breathed with a threatening voice.

“I don’t think so,” Castiel replied with a small grin, holding Dean’s wrists that were currently pushing him against the wall.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Dean muttered and let go of his jacket to rummage through his pockets. “So fucking unnecessary…”

“Hey, you steal my phone, I steal your keys.” Dean stopped and looked up at him.

“Aren’t you being a bit too goddamn rancorous right now?”

“You had it coming, asshole.”

“You’re never getting a fucking kiss ever again,” Dean mumbled and flared his hands when he’d gone through every single pocket and still hadn’t found the keys. “If you’ve hid them in your pants then I’m fucking breaking up with you,” he said angrily and glared at Castiel, who snorted and looked very amused.

“That’s gross.”

“Yeah, it is!” Dean sighed and leaned on his arms on either side of Castiel’s head. “What do you want?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Vinyl records, cigarettes, a car. I’m not that picky.”

“You should consider yourself lucky if I don’t break your nose.”

“Hm, yeah, I suppose,” he replied casually and leaned back against the wall. “You kinda suck for not finding them yet though.”

“Oh fucking goddamn it,” Dean breathed and went through his pockets on his jacket again and then his jeans and when he felt through them Castiel sighed erotically and Dean shoved him in the stomach to make him shut up and moved his hands to his back pockets, standing with his arms around him and only an inch between their faces. Castiel smirked at him and put his hands on his hips, pulling him close, and kissed him, and even though he tried to stay mad Dean felt a tug in his stomach and some flutter in his chest. He slid his hands up from Castiel’s pockets and put them on his back, hauling him closer. Something small was pushing into his ribs and at first he thought it was just some button on his jacket, but then he opened his eyes and pushed Castiel away, yanking his jacket open.

“You have a fucking inner pocket?” he said angrily and pushed his hand inside it, fishing up his keys. Castiel just laughed at him.

“You really do suck, Dean.”

“Hey, shut your mouth!” Castiel snorted and moved to get away from the wall, but Dean put a hand on his chest and pushed him back against it. “Oh no, you stupid son of bitch.” He pushed their lips together hard and Castiel hummed in surprise and his hands flew up and landed on Dean’s arms, trying to hold him off, but he didn’t care and just pressed closer, forcing his lips apart and sucked on his tongue like it was his last seconds in life. Castiel gave up fighting him and started kissing him back just as ferociously, hands all over his back and their hips pressing close together. A few gasping seconds later Dean pulled away because he had to breathe, leaning their foreheads together and held on around Castiel’s waist. 

“I really gotta go now,” Castiel breathed and shoved on Dean’s chest and this time he let himself be pushed away.

“I’m so not done with you,” he warned him.

“Remember who you’re messing with, Winchester,” Castiel said and fished up a cigarette. “I’ve done more than slicing tires.”

“I should fucking call the police on you.”

“Yeah, you go ahead and try,” Castiel snorted and blew smoke in his face. “Have a nice day, fuckhead.”

“I hope you burn yourself again!” Dean called after him and he could see him smile as he put the earphones in his ears with the cigarette between his lips. 

\-------

Dean didn’t see him for several days after that, since they didn’t really hang out at school at all. Dean was leaning against his locker and listening to Jo talking about the scores from the girl team’s latest football game, going on about some chick in the other team who’d been a bitch out on the field and didn’t even get warning. Three guys from his soccer team were there too, joking and shoving each other around and Dean totally joined in and teased one of them for a messed up date. Jo rolled her eyes but laughed at their stupidity. And then he noticed Castiel walking down the hallway with the phone in his hand and a girl holding a few of his fingers and she was talking loudly to another girl, both of them laughing and stroking their hands through their hair too much. They were wearing almost identical clothes; jeans shorts and some puffy tank tops, boots and one had a scarf around her head.

“Hey, ladies,” one of Dean’s friends, Pete, said to the girls. “Wanna hook up?” Castiel looked up from his phone, disgusted, and his eyes flashed to Dean.

“Dickhead,” the scarf girl sighed and rolled her eyes.

“Never mind then, hipster bitch!” 

“Shut your fucking mouth!” the other girl said and stopped walking.

“I’ve heard that you’re pretty eager to open yours for pretty much anyone,” Pete shot back with a smirk, making Dean’s stomach twist, and the other one of Dean's friends punched Pete on the shoulder and laughed with him.

“Hey, what the fuck did you just say?” Castiel said and his eyes looked on fire. Dean could feel Jo tensing up beside him.

“Stay out of this, fucking queer,” Pete said and shoved him into a locker and Dean was so close to yelling at him if it hadn’t been for Jo’s hand on his stomach, holding him back. Dean’s stupid friends laughed and walked away down the hallway, yelling stupid things over their shoulders and pulling a speechless, panicking and conflicted Dean with them and all he could do was watch his boyfriend be pushed into the locker one more time when they passed him, looking so fucking done with everything and getting up and walking in the other direction, pulling up the cigarette pack from his back pocket.

He tried texting him, telling him he was so, so sorry and how bad he felt and just everything he could think of, but he didn’t reply, so before he had to head for soccer practice after school he sneaked around to behind the school stairs, only to find that he wasn’t there.

“Fuck…” he breathed and tried calling him, but he didn’t pick up either. “Fuck, fuck, fuck…” Worst part was that Dean used to push people into lockers all the time just because he didn’t like them and yell stupid things after people and being generally douche-y along with the rest of his friends, but just… fuck. He felt so fucking awful that when he had to get to that soccer practice he was boiling and couldn’t help himself when he crashed into Pete way harder than was allowed and feeling a bitter, dark satisfaction every time.

Late that night he was woken by his phone ringing with Castiel’s number on the screen.

“Hello?” he answered groggily.

 _“Hey, douchebag!”_ a girl called from the other end.

“Who’s this?” he asked and sat up, feeling annoyed.

 _“This is Gemma, you stupid son of a bitch!”_ She sounded totally wasted and her voice was very shrill. _“You’re a fucking asshole and you should leave Cas alone!”_

“Shut up, bitch! Why do you have his phone?”

_“Because he wouldn’t tell you this himself, douchebag.”_

“Where is he? Let me talk to him!”

 _“Nooo, never!”_ she yelled. _“And I think he passed out, so no!”_

“ _What_?”

_“Yeah, there’s like not so good stuff here and I don’t know where he went.”_

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Dean asked frustratedly. “Is he doing drugs again?”

_“That’s none of your fucking business!”_

“Fuck you, just tell me where you are!”

_“No way in hell!”_

“I’m seriously going to kill you if you don’t tell me where he is right now!”

_“No!”_

And with that she hung up. Dean growled to himself and called back. On the third try someone picked up again.

 _“Yes, what?”_ Castiel said.

“Dude!” Dean said and felt relieved that he at least wasn’t passed out somewhere. “Are you getting high again?”

_“Yeah.”_

“Well... why?” Dean asked angrily.

 _“Because why the fuck not?”_ he said and almost seemed to be laughing. 

“What the fuck, man? I’m gonna come over and get you home!”

 _“No, you’re not,”_ Castiel said like it was the most obvious and amusing thing ever. _“I gotta go so I’ll see you around… or not… I don’t know.”_

“What the hell do you mean by that?”

 _“Dean,”_ Castiel laughed. _“I hate you, okay? Don't talk to me again. Just fuck off.”_

“You’re just being a wasted dickhead!”

 _“Yeah,”_ he chuckled. All this carefree laughing was starting to creep Dean out. _“And I’m gonna keep working on that now so… bye.”_

“Hey, wait!” Dean called but he had already hung up, so he cursed under his breath and tried to call again but eventually the phone had been turned off, so he angrily lay down on his side and couldn’t fall asleep during the entire night, the ‘I hate you’ ringing in his ears the whole time.

Two days later when he was calling Castiel again for like the billionth time he actually picked up.

 _“Yes?”_ he said and sounded pissed off.

“Why haven’t you picked up, asshole?” Dean said maybe a bit too harshly. Maybe.

_“We’re not married, dickhead.”_

“Okay, fine, can I come over?” 

_“No.”_

“Come on, man, I wanna apologise!”

_“I said no.”_

Dean grunted loudly and hit his forehead against his bedroom wall.

“Can you come over here then? Please?”

_“Fuck no!”_

“Cas, please, _please_ , just let me apologise to you in person and then you can just walk away if you want to.” It hurt to say that, it hurt so fucking bad, but he had to, because he would completely understand if Castiel never wanted to see him again.

 _“Fine, I’ll come over,”_ he said and hung up. Dean sighed and threw his phone down on the bed, rubbing his hands over his face. He got his ass out of the bed and walked out into the kitchen. 

“Who were you talking to?” Sam asked and looked curious.

“None of your fucking business,” Dean muttered and took a glass of water. He walked around the apartment for a couple of minutes, but felt like he was going crazy, so he went outside to wait instead. After another 20 minutes Castiel turned around the corner and Dean jumped up from the stairs he’d been sitting on.

“Hey!” Dean called and Castiel looked up from his phone, pulling his earphones out.

“Just get it over with,” he said tiredly and Dean swallowed.

“I’m… I’m just…” he started, but it was impossible to get the words out.

“Oh, fuck this,” Castiel breathed, rolled his eyes and turned around again.

“No, Cas, wait!” Dean called after him and darted up to him, blocking his way. “Please listen to me for just one minute.”

“Then stop stuttering and fucking talk.”

“Yes, okay,” he said and put his hands on Castiel’s arms, making sure he wouldn’t run away. “I’m so incredibly sorry and I know I should have done something, I know that, but I just couldn’t and it was so fucking wrong and I’m really, very sorry.”

“Thanks,” Castiel said and tried to walk away again.

“No, wait,” Dean said and held him back. “I… just… Oh fuck, man, it’s just so messed up, but I can’t be open about this, even though I should be, but I can’t risk this scholarship and just… Fuck!”

“Dean, fuck off for a minute,” Castiel said and pushed his arms away. “I didn’t expect anything to change just because we happen to be together, it’s not some fucking fairy tale. People get shoved into lockers, that’s the way things are. And you think I wanna be known as the boyfriend to the school screw around and fucking sport douche?”

“What? You’re ashamed of us?”

“No, but it’s not like we’re different from before just because I fucking went out with you!”

“Stop being such a dick and make it sound like we doesn’t matter!” Dean said angrily.

“I’m the dick?” Castiel almost yelled. “You’re a fucking arrogant asshole who think you can get away with whatever shit you want!”

“No, I’m not, I fucking apologised, didn’t I?!”

“And I’m fucking not forgiving you!”

“Fine, dickhead!” Dean yelled and stormed past Castiel and up the stairs. He saw Castiel sigh and lean against the railing, rubbing his forehead, before the door fell shut behind him and he ran up the stairs and into his kitchen, feeling like he was fuming.

“Hey, Dean… everything okay?” Sam asked and peeked inside the kitchen.

“Fucking peachy!” he said and kicked a kitchen chair. 

“Okay…” Sam said slowly. “Was that Castiel you were fighting with?”

“Don’t fucking ask about things that’s none of your business.” He slumped down on a chair and hit his head against the table. Fucking stupid hipster dickhead. He knew it was entirely his fault, he knew it so fucking much, but he wanted to blame everything on Castiel because he was so angry. He heard the door click shut and when he turned around Sam was gone. Five minutes later he came back inside and looked grave. 

“What?” Dean said harshly. Sam just looked at him and sighed.

“Castiel is outside crying,” he said and looked at Dean with those stupid hazel eyes of his.

“ _What_?”

“Yeah, he is.”

“What- that- oh, fucking hell,” Dean said under his breath and walked out the door again, ran down the stairs and out on the sidewalk. Castiel was sitting on the railing in his stupid dark grey, oversized sweater and smoking and did very much _not_ look like he was crying. Dean walked up to him and he glared.

“You’re not crying,” Dean said almost accusatory.

“Why the fuck would I be crying?” Castiel asked and looked at him like he was the biggest idiot ever. Which he probably was, but whatever.

“But Sam…” Dean started. “Oh, that little bastard.”

“He told you I was crying?” Castiel said mockingly and exhaled some smoke.

“Fuck off.”

“You’re the one who stormed out here, you fuck off.”

Dean glared at him.

“What did he say to you?” he asked and Castiel snorted.

“Yeah, like I’m telling you that.”

“Don’t be a dick, just tell me!”

“No thanks.”

“Fine, be a sarcastic asshole then,” Dean muttered and turned around to walk inside again and leave that fucking idiot outside by himself with his stupid cigarettes.

“We still haven’t watched the third movie,” Castiel called after him and he stopped.

“What?”

“If we’re breaking up then I don’t think it’s more than fair that you make me watch the last movie.” He put the cigarette out against the railing and threw it on the ground. Dean was dumbstruck and just stood there, feeling some sort of hope trickle in between all the anger.

“I… Are you serious?”

“Yeah, of course I’m fucking serious.” Dean opened and closed his mouth a few times, uncertain if he should keep storming inside or go back to him instead. “But you don’t have to if you don’t want to…” Castiel added and his blue eyes flickered up to Dean.

“Oh, fuck you!” Dean said and walked up to him, pulling him into his arms and almost making him fall off the railing. “I'm so fucking mad at you right now.”

“I can see that,” Castiel said sarcastically and put his arms around Dean’s neck, nudging his nose against his cheek.

“Just… fuck you!” Dean said again right on the edge of choking up and Castiel chuckled at him. “And shut up!”

“Shit, calm down,” he said quietly, his dark voice in Dean’s ear.

“Don’t tell me you were just messing with me the entire time!” Dean said and pulled away from him, crossing his arms over his chest.

“No, I was actually kinda pissed at you for real,” Castiel said. Dean nodded with his jaw set and went back to stand between Castiel’s knees, putting his hands on his thighs. 

“Well… I’m sorry,” he said. 

“Yeah, I heard you the first eleven times.”

“Oh, shut up,” Dean huffed and tried not to laugh because this entire situation was just so stupid. Castiel lifted his chin up and kissed him.

“You wanna go over to my place and watch that movie?”

Dean swallowed.

“You weren’t serious about us breaking up afterwards, right?”

“No, I wasn’t, you idiot, that’s just sadistic.”

“Then we can definitely watch that movie,” Dean replied with a grin and stepped aside to let Castiel get down. He ran upstairs again to get his jacket and the DVD.

“How did it go?” Sam asked with an enthusiastic smile. “Did you make up?”

“Yep!” Dean said cheerfully. “And wipe that smug look off your face, it wasn’t thanks to you!”

“It totally was,” Sam said and Dean shoved him in the shoulder on his way out. When he came outside again he grabbed Castiel’s hand and dragged him towards his car. 

“So what did Sam tell you?” Dean asked again when they were out on the road and Castiel huffed.

“You’re never giving up, are you?”

“Nope,” Dean said with a crooked smile.

“He just said you’d been a total freak for days and getting all worked up because you missed me really bad,” he said and smiled a bit amusedly at Dean.

“Of course he did, can’t mind his own fucking business,” Dean muttered and Castiel huffed a laugh. They sat in silence, Dean just driving and Castiel drawing on piece of paper he’d found in his pocket.

“Hey,” Castiel started when they were halfway across Manhattan. “Did I call you a few nights ago?”

“Yep,” Dean said, feeling a bit dark, and set his jaw.

“What did I say?”

“Nah, nothing important. You were just wasted.”

“Yeah, I kinda know about that part. But seriously, I wanna know what I said.”

“I yelled at you for doing drugs, you told me to fuck off, you know, the usual.” He grinned a little bit at Castiel, who just looked at him, narrowing his eyes.

“There’s something you’re not telling me.”

“What? No, there isn’t,” Dean said and swallowed.

“Yes, there is, don’t fuck with me.”

“No, there isn’t! Look, it’s just some lame shit that’s not even worth mentioning, so just leave it the fuck alone.”

“No, I’m not leaving it the fuck alone!” Castiel shot back and started to look angry again and Dean sighed.

“Well, I ain’t having this discussion, so just back off!”

Castiel grunted and rubbed his hands over his face, followed by a long silence that made Dean want to squirm and punch something at the same time. 

“Okay, fine, you told me you hated me and you were totally allowed to and it’s just been bothering me, but it’s nothing, so we’re leaving that alone now.”

“Oh.”

“Don’t fucking ‘oh’ me,” Dean said and felt frustrated, because he didn’t do chick flick moments, goddammit!

“I’m sorry,” Castiel said. “I was pretty pissed off.”

“Yes, I know, I know, you had every right to be because I was being a total dick for not standing up for you, but… I don’t know.” He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, trying to get his mess of emptions into some sort of order.

“I don’t hate you.”

“Yeah, I know.”

There was another silence and then Dean felt Castiel’s fingers on his hand, interlacing his with Dean’s. They were sort of cold on Dean’s skin and he squeezed his fingertips a little bit, warming them up.

“I’m sorry,” Castiel said again.

“Hey, don’t worry about it,” Dean said and smiled. “It’s over and done with, right? I mean, we’re okay, aren’t we?”

“Yeah, we are,” Castiel said and stroked his thumb over Dean’s palm. Dean grinned big. “What?”

“Nothing,” Dean said and tried to stop looking like an idiot. “It just feels weird that after such a long time I’m actually sitting here with you.”

“Fuck, you’re sentimental,” he mumbled and Dean shoved him in the side. 

“Shut up,” he said and kept grinning. Castiel huffed a laugh and pulled out his phone and just as Dean was about to protest he turned it towards him, clicking the screen.

“Hey, did you just take a picture of me?” Dean asked and tried to take the phone.

“Yeah,” Castiel said and held it out of his reach.

“Why? Lemme see that!”

“You’re gorgeous when you’re driving. And no, you’re only gonna delete it.”

“I’m not gorgeous,” Dean grunted, but felt his ears turn red.

“Whatever,” Castiel said and lifted his ass up to put the phone in his back pocket. Dean pulled up outside his house and got out, leaned against the car and waited for Castiel to pull his cigarettes out. He shot an amused look in Dean’s direction and lit one. Dean put his arms around his waist and pulled him towards him, letting him lean with his back against his chest. Dean buried his fingers in his sweater, getting kinda tangled up in the knitted fabric like always and Castiel chuckled at him. He leaned his head back against Dean’s shoulder, letting smoke escape from between his lips, and Dean bent down and kissed his neck, breathing in his fragrance. Small raindrops started falling and Castiel frowned and looked irritated and Dean laughed at him.

“You don’t like getting wet?”

“No, I don’t,” he said and put out the cigarette. “What, you do?”

“Yeah, I like rain,” Dean smiled and felt the raindrops grow heavier as they landed on his head and his jacket. 

“Weirdo,” Castiel mumbled and tried to get up from Dean’s arms, but he held him back. “Are you fucking kidding me, you’re not actually planning on keeping me out in the rain, are you?” he said and tried to force Dean’s arms away.

“I’m still thinking about it.”

“Goddammit, just let me go!”

“Nah, I don’t think so.” The rain was getting really heavy by now and Dean felt it sinking through his jacket.

“Just fucking piss off!”

“That kind of language won’t get you anywhere,” Dean purred with a large grin. Castiel gave up on trying to fight him and just fell back against him.

“You’re so fucking annoying, you have no idea…”

“Yeah, but it’s way too much fun to mess with you.”

“I’m cancelling the movie.”

“No, you’re not, fuck off already,” Dean said, but let him go anyway, getting a glare from underneath Castiel’s wet hair hanging down his face and a punch in the chest.

“You're an asshole.”

“I love you too,” Dean grinned and Castiel rolled his eyes and walked up the stairs to the lobby. When they were inside Castiel’s apartment he darted up the stairs and left Dean standing in the hallway. He pulled his jacket off and hung it up to dry, totally taking the liberty to walk around Castiel’s living room and looking at every little thing in there. Not that there was that many things in there and they were all very expensive and cold looking, but whatever. Castiel came down the stairs a couple of minutes later in the most ridiculous sweater ever. It was some sort of knitted mix between dusty pink and light purple and like 7 other colours and different kinds of grey in some sort of zigzag-ish pattern and it kinda suited him even if it was too large and Dean didn’t even know how such a sweater could ever have been created. 

“Dude,” he said and started grinning. “What the fuck are you wearing?”

Castiel looked down on his clothes.

“It’s a sweater,” he said simply.

“Yeah, I can see that, smartass,” Dean said and tried not to laugh.

“Fuck off, I like it,” he said and walked into the kitchen, Dean darting after him. 

“Lemme touch it.”

“What? No!”

“Yes, come on,” Dean said with a huge grin and threw his arms around him, burying his hands in the huge mess of knitwear and his nose against his shoulder.

“Get off me!”

“It even smells fabulous,” Dean commented under his breath and kept smelling it.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, just leave me alone!”

“Don’t wear so awesome clothes then,” Dean grinned and swiftly kissed him on the cheek before Castiel managed to push him away and started walking towards the stairs again. “Hey, were are you going?” Dean called after him.

“To get a new fucking sweater!”

“No, no, no,” Dean said horrified and ran up to block the doorway. “You can’t change it, it’s awesome.”

“Fuck off.”

“No, I’m serious, it’s even better than the purple one in tenth grade.” Castiel stared at him for a really long time, but then he narrowed his eyes a little bit and Dean knew he’d won so he got out of the doorway and put his arms around Castiel’s neck, rocking them from foot to foot. “If you ever hurt this sweater I will hunt you down and hide your body,” he threatened and Castiel snorted really loud at him.

“Yeah, I love you too,” he said and Dean froze. He thought Castiel was probably just being a sarcastic dick like usual, but then he felt his arms tighten around his waist and how he pulled Dean towards him just a little bit and god, if Dean’s chest didn’t just collapse on itself all together because there were freaking bursts of emotions everywhere. They stayed like that for what was probably just something like five seconds, but it felt like an eternity and Dean swallowed really hard and didn’t let go, because he had no idea what he should say or do after something like that. Eventually Castiel pulled away, gave him a quick kiss he didn’t really register, picked up the Pepsis and chips and disappeared into the living room. After a few seconds all of Dean's senses kicked back in with a slam and he shook his head, turned around and rushed into the living room, where Castiel was sitting on the couch with his knees pulled up, his feet on the edge of the coffee table and with that fucking phone in his hands. Dean slumped down beside him, snatched his phone away and caged him within his arms. Castiel looked questioningly at him.

“Really?” Dean asked and Castiel just raised an eyebrow. “Hey, just fucking answer me already!” There was an agonising silence where Castiel looked like he was internally debating something and Dean was close to just shaking him. “Please, I’m going crazy here!” Castiel pushed him back and straddled his thighs, picking at the hem of Dean’s t-shirt.

“Okay, so maybe I do,” he said and did very much not look Dean in the eye, but Dean kinda felt like fireworks anyway.

“Really?”

“Maybe.”

“Oh, fuck off.” Castiel looked up at him kinda amused and took his phone back, unlocking it and scrolling down some page Dean couldn’t see. “Hey, Cas?” he said with a grin growing on his face.

“Mm?”

“I love you.” Castiel looked up at him, reading something on his face.

“I love you too.”

Dean wanted to laugh because he felt so happy, but he threw Castiel down on his back instead and hugged him tight, kissing his jaw and tangling their legs together.

“Dean, for fuck’s sake, get off me!”

“No way!” Dean said cheerfully and kissed him on the mouth at least a dozen times. “Shit, I can’t believe I actually managed to pull this off.”

“I’m not some goddamn project!”

“No, no, you’re not,” Dean agreed and propped himself up with his elbows on either side of his neck, nudging their noses together and ignoring Castiel’s hands on his sides that were trying to push him away. “You know what you are?”

“A weird hipster jerk?”

“Yeah, that too,” Dean smirked and kissed him again. “But you are amazing and you fucking love me and I love you and fuck, I knew this would be awesome.”

“Don’t be so goddamn arrogant.”

“Come on, this is like the biggest victory I’ve had in years!” he said and beamed down at Castiel. “Don’t be so fucking grave for just one minute and go with me here.”

“I’m also not some trophy.”

“Oh, but you are,” Dean hummed. “You’re a real treasure.”

“Oh, fuck off.”

Dean smiled down at him until it started tugging on the corners of his lips and then Dean bent down and kissed him gently, just lips melting against each other and Castiel’s hands came to stroke his sides instead of trying to push him away.

“Can you just say it one more time?” Dean said with a hopeful smile. “Please, just once more.”

“You’re so demanding.”

“Come on, just once, please?” Dean begged him and pushed their lips together again. Castiel sighed underneath him and put his arms around his back and pulled him down until their foreheads were resting against each other.

“I love you, okay?” he said and kissed him. “I love you, I fucking love you.” Dean almost felt teary, so he cleared his throat and brushed his fingers through Castiel’s hair.

“I love you too.”

“Yeah, I kinda noticed.”

“Oh, shut up.” He couldn’t stop smiling really big though and Castiel’s huffed a laugh and smiled back at him.

“Are we gonna watch that movie or what?”

“Yeah, sure ,” Dean said and pushed himself off the couch, put the DVD in the player and 10 minutes in Castiel was texting, leaning his cheek in his hand. Son of a bitch. Dean decided to change tactics though, so instead of grabbing the phone and throwing it against the wall like he kinda wanted to, he got up and left the room, darting up the stairs.

“Hey, where are you going?” Castiel called after him. Dean went into his room and rummaged through it for his cigarettes. Before he got to them though he noticed something familiar lying on Castiel’s chair, so he picked it up and stared at it for a moment, frowning. 

“Hey, did you keep my shirt?” he asked when he was back and standing in the doorway to the living room, holding up his t-shirt from when he’d stayed over and it’d been ruined by Castiel coming all over it. It had been washed though, thank god, but that just made it kinda weirder.

“You left it here.”

“It’s been washed.”

“Yes, of course.”

“And worn.” Castiel went silent for a moment.

“Okay, fine, I fucking missed you, okay? And I was drunk, so don’t be so fucking judgmental.” He stared stubbornly at Dean, who tried really hard not to look as thrilled as he felt.

“Yeah, okay,” he said and cleared his throat. “It’s probably the sappiest thing I’ve ever heard, but alright,” he added with a grin and Castiel grunted and hit himself on the forehead with his phone.

“Did you go all the way up to my room just to fucking torment me about a shirt?”

“No, I also went to get all your cigarettes and if you don’t let me take your phone I’m throwing them out the window,” he grinned and waved the packs around and Castiel’s eyes darkened.

“Don’t you fucking dare.”

“Then hand it over.”

“You’re being really fucking stupid.”

“It’s your choice.” Castiel got up from the couch and pushed the phone against Dean’s chest, snatching his cigarettes back and walked up the stairs, murmuring ‘fucking asshole’ under his breath. Dean grinned to himself and waited for him to come downstairs again, putting his arms around him when he did and holding him still while he forced kisses onto his mouth until he softened and stuck his tongue down Dean’s throat.


	4. Well, aren’t you just a fucking dream come true

They actually did finish watching the movie, mostly because Dean forced Castiel too. He’d been sitting there, fiddling with the hem of his sweater and looking bored. Dean had shuffled closer to him and forced him to lay down with him, putting his head on Castiel’s shoulder and intertwining their fingers and at least he’d looked a little less bored. They even stayed for the end titles, having a small fight with their feet while Dean had put his arm around Castiel’s waist and grinned into his chest. Then Castiel’s phone started ringing in Dean's back pocket, making him accidentally jerk his hips against Castiel’s ass. Castiel almost jumped and looked back at him, holding back a laugh and reached out his hand. Dean gave it back to him, because the movie was actually over and everything.

“Yeah?” Castiel answered. “Really? How much? Yeah, I’m in. The same guy as last time? Okay. Okay, great. Love you, bye.”

“Was it the legendary Gemma?” Dean said and didn’t even bother hiding his bitterness.

“The one and only,” Castiel said and sat up.

“What did she want?”

“Private.”

“Come on, I wanna know what you’re in on,” Dean said and sat up too, because he was having kind of a bad feeling about this deal or whatever it was, and put a hand on his cheek. Castiel gave him a warning look and was just about to open his mouth to without doubt make some sassy remark when the front door opened and they both turned around. Castiel’s mother stopped in the middle of a step when she saw them sitting so close together on the couch. There was a tense moment of silence.

“Dean,” she greeted. “What a pleasure to see you again.” She smiled a little, looking quite friendly actually, but she was hugging her hands together edgily.

“Hi, Mrs Novak,” Dean said and didn’t know if he was supposed to get the hell out of the couch or even the hell out of the country.

“I trust you are doing well?”

“Just fine, thank you,” Dean said and flickered his eyes to Castiel, still really fucking confused. The guy didn’t even look at him though, just staring at his mom with defensive eyes.

“Lovely. Castiel, a word, please,” she said and reached out a hand, holding it a foot behind his back when he glared at her and went into the kitchen. Dean felt really fucking awkward. He kinda wanted to get up and go somewhere else, but he couldn’t unless he wanted to pass the kitchen and just… goddammit. He got up from the couch and leaned against the back of it, feeling extremely uneasy. Should he call his parents? Break it to them before Castiel’s mom did? He was almost looking for his phone in his pockets when the voices in the kitchen got him curious and he sneaked just a little bit closer. It wasn’t prying, not really. It was just… being stuck in the next room. Yeah, exactly.

“I don’t care who you’re dating, but I do not want any of it inside my house,” Castiel’s mother said with a low, harsh voice.

“I don’t fucking care.”

“As long as you live under our roof, you will do as we say.”

“Yeah, ‘cause that’s worked out great so far.”

“Don’t be so difficult, Castiel! I can’t help that you choose to ruin yourself when you’re out, but in this house you will follow the rules.”

“Then I’ll move out.”

“No. You’ll just end up dead in an alley somewhere.”

“Hey, fuck off!”

“Do not speak to me like that!”

“Then don’t talk about stuff you don’t know anything about!”

“You’re being childish.”

“And you’re being a pain in the ass.”

“Claire would never have turned out like this,” his mother snapped resentfully and it became very quite. Dean’s breath caught in his lungs and he could feel his heart beat in his chest. There were a few agonising seconds when absolutely nothing happened.

“Well, I’m sorry it wasn’t me then,” Castiel said with a rough voice and five seconds later the front door slammed shut. Dean swallowed and tried to breathe and think of something to do and then he ran after Castiel, passing his mother who was leaning sternly against the kitchen table and he didn’t even think she saw him as he darted by her. He didn’t have the patience to wait for the elevator, so he just ran down the five sets of stairs to the lobby, his heart beating hard and his mind spinning, because what the fuck? Who could say that to her own child and oh god, if he didn’t find Cas. He darted out the doors and didn’t see him anywhere, yelling ‘Cas!’ down the road and hit the railing with his palm when he didn’t get any reply. There was no way he’d managed to get all the way down the block already, so Dean ran in the other direction, turning the corner just 20 feet down and kept running, his mind chanting ‘oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck’ over and over again. Two blocks further down he saw him bent over with his arms leaning against a railing and almost hyperventilating. Dean rushed up to him, gripped his shoulders and pulled him hard against his chest. He was practically shaking and tried to get Dean to let him go, while he still didn’t seem to be able to stop breathing so frenetically.

“Sch, it’s okay, Cas, it’s okay,” he murmured and tried to make him settle down.

“No, it’s fucking not, just fucking get off me!”

“Please, just calm down.”

“No, just _get off_!” He shoved Dean hard in the chest, making him stumble back a few steps, and then collapsed on his ass on the street, rubbing hands over his face and with the huge sleeves falling up his wrists. Dean didn’t know what to do, so he just stood there, feeling like an idiot and really fucking anxious, which didn’t really happen that often. Castiel pulled out a cigarette and lit it with trembling hands, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes as he leaned back against the railing and smoked the whole thing in like ten seconds, pulling out another right away. His breathing became steadier and Dean dumped himself on his ass next to him, not really daring to touch him.

“I’m sorry you had to see that,” he murmured and sat up, leaning his forehead in his hand, throwing the cigarette away and pulling out a third one. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Dean said and felt a huge pressure around his whole chest, like he needed to do something but couldn’t figure out what that was. “I’m… I’m sorry she said that.” Castiel snorted.

“It’s not your fault.”

“It’s still really fucking shitty.”

“Yeah, probably.”

“You’re not blaming yourself, are you?”

“No, I’m not,” he said with a sigh and leaned back against the railing again.

“You sure?”

“Yeah.” He took a slow drag and let the smoke swirl back out from his lips, pulling the sleeves up to his elbows. “I hope you weren’t offended.”

“No,” Dean said and wanted to stroke his exposed wrist lying by his hip. Castiel took one last smoke and then threw the cigarette on the ground by the others.

“I wasn’t drunk,” Castiel said and Dean looked at him, feeling confused again.

“What?”

“When I wore your shirt.” He laughed a little to himself, rubbing his face again. “Well, I wore it when I was drunk too. But, you know…” Dean felt the corners of his lips tug upwards and he moved a little closer to Castiel.

“So you really did miss me, huh?”

“Yeah, I kinda did.” Dean felt his smile widen even more. “Oh, don’t look so fucking proud of yourself,” Castiel added.

“And you thought I wanted to date you as a joke…” Dean chuckled to himself and put his hand on Castiel's thigh, squeezing it slightly. Castiel huffed and smiled a little, placing a hand on the back of Dean’s neck and brushing his fingers up into his hair.

“Can you blame me?”

“Nah, I guess not. Turned out okay though, didn’t it?”

“Yeah, it kinda did. Who could have guessed, huh?”

Some construction workers walked past them and stared down at the two weird teenage guys sitting on the ground - one in a really strange, too-large sweater and with messy black hair and the other really buff and tanned - stroking each other.

“Not them apparently,” Dean grinned and Castiel started laughing, hiding his nose against Dean’s shoulder.

“I wanna get a latte. You coming?” he asked and got up to his feet.

“No, I think I’m gonna stay here by these lovely bushes behind me,” Dean said sarcastically and Castiel kicked on his feet, but didn’t seem to be able to keep the smile of his face.

“Get your fucking ass off the ground then,” he said and reached his hand out to pull Dean up. Dean took it and very much didn’t let it go when he was on his feet, pulled Castiel closer and stroked their noses together. Castiel leaned in and softly pressed his lips against Dean’s, making his whole body tingle. He drew back and pulled up another cigarette, smoking it as he led Dean towards the closest Starbucks. Seriously, the guy had to have a map in his head of every Starbucks on Manhattan or something. Dean interlaced their fingers, stroking the space between Castiel’s thumb and the rest of his hand. Castiel still didn’t seem to be able to stop smiling.

“What are you so happy about?” Dean asked with a grin.

“Nothing.”

“Come on,” he begged and nudged him hard in the side.

“Fuck off.”

“Dude, just tell me already.” Castiel paused, taking another smoke.

“I know the perfect song for you.”

“What, really?” Dean said and smiled big. 

“Mhm.”

“Which one?” Castiel’s eyes flashed up to his, looking amused.

“You’ll have to wait until tomorrow morning.”

“What, dude, no!” Dean complained loudly, making a few people walking past them turn around and look at him.

“Yup.”

“Oh, fuck you!”

“Yeah,” he said and grinned at Dean.

\-------

The next morning Dean woke up to a youtube-link in a text sent at 4.02 A.M. Seriously, did that guy ever sleep? He stayed in his bed and clicked on the link.

_Say whatever you have to say, I'll stand by you._  
 _Do whatever you have to do, to get it out and not become a reaction memory_  
 _To hurt the ones you love you know you never meant to but you do_  
 _Oh yeah you do_

He felt a lump in his throat, because the song kinda did hit a bit close to home, and tried to swallow it down, not really succeeding.

_Be whoever you have to be, I won't judge you_  
 _Sing whatever you have to sing to get it out and not become a recluse about your, how to come out_  
 _I know you never meant to but you do_  
 _Oh but you do_

_Still I need your sway, ‘cause you always pay for it_  
 _And I, and I need your soul ‘cause you're always soulful_  
 _And I, and I need your heart, ‘cause you're always in the right places_

He felt tears starting to burn in his eyes, which was kinda ridiculous, so he quickly wiped them away with his blanket, clearing his throat, and tried to feel manly again.

_And take whatever you have to take, you know I love you_  
 _Come however you have to come, and get it out and get it out_

_Take it out on me and take it out on me_  
 _I'll give it you all, I give it you all, I give it_  
 _I give it you all I give it you all, yes I will give it you all_

Needless it didn’t work at all and he swiftly brushed away the rest of the stupid tears that fell down his cheeks. What the fuck was wrong with him?

_Cause I need your sway, ‘cause you always pay for it_  
 _And I, and I need your soul ‘cause you're always soulful_  
 _And I, and I need your heart, ‘cause you're always in the right places_

_Oh, oh, yes, you left, I will give it you all_

_Still I need your sway, ‘cause you always pay for it_  
 _And I, and I need your soul ‘cause you're always soulful_  
 _And I, and I need that heart, ‘cause you're always in the right places._

The song ended and he just kinda sat there for a while, clearing his throat and wishing he had a glass of water, but he didn’t want to leave his room because if someone caught him crying over a song his stupid, dick-y, wonderful boyfriend sent him? Em-barra-ssing. He connected his rarely used earphones into the phone and put on the song again while he looked around for a song he would want to send back and suddenly he just stumbled across it and it was perfect. He put it in a text and sent it before he quickly showered and pulled some clothes on. Then he darted outside to his car and drove over to Castiel’s house, listening to the song all the way. The front door was opened by a tall man with grey hair and a slight belly pouting out from above his suit trousers.

“Hi, I’m Dean Winchester,” Dean said with his classic charm smile. 

“Ah, the famous Dean,” the man said and extended his hand with a friendly smile. “I’m Joshua Novak, Castiel’s father.”

“Nice to meet you,” Dean said and shook his hand. He was a bit surprised about how calm and open Castiel’s dad was in comparison to his mom.

“Pleasure’s all mine, my boy.”

“So is Cas home?” Dean asked hopefully and peeked inside like Castiel would be hiding behind the door or something.

“I’m afraid he’s still asleep,” Joshua said.

“Would you mind if I went upstairs and woke him up?” Dean said and smiled wider.

“By all means, but I have to warn you; he’s not the friendliest person when you wake him."

“Is he ever?” Dean said sarcastically and Joshua laughed.

“You do have a point there, Dean,” he replied and opened the door for Dean to step inside.

“Thanks,” he said quickly and went up the stairs. There was a flutter of anticipation when he stood outside Castiel’s bedroom door and slowly pushed it open. Castiel was lying on his stomach with an arm hanging over the edge of the bed and Dean couldn’t keep a smile off his face. He sneaked closer and hunched down by the bed, putting a hand on his arm and leaned in to kiss him. Castiel stirred and blinked his eyes open, staring at Dean for a moment before he groaned and buried his face in his pillow.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Way to make a guy feel welcome,” Dean grinned and pinched him in the side. “I got your song.”

“And you had to come all the way over here to tell me?”

“No,” Dean said explicitly, “I had to come all the way over here to tell you I love you.” Castiel was quiet for a few seconds before he stirred again and made space in the bed, gripped Dean’s wrist and hauled him down into it.

“I’m still pissed at you,” he murmured and pulled Dean closer to him where he lay down underneath the comforter.

“Yeah, I know,” Dean said and smiled wide, putting a hand on Castiel’s barely-stubbled jaw and kissed him. He tasted a bit like mint and he was all soft and sleepy and Dean just wanted to devour him. “I sent you a song back,” he said quietly and sighed happily when Castiel nudged his nose against Dean’s.

“Yeah?” he asked and reached over to get the phone from his nightstand behind him. He turned around again and lay facing Dean as he clicked on the screen and then he seemed to freeze before the song had even started. “Well, aren’t you just a fucking dream come true,” he mumbled and then he swiftly pushed Dean over onto his back, holding his face between his hands and kissed him deeply and sincerely while the song started playing in the background.

_I know you've suffered_  
 _But I don't want you to hide_  
 _It's cold and loveless_  
 _I won't let you be denied_

“I take it you like the song then?” Dean asked against his lips and gripped his shoulders, holding him close on top of him, and Castiel hummed in response.

_Soothing_  
 _I'll make you feel pure_  
 _Trust me_  
 _You can be sure_

“One of my favourites,” Castiel replied and moved his hands into Dean’s hair.

_I want to reconcile the violence in your heart_  
 _I want to recognise your beauty's not just a mask_  
 _I want to exorcise the demons from your past_  
 _I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart_

“What, really?” Dean said and pushed him back a few inches. 

“Yes, really,” Castiel replied dryly.

“Wow. I’m like born to do this,” Dean said and grinned large at him and Castiel huffed a small laugh, shaking his head slightly and rested his forehead against Dean’s neck. 

_You trick your lovers_  
 _That you're wicked and divine_  
 _You may be a sinner_  
 _But your innocence is mine_

_Please me_  
 _Show me how it's done_  
 _Tease me_  
 _You are the one_

“I love you,” he mumbled into Dean’s shirt and Dean swallowed the lump that’d decided to make another show in his throat.

“Well, I love you too,” he managed to get out and cleared his throat, Castiel laughing quietly at him.

_I want to reconcile the violence in your heart_  
 _I want to recognise your beauty's not just a mask_  
 _I want to exorcise the demons from your past_  
 _I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart_

There was a moment of complete and utter silence when the song ended and Dean just lay there and breathed with Castiel on top of him, the messy hair tickling against the underside of his jaw, and it was as close to being awkward as it could be while still being completely amazing.

“You want me to put on some music?” Castiel asked as if he’d read Dean’s mind.

“Yeah, sure,” Dean said and had to clear his throat again because he sounded hoarse. Damn it, he was probably looking like a teenage girl after all. 

Castiel got up and Dean puffed when his hands pushed against his chest. He walked over and just put a list on shuffle. Some indie electric stuff started playing and Castiel went back to the bed and lay down next to Dean again.

“What the hell is this?” Dean asked him totally judgementally.

“It’s ‘The Naked and Famous’.”

“It’s shit.”

“Oh, fuck off, I’m not getting up again,” Castiel said and looked annoyed.

“I don’t want you to,” Dean smiled and held him really close to his body, rocking them a little bit before he just relaxed with Castiel close to him. “I met your dad.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah. He seemed nice.”

“He often is.”

“Does he know we’re… together?” Dean said with a small smile and looked into Castiel’s eyes.

“Yeah, probably.”

“Huh… awkward,” Dean said and started grinning a little bit. Castiel huffed and stroked his fingers through Dean’s hair.

“I don’t think he cares.”

“Well, he didn’t threaten me for stealing his son’s virtue, so I’m taking that as a plus,” Dean smirked and Castiel snorted and started laughing.

“You’re just fucking unbelievable.”

“It’s true though,” Dean said and grinned even larger.

“And what fucking virtue? I wasn’t some innocent maiden, for fuck’s sake.”

“Yeah, you keep telling yourself that,” Dean purred and pulled him closer, stroking his nose and lips through his hair.

“Fuck off, Dean.”

“Mm, I really don’t think so,” Dean smirked and totally cuddled him with his arms around his waist and placing kisses on his jaw. Castiel smiled a little and turned his head, pressing their lips together and turning over so he was lying on top of Dean again, sticking his tongue down his throat and lightly massaging his neck with a hand. Dean was starting to feel hard and pulled on Castiel’s hips just to see how far he could make him go before he would pull away, only that he didn’t. Instead he pushed his hips towards Dean’s, moving them together and Dean’s breath hitched and then he pushed back, flipped them over and pinned Castiel down underneath while he kept kissing him and tracing his hands down his chest. Castiel’s breath grew more and more into pants and Dean pushed his t-shirt off and kissed him down his neck and chest, sucking a hickey underneath his collarbone. 

Castiel’s hands were on his ass, pressing him closer and then they moved to his zipper and holy shit. Dean felt his pants being pulled down and then a hand gripping his dick and he had to stop sucking and rest his forehead against Castiel’s chest instead as the hand rubbed him up and down. After a few deep breaths he moved his hands and pulled Castiel’s shorts off him, taking him too and buckling towards him. Castiel moaned and his eyes fell shut. Dean thought he was the most beautiful thing he’d seen in his life. He pushed Castiel’s hand away and kicked his jeans off completely. Castiel pulled Dean’s shirt off too and started biting and sucking on his shoulder, squeezing his hips in the meantime. Their dicks brushed together and an electric shockwave of pleasure shot through Dean, and he gripped them both after spitting in his hand. Castiel’s hands were on his shoulders, holding them tight and pulling him down to kiss him again, stroking their tongues together in a mess of slick sounds and moans.

“Fuck, I wanna be inside you,” Dean mumbled without really hearing it himself and Castiel moaned.

“Do it.”

“Huh?” Dean said from behind the haze in front of his eyes, trying to blink to clear his vision.

“Do it,” Castiel said again and buckled up towards him, making Dean groan.

“Then fucking wait,” Dean breathed and put his hand in his jeans pocket, pulling out a condom. “You’ve got lube?” he slurred, because Castiel’s teeth were currently on his nipple while his fingers rubbed the other one. Castiel moved a hand and pulled his nightstand drawer open. Dean rummaged through it, trying to stay focused for long enough to find it and shut it again after the tube was in his hand. He felt so hard he thought he’d burst soon and quickly flipped the lid off and smeared the lube over his fingers. He pushed Castiel back down on his bed and stroked their noses together, Castiel’s hands on his shoulder blades as he pushed a finger inside him.

“Fuck,” Castiel breathed and buried his face against Dean’s neck.

“You okay?” Dean said and gulped. His mind was starting to spin and he was afraid he wouldn’t make it.

“Yeah, fuck, just keep going,” Castiel ordered him, so after he’d pushed his finger inside a few times he added another and then a third. He managed to hit his prostate and Castiel bit into his own arm not to cry out. Dean felt him being relaxed around his fingers so he pulled them out, fighting the orgasm with all his might, and pulled the condom on and took a breath. He pushed in slowly and gasped at the tight feeling around him. Castiel moaned quietly, obviously trying to hold back any sounds, which Dean thought was a total shame because he kinda wanted to hear him scream, but his dad was probably still home, so he just kept pushing in instead and then pulling back, getting into as steady a pace he could while he bit his jaw together to keep himself from just falling over.

“Cas…” he moaned. “I don’t think…” He didn’t get any further, because he had to bite hard into his lip.

“Just let go,” Castiel breathed. “Come on, babe, let go.” Dean could hear the teasing in his voice and he lost control for a moment in surprise and then he was overwhelmed by the pleasure and came like a freaking firework, burying his face against Castiel’s neck to keep himself from being too loud. He felt Castiel biting down into his shoulder and then him coming all over his stomach, the cry turning into some sort of whimper.

“Fuck…” Dean breathed with stars dancing in front of his eyes. He pushed himself up a few inches and turned his head to look at Castiel, who had put a hand over his face and was panting really hard. 

“Yeah,” he said and let his hand fall down to his side, a small smile on his face.

“And don’t do the babe thing again,” Dean told him and chuckled quietly. “You’re right, it’s fucking awful.” Castiel laughed at him and pulled him down to kiss him lazy and messily. 

\-------

The next morning Dean made sure to corner his parents in the kitchen when the two of them were having breakfast.

“Why are you up so early?” John asked with a bit of humour and drank his coffee. Dean leaned his hands against the back of a chair and bit his jaw together. He’d woken up, much like when he’d decided to ask Castiel out, with a determination in his belly and knew there was no other time to do it.

“I need to talk to you,” he said and looked at them. Both looked a bit surprised and their eyes met for a moment.

“Is something wrong?” Mary asked.

“No,” Dean said and then changed his mind, only to change it back two seconds later. “Well… no.”

“Sit,” John said and put down his coffee. Dean sat down on the chair and tried to think about how the hell he should put this into words.

“You know you can tell us anything,” Mary said and tried to make him look at her.

“Yeah, I know, it’s just…” Dean mumbled absently and then took a breath, sitting up more straight in the chair. “You know Castiel?”

“Yes,” they both said in unison and gave each other a small, amused look. Dean smiled too before he shuffled his ass around a little and interlaced his fingers.

“Well, it’s eh… He’s kinda… Ehm…”

“Just spit it out, son,” John said and took another sip.

“Okay, so we’re kinda dating,” he said and then felt like he’d been too straightforward and shit, he actually just said that out loud. His parents looked at him like they were trying to hide their smiles. “What?” he asked.

“We had kinda figured that out already,” John said and smiled genuinely at him.

“What, you had?” Dean said, baffled.

“Yes, it wasn’t very hard by the way you looked at him,” Mary said and took his hand. “We’re not ancient, we know what it looks like when people like each other.”

“Oh,” was all Dean could think of to say.

“And also Sam told us,” John said casually and lifted his mug up to try and get the final drops of coffee.

“ _What?_ Oh, that little bitch…” Dean muttered.

“He was just so excited for you,” Mary said and looked affectionate. 

“So, are you trying to tell us you’re… gay?” John said carefully, like he was walking on egg shells.

“No, I’m just… no,” Dean said and felt his cheeks heat up. “I guess I’m bisexual, but… it’s just Cas, you know.” His mom smiled even brighter and squeezed his hand.

“How long have you been dating?”

“Like… three months?” Dean said and felt even more embarrassed.

“Three months?” John asked with wide eyes and a surprised look on his face. “Why haven’t we heard about this until now?”

“John, I don’t think Dean comes running to his parents the minute he’s met someone.”

“But, Mary, three months!” John argued, still with wide eyes. “Were you afraid to tell us, son?”

“Well…” Dean replied and scuffled around a bit on the chair. “I didn’t want to risk losing the scholarship or anything, you know and… stuff.” There was a sort of tense silence where everyone seemed to have things they wanted to say, but didn’t know if it’d be a smart thing to do.

“He should come over for dinner,” Mary finally settled with.

“Nah, I don’t think he’s the dinner kind of guy,” Dean said and tried to picture Castiel having a meet-the-parents-dinner that wasn’t painfully awkward. It wasn’t possible.

“Okay, well, he should come over anyway then,” John said. “We’ve barely met the kid,” he added a little accusatory.

“Yeah, sure I’ll… call him after school,” Dean said and stood up. “Well… good talk.” He didn’t know how to continue so he just nodded a little and then escaped into the bathroom to get a shower, his parents laughing gently behind him.

When he was walking home after school he did indeed pick his phone up and dialled Cas’ number.

 _“What?”_ he answered impolitely, God bless him. It sounded like he was outside and the wind was blowing into his phone.

“Hey, how are you?” Dean said and then wrinkled his nose. Since when did they ask stuff like that?

 _“I’m very well, thank you, how are you, dear?”_

“Oh, fuck off,” Dean said, but couldn’t help grinning. “So, hey, I kinda… told my parents.”

_“About?”_

“About, you know… us.”

 _“Oh.”_ There was a moment of silence. _“So?”_

“It’s kinda a big deal!” Dean said and felt a bit frustrated.

_“How did they take your big coming out of the closet then?”_

“Oh, shut up! And they were just fine with it. Actually they had kinda already figured it out.”

_“Smooth.”_

“Shut up already!” Dean said and laughed. “They want you to come over.” Castiel went silent.

 _“Oh,”_ he said again, sounding a little tortured. _“That sounds awkward.”_

“Hey, at least I talked you out of a family dinner.”

 _“Thank god…”_ Castiel mumbled and Dean could hear him push a door open and people talking. Dean’s eyes flashed towards the street with the Starbucks that was closest to school and took a chance.

“So, you’re free today?”

_“No.”_

“Come on, you’re lying.”

_“No, I’m busy.”_

“Come on,” Dean said again with a grin. “Just a quickie.”

 _“Oh, fuck off.”_

“Maybe I don’t wanna,” Dean said and pushed the door open. He pushed through some people standing in line, getting a few annoyed looks, until he saw the dark green sweater, trashed light blue jeans and black hair he was looking for. “Maybe I wanna be with you instead,” he said with a low voice when he was right behind Castiel and the guy spun around, narrowing his eyes, the bag hanging on his shoulder flying out into the air.

“You’re a fucking stalker, Winchester,” he said and put his phone down.

“Yep,” Dean said and grinned large. “So, you’re coming over to my place or what?”

“No.”

“You can’t escape now.”

“Try me.”

“Sure,” Dean said, put his arms around his waist and kissed him on the mouth. He didn’t really let him go - totally getting the OMG-an-adorable-gay-couple-look by the barista - until they were outside again and Cas had gotten his freaking latte. Dean pulled up his phone and started writing a text to Sam, telling him they were coming over after all.

“Well, see you then,” Castiel said and started walking away.

“Yeah, see you…” Dean mumbled with his eyes on the screen and then he realised what was going on and he looked up to see that the slippery bastard had almost reached the end of the block already. “Hey, you’re not getting away that easily!” he called and ran after him, throwing his arms around him from behind and dragging him to a stop. “I should throw away your fucking latte,” he murmured in his ear and held on to a slightly struggling Castiel.

“You’re a fucking pain in the ass.”

“Yeah, you should know,” Dean smirked and Castiel snorted. Finally he just stopped trying to get away and relaxed into Dean’s arms, so Dean took the opportunity to totally cuddle him from behind and kiss his neck gently and feel that tender longing in his chest that almost brought tears to his eyes.

“I should have skipped the damn coffee…” Castiel murmured to himself and took a large sip, as if he wanted to punish it for existing.

“You’re so predictable,” Dean hummed and hugged him even closer, feeling all cosy and comfortable.

“Hm,” was all Castiel said and drank some more. Dean took up his phone again and rested it against Castiel’s stomach while he looked over his shoulder and finished texting Sam. 

“Well, let’s go then,” Dean said cheerfully and kept an arm around his shoulders, in case he’d run away again. His parents weren’t home yet when they arrived, but Sam was being a pain in the ass for all three of them anyway.

“Hi, Castiel!” he said eagerly and smiled bright. 

“Hi, Sam,” Castiel replied and hung his jacket up and put his bag on the floor. 

“How are you?”

“Good, thanks, and you?”

“Great.” Dean rolled his eyes at his brother. “So, you two are like… official now?” Castiel snorted and Dean started to feel awkward.

“Guess so.”

“I’m really happy for you,” Sam said and looked so genuine and innocent and Dean almost smiled at him, but no. He was still being awkward.

“Leave the poor guy alone, Sammy,” he said.

“We’re just talking,” Sam said defiantly. “Right, Cas?”

“Right,” Castiel replied with a small smile.

“Seriously, though, I can’t understand how you put up with him,” Sam said to Castiel and Dean grunted.

“A large patience and lots of alcohol,” Castiel replied and Sam laughed.

“Oh, fuck off you two,” Dean muttered, took Castiel’s empty cup and walked into the kitchen to throw it away. When he came back Sam and his boyfriend were standing close together and talking quietly.

“Hey, what are you whispering about?” he said and felt irritated and a bit left out.

“None of your business, Dean,” Sam said and Castiel smiled a little to himself.

“Don’t be a bitch, Sam!” Dean said and crossed his arms.

“Jerk!” his brother shot back and grinned.

“Whatever,” Dean said and took Castiel’s hand, taking him into the living room and pulled him down onto the couch with him. Sam looked awkward for a bit before he disappeared into his bedroom. When the door shut behind him, Dean snuggled closer to Castiel and nudged his nose into his hair. “Seriously, what did you say?” he said and Castiel huffed a laugh.

“Yeah, you’d really like to know that, wouldn’t you?”

“Yes, I would,” Dean said firmly and held him tighter, keeping their faces just an inch away from each other.

“I’m not telling you,” Castiel said seriously and looked annoyingly unaffected by having Dean so close to him.

“Yes, you are,” Dean threatened and Castiel cocked an eyebrow.

“No, I’m really not. Although it was a really interesting conversation and mostly revolving around you.”

“Hey, that’s not fair!”

“Fuck off, then.” 

Dean stared at him and he stared back just as defiantly and then the front door opened and Dean jerked away from practically being in his lap.

“Hey, honey,” Mary said and smiled. “And hello, Castiel.”

“Hello,” Castiel replied and looked a bit tense.

“How was school?”

“Fine,” Dean answered and stood up from the couch and leaned against the doorframe, Castiel mirroring him tensely. 

“Good,” Mary said and smiled, turning to Castiel when she’d hung her coat up. “It was nice of you to come over, Castiel.”

“Pleasure’s all mine,” he replied in that serious way of his. 

“So, I understand you live with your parents?”

“I do.”

“No brothers or sisters?” Dean tensed up and stole an anxious glance in Castiel’s direction, but he looked more or less unaffected.

“No.”

“Your parents are in the financial business, aren’t they?”

“Yes, they work at J.P. Morgan.”

“Sounds nice.”

“Yeah, I suppose.”

Dean watched the exchange between his mother and his boyfriend and was starting to feel kinda awkward too, so when Castiel’s fingers started to unconsciously pull towards the cigarette pack in his back pocket, Dean put a hand on his shoulder and steered him towards the door.

“We’re just gonna get some air,” he told his mom with a smile and she smiled back.

“Don’t disappear for too long!” she called after them when the door swung shut behind them.

“Sorry about that,” Dean said with a small smirk when they were outside.

“Don’t worry about it,” Castiel said and leaned against the railing. When he didn’t take out his cigarettes by himself Dean reached around him and pulled them out, making him chuckle quietly and take them when Dean shoved them into his hands. “I never thought you’d make me smoke.”

“Just determining the inevitable,” Dean said and leaned next to him, tracing his fingers just underneath the hem of the back of his sweater. Castiel took a deep drag and then stopped with the cigarette between his fingers and his eyes turned towards the other end of the sidewalk. Dean looked around him and saw his dad getting out of a car a bit away from them. He smiled when he walked up to them and Castiel let the hand with the cigarette fall down to his side.

“Hello,” John said, before he turned to Castiel and looked a little secretively. “Don’t worry, I used to smoke too when I was your age.”

“You did?” Dean asked surprised.

“There are lots of things you don’t know about your parents, son,” John grinned and Dean felt kinda uncomfortable. “Well, I’ll see you upstairs,” he continued and walked inside the house. Castiel took another drag.

“Well, at least they like you,” Dean helped teasingly and Castiel only hummed. “Why so edgy?”

“Nothing.”

“Oh, come on, man, don’t ‘nothing’ me again,” Dean said and interlaced their fingers. “It’s not that horrible, is it?” He actually felt a bit worried Castiel was honest to god suffering.

“There’s a reason I avoid parents,” Castiel said and put the cigarette out. 

“Why?” Dean said and came to stand in front of him instead. “You’re actually nice to them and all.” Castiel just looked disapprovingly at him.

“Have you hit your fucking head and forgot about the drinking and drugs and generally no future already?” Dean just stayed quiet and Castiel sighed frustrated. “It didn’t matter until now and I just… Why would they ever want you to be with me? Parents don’t like me. End of story.”

“Hey,” Dean said and put his hands on his shoulders. “Fuck everyone else. They do like you and even if they didn’t, it wouldn’t matter, because I do.” Castiel just looked at him with his bottomless eyes, so Dean leaned in and kissed his troubled mouth, putting a hand on his neck. “Come on, let’s go back inside.” He took Castiel’s hand in his and led him inside again. His parents were sitting on the sofa and Sam was leaning against the window, undoubtedly sneaking on Dean and Castiel while they were outside. Bitch. 

“Well, look who’s back,” Mary said with a small smile.

“So, Castiel,” John said and clapped his hands down on his knees. “Must be nice that graduation is getting closer?”

“It is.”

“Do you know what you want to do afterwards?” 

“No, not really.”

Dean started to feel a bit irritated about the freaking interrogating that was going on and he tried to send warning looks to his parents.

“You don’t have a favourite subject in school?” Mary tried and Dean noticed how he almost snorted.

“No, I can’t say I do.”

There was a silence and Dean could _feel_ Castiel beating himself up even more.

“Cas can draw,” he said suddenly and all eyes turned to him. Castiel looked at him with slightly wide eyes, giving him a strange look. “And he’s really good too.”

“Is that so?” John said friendly.

“Yes… I suppose,” Castiel replied slowly.

“And he thinks I should go to law school!” Sam helped a bit too excitedly and Castiel’s lips tugged upwards. “None of Dean’s other friends even talk to me,” he added and Dean wanted to grunt at him, because that was just unfair. Who talked to someone’s annoying little brother?

“Well, I have to hand it to you, Castiel,” John said. “I’m really impressed someone managed to catch Dean for long enough to get him to bring them home.”

“Hey!” Dean said and wondered when everything suddenly became about him.

“It was actually he who did the chasing and persuading in the first place,” Castiel told them with small smirk and Dean’s parents chuckled. Dean wanted to smack him in the head.

“Okay, okay, really funny,” Dean said and nudged his boyfriend hard in the side.

“And apparently you managed to charm Sam too, because he has a hard time not talking about you,” Mary told him confidingly and Sam turned bright red.

“No, I don’t!” he said and Castiel smiled a little bigger, fingering on his bracelets.

“That’s fascinating,” Mary said with her eyes on the black bands. “Where have you gotten that?” Castiel looked down at it.

“I, eh… went to London for a bit,” he replied and Dean looked at him with curiosity, because this was new.

“Really?” John said interestedly. 

“Yeah. Got it at a market on Portobello Road.”

“When was this?” Dean asked and Castiel looked at him.

“Two years ago.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“How long were you there?” Mary asked.

“A couple of months during the summer. It was… spontaneous. Just me and a couple of friends.”

“Well, it sounds nice,” Mary said and smiled. She got up from the couch. “I’m going to start on dinner. Are you staying?”

“Thank you, but I’m afraid not,” Castiel answered. “I should get going again.”

“Well, it was nice of you to come over,” John said and got up too. “Come back anytime.”

“Thanks.”

“And we’d love to hear more about what cute things Dean does that we don’t know about!” his dad added with a wide grin and Dean grunted.

“Okay, we’re so leaving now,” he muttered, took down his jacket in the hallway and started walking towards the door.

“Hey, Dean!” Sam called after them.

“What?” Dean asked irritated.

“Next time you wanna make out, don’t do it outside my window. It’s kinda gross.” He was grinning teasingly at him and Castiel was biting his lip really hard not to laugh. Which was a huge turn on and it felt very inappropriate when his parents were present. Dean glared at his brother and pushed his boyfriend out the door, closing it firmly behind them and dragging him down the stairs and around the corner of the block. When they were out of eyesight on an empty street he pushed Castiel against a wall and sucked that lip into his own mouth, biting on it and feeling very pleased.

“Hmpf, Dean!” Castiel huffed against his mouth and pushed on his chest, his bag getting trapped between their legs.

“No, shut up for a minute,” Dean said and put his arms around his waist, pushing his tongue into his mouth and making him moan quietly. Dean felt warm all over and had to pull away after a minute to just breathe. Castiel leaned their foreheads together and brushed his hands lazily through Dean’s hair.

“You free tonight?” he asked and Dean opened his eyes and loved seeing nothing but blue.

“Yeah, sure. Why?” Castiel pushed him away slightly and put his hand in his back pocket, fishing up his phone, unlocking it and writing something with quick fingers.

“We’re going on a date,” he told him without turning his eyes from the screen.

“Cas!” Dean said with a huge grin. “Are you actually asking me out?”

“Fuck off, I’m not asking, I’m telling you.”

“Wow, bossy.”

“Mm.”

“And… What if I say no?” Dean said casually, because he could not resist provoking him, and tried not to laugh when Castiel’s narrowed eyes shot up to his.

“Fine, never mind then, dickhead,” he muttered and started walking in the opposite direction. Okay, so Dean was feeling a little bit mean, but it was still freaking hilarious and totally endearing how mad Castiel got.

“Hey, hey, hey!” he called after him and ran up to catch him from behind. “I’m kidding,” he said with a laugh and held on to Castiel with his arms around his elbows. “I’d love to.”

“The offer’s been withdrawn,” Castiel said and sounded pissed, fighting to get Dean to let go. 

“No, it hasn’t,” Dean persisted. “Come on, I’m sorry,” he purred and pushed his hands on his chest to keep him within his arms. “Please, I really wanna go on your date.”

“Maybe you should have thought about that earlier.”

“Caaaas,” Dean begged. “Come on, I’ll do anything.”

“Really?” Castiel asked sarcastically.

“Yes, promise,” Dean hummed and got really distracted by dragging his nose behind Castiel’s ear and into his hair, smelling it and moving his arms up to hug him around his shoulders instead, kissing his temple over and over again.

“Okay,” Castiel said and stopped struggling. “Then hand over your keys.” Dean was dumbstruck for a moment.

“I’m sorry?”

“Keys. Now.”

“I… what? Why?” Dean said and started to feel really suspicious.

“You wanna go on that date or what? It’s your choice,” Castiel said and sounded condescending. Dean bit his jaw together and tried to make his mind up, because he was really damn curious now, but it was his baby they were talking about.

“Can’t you just give me directions?” Dean tried.

“Nope.”

“Do you even have a licence?”

“Of course I do, dickhead, just hand them over.”

Dean groaned loudly and put his hand in his pocket, fishing up his keys and shoved them roughly into Castiel’s hand.

“I hope it’s really fucking worth it,” he muttered and crossed his arms over his chest.

“It will be,” Castiel replied and squeezed the keys in his hand. “You coming?” Dean followed him to his own car, muttering curses under his breath and got in, slamming the door behind him and then patting the dashboard apologetically. Castiel chuckled at him and put the key in the ignition, turning on the engine. His baby purred roughly like she used to and Dean felt really fucking weird sitting in the passenger seat while Castiel backed out of the parking space and got out on the road. Dean was watching him very carefully, but he did seem to actually know how to drive, so he relaxed just a teeny, tiny bit. Castiel pushed his sleeves up to his elbows and Dean kinda wanted to stroke his arms when the muscles tensed whenever he changed gear or his hands gently turned the wheel. They were driving south and Dean couldn’t help but judging his every move and made sure every single sign and every single speed limit was followed, something that he would never do himself, but oh, just fuck off already.

“You haven’t breathed for ten minutes,” Castiel commented with a small smirk. “I’m not gonna kill us.”

“I know,” Dean said and cleared his throat, sitting back a bit in his seat and drumming his fingers against his knee. The radio was playing in the background with Metallica on, so he tried to concentrate on that instead. 20 minutes later Castiel was very collected and gracefully pulling to a halt next to a large, empty bridge. 

“This is it?” Dean asked and looked out through the windshield.

“Yeah.” Castiel killed the engine and got out, Dean following him.

“So… it’s nice,” Dean said and looked out at the view. It wasn’t really like the view from Castiel’s dad’s office, but that was kinda hard to beat. 

“Yeah…” Castiel said again and swallowed, handing the keys back to Dean. “This is gonna sound really lame.”

“Oh yeah?” Dean said with a small smirk and put the keys in his pocket.

“I mean beyond purple sweater lame.”

“Really?” Dean said and was starting to grin by now. “This sounds exciting.”

“Oh, shut up,” Castiel said under his breath and leaned forwards against the railing on the bridge. “Okay, so when Gemma and I were younger we sorta made a list of stuff we wanted to do when we, you know… fell in love.” He swallowed again and Dean could swear to god he could see blushing on his cheeks. 

“Oh yeah?” Dean said again and moved closer to Castiel, putting his hands on the railing on either side of him and leaning his chest against his back. “So what horribly kinky stuff have you managed to come up with?”

“Oh, fuck off.”

“Why are you so nervous then?” Dean teased and Castiel snorted at him, mostly in defence.

“I said it was lame, not kinky.”

“Okay, well, don’t keep me waiting then,” Dean grinned. “I’m getting really curious.” Castiel kept quiet for a moment, almost looking like he was holding his breath.

“No, we should probably just go back home,” he sighed and turned around, only to find himself caged between Dean’s arms.

“Hell no, you’re gonna tell me,” Dean said and nudged their noses together. “I even let you drive my baby.” Castiel sort of glared at him and then sighed, leaning his forehead against Dean’s shoulder.

“How the fuck did I get this ridiculous?” he murmured to himself and Dean laughed at him.

“Hey, at least we’re on the same page now,” he said and Castiel huffed a laugh into his jacket. “Now tell me already, you teasing son of a bitch.”

“Okay, fucking fine.” He took a breath and lifted his head. “I want to draw you.” Dean lifted his eyebrows.

“I’m sorry, what?” he asked and Castiel groaned.

“I fucking told you it was lame! Now, let’s just leave.” He pushed on Dean’s chest, but he didn’t move. “Oh, come on! I’ll find you another goddamn movie to watch instead or something.”

“Why do you want to draw me?” Dean asked him and Castiel almost squirmed.

“I was like 14, don’t be so fucking judgemental.”

“Dude, that just makes it a thousand times cuter,” Dean said and felt a grin spread on his face. Castiel stared back at him with displeased eyes.

“Either just let me go or shut up and let me do that fucking drawing.”

“That’s why you had the bag,” Dean said and felt himself light up with a big smile. “You’d prepared for this.”

“Oh, just…” Castiel said and groaned again, pushing a hand against his forehead. Dean laughed at him and put his arms around his neck, continuing to chuckle as he rocked them from foot to foot. 

“Dude, I’m like so in love with you right now,” he told him and cuddled him as much as he could.

“You’re incredibly weird,” Castiel said against his neck and Dean shivered when he felt hot breaths on his skin.

“Hey, I’m not the one carrying a drawing pad around all day.” Castiel glared at him again and pushed him away from him, getting his bag from the car and coming to a halt in the middle of the sidewalk.

“So…” Dean started and cleared his throat, feeling a little bit exposed and awkward. “Where do you want me?” Castiel looked around him for a bit and pulled out a cigarette from his back pocket.

“Against the railing.” Dean started grinning again. “Oh, fuck off, you’re not really making this any easier.”

“I can’t help that you’re so horny,” Dean said and leaned against the railing, while Castiel rolled his eyes and lit his cigarette. He sat down by the edge of the sidewalk and Dean was kinda worried he’d get hit by a car if it drove by.

“Hey, not so far out,” he said to him and Castiel looked at him a bit funny, but moved a few feet further in. He took out the pad and a pencil from the bag and put it in his lap, looking up at Dean really thoroughly. Dean only squirmed a little. Castiel took the cigarette between his fingers on his left hand and started drawing with the other, eyes flashing up to Dean and watching him closely. After about ten minutes Dean was finding it hard to just stand there.

“How are you getting along?” he asked.

“Fine, keep still,” Castiel mumbled and took another smoke from his second cigarette. Dean huffed a little and tried to resist running up and down the sidewalk.

“Dude, I’m turning into a mummy,” he said and tried to stretch his legs out the best he could. Castiel sighed and rubbed his forehead.

“Can you just let me do this? Please?”

Dean felt kinda douche-y and nodded.

“Yeah, sure, sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Castiel said and smiled a little at him the next time he looked up. Dean smiled back and settled with watching Castiel draw instead. He was really stunning with the pad in his hands and the weird light from the descending sun washing over him from behind, so when he wasn’t looking Dean sneaked his phone out of his pocket and aimed it at him to take a picture. Just when he’d snapped it and obviously had forgotten to turn the camera sound off Castiel looked up.

“Did you just take a photo of me?”

“Eh… yeah,” Dean said a bit sheepishly and put the phone back in his pocket. 

“Why?”

“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours,” Dean replied and winked at him. Castiel snorted, but looked kinda amused, so Dean settled back against the railing with a smile on his lips. After about 25 minutes Castiel sighed and put the pencil down, looking at the picture with a small smile on his face.

“You done?” Dean asked a bit curiously.

“Mm, I actually think I am,” Castiel replied and looked up at him. “Thanks.”

“No problem,” Dean said with a large smile. “Can I see it?”

“Sure.” Dean quickly moved over to him and hunched down next to him, taking the pad from his hands kinda roughly. If did feel weird to see a drawing of himself in whole figure, but it was really beautifully done and Castiel had managed to capture every ray of late day sunlight and every shadow perfectly.

“Well, I’ll be damned,” Dean murmured and huffed a laugh. Castiel took the drawing back.

“You want it?” Castiel asked as he watched it closely, gently brushing the graphite out a bit at a few places to create shadows. 

“I don’t know…” Dean replied. What was he really gonna do with a drawing of himself? But on the other hand… it was Castiel’s drawing of him.

“Well, anyway… do you want me to have it?” Castiel looked up at him with that slightly judging look on his face that Dean had learned not to feel insulted by.

“Yes.”

“Then I’d love to have it,” Dean said and smiled, reached out for the drawing when Castiel handed the entire pad over. “You happy now?” he added teasingly.

“Very,” Castiel said and pushed himself of the ground. Dean stood up too and smiled widely at him. “What?” he asked.

“You really are totally lame,” Dean said and grinned.

“Oh, shut up.”

Dean hummed and stroked his cheek tenderly. Castiel looked at him sort of like he was struggling with something and then Dean had an armful of boyfriend, making his entire stomach tingle.

“Whatever you did to make me like this, I want a fucking refund,” Castiel muttered and Dean chuckled, hugging him really close and smelling his skin. He’d changed cologne again and Dean inhaled it, trying to see what it was. It made him smell sort of rainy, if that makes any sense at all, but mostly he just smelled like Cas and Dean must’ve hummed contently or something, because he got a pinch in the side. He was resting his hands on the small of Castiel’s back when his stupid, ever-present phone rang in his back pocket and before he had the chance to untangle his arms from Dean’s, Dean put his hand down his pocket and fished it up, dragging the answer button across the screen.

“Sup?” he said.

“Dean, for fuck’s sake…” Castiel began and pushed at him.

 _“Who’s this?”_ came a guy’s voice from the other end.

“Who’s asking?”

_“Where’s Cas?”_

“He’s otherwise occupied with his extremely charming boyfriend,” Dean said a smirk. “Can I take a message?”

“Dean, fucking hell, just give me my goddamn phone back!” Castiel said angrily and had managed to separate himself from Dean.

 _“I can hear him, you know,”_ the guy on the phone said.

“Yeah, he has a tendency to get kinda loud,” Dean said and dodged being hit in the head, gripping Castiel’s wrist to keep him from hitting him again.

 _“Okay, whatever,”_ the guy said and sounded almost nauseous. _“Can I talk to him or what?”_

“What do you want? Can’t have just anyone going around and calling my boyfriend like that,” Dean grinned and Castiel pushed him against the railing and was like half an inch from his face, looking really fucking pissed off, and snatched his phone back when Dean got distracted by getting hit right in the spine by the metal pole.

“Hello?” Castiel said into the phone and glared at Dean with all his might. “Yeah, he’s a complete asshole.”

“Dick,” Dean mumbled without too much conviction, because he kinda had himself to blame, didn’t he? Castiel didn’t even bother to look at him.

“Really?” he continued to speak into the phone. “Where did you get that? Uh-huh. Yeah? Well… I don’t think I can.” He shot a look at Dean. “No, sorry. No, really, I can’t.” He listened for a few moments and then he laughed. Dean was starting to feel really left out because 1. Weren’t they supposed to be on a freaking date? 2. Who was this guy anyway? 3. How did he make him laugh just like that? It wasn't exactly normal and yes, Dean might potentially be really fucking jealous right now. He crossed his arms over his chest and stared Castiel down until he looked up and cleared his throat. “Hey, Kyle, I gotta go. Yeah, whatever. Just make sure Gemma gets home all right. Okay, bye.” He hung up and put the phone in his pocket again. “What?” he asked when Dean didn’t stop staring angrily at him.

“Who was that?” Dean said and couldn’t have hidden his hostility even if he’d tried to. Castiel stared back at him.

“Oh my fucking god, you’re not jealous, are you?” he said and looked like he was about to laugh. Dean glared at him and felt kinda petty, but way too annoyed to care.

“Fuck off,” he muttered. Castiel put a hand over his mouth in an attempt to keep himself from smiling, but it wasn’t working very well.

“That was Kyle,” he said and looked so goddamn amused and smug that Dean’s anger just shot upwards. “He’s very straight in case you’re wondering.”

“So what did he want?” Dean asked and still sounded like he’d swallowed gasoline. The amusement seemed to pour right out of Castiel and he sighed and crossed his arms over his chest too.

“Honestly?”

“Yeah.”

“They’re going out, so he’d gotten some ecstasy and asked me to come.”

“Oh, hell no!” Dean said angrily and pushed himself off the railing. 

“Fuck off, I told him no, didn’t I?” Castiel shot back.

“Well… good,” Dean replied, still feeling sorta mad. There was a moment of tense silence and then Castiel picked his bag up with a sigh and walked towards the car. He got in the passenger's seat and shut the door hard after him, putting his feet up on the dashboard and rubbed his forehead. Dean walked after him and got in the driver's seat, feeling a bit horrible for some reason, so he scootched across the seat and pulled Castiel into his arms. The guy wasn’t responding very much to the action and Dean felt even more horrible.

“You can just take me home if you want to,” Castiel mumbled and drummed his fingers in his hair.

“No,” Dean replied. “No, I want to hold your hand and kiss you until you feel better and possibly cuddle you until I turn into a chick for real.” He smiled at him and Castiel huffed a tired laugh, shaking his head at him.

“How could you ever get popular?”

“It’s because I’m awesome,” he told him with the smile growing bigger. “Come on, don’t try and tell me you don’t wanna cuddle too, now that you’re all lame and shit.”

“Fuck you.”

“Yeah,” Dean said and put his hand on his leg, pulling them off the dashboard and down on the seat, leaning between them and put his hands on Castiel’s neck, drawing him into a soft kiss. That flare of infinite longing that seemed to live inside Dean shot up in his stomach and he just had to pull Castiel closer and fist his sweater while he kept pressing soft kisses to his lips. “So, I assume the date doesn’t end here?” he said and stroked Cas' cheeks because he couldn’t help himself. A small smile spread on Castiel’s face.

“No, it doesn’t.”

“Is there going to be a movie involved?”

“It does seem mandatory, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Dean said and smiled big. “That means you’ve actually picked one out, right?” he added hopefully, because Castiel choosing a movie would be awesome.

“I just got all the Star Wars movies,” he said indifferently. “Someone told me they were classics.” Dean’s smile turned into a big grin.

“Well, that sounds like a brilliant person.”

“Actually he’s a real pain in the ass.”

“Oh, shut up,” Dean hummed and kissed him again, feeling soft hands pushing through his hair and down his neck. “Should we get back to your place then?”

“I was kinda thinking we should stop at Hard Rock Café first,” Castiel replied. 

“And here I thought it couldn’t get any better,” Dean said and grinned at him. “And I’m allowed to drive us there now, right?”

“Yeah,” Castiel said and dragged a foot up Dean’s calf, nudging their noses together. “You gonna move or what?” he added when Dean didn’t make any effort to get up from their little pile of limbs.

“In a minute,” Dean mumbled and drowned in blue, tracing Castiel’s jaw with his thumb and kissed him once more, gentle and slowly. Castiel let him be all tender and emotional, pulling him in a little by the front of his shirt and kissing him back whenever his lips pressed against Castiel’s. Finally Dean moved to pull away, only to get held back by arms around his shoulders.

“No, wait,” Castiel said and kissed him again, leaning up from where he was half lying under Dean with his knees on either side of his hips, and fisted the back of his shirt. Dean smiled against his lips and felt very in love and very happy. Castiel pushed kisses against his jaw and then he let himself fall back against the door and let Dean go. Dean brushed his fingers through Castiel’s hair before he sat up and turned on the car, backing out. Castiel turned around in the seat to sit more normally and started fiddling with the radio.

“What’s that?” Dean asked when his car was filled with some indie stuff.

“It’s MGMT,” Castiel replied. “Even you should know that.”

“Whatever,” Dean said and stroked Castiel’s fingers, getting his hand squeezed gently in return. When Dean got tired of the hipster crap he switched to a rock channel, only to have it switched back two seconds later. It escalated into a fight over the radio control that almost ended in him driving straight into the car in front of them by some red lights. “Shit…” he mumbled under heavy breaths and felt really petrified because he could’ve killed his boyfriend.

“Smooth,” Castiel commented, also breathing a bit faster than usual. “And you were worried I’d be the one to get us killed.”

“Shut up,” Dean muttered harshly, because he did not handle getting frightened very well. He reached over for Castiel’s hand, wanting to feel his reassuring, warm skin under his fingers. He pulled up outside Hard Rock and got out of the car only to hear someone calling his name. He turned around and saw Jo coming down the street towards them with a large smile and two other girls with her. They’d all dressed up in heels and dresses and Dean thought Jo looked a bit weird and… feminine. Not that she wasn’t otherwise, but jeans and a black tank top wasn’t even close to this outfit of girlishness. A few months ago he’d even found her attractive.

“Hey, Jo!” he said with a happy smile and hugged her when the girls came to a halt in front of them. Castiel was leaning against the car a bit behind Dean and smoking. “Who are your friends?” The girls smiled warmly at him and he could hear Castiel snort behind him. The taller one of Jo’s friends had blonde hair too and wide, full lips while the other had dark brown hair and wide, brown eyes, looking like she came from somewhere around the Mediterranean.

“This is Amber and Zoe. And no, they don’t go to our school,” she added quietly so only Dean could hear her. “Girls, this is Dean and Castiel.” 

“Hi,” both girls said. Dean could see Castel glaring at them out of the corner of his eye when their eyes lingered too long on Dean.

“So, Castiel,” Jo said and Castiel looked up at her with that rude look on his face. “I’ve been wanting to meet you for ages.”

“Really?” he replied and blew some smoke into the air. “And why is that?”

“You’re dating my best friend, that’s why.” She looked curiously at him, like he was some rare object she hadn’t been able to look at properly before. “And besides, I probably know more about this whole crush thing than you do.” She grinned big and Dean slapped her on the shoulder, hissing at her to shut up.

“Is that so?”

“Yep. And I’d be happy to tell you anytime,” she added and smiled mischievously at him. Castiel looked back her with an amused look in his eyes and then they just looked at each other like that for a bit, Dean wondering what the hell just happened. It took him freaking days and weeks to make Castiel actually not hate him and then Jo comes in and they’re friends in like two seconds.

“Okay, whatever,” Dean said and looked between them. “Where are you girls going?”

“We’re gonna go clubbing,” the chick called Zoe said and linked her arms with her girlfriends’.

“You feel like coming along?” Jo asked.

“Nah,” Dean said and reached for Castiel’s fingers, massaging them lightly between his own. “We’re gonna do food and a movie.” Jo’s eyes lingered on him with something warm and almost proud in them and he smiled back at her.

“Well, it’s your loss,” she said. “See you later then.”

“Yeah, have fun,” Dean replied.

“And,” Jo added when the trio was on their way past the two of them and put a hand on Castiel’s arm. “Hurt him and you’re dead, okay?”

“Fair enough,” Castiel agreed and shared one last amused look with her, before the girls walked off.

“I can’t believe you have a gay best friend,” Dean could hear one of the girls squeak behind them and he turned around, feeling really gobsmacked. Castiel snorted loudly and laughed at him, putting a hand over his mouth to try and hide it.

“What the fuck?” Dean said towards the now empty street, still trying to grasp what he’d just heard. He turned back to Castiel who was still laughing. “Oh, yeah, real funny, asshole,” he muttered and shoved him towards the door to the restaurant, getting fingers interlaced with his.

When they were inside Castiel’s house after leaving the restaurant Dean followed him upstairs, mostly because he’d be bored if he had to stay downstairs by himself, even for only a few minutes. Castiel put his bag on the floor, pressed the space button on his computer by habit to put on some music and pulled his sweater up, his t-shirt sliding a bit up his stomach on the way. Dean smirked to himself and put his hands on the exposed skin on his lean hipbones while he was trying to get the sweater over his head, making Castiel jerk back a bit in surprise and then move closer, placing a hand on his cheek and a quick kiss to his lips. 

“Hey, is that French?” Dean asked when he noticed the lyrics from the music.

“Yeah, it’s Indochine,” Castiel responded and slowly dragged his thumb along Dean’s jaw.

“Huh,” Dean said and couldn’t really think of much else to say, because Castiel was standing really close to him, tracing a finger over his lips and looking at them like they were made of magic. His eyes flashed up to Dean’s and then they closed as he leaned in and pushed their lips together, wrapping his arms around his waist and pulling him close with lots of need and longing. Dean slid his hands up over his arms and to his neck, angling his head to melt into the kiss and Castiel’s warm lips and his tongue that stroked against Dean’s. Dean could feel the warmth from his body in a way he couldn’t when he was wearing a sweater, so he pushed his hands over his back and to his shoulder blades. Castiel broke the kiss and sucked his own lower lip in between his teeth. His eyes smiled up at Dean and then he brushed a hand through his black hair and walked out through the door, Dean tugging along into the kitchen and still feeling a bit breathless.

“You want some snacks?” Castiel asked and bent over the fridge to take out some beers at the bottom shelf in the door.

“Sure,” Dean said and threw himself over Castiel’s back into a very exciting position. “Preferably something with blue eyes and a bad taste in coffee,” he said quietly in his ear and Castiel shivered before he stood up and leaned back against Dean, who put his arms around him. Castiel chewed on his lip a bit before he closed the fridge and opened the cupboard next to it, pulling out a bag of chips.

“Will this do?”

“It’s not really gorgeous enough, but I suppose it will,” Dean mumbled and kissed his shoulder, holding him tight and being slightly aware of the fact that he was probably keeping him from breathing properly. Castiel snorted at him and shoved him away as his phone buzzed in his pocket. He sat up on the counter and pulled his phone out, so Dean went to stand between his knees, leaning their foreheads together and openly watching the screen while Castiel texted someone called Ell about getting her cigarettes the next time he was gonna buy some. After he clicked 'Send' he put the phone down with a small sigh and put his arms around Dean’s neck and his legs around his hips, making Dean feel all wrapped up and safe.

“So…” Dean started. “You actually got Star Wars because I told you to see them?” He tried not to feel too smug, but he couldn’t help it with the sweetness of victory on his tongue.

“Shut up.”

“No, it’s like the sweetest thing ever,” he pushed it and smiled.

“Seriously shut up,” Castiel said a bit more dryly. He slid down from the counter and handed Dean a beer, taking the other beer and the snacks. “Feel free to spill it on the couch,” he said and walked into the living room. Dean chuckled and followed him, sitting down in the corner opposite of him and putting his feet in his lap, only getting a small glare. Castiel put on the movie and sat back, putting his feet on the couch too so that their legs were sort of tangled across the seat between them. An hour later he seemed to have a real hard time sitting still and eventually he crawled over to Dean and slumped down along his side, putting an arm around his waist and his head on his shoulder.

“Bored?” Dean asked.

“Mm, but it’s okay now,” he said and tangled their legs together again. Dean tried to hide the mayor smile on his face, but probably didn’t succeed, because Castiel huffed a laugh and put his hand underneath his shirt, drawing lazy circles on his stomach while they watched the movie. Eventually the hand stopped and when Dean looked over at him he saw that he’d fallen asleep. Which was just so fucking cute Dean had to bite his jaw together not to make an embarrassing sound. It wasn’t even that late and Dean just felt so excited that Castiel was so comfortable with him he could just let himself nod off like that. He put an arm around his back and a kiss to his forehead.

He stayed like that for hours, not really watching the movie so much as watching Castiel, nose in his hair and a hand over his steadily beating heart and nodding off himself, until Castiel’s phone rang. Castiel barely stirred so Dean fished it out of his pocket and picked it up again.

“Cas’ phone.”

 _“Who’s this?”_ some drunk girl slurred.

“Dean, who’s this?”

_“Oh. Gemma. I really need to talk to Cas.”_

“He’s sleeping.”

 _“Then fucking wake him up. It’s like important.”_ She whimpered a little and Dean pulled the phone away and looked funny at it, like she would be able to see him.

“Is it Gemma?” Castiel mumbled against his neck.

“Yeah.”

He reached out his hand and Dean handed the phone over.

“Yeah?” he said and rubbed his eyes. “Figures. No, stay where you are, I’ll be over in 20. Love you, bye.” He sighed deeply and hugged Dean tight for a few moments before he got up.

“Hey, what?” Dean asked him. “What the hell did she want?”

“I have to go and get her home,” Castiel said and walked sleepily towards the stairs. “Kyle abandoned her and went home with some girl.” Dean went after him and tugged a little on his wrist.

“Why? Can’t she just go home by herself?”

“No, she fucking can’t,” Castiel said and looked annoyed at him. “I’d never forgive myself if something happened to her.” Dean had to admit he was kinda impressed with how much Castiel cared about her. Dean would probably just have told them it was their problem if his friends couldn’t go home by themselves.

“But why?” he pushed it. “It’s like half past twelve, she can’t be that drunk yet.”

“She’s having a bad trip, alright?” Castiel shot him a threatening look before he dashed up the stairs and came back down two seconds later with his jacket on and pushing a new pack of cigarettes into his pocket. He paused in front of Dean. 

“Sorry it wasn’t a better date.”

“Cas,” Dean said and grinned at him. “I’d never think you were so insecure when it came to dating.”

“Well, screw you then,” Castiel muttered and turned the lights off before he opened the door and shooed Dean outside.

“I’m kidding, stupid,” Dean said as they walked towards the elevator. “Hey,” he put a hand on Castiel’s shoulder and made him stop and turn around. “It was awesome.”

“Are you kidding me? I didn’t even get laid,” Castiel replied and Dean started laughing, pulling him in and hugging him hard.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” he said and forced a kiss to his lips when he rolled his eyes. “I’ll make it up to you next time,” he breathed and lifted him up by his thighs, putting them around his hips as he kissed him and shoving him up against the wall to not having to support him all by himself. Castiel gasped and instantly kissed him back, hands in his hair and on his neck and pretty much everywhere. Dean’s head was swimming because it felt so good and he almost didn’t let Castiel go when he broke the kiss, nudging their noses together slowly as their breaths brushed against each other’s mouths. The elevator pinged and Castiel pushed Dean away hard, almost falling down on the floor before he steadied himself against the wall just in time for when the doors opened and an old woman walked out.

“Good evening, Mr Novak,” the woman said with a small nod.

“Good evening, Mrs Johnson,” Castiel replied and looked at her just like she was looking at him when she passed the two of them and unlocked her door unbearably slowly. When the damn thing finally shut behind her Dean couldn’t help but start laughing, because shit, that was the most awkward situation ever and nothing had actually happened.

“Fucking hell…” he breathed when he managed to control himself again and Castiel just shook his head and pressed the elevator button.


	5. You really shouldn’t mess with someone who lifted car parts before he’d even reached puberty

On the evening two days later Dean was lying on top of his bed, nodding off from trying to read the book for English class. He started dreaming about pale hands on his body, blue eyes locking up at him and then he woke with a jerk, arousal pumping through his body and making his dick really inconvenient. He sighed tiredly and tried to get it to go away by itself, but when it didn’t he picked up his phone instead and dialled Castiel’s number.

 _“What?”_ Castiel answered wearily.

“Hi,” Dean said and felt more arousal rush through him just by hearing Castiel’s grave voice. “So I have a problem.”

 _“Mhm?”_ Castiel said and Dean heard him sit up on a squeaky mattress. Well, that didn’t really help at all.

“Oh god, Cas, are you in a bed?”

 _“You sound like a creep,"_ Castiel told him sternly. _“What’s your problem then?”_

“My problem is that I’m turned on as hell and you’re not here to make it better,” Dean complained and Castiel chuckled at him. “Why aren’t you on your way over here already?” Dean added and tried not to picture Castiel all over him. It didn’t really work.

 _“I’m 300 miles away,”_ Castiel said and sounded amused.

“What?” Dean burst out. “Why?”

 _“My aunt’s birthday,”_ he said and sighed irritably. _“She lives in Portland and apparently it was very important that I came.”_

“Oh, I can see the importance of you coming,” Dean teased and Castiel snorted.

_“Shut up.”_

“So am I making a complete fool out of myself by calling when you’re all in the middle of cutting a cake or something? Fuck, I’m not on speakerphone, right?” he added, horrified.

 _“No,”_ Castiel said and huffed a laugh. _“I’m hiding in the guest room.”_

“Way to go, Cas,” Dean said cheerfully. “And that means you alone, am I right? Oh, I’m totally gonna make that party so much more fun for ya.”

 _“Fuck off, we’re not going there,”_ Castiel said sternly and Dean could hear him shuffle around on that bed of audible porn.

“Fuck, Cas,” Dean said and had to bite back a moan. “Please tell me you’re touching yourself.”

 _“What the fuck?”_ Castiel said loudly.

“What are you wearing?”

_“For fuck’s sake-“_

“Come on, tell me,” Dean demanded.

 _“What do you think?”_ Castiel said after a small pause.

“What colour’s the sweater?” Dean asked and stopped fighting the images that were flooding his brain.

 _“Blue,”_ Castiel replied and his voice almost sounded a bit hoarse.

“Pull it off,” Dean said.

_“I feel fucking stupid.”_

“Imagine it’s me,” Dean encouraged him. “Come on, I wanna hear you come by yourself.”

 _“Fuck, Dean, you’re awful,”_ Castiel muttered under his breath, but Dean could hear him pull the sweater off.

“Are you hard yet?” Dean asked huskily and Castiel exhaled heavily. God, it was hot.

_“This is ridiculous…”_

“I’ve been hard since I called you,” Dean told him breathily with a smirk, letting his hand slip downwards. “Are you getting hard for me, Cas?”

 _“Fuck…”_ Castiel breathed. _“Yeah.”_ Dean’s breath caught.

“Pull your pants down,” Dean told him and forced himself not to press his hand over his shorts yet. “Cas, I’m so hard for you.” Castiel almost gasped and Dean could hear a zipper being pulled down and the bed squeaking. “Cas? Cas, you there?”

 _“Yeah… sorry…”_ Castiel whispered.

“Touch yourself,” Dean ordered. “Are you touching yourself?”

_“…Yeah.”_

“Oh, god,” Dean said under his breath and finally let his hand slip down, massaging through the fabric. “Fuck, you’re hot, Cas.”

 _“Dean…”_ Castiel breathed quietly and Dean moaned.

“You wanna know what I’m wearing?” Dean asked and Castiel hummed. “Nothing. Just shorts.” Castiel groaned quietly and Dean’s breath started getting quick. “Imagine I’m biting your nipple.”

 _“Shit,”_ Castiel breathed and Dean had to push back into the bed, closed his eyes and pushed his shorts down, starting to stroke himself.

“I’m all leaking for you,” Dean told him and listened to his heavy breaths through the phone. “And you’re the one stroking me in my mind.”

 _“God, this was a bad idea,”_ Castiel murmured and Dean pictured him with his eyes shut tight and mouth slightly open, pleasure covering his every feature.

“Are you imagining it’s me, Cas?”

 _“Y- yeah… Fuck, Dean-“_ he gasped and Dean stared rubbing.

“Stroke faster, Cas, come on, get closer for me,” Dean croaked out and felt his mind clouding over the more he rubbed.

 _“Dean…”_ Castiel moaned and he was starting to sound wrecked. _“Fuck!”_

“Say my name again,” Dean breathed and felt like he was starting to lose control.

_“Shit, Dean!”_

“Are you getting close, Cas?” Dean said and groaned when his mind started spinning for real.

 _“Yes, Dean, oh god, yes,”_ Castiel moaned and Dean’s breath stuttered.

“Stroke faster, Cas, speed up even more.”

 _“Dean, I- ah… ah, fuck,”_ Castiel moaned and then his breath stuttered and he cried out Dean’s name and that was just it for Dean. He fell right over with a groan and felt himself coming all over his hand. He kept the phone by his ear and listened while Castiel’s breath went from ruined into deep pants. _“Fuck, Dean,”_ he said shakily.

“That was just great,” Dean told him breathlessly and smiled to himself. “Next time Imma make you touch yourself right in front of me.”

 _“You’re gonna be the death of me,”_ Castiel sighed and Dean could hear the bed squeaking some more from Castiel shuffling around.

“Yes, I am,” Dean said cockily and pulled his drawer open to get some paper towels. He dried himself off and threw the paper towards the trash bin.

 _“Hey, Dean?”_ Castiel started.

“Yes, Cas?” Dean replied and got under the covers while he listened for Castiel to continue.

 _“I kinda wish you were here,”_ he said softly, like Dean wouldn’t be as likely to laugh at him if he was quiet enough. Dean’s chest warmed up and he hugged his comforter a little tighter, holding it close instead of Cas. Oh, shut up already.

“I kinda wish I was there with you too,” Dean said just as gently and Castiel huffed a cute little happy laugh.

 _“I hate family dinners. I always feel so alone,”_ Castiel confessed out of the blue and Dean huffed a little.

“Good thing I called you then.”

 _“Yeah,”_ Castiel said and sounded like he was smiling. “I always like it when you call.”

“God, do you have to be all cute and stuff when I’m not there?” Dean said with a laugh bubbling up in his throat.

_“It’s called being strategic.”_

“How can that be strategic?”

_“’Cause you can’t see me blush.”_

“Oh, man!” Dean moaned. “Now you’re just being a dick!”

 _“Yeah, I totally am,”_ Castiel said and laughed.

“Like I wasn’t missing you enough as it was,” Dean muttered and turned around to lay on his other side.

_“What was that?”_

“Nothing,” Dean said. “I bet you’re looking all sleepy and everything too.”

 _“What, you’re gonna phone cuddle me as well?”_ Castiel said mockingly and Dean chuckled.

“Yeah, totally.”

There was a moment of silence and Dean shuffled down further into the pillows and totally pretended that Castiel was lying right next to him.

 _“I’m hanging up now,”_ Castiel said quietly.

“Okay, well,” Dean said and cleared his throat. “Sleep tight then.”

_“You too, softy.”_

“Hey, shut up, you started it!” Dean said loudly and Castiel chuckled smugly. “Hey, Cas?”

_“Yeah?”_

“Love you.”

Castiel made a small huffing sound.

_“I love you too.”_

He hung up, which was kinda lucky because Dean wouldn’t had had it in him to do it himself. He pulled the comforter tighter around him and fell asleep with a really nice feeling in his stomach.

\-------

About a week later Dean was called into his coach’s office and he sat there in the black chair, fidgeting, until one of the scouts walked in and his heart stopped. The scouted shook his hand and talked about how he’d played and Dean didn’t really listen and just wanted him to get to the fucking point already, having a fluttering in his stomach telling him where this was heading.

“… so the long and short of it is that we would very much like to offer you a scholarship for your skills in soccer,” the scout finished and Dean stared at him, flashing his eyes to his coach who looked really excited for being like 60 and looking like an old gnome. He looked back at the scout, who looked expectantly at him and Dean nodded, ramblings things like ‘thank you’ and ‘honour’ and whatever crap his brain could think of. Then suddenly he was standing outside the office, having signed a bunch of papers and being shaken enthusiastically by the hand like three times and everything was feeling really surreal. 

He looked around him for a bit, almost forgetting where he was and then reality caught up and he took a deep breath, feeling like his chest was about to burst open and butterflies flying out of it or something. He swallowed and then walked determinedly to behind the school stairs. Castiel was leaning against the wall again in the middle of his group of assholes and Dean walked right up to him and slammed his hands on the wall on either side of his head. Castiel looked up at him with wide and surprised eyes.

“What?” he asked rudely.

“I got it,” Dean said.

“Got what?”

“The scholarship, I fucking got it!” Castiel stared up at him for a few moments, his eyes growing even larger. 

“What do you want, a fucking trophy or something?”

“Oh, fuck off, you asshole!” Dean said and started laughing at him, shoving him in the chest, and Castiel grinned at him, putting his hands on his neck and giving him a big kiss right on the mouth.

“Congratulations, then, dickhead.”

“That’s more like it,” Dean grinned and pulled him in again, kissing him and feeling like light radiated out of his chest.

“Eh…” Frankenstein’s bride said. “Are you two okay?”

“Yes, thank you very much, Gemma,” Dean said and beamed at her too. She looked at him really funny and kinda uncomfortable. “I’m just gonna borrow my boyfriend for a few moment’s, everyone.” He took a breath and pulled Castiel with him by the hand, dragging him to a deserted place behind the locker rooms and pushed him up against the wall, stuck his tongue down his throat and shoved on his sweater, making him gasp and groan into his mouth. Two blowjobs later Castiel was on his knees in front of Dean and resting his forehead against his knee while Dean was barely staying up on his legs against the wall, panting hard.

“Well, this was something I’ve never actually done on the school area,” Castiel mumbled and got up again.

“Yeah, me too,” Dean panted and zipped his pants again. “Hey, you wanna get out of here? Like I donno… get a fucking latte or whatever.” Castiel’s lips started tugging upwards.

“Sure.”

“Great,” Dean said and smiled, kissing him on the jaw and then walked with him towards the school to get his stuff from his locker. Castiel walked a bit in front of him through the corridor while Dean texted Sam and told him about how awesome his big brother was. When they’d gotten Dean’s stuff and were a few feet away from Dean’s locker again someone called his name from behind them. Both him and Castiel turned around and Dean saw that it was Pete, who’d pushed Castiel into a locker twice that goddamn day two weeks ago, along with Jack, one of Dean’s other soccer team members. 

“How did it go, man?” Pete called and then seemed to notice Castiel for the first time. “Hey, fuck off, you fag!”

“What the hell did you call me?” Castiel said and started walking towards him, looking murderous. 

“Cas, wait,” Dean said and put a hand on his chest. He stopped, but looked almost glaringly at Dean.

“What, you know that loser?” Pete said and looked like he was about to laugh.

“Yeah, actually I do,” Dean said and broadened his shoulders. “And I’ve been wanting to say this for a very long time, you asshole. _Fuck. You_ , you huge bag of dicks.”

“Hey, what the fuck, man? Why are you all on his side now, huh?”

“How about that’s none of your fucking business?”

“I bet you’re fucking screwing him!”

“You fucking leave him alone, you hear me?”

“Why? He’s just some loser!” Pete said and he and Jack laughed.

“Dean, it’s not worth it,” Castiel said tiredly and pushed his hand away from his chest, starting to turn away, but Dean put his hands on his shoulders and stopped him, clashing their mouths together. Castiel ‘hmpf’-ed in surprise and his hands went up to Dean’s shoulders, almost trying to hold him off, but then gripping them tighter and angling his head, kissing him back. He heard Pete shouting ‘What?!’ behind his back, so he put a hand in Castiel’s hair and his tongue inside his mouth just to piss Pete off. It felt amazing. He pulled back and Castiel stared at him with something rebellious in his eyes.

“You’re gay?” Jack asked him loudly and with wide eyes.

“Why, you wanna get in too?” Dean smirked and noticed out of the corner of his eye Castiel turning around, shaking his head slightly.

“That’s gross! We showered together!” Pete said and looked sickened.

“Fuck off, Pete, I wouldn’t look at you anyway even if I got paid for it,” Dean said and turned around too. 

“Hey! Don’t fucking walk away!” Pete called after him.

“Fuck you, Pete! Fuck you very much!” Dean called over his shoulder with a huge grin and followed his boyfriend out of the school. Really the best day. _Ever_.

\-------

Dean didn’t really see Castiel for the next week, being busy with handling the I’m-dating-the-weird-hipster-guy-aftermath and preparing to move to college. It was a nearby college, so he could go home and into town (and see Cas) whenever he felt like it, which was a huge relief. He didn’t really know what he’d do if he wouldn’t be able to see his family (or Cas) like he used to. He suspected that Castiel had just fled the field and was skipping school altogether, but he was actually kinda happy for it, because this way he wouldn’t have to worry about him getting shoved into more lockers or anything. He kept sending him songs though, like ‘Bryn’ by Vampire Weekend, 'Madness' by Muse and even ‘Nothing else matters’ by Metallica at one point. Dean had almost been prepared to send him back a marriage proposal.

The inevitable shitstorm that followed Dean’s sort of coming out wasn’t as bad as he’d feared. Sure, most people stared like crazy at him in the hallways and a few were giving him a real hard time because of it, but Dean was giving them back 10 times the shit they were giving him, so that stopped kinda quickly. Although most people were actually really cool with it and he even got a little group of supporters. Plus, all his real friends were okay with it, which led to a small ‘us against them’ thing, but Dean was really happy about it anyway. The most annoying thing though was that since Castiel was one of those people everyone in school knew about but no one actually _knew_ it made him sort of passively popular. The fact that it was him of all people Dean came out with just made things bigger and the girls who used to stare after Castiel in the corridors, dreaming about how badass and mysterious and unavailable he was, were now staring after Dean as well, only twice as much.

The only sign of life from Castiel except for the songs was when Dean got a text around lunchtime after a few days. _‘Three girls have threatened me for stealing their high school crush during the last ten minutes. THREE.’_ Dean chuckled to himself. _‘I’ve had like five telling me how dreamy you are, so stop complaining. And what can I say, I come with a price.’_ he sent back. _‘Dreamy?! Well, if I have to fucking listen to one more fucking chick telling me why I don’t deserve you, I’m not sure I wanna pay it anymore. I preferred it when no one talked to me.’_ Dean laughed even more and felt a fond smile spread over his face. _‘There there sweetheart, calm down. Now tell me what you’re wearing.’_ he replied and unfortunately didn’t get a reply back, so he spent the rest of lunch period to imagine what he was wearing instead. On Tuesday Dean was seriously starting to miss him though, so he took his phone out when he was on his way home after school and dialled his number, waiting for several tones before he finally picked up.

_“Yes?”_

“Hi,” Dean said and felt happy just hearing his voice. “Watcha doing?”

_“Not much. Why?”_

“You wanna hang out?” 

_“Sure.”_

“Okay,” Dean said and smiled big to himself, getting a weird look from the man passing him on the sidewalk. He cleared his throat. “You wanna meet somewhere downtown? It’s really nice outside.”

_“Could you sound any more like an old lady?”_

“Shut up, you could use some sunlight, you look like a ghost.”

_“I’m outside all the time, douche.”_

“Yeah, okay, whatever,” Dean said and laughed a little to himself. “Do you want to or not?”

_“Yeah, sure.”_

“Great,” Dean smiled again, feeling a little tingle of anticipation. “Columbus circle in an hour?”

_“Sounds good.”_

“Okay, great,” Dean said and was starting to feel like an excited little girl, so he cleared his throat again and forced the urge to laugh back down. “See you later then.”

 _“Yeah, see you.”_ Castiel hung up and Dean quickly walked back home and jumped in the shower. 

One hour and ten minutes later Dean finally arrived at the metro station at Columbus Circle, being delayed because his dear mother had wanted to discuss every freaking part of the universe when he was about to leave. He found Castiel sitting on the circular stone bench on the square and smoking, he legs crossed underneath him and leaning forward with his forehead in his hand.

“Hey, man,” Dean said and slumped down next to him.

“Hi,” he replied and threw the cigarette away only to instantly pull out another. He seemed kinda distressed and barely even looked up at him.

“You okay?” Dean asked and turned around on the bench to face him, pulling one leg up on the stone surface. 

“Sure,” Castiel said and flashed a small, unconvincing smile. For someone so bossy and sly, he was a terrible liar.

“Not buying it,” Dean said. “What’s happened?”

“Nothing.”

“Come on, talk to me.”

“I said nothing, okay?” Castiel snapped and looked like he hadn’t even been able to fool himself, sighing and rubbing his forehead.

“Cas…” Dean said more softly and looked around them to make sure no one was close enough to hear their conversation. “Come on, dude, tell me.” He put a hand on Castiel’s knee and he looked up at him for a second, evaluating him. He threw the cigarette away and pulled up another one. “What number in line is that?” Dean asked him warily. 

“Seventh,” Castiel answered and took a deep smoke.

“And nothing’s happened…” Dean muttered to himself, making Castiel roll his eyes. “Okay, fine, don’t tell me then,” Dean said and put an arm around his back and his nose against his shoulder, breathing him in. The sweater smelled like washing powder and he didn’t really like it so he sat back up and settled with just holding him and feeling the warmth from his body. There was a long silence.

“My mom yelled at me,” Castiel started after a while. “About school.”

“Yeah?” Dean said and added: “And?” because there was no way Castiel would just be upset about his mom being angry.

“And,” Castiel sighed, “she told me Claire would have been okay if I’d looked after her better.”

“Oh, dude,” Dean said and felt so bad for him. That woman was really pushing Dean’s patience, because no one was allowed to do stuff like that to his wonderful boyfriend.

“She was right though,” he murmured and leaned his forehead in his hand again.

“Hey, I thought you said you weren’t blaming yourself,” Dean said and shook him a little.

“I don’t, it’s just… she shouldn’t have had to die, you know.” He threw the cigarette away and stood up before Dean had had the chance to say something back. “Sorry, I’m being all heavy and shit. You wanna go somewhere?”

“No,” Dean said and leaned forward in the bench with his elbows on his knees. “I wanna make sure you’re not just repressing a ton of stuff and that you’re gonna be okay for real.”

“I am okay, let’s just go,” Castiel replied frustrated.

“Well, you’re obviously not,” Dean said and stood up too. “You can talk to me.”

“No,” Castiel said firmly, dragging his hand through his hair and looking even more stressed out.

“Why?” Dean said and felt really offended.

“Because I’ll have a fucking breakdown!” he snapped and turned around, walking away from him with determined steps.

“Hey!” Dean called and hurried after him.

“Leave me alone,” Castiel told him irately and just kept walking.

“Hell no, just… stop!” Dean said and pulled hard on his arm. “Don’t fucking run away from me.”

“Don’t fucking run after me.”

“Dude, stop,” Dean said and tugged on his arm, getting angry. “I’m sorry, alright?” He looked at Castiel who crossed his arms over his chest and stared back at him defiantly.

“Fine,” he said and swallowed, refusing to look in Dean’s direction and with his jaw set. Dean felt really fucking frustrated and mad that Castiel was hurt and wouldn’t let him in, wouldn’t let him help. They just stood there in front of each other for a long time, before Castiel swallowed again and Dean realised he was fighting back tears.

“Oh, son of a bitch…” Dean breathed, pulled him into an alley to get them away from all the people, drew him into his arms and held him really tight, like he could protect him from the entire world if he did.

“Fuck off, just leave me alone!” Castiel said and pushed on his stomach, but his voice was thick and strained with hitching breaths, so Dean just held him harder.

“No, I’m not gonna fuck off,” Dean said and Castiel actually let a sob escape. “It’s okay, Cas, it really is.”

“I’m sorry,” he said and buried his face against Dean’s neck.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you,” Dean murmured and pushed kisses into his hair. “You don’t have to be so strong all the time.” Castiel sobbed again and Dean felt tears against his neck, so he swallowed hard and held him tighter.

“It shouldn’t have happened.”

“I know, Cas, I know.”

“I don’t even know where it all went wrong.”

“Sch, it wasn’t your fault.”

“But it was my responsibility. She was my little sister.”

“I know,” Dean murmured and felt tears roll down his own cheeks. “I’m so sorry.” Castiel was genuinely crying by now, all shaking and sobbing against Dean and holding onto him.

“And it’s been two fucking years. I shouldn’t get like this,” he choked out and fisted Dean’s shirt.

“It’s okay.”

“I’m really sorry.”

“Don’t say that, I’m telling you, it’s okay.”

Eventually Castiel stopped shaking and he sniffled, resting his forehead against Dean’s shoulder and breathing deeply. Dean quickly brushed away the wetness from his own cheeks and lightly massaged Castiel’s back without really knowing he was doing it.

“I’m sorry.”

“I know, stop saying that.”

There was a short silence and then Castiel lifted his head, drying his cheeks with his fingers. His eyes were red and he looked really tired and drained of energy and like every breath was a huge effort. Dean helped him brush a few stray tears away and cupped his face, kissing him gently. Castiel put his hands on Dean’s chest and held on to the front of his shirt.

“You wanna get back to my place?” Dean asked him softly and brushed his fingers through his soft, messy hair.

“Sure,” Castiel said and swallowed. He didn’t look Dean in the eye even once, so Dean put his hands in his hair and leaned their foreheads together.

“It’s really okay, you know, I’d never judge you or anything.”

“I know.”

“Good.”

They pressed their lips together again and then Castiel took a step back from him, wiping his nose with the back of his hand and still looking miserable. Dean stroked his cheek and was about to walk out of the alley, but Castiel didn’t follow him so he stopped.

“Dean, I…” Castiel started and crossed his arms over his chest.

“What is it?”

“I… just…” He didn’t seem like he knew how to continue so he just reached his arms out again and Dean immediately stepped back to him and was in them within a second. Dean felt such a strong longing and his entire stomach was flowing with warmth because Castiel had reached out for him - _him_. He’d wanted him close and for him to hold him when he was sad and fragile and Dean just pressed kisses to his neck and hoped this trust, whatever it was, would last forever.

“Fuck,” Castiel said after a while and huffed a small laugh. “I’m really pathetic, aren’t I?”

“You’re absolutely not,” Dean told him firmly and took his hand when he pulled away. “Let’s just go home, alright?”

“Yeah.”

Dean held his hand tightly, stroking it as they walked back towards the metro. When they were on the train Castiel put his feet up on the seat in front of him, pulled his phone up and rested his head on Dean’s shoulder. Dean put an arm over the back of his seat and rested his head on top of his, fingering on his deep blue sweater. When they got to Queens they got off and Castiel sneaked his hand into Dean’s as they walked towards Dean’s house, making him smile and he tried to hide it by turning his head away and pretending to be very interested in the building they were passing. John was running around the apartment when they walked through the door, jacket only half on and a sandwich hanging from his mouth. A thought hit Dean and since his dad was home and seemingly in a hurry to leave Dean quickly turned to Cas.

“Where are you sleeping tonight?”

“What?” Castiel said and looked up from his phone.

“I mean like are you going home or something?”

“No, I was just planning on staying out or going to Gemma’s.”

“Staying out?” Dean said like he couldn’t believe what he’d just heard and Castiel shrugged. “Okay, anyway, you wanna crash here instead?”

“Really?” Castiel said and looked sceptical.

“Yeah, just wait here for a second,” Dean said and went into the living room. “Dad? Hey, dad!” John stopped in the middle of a step.

“What?” he said with the sandwich still in his mouth.

“Is it okay if Cas stays over?”

“Eh… what?” John said again and took the sandwich out. “Yeah, sure, just, eh…” He looked really uncomfortable for a moment and Dean’s eyes went wide when he realised what he was thinking.

“Just sleeping!” he blurted and then felt his cheeks grew really hot. John nodded and looked kinda amused.

“Good,” he said and pulled the jacket on fully. 

“Where are you going anyway?”

“Parent-teacher meeting,” John said stressfully. “Mary’s already there with Sam and I’m running late.” Dean nodded with a small smile, because that was very good news indeed, and turned around, walking back out to Castiel as his dad rushed by them with a quick bye. When he was gone Dean felt Castiel’s arms around his waist and his forehead leaning against the back of his neck. Dean smiled and picked his phone up, turning on the front camera and directing it towards himself.

“Hey, Cas,” he said and when Castiel looked up Dean snapped a picture and grinned large as he looked at it; himself with a big smile and Castiel looking slightly surprised and rude with his wide, blue eyes and looking kinda small from standing behind him with his arms around him. “Awesome,” Dean mumbled to himself and made it into his background image, just as Castiel smacked him in the back of the head. “Ouch! You’re just jealous I have a much nicer picture than you do,” Dean said and Castiel snorted behind him, before Dean sneaked his hand around him and pulled Cas' phone up from his pocket.

“Hey!” Castiel said loudly and tried to take it back, reaching over Dean’s shoulder as Dean opened the front camera again and took a picture with one eye blinking and his tongue out while Castiel was almost climbing over his shoulder. He laughed at the picture and snapped several more while Castiel was cursing at him and tried to dive under his arm to get the phone, only to be held back by Dean’s elbow on his chest, pressing him back against the wall. Dean turned around, still holding him off, and pressed kisses to his cheek and hair while Cas was still struggling and snapped a picture every time. Finally he managed to get Castiel to stay still long enough to grip his jaw and turn his face towards him, pressing a kiss to his lips and taking a picture at the same time. Castiel’s struggles turned into him putting his hands on Dean’s neck and pulling him closer instead, pushing his tongue inside his mouth and holding onto him instead of trying to shove him away. Dean snapped a few more pictures before Castiel’s tongue and his body flush against Dean’s made it too hard for him to concentrate on anything else, so he just put his arms around his neck instead and angled his head to get as far into his mouth as he could. When he broke away, his hand on Castiel’s hipbone underneath his sweater, he smiled and held out the phone.

“Thanks for the loan,” he said and Castiel smiled back at him, unlocking it and looking at the pictures. He huffed a laugh to himself and smirked, looking totally adorable, so Dean pressed a kiss to his forehead and went into the kitchen. “You wanna get some pizza?” he called over his shoulder.

“Sure,” Castiel called back to him and when Dean walked out to ask him what they should order he found him still standing against the wall with the phone in his hands and a small smile on his lips. Dean attacked his face with kisses and interlaced their fingers, dragging him into his arms and totally cuddling him, noticing how he’d made one of the pictures into his background image. And yes, they were totally making out on it.

“You gonna stand there like an idiot all day or what?” he said with a mocking smile and Castiel huffed, shoving his phone into his pocket. “You know, I don’t think anyone will be home for at least another hour and my bed is looking way too neat,” he murmured in Castiel’s ear and the guy’s breath actually hitched. Dean smiled to himself and kissed him again, slower this time, working the tension up as he brushed his tongue against Castiel’s and pushed a knee between his legs, pressing their hips together and grinding slowly against him. Castiel’s breath grew heavier immediately and his hands were on Dean’s ass, pressing them closer and pushing back against him. Dean felt his pants getting too small and pressing back his erection in a very uncomfortable way, so he dragged Castiel with him to his bedroom without breaking the kiss, stumbling through the door and pushing him down on the bed. He pulled his shirt off before he climbed after him, getting hauled down by legs around his hips as Castiel pulled both his sweater and his t-shirt off in one go. Dean pushed his hands over his chest, wanting to feel every inch, every millimetre of hot skin. He kicked their shoes off and then tugged Castiel’s jeans off him, diving back into the kiss the second he was done. It was hot and feverish and a bit like a fight for dominance, but he didn’t mind it one bit. 

Castiel’s hand tugged on his belt and then on his zipper, so Dean got off him long enough to kick them off and then rolled back on top of him, kissing him hard and really messily as he put his hand down his shorts and started stroking him. Castiel gasped and his head fell back against the pillow and he moaned quietly and god if Dean didn’t get so hard it hurt in like a second. He used his free hand to pull his own shorts off first before he went over to Castiel’s, throwing them on the floor like they were his own personal enemy. Castiel’s nails were digging into his sweaty shoulders and it shouldn’t really have been such a turn on, but Jesus, it was anyway.

“Cas?” Dean breathed and hovered with just one inch between their lips.

“Yeah?” 

“You wanna be inside me?” The blue eyes fixed on him, all wide in wonder.

“Fuck, yes,” he said and groaned when Dean’s hand brushed over the top of his dick. Dean grinned down at him and pulled a condom out along with some lube from his nightstand. Castiel pushed him over to his back and kissed him even deeper than before, taking the lube from his hand and taking the lid off, coating his fingers with it.

“You know what to do?” Dean asked between messy strokes of tongue.

“I’m gay for fuck’s sake, of course I do,” Castiel replied and Dean’s eyes opened in surprise.

“You do that to yourself?” he asked before he could stop himself and Castiel chuckled at him.

“Maybe,” he replied slyly.

“Fuck that’s hot,” Dean breathed and shut his eyes again as Castiel’s stomach brushed against his dick and light flared before his eyes for a second. He felt Castiel’s fingers by his entrance and then he pushed one inside, making Dean moan loudly. It felt a little weird but then he started moving it slowly and yeah, Dean could definitely get used to this. Another finger pushed in and it hurt for a few seconds before the muscles started relaxing. A few more shoves inside him and Castiel must’ve hit his prostate because there were freaking stars everywhere and Dean gasped, gripping his shoulders hard. Castiel’s mouth was back on his own and then a third finger pushed inside. It hurt a bit more, but then Castiel started hitting the sweet spot again and Dean thought he might die soon. When Castiel was working him open for a bit too long he grew tired of the waiting and pushed Castiel off him onto his back, straddling his hips.

“You’re too fucking slow,” he told him where he was lying with a frown, pulling the condom on him. The frown turned into a face of pure pleasure as Dean gripped his dick and slowly slid down. It hurt like fucking hell, so he paused and took a few breaths before he slid down all the way. Castiel’s hands gripped tightly on Dean’s knees and Dean supported himself with his arms on either side of Castiel’s head as he breathed, both through the pain and the orgasm that was threatening to take over at any second. He slowly started moving and Castel groaned loudly. After a few times of moving up and down he managed to hit the sweet spot again and he moaned and started moving faster. It was freaking incredible. Castiel was underneath him and panting, moaning and wreathing with every movement and Dean felt like he was burning and floating at the same time.

“Fuck, Cas, fuck you’re hot, fuck I love you so much…” he rambled, putting his hands in Castiel’s hair and tugging hard at it with every shot of pleasure that rushed through his body. Castiel just groaned and then suddenly his breath stuttered and his back arched as he came inside Dean. Dean rode him through it before he felt himself tipping over and stars exploded everywhere, filling up his body and making him fall apart.

“Son of a bitch…” he breathed when he came back down to earth, supporting himself against Castiel’s shoulders and just trying to breathe. Castiel had thrown an arm over his face and his chest was rising and falling with deep breaths. “Hey,” Dean said and pulled his arm away. “Look at me when I’ve made you climax.” Castiel laughed a little and looked up at him, cheeks all pink and a satisfied and happy look in his eyes. Dean smiled at him and leaned down to place a lazy kiss to his lips, before he got off him and slumped down on the bed right next to him, stroking his jaw with a hand.

“Is the bed messy enough for you now?” he asked him and Dean chuckled.

“Yeah, it’s pretty perfect,” he replied and pulled Castiel closer, not even caring about the come smearing onto his side. “Let’s never leave it.”

“Sounds good,” Castiel murmured and pressed his lips to Dean’s shoulder, looking tired. They stayed there for a good ten minutes, Dean forcing himself not to fall asleep and Castiel breathing slowly against his neck until Dean felt like they had to get cleaned up in case his family got home.

“Hey,” he said and gently nudged their noses together. Castiel opened his eyes and pushed himself up, dragging a hand through his delicious bed hair. Dean sat up and nibbled at his ear, simply because he couldn’t resist it. Castiel huffed a laugh and got off the bed after Dean, who led him into the bathroom a bit stiffly, getting amused and almost proud looks from Castiel, and tugged him into the shower, placing lazy kisses to his cheeks as he washed them off. 

20 minutes later they were clean and dressed and lying on the couch together, having finally ordered that goddamn pizza. Castiel smelt of Dean’s shower gel and god, if that didn’t tickle the possessive side of him. Dean had turned the TV on in the background, but neither of them were really watching. Castiel’s fingers were stroking through Dean’s hair as he rested his cheek against Dean’s head on his shoulder and Dean nodded off a few times, so when the front door opened he didn’t even react to it. Neither did Cas apparently, because he was still breathing slow and steady under Dean’s cheek.

“John!” he heard his mom whisper in his half-asleep state. “Look!” Dean pushed himself off the couch a bit and leaned on his elbow, gazing towards the doorframe where his parents were standing.

“What?” he asked them groggily and then Sam appeared too.

“Haha, that’s adorable!” he laughed. Dean grunted at him and threw a pillow in his general direction, hitting the wall like five feet away from him and slumped down on Castiel’s shoulder again.

“Fuck conscience,” he muttered and Castiel chuckled quietly underneath him, opening his eyes slowly and yawning. The doorbell rang and Dean buried his face against Castiel’s neck, not giving a fuck if someone saw them because he was way too tired. “Somebody get that,” he shouted towards the doorframe and after a few seconds he heard the front door open and a short conversation between his dad and the pizza guy.

“Dean, I think this one’s yours,” his dad said and put it down on the coffee table in front of them.

“Thanks,” Dean slurred and sighed tiredly before he pushed himself up, dragging Cas up too when he reached his hand up towards him. “Dude, you look like a mess,” he told him and smiled widely.

“You do too, idiot,” Castiel shot back and leaned against his side. Dean chuckled and lifted the lid off the pizza. His stomach rumbled when he smelled a big wave of heat from the pizza and he picked a slice up, not bothering to even think about getting up to get plates or napkins, handing it to Castiel and then taking one himself, humming contently when he sunk his teeth into the soft piece of greasy heaven.

“Damn, that’s good,” he purred and took another large bite. Castiel sighed next to him and smiled at him when he looked back at him. His eyes moved to something beyond Dean and he smiled even bigger, looking really amused. When Dean turned back around he saw Sam in the middle of stealing a slice.

“Hey!” Dean said loudly and swallowed a mouthful of pizza. Sam made a run for it and Dean moved to run after him, only to be held back by an arm around his waist. “Dude, what the fuck?” he asked Castiel, who just cocked an eyebrow and took another bite of his pizza.

“Congrats on the sex, by the way,” Sam’s voice came from the doorframe and Dean snapped his eyes towards him, pushing himself from Castiel and chasing after him like a freaking maniac.

“Come back here, you little asshole!” Dean shouted after his brother, who dived into his bedroom and slammed the door behind him, undoubtedly putting a chair underneath the handle, because it was impossible to open. “I’ll take care of you later, bitch!” Dean shouted and pounded hard on the door, getting a “Jerk!” back before he walked back into the living room and picked up the pizza slice he’d thrown back into the box. Castiel was sitting with his legs crossed underneath him on the couch and looking amused with a slight blush on his cheeks. It was very endearing and kinda annoying at the same time, so Dean pressed a greasy kiss to his cheek, smearing fat all over his face. Castiel grunted and tried to wipe it away, glaring at him when Dean laughed at him. He leaned in closer, getting a hand on his chest to make him stay away, and then licked up Castiel’s cheek, making him groan with disgust.

“That’s gross,” he murmured and tried to wipe his cheek again. Dean just grinned and kissed his nose. When they’d finished and lazily watched TV for while, Dean decided that fuck it if it was really early and nudged Castiel towards his bedroom, closing the door behind them and pulled his jeans off. He kept his t-shirt on, since it felt the most appropriate considering his family was a door away, and Castiel did the same. He put his arms around Dean’s neck and kissed him slow and gently. Dean let go of him and got underneath the cover, sitting with his back leaned against the wall and lifting the cover up for Castiel to join him.

“You coming or what?” he asked when Castiel bent down to rummage through the pockets of his jeans instead.

“Yeah, hold your fucking horses,” he replied and pulled out his phone.

“What, you can’t sleep without your blue blanket?” Dean said mockingly.

“Shut up,” Castiel replied and got in next to him, sitting up with his legs crossed underneath him and texting. Dean rolled his eyes and pulled him down onto his back, making him huff in irritation, but at least this way he could cuddle him while he was having his attention on someone else. Actually, never mind. Him having his attention on someone else while he was in Dean’s bed was just plain annoying.

“Hey, dickhead, get off the phone or off the bed,” he told him and Castiel glared at him, narrowing his eyes and then locked his phone and threw it on his jeans.

“Asshole,” he muttered and snuggled closer to him, putting his arms around him and a kiss to his throat. They lay still for a while, holding each other and gently stroking whatever part of their bodies their hands landed on. 

“Hey?” Dean said after a while and swallowed. Castiel looked up at him. “Have you ever gotten tested?”

“Tested?” Castiel repeated and raised an eyebrow. “Are you talking about STD?”

“Yeah,” Dean said and huffed a laugh, feeling a bit silly. “I just thought, you know, if we knew we were clean we could… you know.”

“Have unprotected sex?” Castiel helped and looked at him mockingly. 

“Yeah, whatever,” Dean chuckled awkwardly and damned himself for probably blushing. “I’m not saying any of us got something, but, you know…” Damn him for being so bad at talking about things.

“I’m clean,” Castiel said and yawned. “I got tested like two months ago.”

“Oh,” Dean said. “Oh, okay.”

“I suppose you haven’t?”

“No, I, eh… kinda don’t,” Dean mumbled and cleared his throat.

“Stop being so fucking awkward and just get that fucking test then,” Castiel said and pulled Dean onto his shoulder again. Dean laughed and felt much better already, happily nudging his nose against his neck. Castiel started humming quietly and Dean rested his forehead against his temple and listened. He vaguely recognised the song, probably from Castiel’s odd playlist of hipsterness.

“Hey, what is that?” he asked after a while.

“Let’s dance to joy division.”

“Oh,” Dean said and sighed when Castiel’s fingers came to lightly massage his neck.

“Dean?” Castiel said after a while.

“Yeah?”

“Guess what?”

“What?”

“I love you.” Dean started grinning really big and hid his face against Castiel’s neck.

“I love you too, weirdo.”

“Dick.”

“Asshole.”

Castiel laughed a little and turned on his side. Dean stared into his eyes, still with a stupid smile on his face that wouldn’t go away, and Castiel smiled back, placing a small kiss at the corner of his mouth. Dean kissed him properly and rolled over onto his back, pulling him with him with his arms around his shoulders. Castiel chuckled at him and Dean felt really happy and in love and kissed him with even more emotion, letting every single drop of it pour into his mouth. Castiel’s fingers were on his jaw and he seemed to get where Dean was coming from, because he whimpered a little bit and Dean thought he was gonna cry. Castiel broke off the kiss and lay down on Dean’s shoulder, a hand on his stomach and the other one interlaced with his fingers. Dean suddenly got a picture in his head of a ring on that hand interlaced with his and he was really surprised that he wasn’t freaking out as much as he should have. It was still pretty freaky, but it was also natural or some weird shit. Although… three years. Yeah, let’s blame those three years for making him all psycho. Castiel had fallen asleep on his shoulder and Dean grinned big, turned the lights off and pulled him closer, stroking their noses together lightly. Castiel stirred a little bit and Dean stilled before his boyfriend settled on his shoulder again and massaged his fingers lightly and closed his eyes.

“G’night, Cas,” he murmured and put his nose in his hair as he slowly fell asleep.

\-------

It was Friday and Dean’s entire year (well, the cool part) was out partying at some club he didn’t remember the name of and getting insanely drunk. It was awesome. That is, until some chick he didn’t know pushed herself up against him and tried to make him dance with her.

“Come on, hottie,” she said and groggily rubbed her hands over his chest, making him feel extremely uncomfortable for some reason.

“Fuck off,” he told her. Her hands were way too small and too strokish and just… wrong, although he couldn’t really figure out why. That is, until blue eyes flashed before his mind and he almost jerked away, because he had a boyfriend goddammit and this was disgusting.

“Please, dance with me. Or we can go straight to the restroom.”

“What?” Dean said and then it hit him what she meant. “No, shit, I’m taken! Just leave me the fuck alone.”

“I’ll make all your dreams come true,” she murmured in a very wasted and unattractive way and Dean suddenly felt way less drunk as she stroked her hand over his crotch and he pushed her away.

“I fucking said no, bitch,” he snapped and swayed away to the wardrobe to get his phone, because all his mind could focus on was _Cas, Cas, Cas._

 _“What?”_ Castiel’s familiar voice answered and Dean felt so much better already.

“Hi, Cas! Watcha doing?”

_“I’m out. Are you drunk?”_

“Nooo,” Dean said and Castiel snorted.

_“Yeah, right.”_

“Don’t be a dick, Cas, I miss you,” Dean confessed and leaned against the wall, because everything was kinda spinning.

 _“I miss you too,”_ Castiel said and sounded amused.

“Hey, you wanna come over here?” Dean said hopefully. “The drinks are reeeally cheap.”

_“I can hear that.”_

“Shut up, I love you, just come here, asshole,” Dean babbled and the guy in the wardrobe shot him an entertained look, making him escape towards the corner of the entry room.

 _“I’m with my friends,”_ Castiel said and Dean could hear Gemma asking who it was from the other end.

“Then fucking bring them too,” Dean exclaimed and flared his arms. “Come on, Cas, I’ll buy you like ten lattes, come ooon, I just wanna kiss you,” he nagged and Castiel laughed at him.

_“That’s the best you can offer?”_

“Cas, don’t be such a sarcastic bastard and just go with me here!” Dean almost shouted towards the wall.

_“Why don’t you come to us instead? You’re out with your dick friends anyway, aren’t you?”_

“Uh…” Dean said and tried to think. It was true the whole club was crammed with Dean’s friends that probably still wasn’t too sold on the idea of him openly making out with the weird hipster guy all the chicks secretly wanted to bang, but he didn’t really want to go across the entire city to hang with Castiel’s dick friends either. He just wanted Cas. “Where are you?”

_“Cake shop on 152 Ludlow Street.”_

“I don’t even know that place and it’s like on the other side of the planet,” Dean complained and Castiel chuckled.

_“You’d love it though.”_

“Really?” Dean said and felt himself grow lighter again.

 _“Yes. And you can kiss me all you want,”_ he tempted with that smug voice of his.

“Awesome,” Dean said and smiled big to himself, smiling even bigger at the wardrobe dude when he noticed him laughing. Castiel hung up and Dean walked over to the guy, getting his jacket and a meaningful look, to which Dean replied with a wink.

30 minutes later he walked into ‘Cake Shop’ and yes. He fucking did love it. There was live music and apart from drinking coffee and beer and stuff you could also buy music records and _cake_. Well… okay, so maybe the cake part was sort of given, but still! It was even giving Ash a run for his money. Dean felt like he’d almost walked straight into heaven and then he turned around to find Castiel standing right behind him, light hitting his hair and making it gleam, and by then Dean was convinced he’d walked straight into heaven.

“Are you an angel?” Dean asked before he could stop himself, because those blue eyes looked at him and they were fucking shining.

“Are you high?” Castiel asked dryly.

“Shut up,” Dean said and silenced the snort Castiel was about to pull by kissing him hard and putting his hands in the black hair to make him come closer. He tasted like cigarettes and chocolate, although when Dean inhaled he could smell some women’s perfume on his skin, so he jolted away. “You smell like a chick,” he said accusatory and felt jealousy curl up inside him, battling with the numbness from drinking.

“Mm, I know,” Castiel replied a bit bitterly.

“Why?” Dean asked and totally crowded in on his personal space.

“Fuck off for a second, you possessive jerk,” Castiel said and pushed him away a little. “Gemma wanted to get a perfume and fucking sprayed me with every damn bottle in the whole shop.” He actually looked a bit pissed at this. “I even showered!” he added and was definitely starting to pout, so Dean felt much better and laughed at him, getting a glare back.

“So where is the bitch?” he asked and Castiel glared even more, before he took his hand and led him to a table in a corner where the chick herself and two rock girls and a guy were sitting and chatting over beers and coffees. The guy was wearing a sweater, but it was far from as awesome as Castiel’s - which had a pattern that looked like dark blue and purple and a bit of warm yellow colours hitting a kaleidoscope. The other guy’s was just mustard yellow. On the table by one of the empty chairs was a hot chocolate and Dean grinned big and licked his lips, still able to taste that chocolate from Castiel’s tongue.

“Guys, this is Dean,” Castiel said and put his hands on his pockets. “Dean, this is Maya, Ell and David.”

“Hi,” Dean said and felt very awkward and totally out of place in his plaid shirt and general jock guy aura. Castiel just rolled his eyes and sat down, pushing a coffee towards him. 

“I got you this,” he said and drank a bit more of his chocolate.

“Thanks,” Dean said a bit surprised and sat down too, squeezing Castiel’s thigh under the table to emphasise his appreciation and got a smiling look back. “So, how does everybody know each other?” he asked just to make the others talk, so he could keep stroking Castiel’s leg and his soft hand to steal more of those warm, sideway glances. The chicks talked about meeting Gemma at a concert and the guy was mostly quiet, but it wasn’t like Dean was really listening anyway, because Castiel’s fingers had just started to absently stroke the cup in front of him and Dean had to swallow.

“You look like you wanna hunt him,” a voice said close to his side and he jerked away to see Gemma leaning towards him with a raised eyebrow.

“Shut up, he’s hot,” Dean shot back and turned away from her to see that Castiel had been pulled into a conversation with the quiet guy.

“Gross…” Gemma mumbled next to him and he tried to ignore her. “What does someone like you see in him anyway?”

“What?” Dean asked aggravated and turned back to her. “Like that’s your fucking business.”

“Of course it fucking is. I have to make sure you’re not just screwing him over, don’t I?”

Dean snorted.

“Like he would allow anyone to screw him over.” Gemma was actually quiet for a moment.

“I suppose you’re right,” she said tightly and Dean smirked. “But come on, tell me. It’s not like it’s his enchanting charisma.” She actually nudged him in the side and Dean felt like this was going way too much towards the girly chat area. “Seriously, I’m his best friend, you might want to try and impress me.”

“Aren’t you just a bucket full of flowers and camaraderie,” Dean muttered under his breath and glued his eyes back to Castiel, who was leaning back in his chair and picking on his sweater while the guy was telling him about something. “He’s really kind-hearted, you know,” Dean said out of a sudden and Gemma looked up at him, surprised.

“Yeah.”

“And he’s so down to earth and has so much integrity it’s fucking annoying.” He could see Gemma smiling out of the corner of his eye. “He doesn’t give a fuck that his sweaters are goddamn ridiculous or that he’s supposed to try and please people like everyone else does. Everyone’s always trying to lick my ass and he’s still rude and still calls me out on all my shit every single time,” he finished and noticed that a fond smile had sneaked up on his face. Gemma looked like she was biting down a laugh and nodded. “And he’s a damn good kisser,” Dean added and winked.

“Yeah, I know,” Gemma said and Dean’s face fell.

“How?” he barked and Gemma smirked a little.

“We’ve made out a couple of times.” Dean felt like he could throw up.

“ _What_?”

“Oh, come on, it’s nothing.”

“He’s gay,” Dean pointed out and looked back at Castiel, who was pulling his sweater over his head and throwing it over the back of the chair, completely unaware of the discussion going on right behind him.

“He was drunk,” Gemma said and shrugged. “Look, don’t get your fucking panties in a twist, it was just some wasted trying out and it was like ages ago.”

“You’re still sick,” Dean told her and turned around, gripping Castiel’s hand protectively with his own and taking a sip of his almost-cold coffee. Castiel was looking kinda bored with whatever Mr Not-Ugly-Enough-Sweater was talking about, stupid guy, and Dean discreetly leaned in a little closer while Castiel picked up his phone. It wasn’t eavesdropping; it was just… caring about his boyfriend’s mental health. Or something.

“So, what do you think?” the guy asked.

“I think it’s shit,” Castiel said mercilessly and scrolled down on Instagram.

“What’s shit?” Dean asked and decided he was totally eavesdropping, because now he was getting curious.

“My girlfriend wants a tattoo-“ the guy started.

“And Dave thinks I’m gonna draw her one,” Castiel finished without looking up from his phone. “For free, too.”

“Come on, dude, it’s just a drawing,” the guy bitched, making Castiel’s eyes snap up at him.

“I’m not fucking letting something I’ve made be put on your girlfriend.”

“Get over it, it’s not even a big deal-“

“I said no,” Castiel said with a tone that made it very clear the discussion was over. Dean tried not to smile and hid his mouth against Castiel’s shoulder.

“Fucking idiot,” the guy named Dave muttered under his breath and got up to walk over to the counter to get something to drink.

“You’re so hot when you’re being all dominant,” Dean said quietly and Castiel chuckled.

“I didn’t realise you were such a sub,” he said and pushed his hand up the inside of Dean’s thigh as he double-clicked on an Instagram picture at the same time, making a lame, red heart appear on it. Dean’s breath hitched.

“I thought we’d made it very clear that I’m not,” he said with a low voice and gripped his wrist before things got too awkward in a public place.

“Maybe you did such a poor job I didn’t notice.”

“Or maybe you’re just trying to tease me into proving it again,” Dean said close to his ear and Castiel shuddered, but didn’t back down.

“Yeah, right, you go ahead and try,” he snorted. Dean smirked and stood up abruptly, pulling Castiel up by his arm.

“We’re taking a smoke,” Dean told Castiel’s friends when three pair of eyes turned towards them. He pushed on Castiel until he got him out the back door and up against a wall in the isolated alley. “You know, I don’t respond well to teasing,” Dean said with a slightly threatening voice and kicked away one of the crates with empty bottles with his foot. To Castiel’s account, he didn’t even blink, but just kept his sturdy eyes locked on Dean’s.

“You say that like I’m powerless, which you should really know I’m not,” he purred ominously and licked his lips slowly, just an inch away from Dean’s. And if Dean’s breath stuttered it’s no one else’s business.

“You’re gonna regret that,” he threatened quietly.

“Yeah?” he said and he was so close with half-closed eyes and his breath on Dean’s lips, his hands firmly pushing up under Dean’s shirt. His nails were dragging over his stomach just hard enough to make Dean bite back a gasp.

“I’m fucking gonna make you beg for mercy,” Dean said darkly and Castiel smirked at him, eyes all black and they were such a big turn on.

“Try and make me,” he breathed in Dean’s ear and Dean was already so hard it was a miracle he wasn’t grinding up against him. He was about to shoot something back when Castiel clashed their lips together, flipping them over and forcing his tongue inside Dean’s mouth. Dean actually did gasp this time and Castiel chuckled smugly against his lips, pushing Dean’s arms up over his head. To his defence, Dean would probably have had no problem whatsoever overpowering Castiel if it hadn’t been for the element of surprise and the heat making his mind foggy, and after a moment he remembered this. He slid out of Castiel’s grip and pushed him forwards into the wall, pressing up behind him. He traced his stomach with his hands underneath his t-shirt as Castiel tried to push himself off the wall, only giving Dean more space to bite on his neck and push his hands up to his chest.

“You really shouldn’t mess with someone who lifted car parts before he’d even reached puberty,” Dean hummed and Castiel growled and continued to press his hands against the wall to try and get away. Dean sucked another mark on his neck and slid his hands down to his hips, pressing them back towards his own, moving against Castiel’s ass and making him moan instead. “How’s this for submissive?” Dean asked him quietly and pressed him closer into the wall. Castiel groaned and his breath was getting fast and ragged. “Although I do love you like this,” Dean murmured and traced kisses all the way up his neck, working on his jeans at the same time. Castiel’s hands were on the wall more to steady himself than to push away by now and he pressed back into Dean’s touches, making Dean feel very tingly and flushed and so goddamn hot, his dick begging to be realised from the pressure from his jeans and his brain feeling cloudy. He shoved Castiel’s pants down and moved one hand up to his chest, the other one slipping into his shorts while he kept grinding against his ass. The friction on his crotch was almost too much and on the boarder of painful, so he moved his hand from stroking Castiel, making him groan with displeasure, to unzip his own jeans and let them fall down his thighs. The removed pressure made him sigh and Castiel’s breath hitched and he pressed back against Dean’s body, one of his hands landing on top of Dean’s on his chest like he wanted to anchor himself. Dean moved his hand down to Castiel’s shorts again and when he bit down on his shoulder Castiel’s head fell down to rest against the arm he still leaned against the brick wall. God, he looked so hot right now, all needy breaths and power and energy and almost whimpering. Dean just couldn’t take it anymore and he jerked Castiel’s shorts down, then his own, pressing Castiel’s hips towards him as he jerked him off, fast but still slow enough to keep him on the edge without falling over.

“Shit, Dean,” he moaned and tried to move, to push towards him, to do anything.

“You gonna beg soon or what?” Dean asked him with a voice tight and strained with want.

“Fuck you,” Castiel snarled and Dean slowed down the pace of his hand on his dick, moving as slowly as he could and lightly touching every inch of it in a way he knew was maddening. Castiel made a noise somewhere between a groan and a whimper, forcing Dean to bring every millimetre of his self-control not to just take him right there. He forced him backwards a bit more, pushing him down until he was almost bent over the wall and made him lick on Dean’s fingers before he pushed one inside him. The noise he made was the most animalistic Dean had ever heard and he groaned, pushing in another finger. 

“Dean… please, just-“ Castiel panted and then he groaned again when Dean bent his fingers.

“Sorry, what was that?” Dean asked with ragged breaths and it took him everything to get that whole sentence out of his mouth, because he couldn’t think. Although he _could_ drink in the sight of Castiel in front of him and he made very sure to lock that away in his mind forever.

“Fuck, just-“ Dean crooked his fingers again and Castiel bent over more as he gasped loudly. “Please, just fucking please, I’ll do whatever you want, just fucking do it!” 

“I’m still not really convinced,” Dean panted and licked over his back where his t-shirt was pulled up a bit, moving his free hand to twist and work on Castiel’s nipples.

“Fuck you!” Castiel gasped and tried to move back towards him. It was delicious. Dean just responded with rubbing his hips against his ass while he worked his fingers inside him and Castiel made a choking sound that turned into a desperate moan. “Please, Dean, just please, please, I can’t take it-“

“Tell me you need it,” Dean ordered.

“I need it, I need you, fuck, I feel like I’m dying, please just fuck me already,” Castiel panted and Dean bent over his back to put a hand in his hair and tug his head up so he could bite on his neck before he gripped Castiel’s hips hard and pushed inside him. Dean was holding to together by a thread and he couldn’t afford wasting any time at all, so he started moving as fast as he could and dared, making Castiel moan and gasp and wince in a whole mess. Dean himself was groaning with every push and he felt his breath moving into short and stuttering and then Castiel tensed up under his hands and he moaned Dean’s name like a dying man’s prayer as he came, all shaky and raw. Dean fucked him through it and then he couldn’t hold on anymore, so he buried his face between Castiel’s shoulder blades and let himself be taken over by the orgasm, stuttering words he wouldn’t remember and feeling like a supernova. Afterwards he kept himself leaned over Castiel, putting his arms around his waist to keep himself secured to something. Castiel was leaning on his arms against the wall and panting hard, feeling all hot and sweaty under Dean’s hands. They stayed like that for several minutes, because Dean didn’t dare moving in case he’d fall over and die or something and apparently Castiel was thinking the same.

“Shit…” Castiel said after a while and dried his forehead on his arm. Dean pulled out of him and pulled his pants up for him before he pulled his own up too. There was come all over the wall and Dean couldn’t keep the satisfied smile off his face. Castiel turned to keep himself steady with a hand on Dean’s shoulder and he was all flustered and rumbled and almost looked like he was speechless from what had happened.

“You want me to carry you?” Dean smirked when he didn’t seem too eager to walk and Castiel’s eyes flared up at him with a mixture of irritation and awe.

“Go get my sweater,” he said and supported himself against the wall instead.

“Get it yourself,” Dean replied.

“I’m not fucking going in there again,” Castiel said and rubbed his arms with his hands.

“You won’t or you can’t?” Dean said smugly and Castiel totally glared at him. “Okay, fine, I’ll get it, princess.” He slipped inside before Castiel would have time to throw one of the crates at him, made his way up to the table and realised that he must very much look like he’d just had rough sex outside the backdoor when Castiel’s friends just sort of stared at him.

“That was kinda a long smoke,” Maya or potentially Ell said dryly and Dean refused to blush, so he put on a cocky grin instead and swept the sweater up from the chair.

“Who said we were smoking?” he asked and walked out the coffee shop again.

\-------

On Sunday Dean woke up kinda early and stayed in bed, scrolling through bands he knew Castiel liked to see if he could find a song to send him, since he didn’t want to get up yet. He listened to 'Starlight’ by Muse three times before he decided it was good enough and two hours after he’d sent it Castiel was standing on his doorstep, pulling him out with him and being all cuddly and adorable and Dean was thrilled. They were walking downtown, past stores and busy people rushing by with shopping bags or parents trying to be good role models by dragging their kids out in the sun. Castiel had a cigarette in one hand and held Dean’s with the other. His sweater was dark blue with triangular patterns all over it and the sleeves were pushed up to his elbows. Dean didn’t really know how he could stand wearing a sweater in this weather. He just wore a t-shirt himself and he could feel the knitted fabric brush against his arm from time to time. 

After a couple of hours of doing pretty much nothing but just being together and half lying next to each other in Central Park, Dean decided that normal people needed to eat and got up to walk over to a stall to get some wraps. When he got back Castiel was on the phone with someone, but he looked up and smiled when he noticed Dean coming to a halt next to him. Dean sat down, put the boxes with the wraps in the grass and his arms around Castiel’s waist, leaning his chin against his shoulder and closed his eyes, breathing him in and feeling sleepy. He smelled like a fragrance Dean recognised but couldn’t figure out where from, so he pulled him closer and buried his nose against his neck, making Castiel squirm a little in his arms.

“Ell, I gotta go,” he told the person he was talking to and put the phone down. “Dean, what the fuck are you doing?”

Dean just hushed him and kept smelling his skin until he realised he recognised it because he had the same one standing at the back of his bathroom cabinet and a huge grin spread across his face.

“You’re so cheesy,” he mused and Castiel turned around to give him a really strange look. “Keeping my shirt, drawing me, getting my fragrance…” The more he teased him, the more Castiel’s eyes darkened until he was groaning quietly and slouching down more and more, until he was just a mess of knitwear and looking embarrassed and grumpy.

“You like torturing me, asshole?”

“Just a little bit,” Dean chuckled and placed kisses in his hair before he moved to sit next to him and handed him a wrap, which he reluctantly opened and just glared a little bit when Dean smiled at him. Dean was watching him out of the corner of his eye while he ate and before he knew it, his entire wrap was just missing and he barely remembered eating it, just drowning in the sight of Castiel who put his wrap down halfway through it and pulled out a cigarette instead. The more Dean looked at him, the more he realised that there was probably a ton of stuff he still didn’t know about him, small details from 18 years of being alive, and he wanted to know every single one of them.

“Hey, boyfriend?” he asked and Castiel snorted a laugh at him, taking a drag.

“Yes?”

“What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever done?”

“The weirdest?” Castiel said and shot him a sideway glance. “Drunk or sober?”

“Both.”

“Hm… Well, the weirdest drunk thing probably was when we met some drag queens in London and put their clothes on the statue on Sherlock Holmes.”

“So, what, they walked around naked?”

“Yes,” Castiel replied casually and Dean had to laugh, because the mental image of serious Castiel with naked, probably really hilarious drag queens was just hysterical.

“And sober?” Dean chuckled when he’d managed to calm down a bit.

“I agreed to go out with the school’s most popular douchebag once.”

“Stop being stupid,” Dean laughed and shoved him on the shoulder. Castiel smirked a little and put the cigarette on top of the tinfoil from the wraps.

“How about you then?”

“Nah, I’m boring. The weirdest drunk thing is just waking up with two girls I didn’t know.”

“Thanks for that mental picture,” Castiel said dryly and wrinkled his nose. “I bet you’ve woken up with chains and whips too,” he muttered and Dean chuckled at him.

“Not yet,” he replied and blinked, making Castiel snort with a mixture of amusement and bewilderment. “I bet you’d be into all kind of kinks.” Dean moved closer and Castiel sort of tensed up, but didn’t move an inch.

“I bet you won’t ever find out if I am.”

“Give me a few weeks and I’m sure I’ll have every single one of them pinned down,” he hummed and stroked his nose against Castiel’s temple and his hand up his thigh. Castiel’s breath caught almost silently and when he turned to look at Dean he had a small blush on his cheeks.

“That’s kinda a long time, isn’t it?” he breathed and Dean grinned, leaning in and kissing him as teasingly as he could, trying to drive him completely mad, until Cas got pissed and just put a hand on his neck and shoved his tongue down his throat. Dean chuckled at him when he pulled away and dried his mouth with the back of his hand.

“We can do them all today for all I care,” Dean said and Castiel huffed.

“Tell me about a fantasy.”

“Wow, we’re really going there?” Dean laughed and Castiel smirked back at him.

“I’m curious.”

“Or you’re just horny,” Dean replied smugly and Castiel rolled his eyes. “Alright, then. My favourite is you, me, an abandoned cabin and cuffs.” 

“Cuffs?”

“On you, of course,” Dean mused and Castiel got that endearing blush on his cheeks again.

“Psycho.”

“Oh, I can do better if you want psycho,” Dean said with a grin. “I’ve had three years to put all kind of things together.”

“That’s just disturbing,” Castiel told him firmly and Dean grinned even bigger and moved closer to him.

“I have this really nice one. You wanna hear it?”

“Do I have a choice?”

“Nope,” Dean said and put a hand on the small of his back. “I have two words for ya: role play.”

“What?” Castiel said loudly and Dean smirked at him.

“It’d be the hottest thing ever.”

“You gonna dress up like a nurse or something?” Castiel asked sarcastically and Dean rolled his eyes and moved closer.

“No, _dick_ , I want you in ripped clothes and a military jacket with dirt on your face and gun holsters around your thighs and I want to tie you down and take you apart again and again for hours,” he finished with a dreamy grin on his face and Castiel stared at him with a combination of awe, arousal and light dread.

“Yeah, never gonna happen,” he breathed and Dean smirked.

“Try and tell yourself that,” he hummed back, sliding a hand up under his sweater and pulling him closer. “Now tell me about yours.”

“Maybe I don’t have one,” he said and didn’t seem to be able to stop staring at Dean’s lips.

“Of course you do, I’m too hot not to fantasise about,” Dean said confidently and Castiel’s eyes flashed up to his.

“Fair enough,” he said and Dean felt a tingle of anticipation.

“I hope it’s really dirty,” he said excitedly and Castiel snorted and looked amused.

“Fine, you want dirty? Kitchen floor on all four and vibrators,” he said with a low and rough voice and his eyes gleaming, and Dean had to swallow like three times.

“Who’s on all four?” he asked and his voice broke.

“I’m not that picky,” Castiel shrugged, looking way too casual, and fished up another cigarette. Dean’s mind was occupied with the mental picture of what it might look like with Castiel on the floor and probably sweating and pleading and he didn’t even notice how his hands were starting to grip Castiel’s sweater really tight.

“You fantasise about that?” Dean said and cleared his throat when it still sounded hoarse and tried to push the huge arousal out of his system, because they were in the middle of a public park goddammit. Castiel shot him an amused look and didn’t reply. “I have to hand it to ya; you hide that dirty mind of yours really well,” Dean murmured and Castiel laughed, leaning back in Dean’s arms, and reached up to get a kiss.

“Usually I just fantasise about this though,” he said quietly and his eyes shined up at Dean, who smiled and kissed him again.

“What are you, a girl?” Dean asked him, lifting his chin up with a finger, and Castiel snorted and cuddled closer, nudging his nose against Dean’s arm that was around him and making Dean’s chest swell. Suddenly he huffed a laugh and smiled to himself. “What?” Dean asked and he looked up.

“You just make me very happy,” Castiel said and gazed at him with those blue eyes and the world seemed to disappear around them.

“Huh,” Dean said and a tight, warm feeling started in his stomach and worked it’s way all up to his throat. “Well, I…” He didn’t really get any further, because apparently it was impossible to look into Castiel’s love filled eyes and have a working language centre at the same time.

“Tell me about something else,” Castiel said and took a smoke from the cigarette.

“What, more sex?” Dean smirked and Castiel huffed.

“No, just anything. Like why soccer?”

“Wow, okay,” Dean said and took a breath, trying to remember. “Well, dad used to play it with me and Sam when we were kids and driving him mad inside the house and when I started high school in Kansas they had a team and it just sort of… happened,” he finished with a smile.

“That’s boring,” Castiel said flatly and Dean snorted.

“Whatever, dickhead. You tell me something then.”

“Like what?”

“Like, I don’t know. How did you end up with Gemma? Did they hold a rude people’s conference or something?” Castiel snorted and laughed a little, rubbing a hand through his hair.

“No, we were sent to the principal’s office at the same time in second grade, so we kinda bonded while we waited outside.”

“Hard core,” Dean chuckled. “What did you do?”

“I cursed at a teacher.”

“And she?”

“She hit a guy for pulling her hair.” He grinned up at Dean, who had to laugh at him and kiss him on the forehead, because he was being freaking adorable. Castiel took a long drag and held it in his lungs for like forever before he let it out again. 

“Hey, can you make smoke rings?” Dean asked eagerly and Castiel huffed a laugh.

“I used to, but not anymore.”

“Well, damn it,” Dean cursed quietly. “Isn’t it like biking though?”

“Except that it stopped being cool in like ninth grade, so I haven’t tried in years.”

“Do it,” Dean pushed him. “Come on, it’d be awesome!” Castiel huffed and took a deep smoke, slowly letting it out and after the third try he managed to do a sort-of-ring and Dean smiled wide and hit him encouragingly on the shoulder. “You just keep getting better and better,” Dean told him and Castiel chuckled at him.

“Sadly I can’t say the same about you.”

“Oh, don’t be a dick!” Dean said and shoved him in the shoulder again. “I know you think I’m amazing.”

“Maybe a little,” Castiel replied and lifted his face up to blow smoke at Dean. Dean caught a hold of his chin again and kissed him like three times, totally fondling with him and grinning like a small child in a candy shop.

“Hey, can I ask you something personal?” Dean asked him.

“Has it ever stopped you before?” Castiel replied and raised his eyebrows, sitting up a bit from practically lying in Dean’s lap, but still totally staying in his arms.

“Nah, suppose not,” Dean murmured and kissed his cheek just because he could before he took a small breath and braced himself. “How come you started doing drugs?”

“Oh,” Castiel said and looked back at him, looking caught off guard. He seemed to search Dean’s face for a moment before he leaned back against his chest again. “Well, okay. I met this older guy at a party and we kinda hooked up-“ Jealousy exploded in Dean’s chest and he bit his jaw together.

“How much older?”

“Dean,“ Castiel said and huffed.

“Just answer the goddamn question!”

“I was 16 and he could have been, I don’t know, 22 or something.”

“Dude,” Dean said, disgusted by the image of some old pervert (that somehow looked 35 in his head) groping the Castiel he’d first seen in tenth grade and he really wanted to punch this guy. He pulled Castiel closer instead and held him firmly, like someone might show up out of nowhere and snatch him away. Castiel just sighed irritably.

“Like you haven’t hooked up with a billion different people,” he muttered resentfully under his breath. “You don’t hear me bitch about that.”

“That’s different,” Dean replied, although he was very aware of how much it wasn’t different at all and how childish he was. Castiel just huffed.

“ _Anyway_ , he took me to a place where they had heroin-” Dean groan loudly. “Well, fuck off, you’re the one who asked!”

“How can you not be addicted to anything?” Dean asked maybe a little harsher than necessary.

“I’ve only done heroin like two times,” Castiel huffed and sat up, leaving Dean’s chest feeling a bit cold and disappointed.

“Fantastic,” Dean said bitterly. “Have you ever gotten in trouble?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like have you ever gotten hurt or something?”

“Hm, well, I’ve had to go to the hospital twice,” he said way too indifferently.

“Fucking maniac,” Dean muttered under his breath and got a glare in return.

“It wasn’t directly because of the drugs, if that’s what you’re thinking,” Castiel said darkly. “I was just clumsy.”

“Yeah? What did you do then that made you end up in hospital?” Dean said accusably and Castiel rolled his eyes.

“Almost drowned at a beach party one time and broke my hand at the other. Although I can’t remember that one,” he added quietly and rubbed on a stain on his jeans. Dean went silent. He wanted to shout at him for being stupid and risking his life because of stupid things, but at the same time that would just make him get up and leave and that was something Dean dearly didn’t want. Castiel put a hand in the grass and was almost pushing himself off the ground by the time Dean decided to man up and don’t be a jerk to him about something that probably happened a long time ago anyway. He put his hand on Castiel’s elbow and pulled him down again, sneaking his arms around his chest.

“Good thing you didn’t get yourself killed then, idiot, because you’d be missing out on all this,” he said and smiled a little when Castiel turned around to stare at him.

“That’s it?”

“Yeah,” Dean said and kissed his jaw. “I’m not your damn mom.”

“Huh,” was all Castiel said and then he leaned back again and put his hands on top of Dean’s. “Maybe you do get better and better.”

“Of course I do,” Dean said confidently and pulled him into his lap again to cuddle the hell out of him.


	6. I wanna make you happy. Haven’t you understood that yet?

At the end of the next week Dean was just walking out of Spanish class when his phone rang with a number he didn’t recognise and he picked it up suspiciously.

“Hello?”

_“Hi, have I reached the biggest asshole ever who’s unfortunately dating my best friend?”_

“I’m… what?” Dean said and felt really confused. “Is this Gemma?”

_“Yeah, it is.”_

“Okay,” Dean said slowly and was almost expecting it to be some sort of joke. “Why the fuck are you calling?”

 _“We need to talk about Cas.”_ Dean felt his entire stomach get cold as ice.

“Has something happened?” he asked loudly and a few younger kids passing him in the hallway looked at him like he had grown horns or something.

_“No, you overprotective asshole. It’s his birthday on Saturday.”_

“What?” Dean said, still a bit behind on what was going on. “It is?”

 _“He didn’t tell you, did he?”_ she asked knowingly.

“No!” Dean said and felt offended. Gemma actually laughed on the other end and didn’t even sound that unpleasant.

_“Don’t worry, it took me three years before I found out. He doesn’t really like birthdays and everything. Too many weird family dinners.”_

“Huh,” Dean said and was still kinda expecting someone to jump out with a camera and shout ‘Gotcha!’ at him. “And what, you’re calling me just to tell me that?”

_“No, idiot, I’m not that concerned about you looking good in front of him. The thing is that we’re going out tomorrow night to kinda get drunk and throw things from people we hate off high buildings at midnight.”_

“I’m sorry, but that sounds really stupid,” Dean said and rolled his eyes to himself as he opened his locker.

_“Shut up, douche, I haven’t gotten to the main point yet.”_

“Then fucking hurry up, I haven’t got all day.”

_“You’re so lucky Cas likes you, because if he didn’t you’d have your car smashed by now.”_

“Are you getting to the main point anytime soon or what?”

 _“Okay, fine, just shut up. I was just wondering if you’d like to come with us,”_ she said and Dean’s jaw fell open a little bit. Going out? With them? _“Only because Cas likes you!”_ she added with a big emphasise to the words.

“Eh…” was pretty much all Dean could get out of his mouth.

_“Wow, you’re not really that bright, are you?”_

“Hey, fuck off, bitch!”

 _“Whatever. You could ask some of your less douche-y friends too if you want to. If you have any, that is.”_ Dean grunted at her and wanted to hit his head against the locker.

“Okay, fine.”

_“So you’re coming?”_

“Guess so.”

 _“… great,”_ she said and sounded very insincere. _“At least Cas will be happy.”_

“Looks like we actually have one common interest,” Dean said and almost couldn’t believe himself for continuing to talk to her as he started walking down the corridor. “How about that, huh?”

 _“Yeah, fantastic,”_ she said sarcastically. _“See you.”_

“Hey, wait!” Dean called.

_“What?”_

“I’ll have to get him a present, right?”

_“Yeah, you really do.”_

“What the hell should I get him?” He didn’t really want to ask her, but she did seem to know Castiel better than anyone else and Dean felt kinda clueless about the whole thing, so what did he have to lose?

_“You’ve been together for months, shouldn’t you be able to figure that out yourself?”_

“Come on, help me out here!” Dean said angrily and a bit embarrassed. “All I can think of is cigarettes.”

_“Hm… okay, I’m actually gonna tell you something here, so don’t be a dick.”_

“Fine, whatever.”

_“Cas is really, fucking deeply in love with you.”_

“He is?” Dean said and felt himself light up.

_“Yeah. I don’t know what you did, but he gets all weird and happy when he talks about it, so yeah. And I honestly think you’re doing something right, because he’s, you know… less down and shit.”_

“Yeah?”

 _“Yeah. So… thanks.”_ She cleared her throat. _“And, anyway, he made you a drawing, right?”_

“You know about that?” Dean asked terrified and felt his cheeks heating up.

_“Please, he tells me everything.”_

“Everything?”

_“Every single bit of it.”_

“Fuck, that's disturbing,” Dean muttered and slumped down on his ass on the school stairs.

_“Shut up, that’s how he’s made it this far and is still holding it together after his… family.”_

“Oh… eh… great.”

 _“Yes,_ anyway _, you should give him something personal. Like something that’s yours or whatever romantic shit you can come up with.”_

“You think he’d like that?”

_“I know he would.”_

“You’re not just fucking with me?”

_“No, asshole, I’m not actually trying to mess you two up if you make him feel good.”_

“Okay, well… thanks, then,” Dean said and swallowed down the bad taste in his mouth from having to be grateful to Frankenstein’s bride.

 _“No problem. I’ll just… see you,”_ she said and sounded really awkward and tortured.

“… Right,” Dean said just as uncomfortably and she hung up. Definitely the weirdest phone call he’d ever had in his life.

Dean spent the entire day trying to think of something, _anything_ , to give to Castiel, but nothing seemed good enough. After a while he considered just wrapping himself up in a large box and saying ‘Happy birthday, you’ve got a guy who stalked you for three years’, but no. Really fucking no. By ten in the evening he was sitting with his face in his arms on the kitchen table and groaning loudly to himself in displeasure.

“You okay, honey?” Mary asked from in front of the sink.

“No!” Dean complained loudly. “It’s Cas’ fucking birthday and I can’t think of one single thing to get him!”

“Don’t curse,” Mary said and Dean heard her put some plates into the cupboard. “What does he like?”

“I don’t know,” Dean muttered. “Weird British music I’ll never be able to find and sweaters. And I can’t buy him clothes, that’s just creepy!”

“Hm,” Mary said and sat down opposite him at the table. Dean glanced up at her unhappily from his crossed arms.

“And it’s supposed to be something, like, personal, like something I’ve had or whatever,” he muttered quietly and felt really mad, because his cheeks were starting to heat up. Mary just smiled at him and rested her chin on her interlaced fingers.

“Well… he seems to like bracelets, right?”

“Yeah… I suppose,” Dean replied and made a face when his brain presented him with the mental image of going to a jewellery shop to get his boyfriend accessories.

“How about that bracelet Uncle Bobby got you?”

“Huh?” Dean didn’t remember even owning a bracelet.

“That silver one, you know,” Mary said. “He took you and Sam fishing in South Dakota and got you that chain with a brick with some sort of Native American pattern on it.”

“Oh,” Dean said. He actually did remember it now and also the small and slightly strange shop they’d stopped at to get new hook baits after Sam had managed to drop their entire box into the lake. He was only ten though, but it was still really clumsy and Dean had teased him about it for like two weeks until John had told him to stop. The shop was selling fishing and hunting stuff, but also a bit of Native American objects, both old and new. Dean’s eyes had fallen on the chain and he was just hooked and when the man behind the counter told Bobby the symbols were protective words to keep the person wearing it from straying from the right path, Bobby had instantly bought it and told Dean it could probably do him some good. He hadn’t really worn it too much though and eventually it just ended up in his bookshelf.

“Mom, you’re a genius,” he said and pushed himself off the table. Mary laughed behind him as he rushed into his bedroom and rummaged through the shelves, throwing the books on the floor, until he found it. It was just like he remembered it, a little aged and battered, but still pretty awesome for a piece of jewellery.

The next day he was walking home from school with Jo. He’d persuaded her she really needed to come to Castiel’s birthday thing and she’d agreed to after he’d promised to buy her a top she’d wanted for ages, so now she was coming over to his place to hang out until they’d leave for the address he’d gotten from Gemma. Apparently the… party or whatever would take place on the rooftop of the house where she lived, so he really hoped it wouldn’t start raining. Jo was in the middle of telling him about a guy she’d met at a diner when they walked by a Beyond Retro store and Dean stopped dead. In the window was the most ridiculous purple sweater he’d ever seen and before he even knew what he was doing, he was walking straight across the street with Jo running after him. 

“Dean, where are you going?” she called after him as Dean pushed the door open and smiled when he actually knew that was Vampire Weekend coming from the speakers. Fuck, he was hooked. He quickly walked through the store until he found the rack with the sweaters on it.

“Look,” he said to Jo and held it up.

“What?” she asked unappreciatively. Dean shook it a little bit on front of her, giving her a meaningful look and her face lit up.

“Oh, the purple sweater!”

“Yes!” Dean said, flaring a hand out.

“Dude, that’s so cheesy,” Jo said and laughed.

“Yeah, I know,” Dean replied and grinned a little. “I gotta get it for him.”

“Yeah, you really do!” she said excitedly and rummaged through the rack. “What size do you think he has?”

“Get the largest one you can find,” Dean told her and hung back the one he was holding. “I want him to drown in it.”

“I gotta tell you, you've got the weirdest kinks ever.”

“Shut up,” Dean chuckled and pushed her lightly on the shoulder.

“Here,” she said and held out a sweater for him. It was really fucking huge and Dean grinned big.

“It’s perfect,” he said and turned around to the cashier, not trying to think about how he’d said he wouldn’t get him clothes in the first place. But hell, he’d already blown every chance to seem cool already, so why bother now?

Several hours later they were standing in the elevator and going as far up as they could in Gemma’s building. Dean had forced Jo to keep the shopping bag with the sweater in her handbag, because he was feeling like an idiot when he was carrying it around. They walked up the final staircase and pushed the door open to the windy rooftop. Gemma had actually made quite an impressive job with bringing up lanterns and a couch, a rug and a table, along with a speaker with an iPhone connected to it and playing some sort of… music. There were also tons of bottles of beer and vodka and wine. Castiel was leaning with his back against the railing with a beer in his hand and laughing with some guy, both looking kinda drunk already. His eyes fell on Dean and Jo when they stepped outside.

“Dean?” he said with wide eyes and pushed himself off the railing, running up to him and throwing his arms around his neck.

“Hey, easy,” Dean laughed and stumbled back a few steps.

“I’ve missed you,” Castiel hummed, kissing his neck.

“Man, you’re so wasted, aren’t you?” Dean chuckled and put his hands on his sides, pushing him away far enough for him to look at him. 

“No, I’ve really missed you, asshole,” Castiel replied and Dean laughed again, putting his hands on his jaw.

“Well, good, ‘cause I’ve missed you too,” he smiled and placed a small kiss to his lips. Someone cleared their throat and Dean turned to see Gemma standing behind them with two beers in her hands, handing one to Dean with an unsympathetic look and the other one to Jo.

“I’m Gemma,” she told her. “Castiel’s best friend.”

“Jo. Dean’s best friend.” 

“Sorry you got dragged up here.”

“It’s okay, I’m getting a shirt out of it,” Jo replied casually. Gemma nodded like that made perfect sense to her and pulled Jo with her to the couch.

“Hey, Cas?” Dean said.

“Hm?” Castiel replied and turned back to him.

“Am I allowed to give you your presents yet?” Castiel stared at him and blinked.

“You got me presents?”

“Yeah, of course,” Dean chuckled and kissed his nose.

“Well, sure. If you do it before midnight they won’t have to count as birthday presents.”

“You really don’t like birthdays, do you?” Dean grinned and pulled him towards the couch to get the stuff from Jo’s bag.

“No, I really don’t. And I don’t really understand how you knew about it in the first place.”

“I’ve got my sources,” Dean told him. “And I’m actually really fucking mad at you for not telling me yourself.”

“Sorry,” Castiel said and watched him as he rummaged through Jo’s bag and pulled the Beyond Retro bag up. He went to lean against the back of the couch to get at least a little bit of privacy and Castiel came to stand in front of him, looking curiously at him and the bag in his hands.

“Firstly…” Dean began and put the bag between his feet, pulling up his sleeve and unlocking the bracelet around his wrist. “I didn’t wrap it, but since it’s not a birthday present anyway…” He took Castiel’s bracelet-free wrist and pulled it towards him, locking the chain around it. Castiel was watching him with large and a bit unfocused eyes the entire time without saying a word. When Dean let go of his arm he slowly pulled it back and looked carefully at the new addition around his wrist. “You like it?” Dean asked him with a smile on his lips.

“Yeah,” Castiel murmured and lightly brushed his fingers over it. Dean smiled bigger and leaned in to kiss him, apparently waking Castiel from his haze.

“And secondly…” Dean continued and lifted up the bag. “This is where it gets really cheesy. You ready?”

“Yeah,” Castiel said and looked kinda excited. Dean pulled the sweater out of the bag and Castiel’s eyes grew really large before he started laughing.

“What the fuck is that?”

“That, my friend, is a purple sweater,” Dean told him with a large grin.

“I can see that.”

“Put it on,” Dean said and held out it.

“Seriously?”

“No, please, go ahead and burn it, it’s not like I’ve paid for it or anything.” Castiel chuckled at him and pulled his tighter, black sweater over his head, Dean totally taking the opportunity to stroke his hands over his t-shirt and making him snort with amusement, and then put the purple one on. It was ridiculously large, reaching down to somewhere at the middle of his thighs and with only his fingertips peeking out from the sleeves.

“I’ve never felt more lame in my entire life,” Castiel told him with a small grin and held his arms out, looking down at the tent he was wearing. The neckband was so large it fell down one of his shoulders and he pulled it back up, only to have it sliding down again a few seconds later. Dean drank him in and felt really happy with himself for finding it, because even though it didn’t have the same ugly pattern on it but an almost-okay pattern instead, it really resembled the sweater he’d worn when Dean fell for him in a heartbeat and then had an existential crisis about his sexuality for weeks. And the fact that it revealed both of his collarbones and didn’t seem to want to stay up on his shoulders wasn’t really something to complain about either.

“You look awesome,” Dean said and smiled big at him. Castiel laughed and moved forwards until he was pressed against Dean and nudged their noses together, massaging his hand.

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” Dean said and met Castiel’s lips when he leaned in to kiss him. He put his hands on Castiel’s sides and buried his hands in the mass of fabric. When he looked up Castiel’s eyes were locked on him and he almost looked spellbound, blue eyes all shining, and Dean drowned in them until someone shouted behind them. Castiel pulled away and looked over to the others.

“Cas! It’s midnight!” Gemma screamed.

“Already?” he asked and walked around the couch.

“Yes! Happy birthday!” she shrieked and jumped up into his arms with her legs around his hips and gave him a big kiss right on the mouth. Castiel just laughed and held her up with his hands under her thighs, spinning her around. She screamed and laughed, clutching to him, and then stumbled off him. “Dean!” she yelled. “It’s time!”

“Time for what?” Dean asked and felt really confused as she pulled him towards the others, turning up the volume on the weird music at the same time.

_I'll believe when the walls stop turning_  
 _I'll believe when the storm is through_  
 _I believe I hear them say_  
 _David won't stop writing songs_  
 _I never wanna shake their hands and stay_  
 _I never wanna shake their hands and stay_  
 _Oh no let's go_

“Cas!” she yelled again, totally forgetting Dean's entire existence. “You’ve got the stuff?”

“Yep!” he said with a smile and held up an expensive and modern-looking square glass thingy.

“Great!” she said excitedly and pushed a baseball bat and a bottle of vodka into his arms. “Drink!” She almost pushed it against his mouth and he took a big gulp with an amused huff and wiped his lips.

_We are young, we are one_  
 _Let us shine for what it's worth_  
 _To your place, place, place_  
 _We're on our way, way, way_  
 _We're on our way, way, way_  
 _We're on our way somehow_  
 _Hold me close, close, close_  
 _We're losing time, time, time_  
 _We're losing time, time, time_  
 _We're falling to the ground_

“Cas, what are you doing?” Dean asked perplexed and laughed a little. “And what is that?”

“This is my dear mother’s new 8000-dollar vase and we’re smashing it,” he said with mischief shining from his eyes, pushing the large sleeves up to his elbows.

“Why?”

“Revenge,” Cas said casually.

“You’re insane,” Dean laughed and he smirked.

“Like you didn’t already know that,” he said and handed the vase to a guy standing in front of him, lifting the bat over his shoulder.

“Ready?” the guy asked.

“Yeah,” Castiel said and the guy threw the vase into the air. Castiel swung the bat and smashed the vase into a million glass pieces that flew out over the edge of the building. Dean peeked over the edge and was kinda relieved to see that the street below was just an empty back alley. Not that Castiel would actually hurt people unprovoked but, yeah.

“Fuck yeah!” Gemma screamed and jumped up on Cas' back, reaching her arms into the air and laughing loud.

“Next!” Castiel called.

“Take mine, take mine!” a girl shrieked and came to stand in front of him with a cell phone in her hands. She threw it up and he smashed that too, the bits and pieces soaring into the air. The girls screamed in excitement and jumped up and down. This went on until everyone had had something smashed into the darkness and by the end if it Castiel was bent over the bat and laughing hard from having a drink forced down his throat with every swing. A few people were lying on the couch in a mess and yelling out the lyrics to the song currently playing (it was ‘Can’t hold us back’ - finally a song Dean knew by himself) and Gemma was dancing ferociously. Jo was standing beside Dean with a big and unbelieving smile on her face and shaking her head at the maniacs they were hanging with. Gemma leaped over to her and dragged her into the dance, jumping up and down and swinging her hair through the air. Castiel stood up with a smile and stumbled a little.

“Woah, dude,” Dean said and gripped his shoulders. Castiel threw his arms around Dean neck and kissed every inch of skin he could find on his throat and face. Dean laughed at him and put his hands in his hair to keep him still.

“Dean…” Castiel started and swayed a little. “There’s something I wanna tell you.”

“Oh, yeah?” Dean said and smiled.

“But… I seem to have forgotten it,” he continued and snorted with laughter. Dean just stared at him and started laughing too, clutching to his already unsteady shoulders, making him stumble to the side and trip over his own feet, dragging Dean down to the ground with him. Dean landed right on top of him and got scared he’d hurt him, but Castiel just groaned and then kept laughing, so Dean laughed with him and put his forehead against his shoulder. 

“Dude, I love you,” Dean chortled and pulled him up into a sitting position, Castiel’s legs ending up on either of where he was sitting on his heels. Castiel smiled big and put his hands in Dean’s hair, dragging him forwards to messily clash their mouths together.

“Let’s go somewhere,” he said seriously and stared into Dean’s eyes.

“Where?” Dean said and laughed quietly.

“Anywhere! I wanna be with you.”

“You wanna be with me?” Dean repeated and smiled even bigger.

“Yes!” he proclaimed and climbed into Dean’s lap. “I wanna fuck you until you’re whimpering and pleading and falling apart because of me.” Dean just stared into his eyes.

“You do?” he asked and blushed when his voice was at a much higher pitch than usual.

“Yes,” Castiel said again, just as serious. “Please, let me.” Dean just kept staring into the sea of blue and then he swiftly pushed himself off the ground and pulled Castiel with him, dragging him behind him as he hurried over to Jo, gripping her arm.

“We’re gonna bail now,” he told her and felt Castiel’s arms go around his neck from behind, his chest against Dean’s back. He started singing ‘Sway’ in Dean’s ear and Dean smiled big, putting his hands on top of his.

“Yeah?” Jo said and looked amused at them with a small smirk. “You gonna have a little party of your own?” Dean snorted a laugh at her and couldn’t hide his smile even if he’d wanted to.

“Yeah. You gonna be okay?”

“Yeah, I’m gonna leave soon too,” she told him with her hands on her hips.

“Okay, you take care alright?” Dean told her and she nodded.

“Have fun guys!” she called after them as Dean pulled Castiel with him to the door and then into the elevator, almost getting a blow job on the way down, but then the doors opened and Castiel almost sneered at them, making Dean laughing really hard again. 

They got in the car and Castiel would not leave Dean alone while he drove, so he steered into a relatively abandoned parking lot behind a closed office building with Florence + the machine playing in the background, but changing channel wasn’t really on Dean’s top ten list of priorities right now, because Castiel was on him immediately again, pulling him into the backseat and kissing and grinding down at him as he worked his pants open and pulled them off him. Dean groaned from feeling incredibly turned on really fast and tried to pull off the purple sweater, only to get both Castiel and himself tangled in it and Castiel collapsed down on Dean with laughter when he was finally freed from it. Dean chuckled and put his arms around him. Castiel looked up at him again with blue eyes really close and a small smile, making his cheeks all round and fluffy. Dean stared back at him before he put his hand on his jaw and stuck his tongue down his throat. Castiel moaned, making Dean break the kiss from feeling himself getting really hard. He bit down on his lip and Castiel’s hands started working on his own jeans, pulling them off and then his t-shirt. Dean gripped almost desperately at his naked arms as Castiel pressed one hand down and over Dean's short and the other pulled his shirt up over his stomach and started biting on his nipples. Dean pulled his shirt off altogether and groaned when Castiel’s hand slipped into his shorts. He already felt like he could climax at any second and then Castiel pulled away and Dean looked confused and almost angrily at him.

“I’m not letting you come yet,” Castiel told him and Dean stared up at him with wide eyes. He pulled Dean’s short off him and then his own, laying down almost flush together and Dean groaned really deep down in his throat as he moved their crotches together, panting in Dean’s ear and moaning quietly.

“Fuck, Cas, fuck, oh god,” Dean panted and closed his eyes as his mind started getting blank. Then a lube-covered finger slipped inside him and he gasped and opened his eyes. Castiel was right above him, so he put a hand on his neck and pulled him down to kiss him deep and needy. A second finger was sturdily pushed inside him and worked on him until a third pushed in too. They curled a little bit inside him and he cried out, getting so fucking incredibly close. They pulled out and then Castiel wasn’t on top of him anymore. Dean opened his eyes again and saw him rummaging through his pants until he came back to him, ripping a condom open and looking down at him with love and arousal. Castiel’s hand came to rest on his cheek, stroking it lightly and Dean wanted to cry because it felt so affectionate. Then he heard a lid pop open again and a few seconds later Castiel’s mouth came to cover his before he carefully pushed inside him.

“Oh, god!” Dean cried out, because it was so painful and so hot at the same time.

“Am I hurting you?” Castiel asked him worriedly through deep breaths.

“No, it’s okay, keep going for fuck’s sake,” Dean murmured and moaned as he pushed in even further. “Fuck, Cas, move!” he ordered and Castiel obliged while he sucked marks on Dean’s chest and his hands moved across his stomach to press against his nipples. Dean was honestly feeling like he was going to die because he was so hard and his heart pounded so fast and heat filled up every cell in his body and threatened to burst him open. He winced when Castiel found the golden spot inside him and Castiel almost whimpered.

“Oh, fuck, Dean, I love you, I love you so fucking much, oh, god,” he mumbled against his collarbones and his hand slid down to grip Dean’s cock, rubbing him fast, and Dean couldn’t breathe anymore, couldn’t think, couldn’t live with this much pleasure in his system and he cried out and exploded into light and release, not aware of anything except the biggest orgasm in his life taking him over completely. When his vision started clearing up after what felt like years a small sound escaped his mouth and he blinked up towards the roof, not really understanding what had just happened. There was a weight on top of him and he put his hand on top of it, feeling Castiel’s sweaty back under his fingers and started to make out the shape of Castiel’s body flush against his own, Castiel’s nose against his neck and panting hard, clutching to his shoulder.

“Cas?” Dean breathed and blinked again. “You alive?”

“I’m not sure,” Castiel whispered back and slowly moved his face down to kiss Dean lazily on a collarbone. Dean chuckled quietly at him and brushed the sweat from his forehead.

“Happy birthday, lover,” Dean mumbled and smiled at his own cheesiness when Castiel laughed quietly against his neck.

“You’re so fucking corny,” he murmured.

“And you’re the greatest lay in my life,” Dean shot back and felt him grin. He started to drift off to sleep, so he put his arms around Castiel and turned his head to see the blue eyes looking up at him. He smiled at him and Castiel smiled back, putting a hand on the side of his neck and nuzzling closer, closing his eyes. Dean sighed happily and closed his eyes too, feeling the damp body against him, and fell asleep breathing in the scent of his sweaty hair. 

\-------

The next day was chaos. Dean’s phone rang again and again for a good two minutes before Castiel got frustrated and almost shoved him off the backseat, telling him to pick the goddamn phone up before he fucking broke up with him. When he murmured a groggily ‘Hello?’ it turned out to be his dad, who was really mad at him for not coming home last night and not calling to tell them where he was and get your ass back home, we’re gonna go look at that apartment in 20 minutes.

“Cas, we gotta go like right now,” Dean said and tried to put on all his clothes almost frenetically.

“Yeah, I kinda got that,” Castel murmured and carefully sat up.

“I said right now!” Dean almost snapped, because he was so stressed out.

“Don’t fucking yell!” Castiel hissed back and rubbed his forehead.

“Hangover?” Dean said with a big grin and Castiel glared at him.

“Fuck you.”

“Nah, you took care of that last night, didn’t you?” Dean mused and sneaked closer to him, stealing a soft kiss from his pouty lips. He got in the front seat and groaned quietly under his breath, because his ass was kinda hurting, and backed out while Castiel was buttoning his pants and pulling the purple sweater on without even bothering to look for his t-shirt. He climbed after him into the front seat and slumped down with his feet on the dashboard and his head against his knees.

“You're not gonna throw up, are you?” Dean asked, both concerned for his boyfriend and for his baby.

“No,” Castiel grunted. The neckline of the sweater slipped down his naked shoulder by the time they stopped at a red light and Dean could not for the world look away. He reached out a hand and let his fingers trace down the exposed skin, getting an amused look from Castiel from where he was resting his head against his knees. Someone honked furiously behind them and he almost jumped and realised that it had probably been green for ages, feeling a blush creep up his cheeks, and he swiftly put in a gear and pressed the gas pedal to the floor. Castiel was chuckling next to him and reached for his hand, stroking his thumb with soft fingers.

“Where are you going?”

“Home?” Dean replied a bit tentatively.

“I mean afterwards.”

“Oh,” Dean said and laughed, feeling stupid. “There’s an apartment by the college and we’re taking a look.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah. But I think I’m gonna go with a corridor anyway.”

“Sounds reasonable.” Dean smirked at him and he looked up. “What?”

“Nothing,” Dean replied, but couldn’t keep the smile off his face and the love-struck flutter from his stomach. “Hey, you wanted to tell me something yesterday.” Castiel shot him an odd look.

“I did?”

“Yeah. Just after you’d played Derek Jeter.”

“Who?”

“Derek Je- oh, never mind,” Dean muttered and made a mental note to make Castiel sit down and watch the sports channel with him until he’d gotten some knowledge about the freaking world around him. “So what was it?”

“Like I remember,” Castiel mumbled, but he turned a bit pink so apparently that wasn’t entirely true and Dean grinned and shoved him in the side. “What?” he asked irritably.

“Is it lame?” Dean grinned.

“Obviously,” he grunted and pushed a hand over his hair.

“Come on, honey, tell me,” Dean mused and squeezed on his hand.

“I need the sketching pad back,” he said and obviously ignored the honey-part.

“What?” Dean whined. “No!”

“Calm down, dipshit,” Castiel shot back and peeked up at him. “I wanna make you some more drawings.”

“Really?” Dean said and smiled as excitement flared around in his belly.

“Mm,” Castiel hummed and bit on his thumbnail. Dean pulled up outside Castiel’s house and scooted over the seat to nudge his face against his to make him look up, so Dean could kiss him on the mouth. Castiel turned in the seat to put his arms around Dean’s waist and kiss him better and Dean might’ve whined a little bit when he pulled away. He opened the glove compartment and took out the pad Cas wanted and handed it over again. Castiel smiled at him and gave him a quick kiss before he opened the door, pale hands getting tangled in the long sleeves and it was so freaking endearing Dean couldn’t stop smiling all the way home. He quickly got in the shower and when he came to halt in front of the mirror he saw hickeys trail all over his chest and he grinned really big to himself, tracing them with one hand and feeling all tingly. 

The apartment was nice, but Dean didn’t really care too much, so he just wandered around with Sam, who’d been so eager to come and feel like a college nerd for a bit and at least they went for a burger afterwards. One day later and it was suddenly just two weeks left in school, which was incredibly weird and totally awesome at the same time, and Dean wanted to celebrate so after final period he sat down on the stairs in front of the school after checking if Castiel was behind them smoking, which he wasn’t, and picked up his phone to call him and make him go on another date.

 _“Yeah?”_ Castiel answered without sounding offending for once.

“Hi, dude!” Dean said cheerfully. “Watcha doing?”

_“I’m on my way home. Why?"_

“Lemme guess; you’re at Starbucks."

 _“Actually I’m still in school, asshole,”_ Castiel shot back with an amused tone in his voice.

“Okay, whatever,” Dean said and leaned back against the step behind him. “You free tonight?”

_“Sure, why?”_

“We’re going on a date!” Dean told him joyfully and he huffed a laugh.

_“Really?”_

“Yep! So are you-“ he didn’t get any further, because there was some commotion on the other end and then a loud bang and he could hear Castiel groan. “Cas?” he asked anxiously and sat up, but Castiel didn’t answer. “Hey, Cas!”

 _“-fucking dick,”_ he could hear a muffled voice say through the phone.

 _“Get the fuck off me, asshole!”_ Castiel’s voice shot back and Dean was on his feet in half a second, rushing up the stairs and still listening with the phone pressed to his ear and his heart beating in his chest.

_“Shut up, loser.”_

_“You are so fucking dead.”_

_“I thought you liked stuff like this, faggot.”_

_“What the fuck did you just say?”_

_“Fucking. Emo. Faggot.”_

There was the sound of a punch and someone who was not Castiel groaned loudly.

_“You are fucking gonna regret that, dickhead!”_

_“’Yeah, I don’t think so.”_

_“You’re just worthless and lame, so why don’t you save us all the trouble and just kill yourself like your slutty sister?”_

Dean froze in the middle of a step. There was another bang, along with some howling laughter and then the line went dead. He ran through the corridors until he found him slouched down by a locker with his hands in his hair, breathing hard. There was a few drops of blood on the floor and his knuckles were soar.

“Cas!” Dean called and hurried up to him, kneeling in front of him.

“Fuck off, Dean,” he choked out harshly.

“What?” Dean said, dumbstruck. “The hell I am!”

“I said fuck off!” Castiel snarled and got up, pushing Dean away from him.

“Hey, why are you mad at me?” Dean asked him frustratingly and ran after, only to be shoved against a locker.

“Leave. Me. Alone,” Castiel said darkly, looking like he was losing it completely, and then he turned around, leaving Dean feeling confused and furious and upset as Cas disappeared through the school. He stayed there by the locker in an attempt to stop seeing red with adrenaline and a few minutes later his phone rang.

“What?” he almost yelled when he picked up.

 _“Dean,”_ Castiel murmured.

“What the fuck do you want now?”

 _“Can you come outside?”_ Castiel said quietly. He sounded really small and tired and even though Dean kinda wanted to curse and yell at him, it was Cas and he sounded wrecked and there was no fucking way he wouldn’t rush right out to him.

“Sure,” he sighed and rubbed his head, hanging up. He found Castiel sitting on the school stairs and he put a hand on his shoulder as he sat down next to him.

“I’m sorry,” Castiel said and seemed to deflate even more, his hands trembling where his arms were folded over his drawn up knees. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Dean mumbled and let his hand fall down to rest on Castiel’s thigh. “You want me to get you home?”

“I can’t.”

“What?”

“I can’t go home.” Dean blinked a few times.

“Why not?”

“Because I’m afraid I might do something,” he said very quietly and closed his eyes for a second, like he was actually fighting it at that very moment. Dean’s chest tightened, making it very hard to breathe.

“Do something like what?” he asked and Castiel sighed, leaning his face into his crossed arms. “Hey, you wouldn’t… you wouldn’t, you know… right?” 

“Not sober,” Castiel mumbled.

“But… oh,” Dean said and wanted to cry because his beautiful boyfriend was feeling so shitty, so he put his arms around him and hauled him in, holding him close and burying his face in his hair. 

“Please, don’t leave me here alone,” Castiel said and hugged him back.

“No, no, no, of course not,” Dean said and stroked his back. “I’ll fucking kill them,” he murmured furiously and held him tighter, never wanting to let him go. Castiel seemed to melt into nothingness against his side and Dean took his soar hand and blew on the wounds, kissing them lightly. “You wanna get out of here?”

“Sure,” Castiel replied weakly and sat up a bit, rubbing his eyes like he was trying to get a grip of himself. The silver chain fell down his wrist and Dean huffed a little bit, taking his hand and kissing his temple while he interlaced their fingers.

“Come on,” he said and pulled him up to his feet, leading him away from the school.

“Where are we going?”

“First Imma get you a very big latte and then we’re gonna do something really lame, like going to the M&M store at Times Square and buy as much candy as we can carry.”

“Why are you so kind?” Castiel asked him abruptly and pulled him to a halt. 

“What?” Dean asked and felt like he’d missed something.

“You just do all these things and you don’t ask for anything in return. Why?”

“Because you deserve it,” Dean said like it was the most obvious thing in the world, which it was. Castiel just stared at him. “I wanna make you happy. Haven’t you understood that yet?” He smiled and kissed him on his still sorta-sad, confused and slightly parted lips before he started walking again.

“I don’t think I’ll ever understand you,” Castiel told him and held his hand tighter.

\-------

They did indeed go to the huge M&M store. Dean was pretty much beyond himself, dragging Castiel through all the shelves and more or less acting like such a big child even all the kids were staring at him. He managed to draw more and more laughs from Castiel until he pulled Dean to a halt, looking affectionately at him, and got up on his toes to put his arms around his neck and their foreheads together, whispering a ‘I love you’ and kinda causing Dean’s eyes to water a little bit.

They sat close together by Hudson River Greenway and ate M&M until they started feeling sick, Castiel leaning his back against a railing with one leg pulled up and the other one stretched out in front of him, smoking and looking lost in thought.

“When are you moving?” he asked suddenly, breaking the silence, and Dean looked up at him.

“September.”

“Right.” 

“You gonna miss me?” Dean said and grinned, pushing his hand through Castiel’s hair. Castiel huffed a laugh and took a smoke.

“No, definitely not.”

“Shut up, you’ll be devastated,” Dean stated and Castiel huffed again.

“You’re like 50 minutes away.”

“Looked that up, did you?” Dean smirked.

“Yeah, I kinda did,” he admitted and Dean felt warm inside and just had to reach over and kiss his temple, getting held back from moving away by Castiel’s hand on his collar to get a kiss on the mouth before he sat back down again. There was another silence where Castiel was smoking and Dean was watching him out of the corner of his eye. The afternoon light was illuminating his face and making the small silver threads in his galaxy sweater stand out while the wind was brushing through his dark and messy hair. It started getting dark around them when Dean got a text from his dad asking him to come home soon, Castiel totally reading it over his shoulder. Cas got up and pulled out another cigarette.

“You should go home,” he said and kicked on a rock, making it bounce a few feet.

“I don’t have to,” Dean replied and got up too, pushing his hands into the pockets on his jacket.

“But you should,” Castiel said and exhaled some smoke. “It’s getting late anyway.”

“Does that mean you’re okay?” Dean asked him. Castiel looked up at him and there was no way that wasn’t pain in his eyes.

“I’m fine.”

“Cas,” Dean said and stepped closer. “I’m not leaving you if you’re still scared.” Castiel watched him for a really long time, scanning every inch of his face.

“I’m fine,” he said again and crushed the cigarette against the ground with his shoe.

“Liar,” Dean said and raised his chin when Castiel’s eyes grew harsher.

“What do you want me to do?” he asked him. “Keep you out in the cold because I’m a bit low? It’s not your shit to handle.”

“Go home with me,” Dean said and Castiel’s brows furrowed.

“What?”

“Look, there’s no way I’m leaving you on your own if there’s even the slightest chance of you hurting yourself and you’re right, it is a bit cold. So, you know, sleep at my place. In my bed. With me.” He stepped forwards until he could put his hands on Castiel’s stiff shoulders. “Let me take care of you,” he said and smiled a little.

“There’s no way there isn’t a catch somewhere,” Castiel murmured and looked like he was trying to stare into Dean’s soul or something.

“You’re right, there is a catch,” Dean said and smiled a bit bigger. Castiel narrowed his eyes. “No phone.” Castiel stared at him a bit more before his eyes softened and he laughed quietly, putting his hands on top of Dean’s where they were holding his shoulders.

“I can’t believe I’m actually agreeing to this,” he mumbled to himself and fished the phone out of his pocket, handing it to Dean, who took it with a large smile and put it in his back pocket.

“Good boy,” he said and Castiel snorted. About an hour later they were in bed together. Mary had seemed a little bit concerned when Dean pulled a depressed-looking and kinda-injured Castiel with him through the door and told her he’d be staying there for the night. She’d been about to ask something, but Dean shot her a warning look and she just nodded and smiled a little bit, telling Castiel he was welcome any time. 

So that’s how Cas was now in one of Dean’s t-shirts, making his possessiveness really content, and all tucked in under the covers. At first he had turned away from Dean, fingering on his new bracelet, until Dean put an arm around his waist and pulled him towards him, putting his hands on his chest and his nose against the back of his neck. They’d stayed like that for a few minutes until Castiel turned around and pushed a needy and heartrending kiss to Dean’s lips.

“Thank you,” he whispered and hid his face against Dean’s neck.

“Any time,” he replied and brushed his fingers through his black hair and down his neck. Castiel swallowed and then he put his arms around Dean, hugging him close. “I won’t let you get hurt,” Dean added quietly and Castiel sniffled. He shuffled down a little, his hands ending up on Dean’s shoulder blades and his nose against the hollow between his collarbones. Dean didn’t know what else to do than to hug him closer and hope that helped with whatever he was feeling to make him like this. As he grew more and more sleepy he turned to lie on his back and the last thing he felt before he fell asleep was a small kiss on his jaw, then a hand over his heart and Castiel’s cheek on his shoulder.

\-------

Dean woke up before Castiel the next morning, so he got up and walked into the kitchen to make some breakfast before school. Mary was sitting at the table, reading the paper and with a cup of coffee in front of her.

“Morning,” Dean greeted and took out some bowls.

“Good morning, honey,” Mary replied and put the paper down. “Can we talk for a minute?” Dean turned around in surprise with his brain scanning every minute of his life to see what he could have done wrong.

“Sure,” he murmured and sat down, the bowls forgotten on the counter. Mary clasped her hands and took a pause before she continued.

“I know it’s none of my business, but I can’t help feeling concerned. About Castiel,” she added when Dean just looked at her with confusion.

“Oh,” he said and shifted a bit on his seat. “Well, what about Castiel?”

“When you suddenly bring him home late in the evening and he’s looking sad and with a wounded hand, you get the feeling that something might be wrong,” she said and looked kindly at Dean with a small smile on her lips. “Do you know if he's got any problems at home?” 

Dean snorted.

“He has plenty of problems at home,” he replied bitterly.

“Is that why you took him here?”

“No, it’s… no,” Dean mumbled and sighed, brushing a hand over his face. “That was school.”

“What happened, honey?”

“Some of my old friends were being total dicks to him.” The words were out before he could stop them, but it felt really good to tell someone, so they just kept pouring out. “They’ve shoved him into lockers and called him stuff several times and yesterday they said really shitty stuff and they hurt him, mom. Like not just physically, but really hurt him and I couldn’t stop it.” He choked up, feeling really bad, and looked down at his hands.

“It’s not your fault,” a voice came from behind him and both he and Mary looked up at the doorway. Castiel was leaning against it with his arms crossed over his chest and in his jeans and Dean’s t-shirt. “Sorry for eavesdropping,” he added, mostly to Mary.

“That’s okay, sweetie, we shouldn’t have talked about it in the first place,” she said and stood up with a small smile to him. She put the cup in the sink and placed a kind hand on Castiel’s shoulder when she passed him. “I want you to know that you’re more than welcome to come to us if you have any problems or just want to talk to someone.” Castiel stared at her and when she gently stroked his cheek he almost flinched. After Mary had disappeared into the bathroom he didn’t move for a whole minute and looked like he was trying to grasp this act of kindness from an adult.

“I have to go,” he said and went into Dean’s room again.

“Hey, wait a minute!” Dean called after him and got up from the chair to follow him. “What’s the hurry?” Castiel started walking towards the bedroom door again before he’d even pulled his t-shirt down.

“Thanks for letting me sleep here,” he said and almost rushed past Dean again, but Dean put a hand on his arm and made him stop.

“Why are you running away?” he asked, feeling really confused.

“You’re in too deep!” Castiel snapped and looked frustrated and distressed.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“You’re in too fucking deep and it’s getting too close and now your family’s getting in too and it’s too much!” Castiel rambled and pulled his arm free.

“What do you mean in too deep?” Dean asked and tried to make any sense of all this. “I don’t get what the problem is.”

“Of course you fucking don’t,” Castiel muttered and tried to get past him again, but Dean just rolled his eyes and held him still by grabbing his shoulders.

“Explain,” he ordered. Castiel sighed and didn’t seem to be able to stand still.

“I’m bringing you down,” he told him explicatory. “You get pulled into my shit and now your family gets pulled in too and it’s not right.”

“Maybe we can help,” Dean tried.

“I can’t ask that of you.”

“You’re not asking, I’m offering.”

“And I can’t accept it,” Castiel said and started to sound upset. “It’s not even something that’s possible to fix, so I’m telling you to get out before I make you unhappy.”

“Hey, dude,” Dean said and shook him a little bit. “You’re seriously not fucking breaking up with me, are you?”

“Well, if that’s what I have to do, then I’ll do it.”

“Dude,” Dean said and grasped his shoulders tighter, feeling really hurt and angry, like his whole happiness was slipping through his fingers. “I thought you loved me.” The words might’ve sounded more pathetic than he meant them to, but this was fucking cruel.

“I do, that’s why I’m giving you the chance to get out,” he said and Dean could see that this was so hard for him to say, but he still felt so mad at him for doing this, for pulling away when they'd gotten so close, gotten so much good and wonderful between them and Dean’s stupid crush had actually turned into full-blown love.

“But, Cas, I… I need you,” Dean told him furiously.

“That’s the fucking problem!” Castiel said frustratingly. “It’s not good to need someone like that! I’m dark and depressing and if you actually need me, that just means you won’t be able to let go and be happy!”

“Fuck you, Cas, I am happy!” Dean said angrily. “You make me happy, you son of a bitch! You can think whatever you want, but you’re not bringing me down and I’ll be damned if I won’t try and help you even if you don’t want it! And fuck you for trying to break up with me, asshole!” He wanted to punch him and hug him at the same time and when Castiel’s pained eyes shot up at him he went with the hug and pulled him so close, fisting his stupid t-shirt. Castiel didn’t respond though, so Dean put enough distance between them to make him look him in the eye. “Tell me you’re taking it back.”

“Dean-“

“Just tell me!” Dean said frantically and wanted to shake him again.

“I can’t watch you get hurt!” he burst out and shoved Dean away, putting as much distance between them as he could.

“Then don’t fucking hurt me by pushing me away!” Dean nearly yelled at him and he was pretty sure the entire house could hear it. “How can you still not get it? I want _you_ , not some prettied up version of you, not just the good bits, _you_. And I will not let you slip away from me like that.”

“You don’t even know the whole me!” Castiel yelled back. “And trust me, you don’t want to see everything, because it’s a fucking mess!”

“I want to see the whole you, seriously!”

“But I can’t handle it! I can’t let you in that close!” Castiel’s voice broke and he stressfully brushed a hand through his hair.

“Oh, yeah?” Dean said viciously. “So what about your friends? What about Gemma? She’s allowed to see everything, isn’t she?”

“Gemma’s different.”

“How can she be different?” Dean said and felt a huge sting right in the chest.

“Because she was in from the start! I’ve known her almost my entire life and she wasn’t just thrown into all this chaos. I can’t do that to you, so just fuck off!” He looked like he was on the verge of crying and he pushed past Dean and ran out the door.

“Cas!” Dean called tiredly and went after him, but when he’d gotten outside he was already gone. “Fuck!” Dean yelled and punched the stonewall, dripping blood all the way upstairs when he went inside again.


	7. I want us to get married, if only so I can wear a ring with your name on it

It’d been four days since Castiel had run away from him and everything fucking hurt. Going to school hurt, being home hurt, being out hurt, eating hurt, listening to music hurt, being fucking alive hurt. Castiel hadn’t called him back and Dean didn’t want to make the effort of calling him again, because what hurt even more than everything else was trying to reach him and not getting a reply. He honestly thought he might’ve lost him, even though he never would’ve allowed it and especially not under such stupid circumstances. Dean wasn’t that clingy; even though Castiel didn’t seem to think so, he could actually handle knowing and even loving someone who was having problems without letting it take over his life. They were still two separate human beings, for fuck’s sake. But he still hadn’t called him back and Dean refused to talk about it to anyone in his family, who’d all been very concerned and caring, but it was no one’s fucking business and he’d handle it by himself. Sam had seemed to understand that Dean needed space to stop being so sullen, so he’d carefully asked his parents to take him to see a movie. 

Dean had spent the entire afternoon sulking on his bed with proper American house music in his ears to start feeling like the popular guy who went to clubs with his friends and slept with pretty girls again, dressed in sweatpants and an old t-shirt and he very much planned to stay that way the whole evening, thank you very much. By eight P.M., when he was still in bed and melodramatically listening to the rain pouring down outside, there was a knock on the door and he grunted, contemplating going with the ‘no one’s home’-tactic when there was another knock and he dragged himself out of bed and to the door. When he pulled it open he froze for a moment, because Castiel was leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest and peeking up at him from underneath the wet hair hanging down his eyes.

“I did something stupid,” he said and Dean’s heart stopped.

“What?” he asked and bit his jaw together, feeling something cold and sharp settle in his stomach.

“Well, actually I did two stupid things, but one might be more permanent,” he added and huffed a small laugh.

“What did you do, Cas?” Dean asked and stepped closer to him, not really wanting to hear the answer but still needing it like air. Castiel’s eyes lingered on him before he straightened up, making Dean’s attempt to tower over him a little less effective.

“I got really high,” he started and Dean groaned, feeling the sharp in his stomach turn into scorching acid.

“Please don’t tell me you were trying to hurt yourself,” he sighed and rubbed a hand over his eyes, because his heart was breaking.

“No, I wasn’t,” Castiel replied. “Well, not more than usual,” he added and almost looked amused, so Dean glared at him and felt a bit disgusted.

“And the other thing?” he asked tensely. Castiel paused again and bit his lip, like he almost was about to laugh.

“I woke up with a tattoo,” he said and Dean stared at him.

“Okay, so?”

“It’s your name.”

He watched Dean as he froze and stared dumbly at him, feeling really nonplussed and confused and just… what?

“It’s my name?” Dean asked and couldn’t think this was actually true.

“Yeah.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I’m telling you.”

“Okay, well… can I see it?” Dean said tentatively and eyed Castiel up and down, like he’d be able to see it through his clothes.

“Can I come in?” 

Dean moved out of the way and closed the door behind him. Castiel looked a little like he couldn’t decide what to do and Dean moved closer to him, curious.

“Come on, don’t leave me hanging,” he said and put a hand on his arm, making him look up like he hadn’t expected him to touch him, let alone in a non-violent manner. Castiel’s hands moved to the hem of his sweater and he pulled it up, revealing black ink on his left hipbone, elegantly forming Dean’s name in not too big letters. “Wow,” Dean said under his breath and leaned down, tracing his thumb over it. His skin was still red around it and it looked kinda sore, but at least it was a good tattoo… of Dean’s name. On Castiel. Well, this was something he hadn’t expected when he’d been busy staring dreamily at him whenever he saw him in the corridors and was still completely convinced they’d never even talk.

“I fully understand if you hate it,” Castiel said and Dean looked up at him.

“I don’t,” Dean said after a short silence. “It’s, eh…”

“Fucking cliché?” Castiel helped.

“Yeah, a bit,” Dean said and huffed a laugh, standing up again. “I, uhm… why?” he asked and Castiel let his shirt fall down again and put his hands in his pockets.

“I don’t really remember,” he said and took a small pause. “But I missed you from the moment I walked out of here and I couldn’t stop feeling horrible for what had happened, so…”

“You could’ve come back,” Dean said sharply. “Or called.”

“I know,” he said and swallowed. “I thought I was doing the right thing.”

“How the fuck could that have been the right thing?” Dean asked and crossed his arms over his chest.

“I thought I could let you go so that you wouldn’t get any closer and get stuck.” He stared stubbornly at Dean before his eyes fell to the ground. “I did it for you.”

“Well, it was the fucking dumbest thing you’ve ever done,” Dean told him sternly and he looked up, watching him for a couple of seconds.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s really messed up, you know,” Dean said firmly and his eyes fell to the floor again.

“Yeah, I know. I freaked out.”

“Yeah, I could tell.” There was a drawn out silence.

“I think I’m in too deep myself,” Castiel murmured. “I don’t want to let you go.”

“Took you long enough to figure out,” Dean said more harshly than he meant to and Castiel winced a little.

“I’ll leave if you want me too.”

“Oh, fuck off, asshole, don’t even think about leaving again,” Dean said and put a hand on his shoulder, gripping it tight. Castiel watched him, eyes going from unyielding to aching to struggling.

“Please don’t hate me,” he said and looked almost desperate, which was such a strange look on him Dean was taken aback. “I know I fucking messed up and I got scared and I’m sorry and I know I don’t deserve any forgiveness, but I can’t fucking stand you being angry or hurt because of me and now I’ve got your name on my skin and I feel so wrong and horrible and if you push me away now I think I might die.” The words just poured out of him and all Dean could do was hold on to his shoulders and take it all in. He was looking kinda wrecked and petrified and confused, like he didn’t understand what he was feeling and he leaned his forehead against Dean’s shoulder and put his arms around his waist. “Please, make this alright again, please,” he begged and hugged Dean tighter like he was afraid he’d be kicked out any second.

“Hey, calm down,” Dean said and stroked his back, swallowing hard and wondering what the fuck he should do to make him stop freaking out. “It’s okay, don’t worry, I’m not gonna push you away.”

“I’m sorry,” he said and sounded very upset. “I’m sorry I’m not a better person, I’m sorry you had to fall in love with me and I’m sorry I’m such a dick.”

“Cas, breathe, goddammit,” Dean said and hugged him back. Even though it was an incredibly messed up situation Dean still felt a warm feeling inside, because Castiel was holding on to Dean like Dean used to hold on to him; needy, longingly and with his heart in his hands. “I’m not sorry I fell in love with you and I really think that’s my call to make.” He kissed Castel’s temple and felt hands fisting the back of his shirt. “And you can always get that tattoo removed if you want to.” Castiel nodded quietly and eventually let go, sighing into his hands.

“I’m a fucking wreck, aren’t I?” he asked and laughed a little.

“Just a little bit,” Dean said and smiled fondly at him. “But you’re my fucking wreck, so it’s alright.”

“Flattering,” he said and almost sounded like his sarcastic old self, except there was a flat tone to it. Dean put a hand on his neck and pulled him in to steal a kiss. “Does this mean we’re okay?” Castiel asked hesitantly and put his hands in Dean’s hair, brushing through it.

“Yeah,” Dean replied with a small smile. 

They ended up on the couch, lying there side by side and totally ignoring the Doctor Who episode on the TV in the background. Dean knew Castiel was still feeling guilty and probably kinda depressed, because he was all quiet and compliant, agreeing to anything and everything Dean suggested.

“Dude,” Dean said after a while and Castiel looked up at him. “Just, you know, you said something about that you couldn’t show me everything and the whole you and shit and I get it, but it’s okay you know, I won’t judge you or back away or whatever and I just wanna get the chance to like love all of you and just… yeah,” he trailed off and Castiel frowned at him.

“Thanks…?” he said slowly and cocked an eyebrow. Dean snorted a bit at himself for not being able to form a fucking normal sentence when he actually had something important to say.

“The point is that you don’t have to be scared or hide from me, because you won’t make me unhappy and I won’t pull away,” he tried again and felt kinda pleased with himself for making himself clear. “So, you know… just let me in,” he added and put a hand over Castiel’s heart, feeling a bit theatrical, but something changed in Castiel’s eyes. Instead of the somewhat judgemental look he’d had before his eyes widened and filled with something openly vulnerable and slightly vigilant and then after a moment he softened a little and smiled. “What?” Dean asked.

“I’m really glad you made me go out with you,” he said and smiled a little bigger, his cheeks getting adorable and friendly, so Dean just had to pull him close and bury his face in his hair.

“That’s all I wanted to hear,” he said and Castiel huffed a laugh. Dean sneaked a hand down to pull his sweater up a few inches and traced the tattoo with his fingers. “You know, you could always keep it,” he said and tried to sound casual, feeling Castiel smile against his temple.

“Yeah, I suppose that’s an option.”

“And this actually means you’re properly marked as mine, doesn’t it?” Dean said and smiled.

“Shut up, you’re being creepy,” Castiel told him and pushed his hand away.

“But it does,” Dean insisted and felt his smile turn into a big grin. “The weird, rude guy with magnificent sweaters and a phone addiction is actually mine.” He was talking more to himself than to Cas by now, hugging him tighter with every word, and Castiel just laughed at him. “I think this might be the most awesome thing ever,” Dean stated almost awestruck and Castiel snorted and laughed even more.

“God, you’re pathetic.”

“I love you too, Cas, I love you too.”

\-------

Later that night when they were laying in bed together, Dean felt a question nag in his head. It’d been around for months, twirling inside his consciousness but not staying still for long enough to give him the right opportunity to ask it. He’d always been afraid he’d push Castiel into a painful place for no reason (and this was Dean Winchester; when he got curious, he didn’t really have any problem pushing) and that’s why he hadn’t asked it before, even though it was a really big piece that needed to be answered sooner or later and tonight he found himself with that determined feeling in his guts, so when he asked the question it felt natural.

“Hey?” he murmured and Castiel hummed to show he was listening. “What happened to Claire?” The body in Dean’s arms tensed and Castiel sat up, looking down at him with a crease between his eyebrows.

“Why the fuck do you ask?” he said and Dean sighed.

“Sorry, I was just wondering, never mind,” he said tiredly and Castiel lay down next him again, although he was lying stubbornly at the other side of the bed instead of in Dean’s arms. And it kinda hurt a little. After a few minutes of tension Dean got grumpy and turned to lie on his side with his back to Castiel, muttering silent words under his breath. He’d probably been lying there, staring frustratedly into the opposite wall, for almost ten minutes when he heard Castiel take a deep breath and move around on his side of the bed.

“I was the one who found her,” he said with a remarkably steady voice. Dean looked back at him over his shoulder and saw that Castiel was sitting up again, looking down at his hands. “She’d been bullied for years and didn’t feel like anyone even noticed, not even our parents, and finally she couldn’t take it anymore. It was the most horrible thing I think can ever happen.”

“Yeah?” Dean said, because it was all he could think of, and sat up too, leaning his back against the wall. “But you noticed?”

“Yeah,” Castiel said with a breathy voice and huffed what almost could have been a laugh. “No one else was home… obviously… and I’d just been at Gemma’s. And when I got home the lights were off, even though there was music in Claire’s room, so I knew she was home, but she would’ve turned the lights on when it became dark outside. So I went up to her room and it was empty, but there was light coming from her bathroom and when I opened the door… she was on the floor. Pale and… gone.” He made a choking sound and put a hand over his mouth like he was trying to hold the noises in and Dean’s heart was breaking in his chest. He put his arms around Castiel’s shoulders, hugging him tight from behind and resting his forehead against the back of his head.

“Cas, you don’t have to-“ he began, but Castiel shook his head.

“It’s fine. You should hear it,” he said and Dean hugged him closer, trying to give him strength or support or whatever he needed.

“So… after that?” he said carefully.

“After that…” Castiel started again. “I tried to wake her up, but obviously that didn’t work.” He let out a small laugh that sounded more like he was dying. “So I called my dad and he told me to call an ambulance and go downstairs to wait, but I couldn’t leave her. She was so small and defenceless and cold, so I stayed and held her until someone came and dragged me away.” He sobbed once, quietly.

“I’m so sorry,” Dean whispered and Castiel pushed a hand over his cheeks. “Did you find out why?”

“Yeah,” Castiel said and sobbed again. “She left a note.” He pushed a hand over his mouth again and his shoulders were shaking. Dean moved around him and when he was in front of him, Castiel reached his arms out and swallowed. Dean moved forward, put his arms around his back and pushed against him, holding him so close and stroking his hair. “It was two pages long,” Castiel sobbed against Dean’s shoulder and clung to his t-shirt. “The first two sentences were to our parents, explain why she- why she did it and the rest- the rest was just for me.” He let out a deep breath, like he let everything else take control over him. “I loved her,” he choked out and Dean felt tears run down his own cheeks, his chest compressing with feeling so much pain for him. Castiel felt exhausted in his arms, so he lay them down together and kissed him over and over again, stroking the stream of tears on his face and gently massaging his hair.

“I’m really sorry I asked,” Dean said when Castiel had stopped crying, because he was feeling really guilty and dick-y for even thinking about bringing it up.

“It’s okay,” Castiel said and dried his nose with the back of his hand. “I think I needed to get it out. With you.”

“Can I just… what did the letter say?” Dean asked.

“It was happy memories she’d had with me and why I should keep going and that I shouldn’t care if our parents were being dicks to me, because she loved me and she’d watch over me. She said I’d been her guardian angel her whole life and now it was time for her to be mine.” His eyes moved up to Dean’s, all red and puffy and drained, and Dean stroked a light thumb underneath them, making Castiel smile gently at him.

“Didn’t you get to see a therapist?” Dean asked and Castiel actually laughed.

“She let me stop seeing her after I set fire to her posters.” Dean felt a smile spread on his face, which felt really weird considering the circumstances, and he felt oddly proud.

“Rebellious bastard,” he murmured and Castiel smiled at him, small but genuinely. “How come no one knew about it though?” he added. “It’s not such a big school and you know… rumours spread like fire.”

“The only one who knew was Gemma,” Castiel answered more serious. “It was quieted down as much as possible.”

“Well, thank god for Gemma, then,” Dean said and leaned their foreheads together.

“Yeah.”

“Cas, I’m sorry.” Castiel huffed and flashed him a small smile.

“Don’t sweat it.”

“I’m serious.”

“Yes, I know, I know,” he said and sighed, ruffling through his hair.

“You gonna be okay?” Dean asked him gingerly.

“I’m always okay,” he replied and Dean kinda wanted to push it, put Castiel looked at him with genuine eyes and kissed him, so he just settled with nodding a little. Dean stroked his arms and when his fingers landed on the silver chain around his wrist a smiled a little to himself. “What does is say?” Castiel asked and Dean looked up at him.

“What? You mean the writing?”

“Mm.”

“Something about keeping you on the right path,” Dean said and smirked a little bit when Castiel snorted.

“That seems to be working out just great.”

“As long as the right path is straight into my bed, I won’t complain,” Dean said and Castiel chuckled at him, pushing a hand up under his shirt and lightly dragging his nails over his skin. “I think you’re already on the right path though. You just need to keep walking it, you know.” Castiel looked at him with something unreadable in his eyes and then he huffed a laugh, pulled Dean in close and let him settle with his head on his shoulder.

“You’re really weird,” he told him.

“Yeah, but you’re even weirder, so I think we’re okay.”

__

_Two years, four months and 11 days later_

“Dean, I can’t find my fucking drawing pad!” Castiel yelled and Dean came into the living room to see him rummage through it and leave the whole place in a fucking mess.

“Which pad?” Dean asked and leaned against the doorframe.

“The book cover one! The fucking deadline’s tomorrow and I can’t fucking find it and just, fuck!” He stopped by the couch and pressed his palms against his forehead. “Shit, I need a smoke,” he murmured under his breath.

“You can’t say you’re gonna quit only to give up at the smallest bump, man,” Dean said and walked inside the room. “You didn’t bring it to Miami, did you?” Castiel looked up at him and seemed to think frenetically for a moment.

“Fuck, the suitcase,” he breathed and rushed into the bedroom.

“Hey, I fixed the sink, by the way,” Dean called after him. It’d been making weird noses for ages and neither of them had wanted to take care of it, both being busy with either drawing for books and magazines or soccer games and college.

“Great!” Castiel called back and rushed out of the bedroom again with a folder in his hands. The bracelets, both the black leather ones and the silver chain, fell down his wrist holding it and he brushed his free hand through his hair.

“Hey, calm down for a second,” Dean said and put his arms around him, rocking them from foot to foot.

“I’m getting late.”

“You don’t have time for a quick blowjob then?” Dean asked with a grin.

“No, I fucking don’t,” Castiel said, pulled away and tossed on a thin, black jacket over his t-shirt, picked a bag up and rushed through the door, throwing a quick goodbye over his shoulder. Dean nodded a little to himself, feeling a bit disappointed for not being able to get that kiss he’d been aiming for, and turned around to walk into the kitchen and maybe clean up the plates from the late dinner yesterday. He’d almost reached it when the front door was thrown open behind him and hurried steps came towards him before he felt arms around his waist and Castiel almost crashing into him.

“That was quick,” Dean said mockingly and Castiel nibbled at his neck.

“I love you,” he murmured and placed kisses all over his shoulder. Dean’s stomach started fluttering and he smiled wide.

“I love you too,” he said and put his hands on top of Castiel’s. When Castiel didn’t run out the door again Dean turned around in his arms and put his hands on his back. Castiel buried his nose against Dean’s neck and inhaled quietly. “Weren’t you in a hurry?” Dean asked.

“Just a minute,” Castiel murmured and held him tighter.

“Dude, you’re tragic.”

“Fuck off.”

Dean chuckled and leaned down, nudging his nose against Castiel’s jaw until he turned his head and Dean was finally able to push their lips together. Castiel hummed contently and Dean felt a grin spread over his face.

“Hey,” Dean said and Castiel looked up at him while Dean traced the tattoo on his forearm with his fingers. Castiel had gotten two more since he _accidentally_ got Dean’s name on his hip; an angel surrounded by roses on his left shoulder blade for Claire and the word ‘Endlessly’ on his right forearm, which Gemma also had on her wrist. ”Your dad called.”

“Seriously?” Castiel said dryly. He hadn’t spoken to his parents in almost two years. He’d told Dean in the beginning of the autumn when Dean had just started college that he would move away from home, into a small apartment with Gemma. The last encounter he’d had with his mom had been catastrophic. He’d been home to get the last of his stuff when they’d started fighting, which escalated into his mom yelling at him that it was his fault Claire had died and how he was a mistake and a disgraceful burden and it had ended with Castiel standing on Dean’s doorstep at campus late that evening, crying his heart out with blown pupils and asking him ‘Why wasn’t it me? Why couldn’t it have been me?’ until Dean managed to get him into bed and held on to him for dear life until he stopped shaking and saying he wanted to die. It’d been horrible. Dean had made very sure to convince him to stop doing drugs after that. Castiel’s dad had just been… absent, during the whole thing. If he’d been home during the fight, he hadn’t shown, neither to join together with Cas' mother nor support him. After one and a half year of living together, Gemma had decided to become a nurse and moved to college. Dean had taken that opportunity like it was made of gold and very not smoothly asked Castiel to move in with him and after a few days of regular persuading-lattes and after-sex-cuddling he’d agreed. Dean had been close to swooning.

“Yeah,” Dean said. “He had some news.” Castiel just hummed. “You gonna call him back?”

“No.”

“It might be important.”

“There’s nothing he could tell me that would matter anyway.” Dean was about to push it when Castiel pressed their lips together and turned to the door again, leaving Dean standing in front of the kitchen with a slightly unexpected look on his face. “You know, you make an excellent housewife,” Castiel said mockingly and pulled the bag up on his shoulder.

“Shut up, we’re not fucking married,” Dean said and crossed his arms over his chest to feel like a guy again.

“Well, maybe I want us to be,” Castiel murmured under his breath and Dean just shut down. Castiel put a hand on the doorknob, but before he had had the chance to open it Dean bolted forward, turned him around and caged him with his hands on either side of his head.

“What did you just say?” Dean asked him and probably sounded more hostile than he meant to, but his heart was beating and his blood was rushing and he couldn’t think.

“Nothing, just fuck off,” Castiel replied and tried to escape him, only to get pushed back by Dean’s hand on his chest.

“Say it again,” he ordered.

“There’s nothing to say.”

“Say. It. A-gain,” Dean said slowly and moved in closer, scanning every inch of Castiel’s face and wanting so desperately to hear those words again, if only to make sure he hadn’t just made them up in his mind. “Cas, please, come on!”

“Why?”

“Just fucking say it!”

“Okay, fine!” Castiel shouted back and took a breath, hiding his face under Dean’s chin. “I want us to get married, if only so I can wear a ring with your name on it,” he said quietly and Dean’s breath stuttered, his stomach fluttered, his body felt numb and pulsating at the same time.

“Alright,” he said and Castiel head snapped up.

“What?”

“I said alright,” Dean repeated and started feeling a smile tugging on his lips. Castiel just stared at him.

“You’re insane,” he said.

“Hey, you’re the one asking!” Dean pointed out and Castiel actually blushed, which was so freaking endearing Dean had to pull him in and breathe in his jacket and slide his hands over his back to feel his shoulder blades under his palms.

“Maybe not right now, though,” Castiel said quietly.

“No,” Dean agreed. “And we’re not doing some lame ass flowers-and-ribbons-wedding,” he added firmly and Castiel snorted.

“Fuck no,” he said and Dean grinned. 

“You’re awesome, Cas.” He could feel Castiel smile against his neck and then he was abruptly pushed away.

“Shit, I’m late,” he blurted and was out the door again the next second. Dean stood there in the hallway for a bit, completely dumbstruck, until he started grinning to himself and couldn’t stop. Even the sobbingly boring class with Professor Reed was endurable. After class Dean went out for a run and when he got back, he saw Castiel sitting on the stairs outside, _smoking_ , in a thick, dark green sweater with diamond patterns in reds, purples and yellows, drawing and seemingly oblivious to the fact that Dean had just caught him in action. Dean crept closer, keeping close to the bushes growing by the façade.

“Busted!” he called out when he was just a few feet away and threw himself down next to Castiel, who jumped and dropped the drawing pad, accidentally pressing the cigarette against the side of his hand.

“Shit, Dean,” he cursed and blew on the burn.

“Serves you right for cheating,” Dean chuckled and took his hand, blowing on it too and kissed it just below the blister. Castiel snorted at him.

“Whatever.”

“And you know what the punishment for cheating is,” Dean hummed and leaned in closer.

“Oh, fuck off,” Castiel shot back and pulled away a little.

“Ah-ah, you can’t change the rules just because you’ve lost,” Dean said with a large grin. “Now, come on, we’re going upstairs.”

“I’m working,” Castiel said irritatingly and picked the pad up, brushing it off.

“You’re not getting away,” Dean whispered in his ear and pulled him up, draggws him up the stairs and into the elevator. Once the doors slid close he pushed him up against the wall and clashed their mouths together for the few seconds it took for the elevator to reach the third floor. When the doors opened again Dean took Castiel’s hand, pulled him out of the elevator and into their apartment and then pushed him up against the door instead. He put his hands on Castiel’s sides and held him there, watching him closely only a few inches from his face and bit his lip while he was thinking. They’d made an agreement (well, Dean had made an agreement - Castiel had just rolled his eyes, slumped further down on the couch and thrown popcorn at Dean’s head) that if Castiel broke his decision to stop smoking, he would let Dean do exactly whatever he wanted with him.

“Whatever you’re planning, it’s not gonna happen,” Castiel told him firmly and Dean smirked.

“Stay here,” Dean said and hurried into the kitchen. He pulled out the chocolate sauce from the fridge and when he turned around Castiel had obviously not stayed in the hallway, but was instead leaning against the doorframe to the kitchen, eyeing the bottle in Dean’s hand with an amused smirk.

“Chocolate again?” he asked mockingly.

“I’m not done yet,” Dean breathed and took a hold of his wrist, pulling him into the bedroom and shoved him down on the bed. He reached into the wardrobe and pulled out a pair of cuffs, holding them up and dangling them with a large grin. Castiel’s eyes went a bit wide. Cuffs were Dean’s favourite kink ever, but were unfortunately not Castiel’s cup of tea (or so he said… liar), especially since they always ended up on him.

“Seriously?” he asked and didn’t really manage the dry tone like he used to.

“Oh, you bet,” Dean said and climbed onto the bed to sit on his heels between Castiel’s feet. “Take off your sweater.”

“Dean, for fuck’s sake-“ Castiel started, but stopped when Dean put his hands underneath his knees and pulled on them so he ended up on his back.

“Just do it already,” Dean purred smoothly. Castiel stared defiantly at him for a few moments before he sighed frustratingly and pulled the sweater over his head, dropping it onto the floor. Dean sucked on his lower lip while he watched Castiel fall back down in just his t-shirt and those tight, used-to-be-black jeans that could drive Dean mad by merely existing. The blue eyes were a bit narrowed from where they were staring up at him and he felt a chuckle bubble up his throat and spread across his face.

“You’re being creepy,” Castiel told him.

“Shut your pretty little mouth, I’m trying to come up with the best ways to wreck you,” Dean said and leaned down so he was on all four above him. He slowly traced a hand up Castiel’s stomach, pulling the t-shirt up as he went and Castiel’s breath hitched as Dean’s fingers brushed over his skin.

“Dean,” he said like half a warning and half a pleading.

“Don’t worry, Cas,” Dean smiled and pressed their lips together. “Imma take real good care of you.” He pulled the t-shirt over his head and then removed his own too, along with his pants, throwing it all on the floor and put his hands on Castiel’s thighs as he bent down and licked across his stomach and up his chest, sucking on a nipple as he undid Castiel’s jeans and pulled them off him, dropping them somewhere over the edge of the bed. Castiel’s breath was speeding up under his mouth and Dean moved his hands to his hips, holding him down as he bit and licked and sucked in a way he’d learned long ago. When Castiel let a gasp escape Dean moved a hand, gripped the cuffs and closed one around Castiel’s wrist. His boyfriend almost jerked away and stared up at him. Dean just smirked down at him and pulled the cuffs up and around one of the metal poles in their headboard and leaned down to stick his tongue down Cas’ throat. Castiel tried to push Dean off him and get free, but Dean forced him down and straddled his hips instead to keep him still before he dived in again and forced his way inside Castiel’s mouth. When he moaned quietly against his lips Dean gripped his other hand, swiftly pulled it up over his head and closed the other cuff around it.

“Well, ain’t this a sight for the gods,” Dean said and Castiel’s eyes narrowed as he glared up at him. Dean chuckled a little bit and traced his hands up his chest, making him squirm and trying to move his arms. “God, we should do this more often,” Dean hummed and sneaked his nose up underneath Castiel’s jaw, biting down on his pulse point and making him squirm even more, and pushed one of his hands to his shorts, starting to rub him through the fabric.

“I still don’t like this,” Castiel said with a strained voice, although he did buckle up towards Dean and closed his eyes for a moment.

“You’re not supposed to like it, it’s a punishment,” Dean reminded him and smirked when he heard him snort. “Though I think I can work a bit on that.” Dean reached for the chocolate sauce, making Cas let out a sound of disapproval when his hand went away from his crotch, and opened the lid. He slowly trickled a bit over one of Castiel’s collarbones and put the tube down on the nightstand before he leaned down and licked it all up. Castiel sighed slowly and Dean pushed a hand into his hair as he sucked on the collarbone.

“You liking this yet?” Dean asked him.

“No,” Castiel breathed and Dean smiled and leaned up to place a long kiss to his lips. He got back between Castiel’s knees and eventually he’d licked chocolate down almost every inch of his torso until he reached the waistline of his short. Dean grinned up at him and Castiel stared back down, with wonderful arousal in his eyes and flushed cheeks, so Dean slowly pulled his shorts down and kissed his way along his hipbone. He unhurriedly made his way in by small stroked of tongue until it brushed against Castiel’s dick and the guy moaned, shutting his eyes. Dean loved making him lose it like this, all slow and teasing and just building it up until there was nothing left of him but pleads and groans and sweat. Unfortunately that didn’t happen very often, since most times Castiel was perfectly free and could force Dean into pretty much anything when he got tired of being teased or played with, so Dean took every opportunity he could right now to be as unbearable as he could. He lightly pushed his lips on Castiel’s dick, making him groan frustratingly and squirm even more and when he seemed to almost be mad at him, Dean suddenly pushed his lips over his dick and took him as far as he could into his mouth.

“Shit,” he breathed and Dean smiled before he quickly started sucking him off, stopping just before his breaths got too shallow and he had him on the edge of coming. “What the fuck?” Castiel almost yelled when Dean pulled back.

“I’m not done yet,” Dean said and Castiel nearly growled, except that he was cut off by Dean moving their hips together, rubbing them against each other and the growl turned into a needy gasp. There was a wonderful moment when Dean’s mind blanked, but he didn’t want to go there yet, so he stopped moving and got up to be face to face with Castiel. “I love you,” he said and Castiel lost all the anger and resent in his face and looked up at him with slightly parted, red lips, blush on his cheeks, sweat on his forehead and something open and innocent in his eyes.

“I love you too,” he said and Dean smiled at him and shoved his own shorts off, taking them both in one hand and making Castiel moan close to his face, which was just beyond hot. Two minutes later he had Castiel coming all over his hand and stomach and Dean tried to bite back his own orgasm, but he couldn’t, so he stuttered a breath and came right after him, gasping Cas’ name. They lay panting together for a good while and then Castiel leaned up the best he could and placed a small kiss to Dean’s cheek.

“You gonna let me go now?” he asked and Dean pushed himself up and looked down at him, all smeared up and sweaty and satisfied.

“No, I don’t think so,” Dean said and huffed a pleased laugh. “I’m having too much fun.” Castiel grunted and let his head fall back.

“You’re fucking unbearable.”

“Oh, I know,” Dean smirked. He bent down to kiss him and stroke his hands up his sides until he had him going again, and this time he made it gentler. Softly brushing his hands over his chest and his neck, placing affectionate kisses to his shoulders and arms, slowly licking his wrist and kissing his palms and kept going for hours with Castiel’s soft moans and breaths of pleasure underneath his fingers as he pushed inside him. When they finally stopped, Dean lifted Castiel’s chin to make him look at him through drowsing eyes and kissed him before he reached up at undid the cuffs, putting them on the nightstand. Castiel slowly pulled his arms down and almost seemed to have a bit of a hard time remembering how to use them, before he put them around Dean’s waist.

“You gonna stop smoking now?” Dean asked him quietly and fondly stroked his fingers through his hair.

“I don’t really see the point if this is what you call punishment,” Castiel hummed and nudged his nose against Dean’s collarbone, snuggling him the best he could. Dean turned over on his back and brought Cas with him so he was lying flush on top of him.

“How about so you don’t die like 20 years before me?” Dean suggested with a smile. Castiel huffed a small laugh, but then his eyes turned so warm and open there was nothing that could keep Dean from look into them completely captivated.

“I suppose you have a point,” Castiel said and pushed a soft hand through Dean’s hair.

“I can’t have my husband just checking out like that,” Dean told him with a grin and Castiel smiled amusingly.

“Alright, I’ll throw them away tomorrow.”

“Really?” Dean said sceptically and kissed Castiel’s nose when it came to nudge against his cheek.

“Yeah,” he replied and yawned. “Although I’m kinda hoping this becomes a habit anyway.” He smirked adorably and Dean felt a laughter bubble up from his chest.

“Jesus, you’re cute,” he chuckled and Castiel slumped down to lie beside him instead.

“Fuck off,” he said and kissed Dean on the mouth before he shuffled down and sneaked his arms around Dean’s waist again. Dean’s rested his chin against the top of his head, loving how the dark hair tickled his neck, and put a hand in between Castiel’s naked shoulder blades. Castiel sighed and a few minutes later he fell asleep with his nose against Dean’s chest, placing one last small kiss there. Dean looked down at him like he was the most precious thing in the world and pushed his nose into his hair.

“Good night, angel.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's so much of me in this, I can't even tell you. It's dark and with emotional self-preservation barriers like the Berlin Wall. When I started writing I didn't even want to make a proper ending, because I was convinced that they wouldn't make it. That they'd just be a teenage romance and fall apart, but they managed to change my mind, bless their literary souls. But hey, that's why I love my boys. And I'm a strong believer that you can create your own endings and turn your story around to make it better, even if you feel like you're messed up. It just takes a little faith and good people.
> 
> Thank you for reading! My everlasting gratitude, appreciation and adoration!


	8. Late prologue: Hi, I'm Dean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically I couldn't leave it alone. I came home at 4 in the morning, my hands were smelling like club air and I felt like Cas. I simply got very sentimental and lame. I miss writing this story so much sometimes and it seemed stupid not posting it after I'd written it, so here we are. I'm not sure if I just ruined the whole story and everything by posting this thingie, so don't be surprised if it disappears in a few days, maybe to reappear a few days later because I can never make up my mind about anything. We'll see. I just wanted you to see Cas from his perspective of the world, because I kinda worry that you won't feel him the way I wrote him. Which is stupid, but we're not going into that discussion anyway so. Here you go. Cas.

Being out on Mondays fucking sucked. The only positive thing was that you didn’t have to deal with all the overexcited idiots like you had to on the weekend and maybe the drinks were a bit cheaper, but other than that Mondays really sucked.

Castiel was slouched down by a wall with his legs stretched out in front of him and a cigarette in left hand, trying to not think about the affliction that was life. Next to him was some guy he didn’t know and who probably was too old for him anyway, with his hand on Castiel’s thigh and his beer-drenched breath right next to his ear, mumbling drunken seductions. Cas didn’t listen. He didn’t feel like blowing the guy anyway, despite how much he was trying to make him, and the speakers were playing ‘Midnight city’. It was the first good song all night and it was probably playing too loudly, but the pounding in Castiel’s head wasn’t bothersome. He actually kinda wanted it there. Helped with the not thinking. By the time the guy next to him had leaned in close enough to wipe salivary lips against his neck Cas noticed how the guy Gemma was talking to was getting too close and handsy. He’d kept an eye on them for a while, but now Gemma started to look uncomfortable and when the guy pressed closer, almost crowding her against the wall even though her hands were on his arms, trying to get him to step back, Cas decided that it was time to move in. Fucking assholes. Couldn’t recognise a no even if it punched them in the face. How attractive did he think he was anyway? 

Castiel shrugged off his own menace of a hook up and swiftly got to his feet, walking up to Gemma and the guy and taking one last smoke from the cigarette before leaving it in an ashtray on the way. Gemma’s eyes fell on him and her entire face lit up with relief. 

“Get lost, dickhead,” Castiel told the guy, who grunted and turned to look at him. Oh great, it was one of those jock idiots too. You’d think you’d get enough of them in school, but no. No, they just had to go to the same clubs and same shops and same everything as Cas did, taking up space and air and unused brain activity. Cas took a hold of Gemma’s wrist, pulling her away from the caveman, who was left standing there by himself with an angry frown neither of them paid any attention to. He could go fuck himself for all Cas cared. Gemma mumbled a thanks and nudged his arm with her face like a cat. Cas’ own one sided hook up was staggering towards them so Cas decided he wanted get away and take another smoke so he took Gemma with him outside and pulled up a cigarette. Gemma was snuggling herself in under his arm and gently squeezing his fingers while he smoked, making something almost cosy stir in his chest. “Love you,” he mumbled and kissed her on the head.

“Love you too,” she mumbled back, followed by an anxious: “I wanna go home.”

Cas nodded and pulled out his phone. It was only 3.36 AM, but it wasn’t much to stay out for anyway. Starbucks wasn’t even open yet. Gemma snaked her arms around his waist and hugged him tight. She tended to go kinda snuggly when she was drunk, but Cas didn’t mind. She was probably the only source of any kind of real love he had. She was smelling like the typical club scent; bit of sweat from a guy neither of them knew, bit of alcohol and just generally club mist and Cas found himself breathing her in. Maybe it was weird, but on the other hand. Both of them were far beyond the border of weird already anyway. 

They ended up walking all the way home to Gemma’s house. It only took like 30 minutes anyway and God himself probably couldn’t get a cab around here. They walked quietly through Gemma’s apartment to avoid waking up her mum and then crashed on the bed when the door closed behind them. Gemma got up again to change into a big t-shirt and more comfortable panties to sleep in while Castiel just pulled off his sweater and threw it on the floor. He turned over so he was lying on his stomach and had almost fallen asleep, ‘Midnight city’ still whirling around in his head, by the time Gemma got in beside him and threw the cover over both of them. 

“Hey, Cas?” she whispered and Castiel cracked his eyes open and sighed sleepily as he put an arm around her and pulled her closer. Some nights when the alcohol or whatever was leaving her system she cried. Mostly because of her dad who left her and her mum years ago. It was just one of those things that happened. Castiel couldn’t tell if this was one of those nights because honestly, he fell asleep within a minute.

\-------

Going to school with a hangover seemed more natural than not these days. It wasn’t particularly pleasant, but going to school never was for that matter. Castiel woke up too late like always and rubbed his forehead for a bit, listening to the water running in the sink in the bathroom next to Gemma’s room, before he sighed and picked up his phone. The screen lit up with the power of a HID lamp and showed that he’d gotten a text from his dad asking where he was and if he could call his mother. Well, it was nice to know they were concerned enough to send a text every four months when he hadn’t been home for three days straight. 

He got out of bed and picked up his sweater, starting to make his way out. He knocked on the bathroom door when he passed and let Gemma know he was going home to change before school. He felt like a freaking hobo. After being home and getting clean clothes and then a latte on the way back uptown he almost felt human again. The sun was far too bright and there was annoyingly many people fucking everywhere, but with his phone blasting ‘Naked and Famous’ through his earphones, shocking the headache away, the way to school almost seemed tolerable. And let’s face it; a latte and a cigarette could make anything feel much better, even if tumblr was getting more and more dull for every time he updated it. When he’d scrolled past the same posts like four times or something he just closed the app with a grunt and settled with not growling out loud as he made his way up the school stars. Today was gonna be just as long and tedious like every other day in this place. He could fucking feel it. He hadn’t made it halfway across the hallway though, before suddenly he had 6 feet of red plaid-dressed nuisance towering in front of him, making him snap out of his bubble and jerk back in surprise. _‘What the fuck have I done to deserve this irritation so early in the morning?’_ was what he thought as he pulled an earphone out of his ear. As far as he knew he hadn’t done anything that would result in a confrontation by this particular piece of freak. 

“Yes?”

What he got wasn’t the confrontation he’d been expecting though. Not even close. It was something completely different.

“Hi, I’m Dean…”

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Cherry Pie](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2487731) by [kaitlynmccall](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaitlynmccall/pseuds/kaitlynmccall)




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